Countdown to April Fools Day
by Breath-of-twilight
Summary: The Cullens enjoy the month of March, by sharing their tales of Patty's day and April Fools with you - 30-31 authors each with a delicious one shot to share. Followed by one mass collab. Stand alone from previous countdowns. Various pairings.
1. Introduction

**The Countdown to April Fool's Day~**

A one shot a day by a different author each day, starting March 1st ~ TOMORROW!!!!!

Welcome back, ladies and gents. Here we are once again at the beginning of another countdown.

This one will be a mixture of St. Patrick's Day and April fool's one shots. Followed once again by a mass collab – that has absolutely nothing to do with any of the other countdowns.

I will post links to updates on my twitter account Breathotwilight and my Facebook account Breathoftwilight Kelli in case of an FF notification fail.

Here is the current lineup of authors, in no particular order. And, of course, these are subject to change, but hopefully don't. :-P

**Update- March 11- a few authors have bailed, so here is who is officially left.**

Breath-of-twilight

Spykid18

XxflightlessxX

Lindso loolabell

Ivy Lane

Scuzzfuzz

Bella c'ella luna

MysticIce24

Theotherbella

Marie Pattin

Mac214

Durtynelly

Fragile Human

Sunsetwing

Distantdream118

IrunwithCullens316

Jewels64

Hockeymom4

RedzMystery

Sydney Alice

Cullen's Pet

Rochelle Allison

Lexiecullen17

Jamieson Z

IPaintEdward

As always, there will be no voting or any such thing, just a bunch of fantabulous authors getting together and doing what we all love, writing twific.

All entries are rated M for citrusy moments, please keep that in mind before and during the complete countdown.

And above all else, ENJOY and remember your reviews show you were here, support these authors and the countdowns and tell us how we are doing. So please, be kind, be wonderful, take a moment and review each one shot…and maybe the collab too :-P

Lastly, this will be the last countdown till Halloween again. I'm sorry, but I need a break. I have been insanely busy since August of 2009 and want this chunk of Spring / Summer to get my ass in gear on my own fics, of which I have 3 still in progress. But, be sure to keep your eyes peeled 'cause the countdowns should be back just in time for Halloween and will once again run for Christmas and V-day. No April fool's one however. Just the three holidays yearly, if all goes well.


	2. So Close, So Far

**Host note:**

**So sorry for the late posting- FF is having a amlfunction and not allowing us to upload files, luckily after many attempts I thought of a way to trick it, so cause of that, here you go. You get the one shot....U love me for it, u know it!**

**Anywho- on with the show- Please remember to review and show the authors your support and kindness. **

**And most of all enjoy!!!!**

* * *

**Entry for the Countdown to April fool's Day – What An Irishific Day!**

**Title: So close, So far**

**Yes..I do realize it is cheesy but I couldn't think of anything else.**

**A/N: Hello! First off I'd like to thank breath-of-twilight for giving me the pleasure of taking part in another countdown. These kinda rock :-) So, anyhoo, here is my entry for the Saint Patrick's Day Countdown. Just a bit of info here, it is AH and a bit OOC-nothing too bad, I promise. Enjoy!**

He sits in front of me in Physics and it is in that classroom that I uttered my first sentence to him. It was anticlimactic for the amount of time and effort I had put into dreaming up the exact moment that had come down to, "Yes, I do have gum."

I had felt my entire body trembling with nerves as I reached down and rifled through my purse for the _you never can find it when you need it_ pack of gum. It was a good twenty seconds before he chuckled and told me, "Never mind, then."

I watched in overstated sadness as his head turned away and the space that previously held his fascinating face was replaced by the back of his head-a peculiar cowlick waving hello.

That was the only time we have ever talked. It's not because he's unfriendly or makes me feel inferior. He's actually pretty nice.

Very nice.

He actually is one of the nicest guys that I have met in my three years in college. He hardly swears, hasn't tried to feel me up in a corner, and seems to have relatively good hygiene. The lack of communication is purely because of one small, inconsequential and yet so consequential fact.

I am terrified of him.

"Did you talk to him?" Alice asks, catching me as I walk out into the quad. I have just left Physics and glance around nervously to make sure that he isn't near.

"Oh please, that would be too coincidental," Alice scoffs, noticing my wandering eye. "Did you or did you not talk to him?"

"What do you think?"

She frowns, taking a moment to readjust her bag on her shoulder before saying, "I thought you were going to make a change today."

"Make a change, it sounds so serious."

She rolls her eyes and tells me, "You said that you were going to stop being twelve years old and actually talk with him. How hard can it be?"

"Have you seen him?"

"Yes, Bella, I have seen him."

I give her a look that says she has hit the problem right on its copper-toned head but all she does is stare at me in confusion so I am forced to explain, "He's too good looking, Alice. When people like me try to talk to people like him it just looks pathetic."

"Bella," she groans, "didn't we already shoot this dying horse?"

"Well, it's still kickin'. I can't do it, Alice. What if he rejects me?"

She looks at me and says, "You mean, rejects your simple question of _how are you_?"

"Alice, you know what I mean."

"Yes," she sighs. "I know what you mean. Edward is a nice guy, though. He's in one of Jasper's classes and Jazz says that he is nothing but a gentleman in there."

I sigh.

"You, Bella Swan, need to grow a pair."

"That is anatomically impossible."

We arrive at my dorm and Alice gives me one of her trademark looks and says, "Grow a pair, Swan. Or I will devise some way to make you."

"That's what you always say!" I call out as she walks away. Without even turning she flips me the bird. Grinning to myself, I go into my building.

EBEBEBEBEB

"What would you do for a Klondike bar?"

I glance at Emmett, wondering if this actually constitutes a real question. You never know with him. One time he asked me how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop. I thought he was joking but when I didn't answer he wouldn't talk to me for a day.

"Is this a joke?" I ask after a moment.

"It's an attempt to escape studying."

"Ah."

We are sitting in the library, a pile of book set between us. Nearly all of them are mine, only a few choice ones belonging to him. I consider pointing this out but decide it would not be my brightest choice.

"In that case," I begin, "the real question is what would I _not_ do for a Klondike bar."

"Would you die for one?"

"That would defeat the purpose."

He leans forward, "Well, what if it promised you an _eternity_ of Klondike bars. Like, it would be that one Bud Weiser commercial where the house is made of beer cans."

"You would know a commercial like that," I tease.

"What do you say?"

I look at him levelly and respond, "I say that we are putting way too much thought into this. Do your reading."

He frowns and grudgingly reaches toward our pile of books and chooses one. I secretly check to make sure that it actually is one of his books and not mine (he has done this before). Once I am positive that it is his I return to my work.

Seconds later I feel someone standing next to me. I figure it is one of those stragglers who stakes out a chair in hopes that the person will leave. I get this fairly often at the library- I think I look particularly susceptible to this-and do my usual counteraction of looking up with naked irritation. As my eyes sweep up in plain exasperation, I find Edward looking down at me.

"I thought it was you," he says.

My expression has gone from ferocious wolf to love-sick puppy in three seconds and my head reels. I can't even form a coherent question. I can't even attempt. Luckily, Edward notices none of this and says, "I left my Physics book somewhere, God knows where, and I was wondering if you had yours with you. I just need to copy down the problems."

I nod and inwardly cheer myself on for accomplishing even that. I reach next to me for it, only to realize that it is the book open on my lap. While Edward didn't catch my mercurial change of expression he does notice this and immediately begins to say, "Oh, if you're using it I don't-"

"No, I actually am done."

My blank notebook is in clear view and when his eyes find it I blush terribly and shove the book at him with my characteristic lack of grace.

"Are you sure?" He asks.

I nod.

"Okay, thank you so much for this, Bella. I owe you."

He sits down at the empty chair opposite me and I watch the way his hair droops slightly over his face as he scribbles down the problems. While I am watching Edward, Emmett is watching me and I have a feeling that my face is revealing more than it should. I glance at Emmett who now has a look of revelation on his face and I tear my eyes back to the blank notebook on my lap.

There are sounds in the library, the shuffling of paper, people talking, but all I can hear is the loud pounding of my heart. I swear that Emmett can hear it. I fear that Edward can. After what feels like a lifetime Edward looks up from the book and gives me this breathtaking smile.

"All done."

He hands over the book and I take it with a surprisingly steady hand.

"Thanks again," he tells me, beginning to stand up. "Remember, I owe you."

I nod and manage to say, "I..I'll remember."

Just as he is about to leave Emmett asks him, "So, we were having a little debate here before you came. What would _you_ do for a Klondike bar?"

I blanche and expect Edward to laugh or look at us like we have four heads. Instead he answers, "The real question is what would I _not _do for a Klondike bar?"

He laughs afterward for a second and then says, "Well, I have to run to another class. Thanks again, Bella."

He walks off and Emmett says, "Let me guess, Physics guy?"

I don't respond, still watching his form get smaller and smaller as he walked across the quad.

EBEBEBEBEB

The next class I wait anxiously for him to walk in. All night I had envisioned what would happen after our now infamous run-in at the library. I imagined that he would sit in front of me as usual, turn and strike up a conversation about how he lost his book or how relieved he was when he saw me sitting there in the library. I also imagined him describing my sitting in the library in very flowery, flattering language. He would remark on my flowing dark hair, the way I bite my lip as I read my Shakespeare. We would then, of course, have to leave the classroom immediately because the scorching tension between us was too much and we would relieve said tension in the janitor's closet. The other option in my mind was that he would not say anything at all. It would be as if nothing had happened.

When he walks in I nearly start at the sight of him. He catches my eye and offers me a friendly wave. When he sits he does, indeed, turn around says, "You totally saved my ass. You know, I heard that he is collecting this homework and counting it as a quiz grade."

"Really?"

He nods. "Guess it was lucky I found you."

The teacher walks in and he turns around. My heartbeat does not return to normal until a good fifteen minutes into class. My professor talks, goes on and on about electrons and all that but I am entirely unable to pay attention. I no longer am studying Physics. I am studying Edward Cullen.

I watch the way he hunches over as he takes notes. His head does this little bobbing action as he looks up at the board and then back at his notebook. I want to memorize every little detail.

When class ends I gather my belongings and make my usual way out of the classroom. It's different this time, though, because Edward joins me and I feel a spark of adrenaline.

"So, do you have plans for tomorrow night?"

I look up at him in a too late to conceal look of surprise and hurriedly answer, "Um, no. I mean, yes."

Damn Alice.

We had planned weeks ago to have a girl's night. It would be a night of chick flicks and commercially produced sweets.

I wanted, so badly, for it not to exist.

"What are you up to?"

"I have, um, a girl's night with one of my friends."

He nods and says, "Well, this friend of mine is having a party. You guys can both come if you want."

"Oh, what's it for?"

He grins and says, "Saint Patrick's day."

Oh.

Stupid me.

"Right, I, uh, I knew that."

"Don't feel bad," he assures me. "You're not Irish, are you?"

I shake my head.

"Then it is completely acceptable that you forgot. If you were Irish, though, well that is a different story."

I smile at his teasing and ask, "Are you Irish?"

He answers in a perfect Gaelic accent. "Only a wee bit."

He sounds like one of those evil leprechauns and when I tell him so he covers his chest with an open palm and says, "You wound me, Bella."

It occurs to me that what we are doing could be construed as flirting. The moment this occurs to me I close up like a clam and find it difficult to even see where I am walking.

"Well, this is my building," Edward says after a moment.

I look to our right and, sure enough, there is a building and I expect him to turn and walk away but instead he is still standing in front of me, this soft grin playing on his lips. In a voice that could make metal turn right to goo he says, "I hope I see you tomorrow night."

With that he turns and I dissolve into a giddy-heart palpitating-love sick girl. The transformation is officially complete.

EBEBEBEBEB

It is Saint Patrick's Day and it is officially nine o'clock. This means not only is most of the city drunk but the party that Edward has invited me to has now begun and Alice and I are sitting on the couch in my apartment, watching Gone With The Wind.

"That man must have been a sex god," Alice says, feasting her eyes on Rhett Butler.

"Uh huh."

"I mean, look at the size of his hands."

"Yeah."

She looks at me in mild irritation and I sigh. "I'm sorry, Alice. You're right. Rhett Butler would be a sex god."

"What is up with you? You've been acting weird all night."

I stretch a bit and explain as I settle into a comfortable position, "Edward invited me to a party tonight."

"What?"

Just like that all of her attention has shifted from Rhett Butler's large hands to me and I tell her, "Yeah, he invited me yesterday."

"Bella-"

"But tonight is our night. I didn't want to cancel. Chicks before dicks, right?"

"Not when the dick belongs to Physics guy. Bella, you have to go!"

"No, it's too late now," I say, shaking my head.

"Too late? Bella, it is, like, nine fifteen and it is Saint Patrick's day. People have been drunk since noon. Trust me, it is not too late."

"But-"

"Come on." She stands up and pulls me with her. "We are getting you dressed and then you are going to this party."

"I feel awkward."

"Well, suck it up. Edward invited you to a party, stupid, stupid girl. Therefore, you must go."

She stalks into my room and begins going through my closet. She pulls out one of my favorite dresses-very fitting that it is green-and throws it at me.

"He is going to die when he sees you in this."

I begin to change. Alice doesn't even attempt to shield her eyes. As I pull the dress over my head I ask, "Will you at least come with me in case I make a complete ass of myself?"

"Of course I am," she answers. "Which is why I am borrowing this."

The dress she pulls out is much too short for me which means that it is perfect for her and after she puts it on I almost feel jealous that she looks better than me. Alice catches my look and says, "Don't worry, he will be looking at you. Trust me, Bella, he will be looking at you."

"Should I put on more make-up?"

"Nah," she slings her arm over my shoulder and kisses my cheek. "You are beautiful, darling. Now, let's go get you a man!"

EBEBEBEBEBEBEB

"Where is he?" Alice asks, pulling off her coat.

I glance around and spot him at the back of the party. He is talking with some tall blonde, her hair falling down to nearly the middle of her back.

"There," I say, pointing them out in what I hope is an inconspicuous manner. "Behold, Ken and put-out Barbie."

"That better not be cynicism that I hear," Alice chides. "Chin up, Bells."

As we stand at the front of the room, looking around for where drinks are, a drunken man with green-dyed hair stumbles over and puts an arm around Alice's shoulder. She doesn't even look up as he slurs, "Why hello, beautiful."

"Hello, Jameson."

"Jame-what?"

"Look, you better find another girl," Alice tells him, removing his arm from her shoulders. "Because you're never gonna get my pot of gold."

He looks at her in utter amazement.

"Go on, shoo!"

With a flick of her hand he stumbles away backward, an impish grin on his face. When he finally turns away I tell her," He is so not giving up on you yet."

"I'm a big girl and know that one swift knee to a groin will end just about any conquest. Now, we need to focus on you making your presence known to Mr. Wonderful."

I sigh at her latest name for Edward and say, "What if he doesn't remember me?"

"Well," she says slowly, "he is not senile so I think the guy who _invited_ you will remember you."

"Good point," I concede. "Alright, I am going to go talk to him."

"Enough talking, more moving." She gently pushes me in Edward's general direction and then it is all me. I force my legs to propel me toward him, hoping and praying that my biggest fear would not come true and he wouldn't look at me and wonder why the hell I had showed up.

Because right now I am wondering why the hell did I show up.

The pretty blonde is talking spiritedly to him and he goes to answer when he sees me. He stops talking and I stop moving. I can't move. My limbs feel like they are suddenly made of steel and they are too heavy to move. All I can do is stand there like a mannequin as he excuses himself from his conversation and makes his way over. He's walking, walking.

And then he's here.

"Hey."

"Hi."

"I'm glad you could make it."

I swallow most of my nerves and answer, "There was a slight change of plans."

He smiles brilliantly and answers, "Lucky me."

Oh dear.

"So, you want a drink?"

I nod feebly and he gives me another smile before walking off. I feel someone tap my shoulder and turn around to find Emmett there. He laughs heartily at something that I don't entirely understand and pulls me into one of his hugs that makes you lose feeling in your upper body. When he pulls away he says, "I don't believe it."

"Believe what?"

"You, Bella Swan, at a party."

I laugh and retort, "I'm not _that_ much of a prude."

He spots something over my shoulder and says, "Don't tell me you're drinking, too."

"Here you go," Edward says, appearing beside me with the stereotypical red cup. He presents it to me and I take it from his hand. Daintily I raise it to my nose and wince a bit at the strong fumes.

"What is this?" I ask.

"That, Bella, is jungle juice," Emmett tells me.

I glance up at Emmett and ask, "Is it supposed to be green? I know it Saint Patrick's day, but, really?"

"It's supposed to be green," Edward assures me.

I begin to raise the cup to my lips and Emmett says, "This I have to see."

Not wanting Edward to think that I am a prude I kick the cup back and take a hearty gulp.

A hearty gulp which leaves me coughing and gagging.

"Are you okay?" Edward asks worriedly, touching my back gently as I lean forward, a hand pressed to my chest.

"It burns," I manage.

"Not a big drinker, huh?"

I don't answer, too intent on reminding myself to breathe.

Damn that stuff was strong.

Edward is still looking at me worriedly and I offer him a little smile to let him know that I am okay.

"You good?"

I nod. "Yeah, just need to take smaller sips, I guess."

"That's probably a good idea. The stuff is pretty strong if you're not used to drinking."

"Oh, I'm used to it," I answer, garnering an odd glance from Emmett.

Just to prove my point I take another sip, trying not to make any facial expression as it goes down. The drink feels like fire licking at my esophagus.

"See, mmmm."

Emmett stares at me while Edward smiles slightly. His hand finds the small of my back as he gestures with his head toward a nearby couch. I nod, finding courage in my red cup, and follow him. Over my shoulder I call out, "See you later, Em!"

He gives me a thumbs up.

Edward and I are sitting on the couch and we are closer than we have ever been before. Our knees are casually touching but to me it is anything but casual. As we talk I experimentally brush his knee. He brushes back.

"So, how's your drink?"

I look down and am surprised to see it is nearly gone. "You know, I think I like it."

Both of us laugh and when a bit of my hair falls across my face, he reaches forward and brushes it away, his fingertips tracing the curve of my cheek. He drops his hand and I feel like I can't breathe. I can't breathe because he is still looking at me, something that I understand too well in his eyes and before I can stop myself I lean forward and press my lips to his.

He doesn't kiss back.

"Oh," I mumble, pulling away. Shame spreads through my body as the same phrase repeats over and over in my mind.

He didn't kiss back.

He didn't kiss back.

I get up quickly and move through the crowd. I don't know if he is following and I don't look back to see. All I want is to get out. The place is crowded, though, and as I push through people I lose my bearing as to where exactly I am. I see a door and open it without thought, pulling it closed behind me.

I'm in a bedroom, the sound of the party somewhat muffled through the door. I have the acute feeling that I am once again the person on the outside and sit on the edge of the bed.

I replay the scene over and over in my mind. His fingers were on my cheeks. His looks had been meaningful, or at least I thought so. He should have kissed back. He should have.

The door opens and Edward walks in.

"Bella-"

I turn away sharply and say, "Please leave."

He doesn't speak but I feel him approach and then the bed shifts beside me. I still don't look, my body turning further away from him. When his hand lays gently on my back I shiver.

"What did I do?" He asks.

"Nothing, you did nothing."

"Well, then why did you run away?"

"I..I was embarrassed."

I hear him sigh beside me and my body begins to uncurl, turning toward him. When I catch sight of his face it is so tender that it breaks my heart.

"Bella, you have no reason to be embarrassed."

"I kissed you."

He smiles softly and says, "I know. I remember."

"But..but you didn't kiss me back."

A light of recognition bathes his face and he says, "That's why you ran away. Bella, I wanted to kiss you back."

"Then why didn't you?"

I am well aware that I sound like a whining five year old as I ask this but I am so confused, so out of place that all I want is an answer. I want a clear, simple answer.

"You're drunk."

There is my clear, simple answer. Seems that my attempt to impress him completely and utterly screwed me over. I shake my head as I say, "I'm not that bad."

"I know you don't drink often."

"How-"

"I could just tell. Look, I don't want this to happen when you won't remember it the next morning."

I am barely listening anymore. All I can think about is that he wanted to kiss me and his lips look so inviting right now. It would only take a tilt of my head, maybe a bit more, to have those lips pressed to mine again. I realize now that I am feeling lust, pure lust for this man who actually is turning out to be good, so good that I want him to be bad. Inching closet to him on the bed I ask, "You don't want what to happen?"

"Bella-"

"This?" I touch him through his pants.

"Bel-"

"Or this?" My lips cover his hungrily and this time he kisses me back. I hardly recognize myself as I thread my arms around his neck, my tongue brushing against his. His hand caresses my side and begins to slide up my shirt. Suddenly he stops, pulling away sharply.

"We should stop," he says, breathing heavily.

"Why?"

"You're drunk."

"So are you," I argue, laying a hand on his chest. "Stop thinking so much."

"Bella."

I put my hand on his cheek and gently shush him, my lips covering his again. I feel him try to pull away and moan into his mouth.

"Stay," I plead.

"Are you sure about this?"

I reach down and give him a long stroke. "I want you."

He hesitates for a moment and kisses me hard, turning toward me as he pushes me up the bed. He reaches down and brings a hand up my skirt, pulling down my underwear. His thumb brushes me and become all too aware of what we are about to do. I always knew what was coming. I knew it when I kissed him. I knew it when he kissed me. Faced with the actual act, though, his hardness pressed against my thigh, my nerves return.

"Are you okay?" He asks.

"I..um, yeah."

He senses my apprehension and says, "We don't have to do this if you don't want to."

"I know."

"You're the one who seduced me."

I smile a bit and he returns it, kissing me gently on the mouth. When we part I say, "Make me stop thinking."

"Bella, if you're not ready-"

"Edward, please."

He looks at me for a moment and he is studying my face. It seems to go on forever. I don't know what he is looking for but he must find it because he reaches down between my legs and as he brushes my center he says, "Bella, darling, stop thinking."

When he inserts a finger it isn't difficult.

I cum with a loud moan, my hips bucking against his hand. His mouth is against my ear as he whispers, "Are you thinking?"

"No."

He licks the outer shell of my ear.

"Are you ready?"

I nod, wrapping my arms around his neck as I feel him enter me. He starts slow, moving carefully against me. I move my hands down and explore his back. My finger nails press into the unmarked skin as he quickens the pace. A pleasant tension builds in the base of my belly and I hold on to him tightly as I ride the build-up.

"I've wanted this for so long," I say, finding my previous courage again. "I have wanted this for so long."

He moves even faster, pounding into me even harder. I am almost there, almost at the end that is just out of reach.

"I can't hold out much longer," Edward manages between grunts, his voice strained.

"I'm almost there, almost."

His mouth finds the side of my neck and I tilt my head back as he alternates bites and licks.

"So close."

It hits me suddenly. The walls collapse and I am falling. The only thing that grounds me are my arms wrapped tightly around him, skin on skin. I feel him cum seconds later and he pulls out quickly. A bit of him drips down my leg and he sheepishly apologizes.

"I like it."

He chuckles. "You like it?"

I nod teasingly.

He kisses the tip of my nose and whispers, "You're crazy."

I go to say something but then hear the door open, followed by a very loud cuss word and then the sound of the door slamming against the frame.

"Oh no," I breathe out, beginning to laugh.

He gets up from the bed and pads over to the door, turning the lock with a soft _click_. He lays down beside me again, his arm settling on the curve of my waist.

"I have something to tell you," he says softly.

"And what is that?"

He pauses for a moment and then tells me, "I've wanted this for a long time, too."

The words are like ice cream topped with honey. There is nothing richer, nothing sweeter. I reach forward and tenderly bring his lips to mine.

EBEBEBEBEB

I wake up and find myself in an unfamiliar room. The night rushes back to me as I feel my skirt rub against my bare center. Turning onto my side I see my lacy boy shorts discarded on the floor. Turning to my other side I find an empty bed. I sit up suddenly, my hand raising to my throbbing head. I look around frantically, somehow hoping that he would be on the floor for some inexplicable reason or in the closet.

The latter seems highly unlikely but I check anyway.

After not finding a trace of him in the room I walk over to the door and walk out. A man is standing in the kitchen and when he sees me he asks, "Are you Bella?"

I nod nervously and then he walks over to the counter, grabbing a folded piece of paper. He walks over and hands it to me.

"It's from Edward and yes, I did read it. And I am disgusted."

I open it a bit warily and find myself smiling as I read:

_It was worth the wait._

I glance at the man who had handed it to me and find him watching me with his mouth screwed to the side into a frown. When I don't speak he says, "You're not going to get sick, are you? Some people get sick the morning after."

"No," I answer. "Is, um, Edward here?"

"No."

My heart drops.

"He is at class, which I hope you are not supposed to be."

I glance at the clock and see that I have an hour before my first class. "No, I, uh, have some time."

"I'd offer you breakfast but all we have is beef jerkey."

I grin and shake my head as I tell him, "Don't worry, I wasn't expecting anything. I'll, um, just head back to my room."

"Good, well, it was nice meeting you."

"You too."

I go to leave but a question is gnawing at my mind. On pure impulse I turn around and ask, "Does he do this often?"

"Do what? Sleep with random girls?"

I nod and he must see my anxiety because he only pauses a fraction of a second before telling me, "No, actually, never."

I sense of relief floods through me and I nod gratefully as I tell him, "Okay, um, thank you. Bye!"

I leave the apartment feeling absolutely elated.

I realize half way to my dorm that my underwear is still on his bedroom floor.

EBEBEBEBEBEBEB

I am understandably nervous when I walk into Physics. I haven't seen Edward all day and am worried that it will be an awkward day after. I've seen all those stupid teenage Rachel Leigh Cook and Freddie Prince Jr. movies and I am terrified that he will look at me and think it was all a mistake. He's already there when I walk in and the moment he sees me the brightest smile fills his face. Feeling a bit less nervous I take my seat behind him.

"Hi," he says.

"Hi."

"Did you, um, get my note?"

I nod.

"Sorry about leaving. I didn't want to wake you."

"It's fine."

He reaches forward and lays his hand over mine. I turn it over and lace our fingers together. Something within me stirs as he lifts our hands and brings it to his lips.

"So, we have to talk after class."

"About what?"

He grins and says, "Our first date."

Our first date.

I like the sound of that.


	3. Kiss My Irish Ass

**Host note: So glad to see you folks are enjoynig these oine shots already, let hope this one uploads without any problems.**

**2 things please - 1 - Countdown updates will be posted on my Twitter Breathotwilight - of link is on my prof, as well as on my FB account - Breathoftwilight Kelli just incase of notifications failures.**

2 - there are been a mild change in the line-up for the countdown participants one shots- go back to chapter one to see the list updated with participants.

Last thing- I swear - this one shot u r about to read, dioes not nessacarily conform to all the rules of the one shot- I don't rightly no way and am too tired toi find out tonight, so I hope it is just as enjoyable.

Cheers~

* * *

**Entry for the Countdown to April fool's Day – What An Irishific Day!**

**Pen name: XxFlightlessxX**

**Rated: M**

**Pairing: J & A**

**Verse: Vampire**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing's owns eveyrhing,I just own a shit ton of AP Chemistry Homework. All songs, or anything else mentioned in this chapter belong to their rightful owners.**

"_**Kiss My Irish Ass"**_

"Do vampires even celebrate day?" Bella asked me as I polished her toenails bright neon green. I was holding her hostage while the boys hunted, and I was enjoying every minute of it." I mean, usually people get wasted, and make fools of themselves, you guys can't do that" She pointed this out with a sullen look on her face. She obviously felt sad about even bringing it up, but she had to ask, I figured, considering I was dressing her up for the aforementioned holiday. I clucked my tongue at her question and let out a gentle sigh. Bella Swan obviously didn't know how the Cullen's celebrated holidays. Once I finished polishing her nails, I took Bella back to day, last year.

_St Patrick's Day,2009 _

"Emmett Cullen you are the most insufferable man I have ever met!" Alice's high pitched scream rang through the walls of the Cullen household as she flew down the stairs in the most graceful of manners "I swear on everything I will rip your fucking head off if you don't bring that back here right now!"

Alice has worked her ass off on the decorations of the St Patrick's Day celebration she was throwing for the family, making outfits for herself ,Jasper,Rosalie and Emmett ,Edward, Carlisle and Esme politely declining any sort of outfit.

At the current moment, Emmett was tearing through the house with a small black pot, filled to the brim with small golden foil packages. He had found them in Alice's room and had took it upon himself to steal them, and refilling it with golden Trojan condoms. He had been trying for days to sabotage her celebration, and this was the last straw.

"You'll never get me pot of gold!" was shouted through the house as he ran through the kitchen, heading for the living room. It was in that moment when tiny, pixie like Alice jumped onto Emmetts back, proceeding to knock him to the ground ,the contents of the black pot flying everywhere as she ripped it from his hands.

She didn't actually _mean _to make such a mess, in fact, she wasn't sure she had ever made a mess before.

She growled at him as she stepped off him, gracefully, and nonchalantly. Muttering a simple "Kiss my Irish ass, Emmett Cullen" She sent him a quick glare and turned back to see Jasper standing there with a smirk, dressed in head to toe in the outfit she had made him.

_He was her leprechaun._

His blonde curls were hanging loose from under the green cap and the white socks had her holding in a laugh. His honey eyes somehow shone brighter than they ever had before. In one swift movement the pot of condoms was back in Emmett's hands as she pulled Jasper up the stairs "I'm taking this leprechaun to help me find the end of the fuckin' rainbow" she said quickly.

She didn't even let him make it into the room before she had him pulled in, and against the door. Her lips were on his, moving against them in fervor He wasn't exactly ready for the attack, as much as he could feel her lust radiating around him the minute she laid eyes on her.

His fingers began to nimbly work the buttons on her shirt, before he realized this just wasn't fast enough, and she never did wear the same thing twice. The shirt was ripped in two and thrown to his feet, the same with the jeans that she was wearing.

Alice jumped up quickly, wrapping her legs around his waist, Jasper carried her to the bed in mere seconds, dropping her into the white sheets his lips leaving her to trail open mouthed kisses down every inch of skin he could find.

The green hat was now tilted back on his head, barely covering his curls.

His lips made their way past her neck, stopping to nibble lightly on the tops of her breast before he continued his quest down her body.

His fingers hooked into her panties, looking up at her, this time she noticed his golden eyes defiantly shone differently this time, with sense of uninhibited lust, it turned her on to no end.

The lace of her boy shorts were pulled down and thrown somewhere unknown to her, and his tongue was on her in seconds. Her bright green nails dug into the white covers nearly ripping them as he sucked her clit into his mouth, replacing his beautiful tongue with two even more beautiful, skillful fingers. She'd never say Jasper lacked in the sack, but he had a way with his tongue that she was sure no other man had.

The sucking on her clit was in time with the pumping of his fingers and her eyes were such a deep form of black it was almost impossible, even for a vampire.

"Fuck, fuck Jasper. I'm", her nails ripped through the sheets, and the mattress below her as she came, her hips arching towards his mouth.

Jasper looked up at the love of his existence and he smirked slightly, a crooked smirk, crawling his way up her body shredding each piece of clothing, one by one as he made his way he leaned down, his lips next to her ear "Magically fuckin' delicious".

Alice's eyes widened at his words and with a smirk of her own she wrapped her legs around Jaspers now naked from, turning them over on the bed quickly, straddling him. She leaned down and pressed her lips to his in a smacking kiss before placing the green hat she snatched on top of her head.

She reached down, taking his dick into her hands she ran a finger over the tip, licking her own lips she lifted her hips, running the tip over her lips she lit out a low hiss.

Jasper grabbed her hips, his fingers digging into the skin there and he growled "Ride me, baby"

Alice lifted her hips, angling them just right she slid onto him. He lifted his hips immediately at the contact, burying himself deeper into her and she let out a squeal. She had never felt so fulfilled then when she was with Jasper He not only satisfied her sexually, but emotionally, he was fucking perfection. She took his earlier words to heart, and she rode him. Moving her hips in a circular motion, leaning back so she could hold onto his ankles. She bounced on his dick as she spouted out profanities that she'd later regret her family ever hearing her say. He met her with thrust that countered hers, burying himself deeper and deeper into her with each one, he filled her to the hilt.

"Fuck, Alice, so, good, tight, fuck" he murmured as he pumped into her He could feel her tightening around his dick, and he knew she'd be coming soon. His fingers dug into her hips as he picked up the pace, and she too knew he was about to reach the brink.

She leaned forward, capturing his lips with hers, meeting his quick pace, mumbling his name against his lips as she came, him meet her in the bliss seconds later. She collapsed on top of him, wrapping her arms around his waist, her head on his chest, the hat still upon her head.

"That defiantly topped Valentines day" she said between laughs, and he agreed with his own laughter.

_Present Day_

Alice sat on the bed across from Bella, a daxed, distant look on her face, not from a vision. Bella laughed and snapped her fingers in front of her face, bringing her back to reality. Once Alice caught on, she laughed along with the brunette next to her.

Finally, Bellas laughs became short breaths and she looked at Alice with a raised eyebrow "Um, Alice, you're not even Irish".


	4. Getting to the Bottom of Things

**Entry for the Countdown to April fool's Day – What An Irishific Day!**

**Pen name: lindsiloolabell**

**Rated M**

**Pairing: Emmett and Rosalie **

**Title: Getting to the 'Bottom' of Things.**

A/N, Okay, so I know the title is SHIT but I couldn't think of anything else, having exhausted my brain with writing this lil one shot. Anyway, hopefully it'll make you chuckle...maybe...I did say hopefully right? So give it a go, hate it if you must but please take the time to review and show some love, if not for me then for the awesomeness that is Breath of Twilight, my best ff friend, wifey and Beta. She so deserves it. :0)

**Emmett's POV.**

"I don't think you've done any permanent damage and everything should heal up nicely. You said you hit your head, too?" Dr Cullen asked, and I nodded my silent reply while flushing scarlet. He did a routine check of my eyes and felt my head where I indicated to the newly formed bump, then asked me a string of questions. "Well...You don't seem to be presenting with any symptoms of concussion...but you never know, it may develop later on, so I'll have the nurse give you a pamphlet of things to look out for along with some pain med's, okay?" My best friend's dad smirked at me as I lay on my stomach on a trolley in the ER.

"Yeah, great. Thanks Mr. C," I grumbled as he nodded to the blonde in the corner to go fill his request.

She disappeared out of the room with him, and I couldn't pull my eyes away from her perfectly round ass.

Disorientated or not...I was still a guy, and I definitely would have liked to tap that.

The snicker to my side brought me out of my little fantasy of me, the blond and a tub of Ben and Jerry's -the only other two dudes I would ever share a woman with.

Edward, my fore-mentioned best friend, stood with his hand balled up and rammed into his mouth to keep him from laughing out loud, while my other 'so called' friend, Jasper Hale, found no desire to hide his amusement with the whole situation and clutched his sides in merriment.

"Shut the fuck up, dude, this is all your fault!" I growled at Edward with a chuckle; still able to find some humor in everything.

"My fault? How is this my fault? You were the one that tried hitting on that guy's girlfriend...You should've known better." His guffaw broke and filled the room.

"You were the one that had the bright idea to go out drinking with the Irish...on Paddy's day no less." I shook with laughter and grimaced as pain shot through my right buttock; therefore reminding me of the many wooden splinters that were lodged painfully beneath my skin.

The fight that Edward had referred to started after I smiled and used some cheesy, corn-dog, pick up line on a buxom red head, while residing over at McKinley's Irish bar for the night.

Apparently her 'overbearing' boyfriend didn't like a little healthy competition and glared me down.

I was always up for a challenge.

When I didn't move, and she giggled at my attempts at flirting, he snapped and punched me clean in the face. I rubbed my jaw and chuckled before returning the gesture. His friends were quick to try and join the party and all hell broke loose. Edward and Jasper appeared out of nowhere and started to pick off the loutish brutes trying to grab me -if there was one thing me and my friends hated, it was an unfair fight, one on one...none of this 'five guys to hold one, while their buddy beat him to a pulp' shit.

It was like a dog pile in the end, everyone jumping on everyone else and fists flying wildly around, trying to connect with anything they could. The landlord started to holler over the raucous and hammered on the bell that usually called time. I'd pulled away and looked in his direction.

Something told me we were never going to be allowed back through those doors again.

Just as I had been about to call over to Edward and Jasper, an unknown blow struck me from the side and I tumbled over a broken stool; effectively impaled my ass with a shit load of thick splinters and shards of oak. Pain seared through my body as I landed with a thud on the ground. My head connected with the floor and all of my lights went out.

When I came to, the bar was nigh on empty, apart from a few regular old folk that sat in the corner, seemingly oblivious to the fight that had broken out. They looked as though nothing had happened and continued to look down at the dominos, and pints of Guinness, set out on the table in front of them.

"Look who decided to rejoin the party," Jasper snickered as I'd tried to focus my eyes.

I looked the pair over and noted they hardly had a scratch on them.

Typical.

It was decided not long after that I may be requiring medical attention seeing as the seat of my pants was soaked through with blood and I was dragged to the ER, where I was stripped of my clothes -as well as my dignity- and shoved into a ghastly hospital gown, with no back. I'd been laid out on my stomach with a cold breeze blowing over my family jewels for an hour before the Doc finally came in to tend to me; and imagine my embarrassment when it turned out to be a man I'd revered for many years.

Edward's dad was an amazing guy and a great dad...the complete opposite from the dead beat that claimed to have inseminated my mother, but that was a different story altogether.

The beautiful blonde had joined him during his assessment of my injuries and scribbled down his instructions with care and dedication; offering me a sweet sympathetic smile before leaving to get the supplies ready. When she came back in, she maneuvered around the idiocy twins and set about extricating the wooden shavings from beneath my delicate skin with tweezers and some iodine -that stung like a bitch. She worked meticulously and with precision to remove the foreign pieces from me without causing me unnecessary pain and was done quicker than I thought would be possible. She handed me the reading material about concussions and a box of pills.

"Take two of these four times a day, with food, but make sure not to take more than eight in a twenty four hour period, okay?" She smiled sweetly and told me I could get dressed and leave when I was ready.

"Thank you..." I left my sentence hanging with the hope she'd fill in the blank.

"Rosalie," she replied and playfully slapped my good ass cheek before leaving me with my friends.

"Thank you..." Jasper mimicked, holding his hand out to Edward.

"Rosalie," he pealed, while batting his eyelids and clasping his hands together with a theatrical sigh.

"You're both a pain in the ass you know that?" I grouched without thinking.

"Nope...This..." Edward's hand connected with my sore booty. "...is a true pain in the ass my friend." They both fell over themselves laughing at my expense as I howled in pain.

"Bastards!"

Edward and Jasper had made it their mission to make me the 'butt' of all their ass jokes as they helped me home and up to my apartment. I could see the funny side, and even though I was in agony, I chuckled at some of the shit they were spouting; knowing if the shoe was on the other 'butt' I would have been the one dishing out the unrelenting wise cracks.

"That nurse was hot," Jasper commented as he rummaged through my refrigerator for something edible, seeing as my impromptus trip to the medical centre had meant we hadn't gotten around to our usual pizza at the end of the night.

I couldn't agree more and nodded to him while struggling to get changed for bed.

"Yup," Edward answered, noticing my dilemma, he grabbed my pajama pants to put on the bed beside me. "My dad speaks highly of her. He says she does the work of four nurses sometimes; always picking up the slack when needed, pulling doubles and shit...Here Em, let me help."

I gave him a weirded out look before he reminded me he'd already been forced to witness my junk at the hospital.

Once I was set up and had everything to hand they left me be with the promise of coming to tease my 'ass' some more the following day.

Once I'd listened for the door to close I grabbed the two pills Jasper had put by my bed and the glass of water Edward had brought and swallowed down my med's; then turned onto my stomach with the intention of giving my pillow head for the rest of the night.

* * *

My lovely dream of the beautiful, golden haired, nurse Rosalie, tending to more of my 'needs' was rudely interrupted by some inconsiderate prick jumping up and down on top of me -and not in the way I liked. I groaned and yanked the pillow from under me, covering my head with it.

"Wake up!"

Someone was shaking me.

"Wake up, you cad."

"No!" I mumbled still half asleep and not addressing the fact someone had apparently broken into my apartment and could be stealing my belongings.

I dismissed the thoughts after using my limited sleep deprived logic to come to the conclusion that if they were indeed robbing me blind, then they wouldn't be jumping up and down on my fucking bed!

"Wake...the...feck...up, for gad's sake!" An angry, squeaky little voice yelled at me while grabbing my shirt and shaking me vigorously.

"What?" I growled and finally opened my eyes to the strangest sight ever as they finally focused.

There, finally coming to a standstill, straddling either side of my legs, was my best friend... but shorter...and squeakier...and fucking talking with an Irish accent.

"Edward? Dude? What are you...?" I rubbed my eyes to clear my view, thinking I couldn't really be seeing what was in front of me.

Because what was in front of me was a miniature version of Edward Cullen, clad in an emerald green suit, the trousers stopped short just passed his nobly knees, with long pulled up, white socks and the jacket looked to be ready to pop open due to his portly little belly. Atop his head sat a matching hat trimmed with yellow and upon his feet sat a pair of pointy black shoes with a huge golden buckle.

"Edward? Who the feck is Edward?" The little dude quirked an eyebrow at me.

"That's not funny man. I'm too tired for this shit so...'feck'off; I'm going back to sleep." I punched my pillow back into shape and closed my eyes.

"I don't know no Edward...Listen, what didcha do with it?"

"Go away!" I swiftly shot out my hand and sent the little pixie-like person flying across the room with an 'eeeeeep'.

He hit the wall with a thud and slid to the floor, grumbling something about me being a 'son of a bitch' before running and jumping back up on my bed, launching himself at me, with his fists flying.

"What the fuck...? Edward!" I blanched as a little fist hit me clean in the eye.

"Where is it ya feckin' thief?" He pummeled his hands with such speed that they blurred in front of me.

"I mean it, Cullen, cut it out!" I growled in frustration.

He didn't stop and tried grabbing my ears instead.

"That's it!" I grabbed the back of his emerald green breeches and dangled him in the air. He flailed fruitlessly in my grasp; his hands flying and his legs wriggling.

"Ya feckin' brute...let me be!" he screeched.

The little shit stomped his foot into my junk, and I dropped him to cradle my balls as a searing pain shot through my groin.

He started his assault on me again. My hand shot out and pushed against his head as he continued to violently kick and punch.

"Okay, I think I may have hit my head harder than I thought," I mumbled.

"I'll give ya a knock on the feckin' head!"

"Stop, stop, STOP!" I yelled as he finally started to tire.

He slumped down onto the comforter beside me, panting like a maniac.

"Look, just tell me what ya did with it and I'll leave ya the feck alone." He stuck his hand out at me as if he wanted me to give him something.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" My brow creased in serious confusion.

"Me pot 'o' gold...What did ya do with it! I saw ya stealin' it in the pub...so where...the feck...IS IT?" he growled as his face turned a fetching shade of purple.

"Pot 'o' gold?...Are you accusing me of stealing your fucking wallet or something, Cullen? 'Cos that shit's not even funny." I found myself getting angry at the thought that my best friend would think me as little more than a common thief.

He palmed his face.

"For the love of Mary, Joseph and the sweet baby Jesus! I don't know any Edward or any Cullen for that matter!" He shook his head in exasperation.

"You look like Edward." I added petulantly "Just shorter...and crabbier."

"Well whoever he is...I'm not him. My name is Emrys and I'm a leprechaun!" he protested, "Can we just get back to the matter at hand?"

"Sure...I didn't steal anything...no wallet...no pot of gold...goodnight." I smiled smugly and turned onto my side with every intention of going back to sleep.

"I know ya took it...and I'm not leavin' till ya give it back."

"Then you better go sleep on the couch...the beds mine." I shoved him off the edge of the bed with my foot and snuggled into my pillow.

"Sure, Sure. I'll go sleep on the couch," he chuckled and disappeared out of the room.

No sooner had my eyes drooped closed and sleep promised to envelope me, the most God awful noise ricochet around the apartment; I sat up and winced as I put undue pressure on my sore hiney.

"What the fuck?" I covered my ears and swung my legs out of the bed, determined to find the source of the racket and eliminate it.

I rubbed my eyes and made my way over the door; pulled it open and stood there with my mouth agape.

Apparently the little fucker hadn't disappeared like I'd hoped, and was, instead, hoovering up in my living room, with my iPod ear buds rammed into his very pointy ears. I looked at the clock on the wall and groaned; it was only four thirty in the morning. Mrs Mophawittz from downstairs would be up here with a baseball bat, threatening to hit a home run with my head if I didn't put a stop to the noise. I walked over to where he was singing a very out of tune rendition of 'Oh Danny Boy', yanked the buds out of his ears and the hoover out of his hands.

"Hey, you could hurt a fella doin' that," he grumbled and rubbed his over-sized lobes in a soothing manner.

"Did no one tell you that it's rude to make yourself at home when no one has asked you to?" I quizzed as I grew more and more annoyed with his presence here.

"Did no one tell your pants that it's rude to point?" He raised an eyebrow at the tent I was pitching from an overactive imagination and the fresh image of the lovely Rosalie that had been playing around in my mind throughout the night.

I opened my mouth to reply but came up blank.

"Thought so," he chuckled.

"Look, what will it take to make you to just go away?" I begged, dropping to my knees beside him so I could look him in the eye.

"Just give me back what's rightfully mine."

"Urgh! I don't have your pot of gold you little green clothed freak!" My voice and my body grew weary at his insistence. "Don't you think if I did, I would give it back, just to get you to piss off?"

"Maybe...maybe not. You might want to spend it all on cheap liquor and pretty whores for all I knows." His face scrunched up as he gave me the stink eye, as if looking for any flinch in my body language that might catch me in a lie.

I didn't flinch in the slightest.

"Okay, so maybe you're telling the truth...I still don't trust ya," he huffed, twirling the wire to my earphones around my iPod.

He set them on the table before sitting on my moth eaten, beat up, couch and dissolving into tears. The loudest gut wrenching sobs filled the room as he squeaked something about his father being disappointed in him.

_What the fuck?_

I nervously inched towards the couch and patted his shoulder in a 'there, there' gesture. Not knowing what else to do, but needing him to shut the fuck up already.

"He's goin' to kill me," he bawled and pulled a bright yellow handkerchief -that was nearly as big as he was- out from his pocket to blow his nose like a trumpet. "He said I wasn't ready...for the responsibility of it...but I begged him to let me mind it...and now...now...now I've lost it AAAWWWWWWWW!"

I knew all about being a disappointment.

"Shhh, please just...look, maybe I could help you find it." I sighed at the thought, but wanted to shut up the little pain in the ass just as much as I wanted shut of the pain in my actual ass.

"Great, let's go!" he chirped, as all of his apparent tears dried in an instant.

The conniving little fucker.

* * *

"So you're a leprechaun then? I asked as we walked another mile towards down town.

"Yup." I swear he was positively skipping and wearing a huge ass grin plastered on his face.

"Prove it." I licked my lips and eyed him with a sideways glance.

"Why can't no one just trust...why do they always need proof?" As his words ended he disappeared into thin air, only to reappear on my other side. "Was that enough for ya or do you want me to start spoutin' cheesy Irish lines too like 'They're always after me lucky charms'," he huffed.

"They're magically delicious," I added smugly.

"They taste like feckin' cardboard!" He smirked in amusement. "Ya know, ya not all that bad a bit of company."

"Um...Thanks...I think."

* * *

"Did you here this one...An Englishman stops Paddy for directions... 'Excuse me pal, what's the quickest way to Dublin?' Paddy says 'Are ya on foot or in the car?' The Englishman says "In the car." Paddy replies 'That be the quickest then!'."

I chuckled at it, which he seemed to appreciate, but then it egged him on to share his vast mental library of Irish jokes and he wouldn't stop telling them. I wanted to hit my head against a wall repeatedly...maybe then the little shit would go away.

"Paddy and Murphy are walking down the street. Murphy falls in a hole and hurts himself. He calls out, 'Paddy, call me an ambulance'. Paddy starts jumping up and down clapping his hands yelling, 'Murphy's an ambulance, Murphy's an ambulance'....Oh come on, that was funny!" he sighed dramatically.

"Okay, I got one for ya...An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were reading a newspaper article about which nationalities' brains were for sale for transplant purposes. An Irishman's or a Scotsman's brain could be bought for £500 but an Englishman's brain cost £10,000...

"Where did you last have the damn pot of gold?" I asked him, cutting yet another quip short in its tracks.

"If I knew that then it wouldn't be feckin' lost now, would it?" He folded his arms across his chest indignantly.

I growled in frustration.

We'd been walking around aimlessly the past hour and the sun was coming up over the horizon; illuminating the trees in the distance with an eerie orange glow.

"You said you had it in the pub?" I reminded him.

"That I did," he nodded.

"Maybe it's still there?" I offered.

"There's a chance it could be, yes."

"Let's take the train then," I offered as we neared the station; knowing it was the quickest way.

I held out my hand for him to go first and he tipped his hat to me before heading down the stairs to the platform.

I wasn't looking forward to returning to McKinley's. I wasn't sure how I was going to look the landlord, Mikey, in the eyes ever again after the little scuffle that I caused there the night before. I would however undoubtedly offer to pay for all the damages inflicted and offer my humbled apologies, all the while keeping my head lowered in shame, and rightly so.

"What about this one...? Paddy & Murphy are working on a building site. Paddy says to Murphy 'Im gonna have the day off, I'm gonna pretend I'm mad! He climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down & shouts 'I'M A LIGHTBULB! I'M A LIGHTBULB!'. Murphy watches in amazement! The Foreman shouts 'Paddy you're mad, go home'. So he leaves the site. Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well. 'Where the hell are you going?' asks the Foreman. 'I can't work in the friggin' dark now can I? ' says Murphy." He chuckled and clutched his sides. "Get it...Work in the...never mind."

I really hope we didn't have to wait much longer for a train. I didn't know just how many more bad jokes I could take.

"Well hello, darlin'," he suddenly crooned.

There was no way he was talking to me, right?

I turned and followed his now hungry gaze as a beautiful brunette stood nearby, apparently waiting for the same train as us.

She smiled bashfully and her cheeks flushed scarlet as she looked over my short new 'friend'.

"My name's Emrys...what's yours?" He took hold of her hand and kissed the back of her knuckles -the smooth bastard.

"Um...Bella." She bit her lip and looked him over.

You have got to be kidding me!

"Well, Bella; such beautiful eyes, I could get lost in them...drown even, and your skin...so fair...I bet you have a little Irish in ya don'tcha?" His eyes roamed over her body as she shook her head, no. "No? Well then would you like some?" He grinned mischievously; his eyes lighting up like bright stars.

Her eyes went wide and her blush grew in intensity.

My hand shot out and clipped him around the ear.

"Hey! What was that for?" he scowled at me and rubbed where I'd hit him.

"You know!" I gave him a pointed look and turned around in time to see the five fifty train pulling in and slowing down; a few carriages passing by before it finally came to a standstill in front of us.

We boarded the train and headed east bound.

* * *

"It's locked up. There's no way we can find out if your gold is in there," I grumbled as he tried the doors to the bar for the fifth time.

"Try looking through the window," he offered, and I turned and pressed my hands to the glass, shielding out the light so I could peer in.

My mind flooded with memories and a shooting pain shot through my butt in confirmation that the incident did, indeed, happen.

"I don't see anything," I declared and turned to face the little green hulk.

He wasn't there so I turned back to look through the window and gasped out loud, clutching my heart in fear as two sparkly, jewel green eyes met me. The little fucker had apparated inside, like some shit out of Harry Potter, and was smiling like a lunatic from the other side of the glass. I growled and scrunched my face up in annoyance as he chuckled and set to looking for his gold.

I sighed and turned around, only to find him back by my side.

"Fuck!" I started; I wasn't sure how much more surprise my heart could take. "Don't do that!" I shook my head at him.

"What...This?" He disappeared and reappeared behind me, tapping me on the shoulder to get my attention.

I grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and lifted him to my eye level. His eyes nearly bugged out as he gulped loudly; his hat tipping back on his head at a jaunty angle.

"Yes...That," I stated and dropped him back to the floor; watching as he straightened himself back up and set his hat right.

I didn't catch what he mumbled to himself but caught something about it 'must have been that time of the month'

"Well?" I waited for him to pull out a pot and add a 'ta da' sound effect...But I just wasn't that lucky.

"It's not there." He pulled his lips into a tight line and shook his head in disappointment.

"Where else did you go?" I sighed, letting the thought of what I'd gotten myself into sink in.

We could be at this forever.

"I know I had it at the pub...being as I thought you'd stolen it and all...My bad," he offered as an apology. "I remember pissing myself laughing at ya when you fell over that bloody stool...Laughing even harder when ya passed out, stone cold on the floor. And nearly died from hysteria when I saw ya in that gown at the hospital -I'd be worried about squirrels sneaking into your home at night and trying collecting those up for their winter..."

"Wai...wai...wai...wai...wait," I stopped him and held up a finger for him to be quiet for a second. "Why were you at the hospital?" I was confused.

"Well...The sight of you with splinters in your arse was feckin' priceless. I bet my friend, Seamus, that he'd never seen anything as funny in his entire two hundred years; He said nothing could be that funny. I told him he was wrong and dragged him over to that hospital to see for himself. He nigh on pissed in his breeches too," Emrys giggled at his own version of events from the previous night.

"Is there never going to be an end to my humiliation?" I was speaking more to myself than to him.

"End..." He nodded to my ass. "Being the operative word there big guy," he guffawed.

"Are you sure you don't know Cullen?" I asked skeptically, seeing as that was exactly his brand of humor.

"Never heard of the fella...oh wait, was he one of those handsome young men that you sat with at the pub last night...that accompanied you to the hospital?" He creased his brow in deep thought.

"He's the leaner one of the two," I added.

"With copper hair?" He raised his brow again as I nodded. "Now he was a good lookin' chap!"

"Can we get back to my humiliation and you being at the hospital?" I looked at him incredulously.

"Oh...O'corse. So me and Seamus was there to laugh at your pale arse and got distracted by the prettiest woman you have ever seen in your life...well, she was, until that brunette on the train...I wish I'd thought to get her number..." he digressed.

"Focus!"

"Right! so the blonde nurse distracted us and I put me pot 'o' gold down while I chatted her up...or tried to; She didn't seem very interested...Seemed more taken with one of her patients." He shrugged and looked up at me.

"Yeah she was something huh?" I sighed.

"Had a bit of a weak spot for her did ya?" He wiggled his eyebrows at me suggestively but ducked out of the way when I made to grab him again.

"So it's the hospital next then."

* * *

The doors to the ER opened automatically as we approached them and made haste in entering the building.

I made my way over to the receptionist and waited for her to look up from her computer. After a moment of listening to her fingers tap, excessively hard, over the keys, she finally looked up but just as quickly turned away, passing me a clip board, medical form and a pen through the little window.

"Sit over there and fill this in...bring it back and wait to be called in by a doctor." Her voice was as flat and lifeless as her muddy blonde hair was.

I pushed the board back through the window and she turned to look at me again.

"I don't need a form, I was just wondering if someone had handed in a pot of...never mind." I stopped my question in its tracks...before I could make a complete fool of myself and wound up having someone from the psychiatric department trying to admit me.

I turned and walked over to thorn in my side.

He sighed when I shrugged at him and walked off towards the cubicles where I had been treated the night before.

I looked around nervously as the nurses glared at me as if I were a criminal, loitering and planning a felony. Emrys was searching in the curtained areas, sharing a polite apology for his intrusion of treatment.

"Dude, come on...hurry up!" I scolded in barely more than a rushed whisper.

"I'm goin' as fast as I feckin' can!" he growled back while pushing his way out from behind a garish floral print curtain of fabric. "It's not here!" he grumbled while scratching his head.

"Looking for something?" A familiar voice called from the other side of the emergency room.

I followed the sound and groaned out loud.

"YOU!" Emrys scowled towards the culprit whom was swinging a little black cauldron that seemed to be overflowing with golden coins.

My eyes bugged out at the treasure hanging from the hands of Nurse Rosalie.

"Woah, just hold on one minute, little man!" she balked. "I didn't take it! You left it under one of the beds when you went chasing after Nurse Denali...when you couldn't' get in my pants, remember?

His ears turned red and he shuffled his feet in embarrassment.

"I knew it wouldn't last two minutes without someone swiping it for their selves around here so I hid it in my locker in the hopes you'd come back for it." She walked towards us and handed him his gold.

I big fat fucking tear welled in his eye before it spilled over and splashed to the floor beneath him.

"I...you...me pot 'o' gold...Thankin' ya kindly," he stuttered as he tried to keep himself together.

He took out his ginormous hankie again and blew his nose loudly, causing all heads to turn in our direction. I pulled my lips into a tight smile and wanted the floor to open up and swallow me whole.

I couldn't deny the little guy looked stoked as he took Rosalie's hand and kissed it with an air of grace and reverence.

She giggled before looking up at me and smiling.

"Hi again," she greeted me, "Hows the uh..." She covered the view of her mouth to whisper, "…hiney?" She grinned and bit her lip as I lost myself in her baby blue eyes.

"I...Oh, it's um...sore," I whispered the last word back to her.

"Well, I hope it gets better soon." Her sincerity was genuine and made me ache to touch her.

She turned to return to her work and graced me with the breathtaking view of her smiling at me from over her shoulder.

"Oh, she has it bad for ya, my friend." He nudged the side of my knee -seeing as he couldn't reach my ribs.

I wasn't that lucky to get a girl like her.

"Emmett...earth to Emmett." Emrys jumped up and down to get my attention, when that didn't work, the fucker junk punched me; I dropped to the floor like a bag of stones. "Oh hey, there ya are," he greeted me sarcastically. "So seeing as you've helped me out so much...is there anything I can get for ya?"

"Unless you can get the beautiful Miss Rose to fall in love with me...then no, I'm good thanks." I jested but he held a gleam in his eye.

"In that case I bid you goodbye, young Emmett." He removed his hat and took a theatrical bow, then disappeared into thin air, sharing only a 'cheerio' as he went.

I sighed, actually feeling a little bereft from losing his company.

"Shit!" He suddenly reappeared; startling me in the process and having me clutch my chest for the hundredth time.

"Sorry I couldn't help me'self. Cheer up ya great lump, you're not rid of me that easily ya know. I'm just off to see if I can find that, Bella, girl...I'll be back. You told me I could sleep on ya couch remember." With that, he winked at me and was gone, leaving me with my mouth hanging open like a fool.

"Your still here?" My blonde goddess peeked back around the corner and smiled at me.

I turned to gaze at her and nearly came in my pants when she wiggled her finger at me seductively to follow her. I gulped and walked towards her. Once I was within her reach she grabbed me and pushed me into a small room; locking the door behind her.

The walls were lined with gauze dressings and cotton wool balls, unused syringes and other medical supplies.

"Hi," she purred as she pushed her body against mine; causing the most delicious friction right where I wanted it the most.

"Hi," I managed to mumble back before she pressed her lips to mine.

They were just as soft as I'd imagined...just as plump. Her hands snaked up into my hair and pulled me closer to her as she sighed into my mouth. Our tongues sought each other out and languidly danced, in no rush to dominate. My hands roamed her taut frame and reveled in the feeling of her ass in my hands. She pushed me backwards towards a shelf, and I yelped in pain as my butt hit the frame of the metal shelving unit.

"Sorry!" She bit her lip and smiled before reaching for my zipper. "Let me see if I can make that feel better for you...or at the very least, take your mind off the pain."

She worked my pants and boxers down my legs and lowered herself to her knees. She took me in her grasped palms and worked me with long, fluid strokes; eliciting a well deserved groan of appreciation from me in the process. Seconds later she hand me enveloped in her hot little mouth. My hips jerked forward at the sensations she invoked in me as she moved her wet lips and tongue around me. The friction was divine and I wasn't sure how long I would be able to hold out if she carried on at her current pace. I hooked my hands under her arms and pulled her back up to my level, turning her around and pushing her into the shelf instead -being careful not to be a prick and hurt her back. My hand found its way under her green scrubs top; locating her covered breasts and palming them with gentle pressure. Her hand cupped mine and she added to the force of which I massaged her. I marveled at the feeling of her nipple ripening beneath my hand. I left the comfort of the gentle mound of her breast and let my hand fall south. Her breath hitched as I ran my fingers over the seam of her pants and her body quivered against me. I smirked at my effect on her and immediately pushed my hand into the waist band of her scrubs. The fabric of her panties was soaked with her excitement, and the feel of it against my fingers made me hungry for more. I pushed the fabric to the side and ran my fingertips against her heat. She moaned and writhed as I slid in between her folds, spreading her arousal around. My fingers took on a life of their own and probed into her depths; shrouding them in a wonderful warmth. She pulled my head to her and kissed me passionately as she allowed me to explore her most intimate parts. I couldn't help but groan, my dick protesting at the lack of attention he was now getting. I played her to perfection and had her moaning out a cacophony of mewling sounds as her orgasm took hold of her body, taking over all of her senses and causing her to quiver and shake upon my hand.

"I...need...in...more," she practically growled and grabbed the front of my shirt to get my attention "...NOW."

She shimmied out of her clothes with speed and helped me out of mine until I was stood in front of her, naked as the day I was born.

She perched herself on the self and used her feet to pull me into the space between her legs. The sight of her, bare, before me was driving me crazy. I wasted no time in impaling myself within her and the secure cradle of her thighs...soft creamy thighs that hugged me to her, allowing me just enough freedom to push and pull her all the way to a blissful release. My hips moved back and forth as gently as I could -even though I wanted nothing more than to slam into her repeatedly. After a short while she begged me to fuck her hard, and I nearly fell apart right then and there. My pace increased and her moans of approval grew in volume before all mingling together into one long cry of pleasure. Her body convulsed around me and sent me sailing over the edge along with her. I growled as I filled her with my own release. Only then did the realization that we weren't using protection cross my mind and made me feel like a complete prick.

She chuckled to herself at the look on my face -obviously understanding the look of horror on my face- and informed me she had that side of things taken care of. She didn't seem like the irresponsible type...or the kind of girl to sleep around so I took her word in the matter and heaved a sigh of relief.

"Can I see you again?" I asked as we dressed.

"Would you like to?" she asked with hope filling her eyes.

"More than anything."

* * *

I made my way home with the biggest, goofiest grin sat on my face at the fact I had her number and her email, and her cell number, and her mother's number, That girl really did like me and wanted to see me again.

She'd even offered to come over sometime to make sure my war wounds were healing okay; an offer I wouldn't turn down for all the pot 'o' golds in the world.

I sighed as I closed my apartment door, smiled as I got ready for bed -even though it was the middle of the day- and chuckled to myself as I sidled in under the covers. I couldn't even find it in me to be annoyed at the 'jolly green midget' that had been the bane of my day as I let my eyes close and sleep overtoke me.

* * *

I finally opened my eyes to the early evening and chuckled at the most ridiculous dream I had ever had.

A leprechaun that looked like Edward and a pot of gold? Could it have been any more absurd?

I shook my head at my own imagination and fell back onto the bed, wincing as a fire raged in my ass.

"Feckin' leprechaun!" I grumbled to myself as I closed my eyes again.

"Top 'o' the mornin' to ya...Or should that be the afternoon." My eyes flew open and my body shot up into a sitting position as I looked towards my bedroom door.

This was not fucking happening.

"Stop me if you've heard this one...Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night. She undresses & lies on the bed spread eagled and says "You know what I want don't you?"

"Yeah," says Paddy. "The whole friggin' bed by the looks of things!" he snickered.

"Emrys...I'm getting cold and lonely in here all by myself." A sweet, angelic voice called in a playful manner from my living room.

"No feckin' way!" I looked at him incredulously as he turned and grinned wickedly at me.

"Told ya she wanted a little Irish in her! I'll be right there me sweet, Isabella." With that he snickered and turned on his heel, leaving me with a tip of his hat.

* * *

A/N Well, there you have it...how was it for you? good bad, a 'pain in the arse' to read? let us know by clicking on the little box just below


	5. Emmett's Video Camera

**Host note: Hope u r all enjoying the wonderful one shots - are ya???? Lemme hear ya....I srsly wanna hear you! and so do these fantabulous writers, so come on my pretty pervs, make some f'ing noise!!!!!!**

**PS....apparently the first one shot's author forgot to add her name in her heading, so just so u know, it was done by Spykid18 :-P**

**Emmett's Video Camera**

Entry for the Countdown to April Fool's Day – Just a Pranktical Cullen Day.  
Pen name: Scuzzfuzz  
Rated M

A/N: I do not own Twilight – it all belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

I do own a slightly pervy Emmett, and a promiscuous Rosalie. I've never written an Emmett/Rose pairing before so this was a bit of fun.

Thanks to my awesome beta, Lazuli Dragon. As someone we both know would say, she's full of win!

Happy reading!

***

As I stood at the top of the pyramid in the early morning Forks fog during our usual Friday practice, I tried my hardest not to look at the senior football team heading our way.

"Straighten those arms, Hale! You look like a dead fish up there!" Coach Andrews yelled through her megaphone.

Internally, I groaned. On the outside I fixed my 'I'm-a-perky-cheerleader' smile on my face and straightened my arms to breaking point.

"Looking good, Rosie," I heard my best friend Bella's boyfriend Edward Masen call out.

"Damn Hale, that shit is so going on YouTube!" I heard another voice exclaim.

My stomach dropped. Emmett. Emmett _fucking_ Cullen.

"Cullen, get that camera out of here before you're filming your insides," Coach Andrews threatened.

"Yes ma'am," I heard him reply as he jogged off to meet his teammates, laughing loudly.

***

Half an hour later I was walking through the halls with Bella and our other best friend Alice. Although she was Emmett's sister, she was nothing like him – small and polite…basically, not a douche! We were listening to her waffle on about her design project, and how she couldn't choose between magenta and fuchsia for the primary part of the dress she was making.

"I like the magenta but I feel like it might be too dark, and the fuchsia is so pretty but I think it's a bit too vibrant for what I'm aiming for…"

"Alice, I'm sorry to interrupt but I need you to steal Emmett's video camera," I blurted.

She stopped. Bella stopped.

"You what?" she asked, turning her blue eyes on me as the bell rang.

"Fuck," I cursed under my breath. "I'll tell you more at lunch."

I struggled to focus through Spanish and felt like a fool in history when I was called on and didn't know the answer to something I'd prepared a report on only a week earlier. I raced to the cafeteria when the lunch bell rang and threw myself into a chair at our usual table, pulling my bag lunch out of my back pack. _Sandwiches again,_ I thought. _Nothing like tunafish on rye to make your day._

Alice and Bella arrived a few minutes later and lined up, making their way back to our table soon after they arrived with pizza, cheese fries and Coke.

"Now," Alice said when she sat down, "I'm pretty sure you asked me to steal Emmett's video camera before. Why on God's green Earth would I do that?"

"He filmed something this morning during cheerleading practice," I told them, picking at my sandwich. "Edward called out to me and then Emmett said something about putting shit on YouTube, and then Coach Andrews threatened to jam his camera up his arse. I really don't need a bird's-eye view of my panties on YouTube!"

Alice giggled and quickly composed herself when I gave her a death stare, pushing her cheese fries my way. "Want some? I'm sure it's harmless Rose," she said.

"I don't know Al," Bella said softly, shaking her head while helping herself to a fry. "I know Emmett's a bit of a joker, but filming someone and putting it on YouTube? That's a bit…off."

"I'm coming over tonight after school," I told Alice. "Either you steal it, or distract Emmett so I can."

***

I arrived at Alice's a little after 5 and greeted her mother Esme with a hug.

"You look tired Rose. Is everything all right?" she asked kindly.

I smiled. Esme was more of a mother to me than mine had ever been before she left. "Everything is fine Esme, just glad the weekend is here," I replied as Alice came down the stairs.

I followed her back up to her room and she closed the door behind us. "I've asked Emmett to take me to the store to get stuff for dinner – I told him you're coming over later to eat and stay the night. You should have at least an hour to search his room and find out what he filmed."

I hugged Alice spontaneously. "Thanks Alice, you're the best."

She hugged me back. "Thank me when it's over. Just wait until you hear us leave, then you're right to go."

I nodded and followed her to the bedroom door, standing behind it after she closed it and listening to what was going on. I heard her knock on Emmett's door, directly across the hall.

"Ready to go?" I heard her call to him.

The door opened. "As I'll ever be. I really hate shopping with you Alice, even for groceries," I heard Emmett reply grumpily.

I listened as they headed downstairs and heard a muffled conversation with Esme before I heard the front door close. At the sound, I shot out of Alice's room and across the hall, throwing myself into Emmett's room and shutting the door behind me.

Taking a second to catch my breath, I looked around. _Typically _male, I thought. Dark wooden furniture, a royal blue cover on the double bed, and a laptop set up on the desk under the window. Emmett's back pack was in the desk chair, unzipped with a couple of papers hanging out.

I moved across the room and grabbed the bag, rummaging around inside it, trying to find the damn video camera. In my panic, I didn't hear the bedroom door open behind me.

"Well, well, well, what have we here?"

I froze.

"Looking for something Hale?"

I turned slowly to face Emmett, who was standing just inside the door, video camera in hand.

"I thought you were taking Alice to the store," I blurted, my hand still in his backpack.

"And _I_ thought _you_ weren't coming over until later," he shot back. "Why the fuck are you in my room, going through my shit?"

"I want to know what you video taped this morning," I answered, gesturing to the video camera he was playing with. "If you taped me and you're going to put it on the internet, I think have the right to know what it was."

A smirk spread over Emmett's face, bringing out his dimples. His very cute dimples. _Get a grip Rosalie_, I told myself. _Now is not the time to realise that Emmett Cullen has cute dimples. _

"What's it worth to you?" he asked.

"What do you mean, what's it worth?" I spat back.

The smirk grew, making his eyes sparkle. Blue eyes. Darker than Alice's. Gorgeous blue eyes. _Stop it!_ I mentally slapped myself. _They're not gorgeous!_

"What will you do to get what's on the camera?" he asked slowly.

I thought for a minute. "What do you want me to do?" _This is going to be bad_.

The smirk turned into a smile. "Well Miss Hale, I've always thought you had a nice rack…I wouldn't say no to seeing it up close and personal. And I've always looked better with my hands than my eyes." He winked.

I suppressed a moan as I felt the blood rush to my face. I realised what he was asking. My best friend's brother wanted to see me…to _touch_ me. I wasn't shy about my body – I had been the first of us three girls to lose my virginity and loved walking around in attention-grabbing clothes. I was fit and curvy, and I knew I had nothing to be embarrassed about.

"You want me to get naked for you?" I clarified.

"Half naked," Emmett replied. "Not that I'd complain…" _There's those dimples again…_

I gave him the finger and pulled off my sweatshirt and the t-shirt I was wearing underneath, leaving me in my black and red lace bra.

Emmett moved over and sat on the end of his bed, placing the video camera on the mattress and beckoning me over. "And the rest," he said as I stood in front of him, out of arm's reach.

_I can't believe I'm doing this,_ I thought as I unhooked the clasp behind me and slid the straps off my arms. I took a quick glance at the video camera to make sure the recording light wasn't on. It wasn't. _Alice is going to kill me._ I closed my eyes and waited for Emmett to say something.

He didn't.

I opened my eyes and looked down to see him sitting there, slightly goggle-eyed. "What, no smartass comment?" I shot at him.

He shook his head. "Can I touch you?" he whispered.

Suddenly I realised the power had shifted. I was no longer the one being controlled. Emmett Cullen was sitting in front of me, wanting to touch my half naked body. And there were a lot worse people to be touched by.

"Well that depends," I whispered, moving closer but still staying out of his reach. "Will you give me whatever it was you taped this morning?"

He nodded dumbly, his eyes fixed on my breasts, so I stepped closer again.

Emmett curled one hand around my back and pulled me forward to stand between his legs. He ran the other up my side, letting his thumb graze the curve of my breast. I drew a sharp breath and hoped he hadn't noticed.

He had.

The smirk was back as he leaned closer and took my nipple into his mouth, teasing it with his tongue and biting down gently.

The time for sharp breaths was gone as I moaned, long and loud.

"Like that, do we?" he asked as he switched over to the other side, paying equal attention.

The power was swinging Emmett's way and I didn't like it, so I placed my hands on his shoulders and pushed him onto his back.

"Fuck!" he exclaimed, the smirk still firmly in place. "Where'd that come from?"

I straddled his lap and ground down hard, pleased with the obvious reaction I was getting from him. The groan he released was even better.

I leaned over and started licking and sucking my way down his throat, loving the way his hips thrust up towards me.

"Steady on tiger," I purred. "We'll get to that later."

_How did I go from stealing a video camera to macking on my friend's brother?_ I thought as I slid my hands down his body and started working his t-shirt up, inch by inch. Eventually he got the hint and grabbed it by the back of the collar and pulled it off.

My control slipped a notch or ten. I knew Emmett was muscular – he loved parading around in tight shirts and low-slung jeans, getting attention from the girls. It was the toned abs that threw me over the edge. I rocked back on my heels and ran my nails along the edges of his muscles, making him quiver.

It all got too much for him and he grabbed my wrists and sat up, crushing me to his chest. "If you're not naked underneath me in two minutes, I'm going to fucking burst," he growled into my ear before gently biting down my neck and along to my shoulder.

_Fuck the power_, I told myself as we separated and quickly undressed.

I turned back towards him as a loud thunderclap sounded overhead and lightning flashed nearby, accentuating Emmett's strong form. He turned to face me and the smirk returned. I felt a smirk of my own cross my face as my eyes travelled down his body. He was erect – long, thick and hard.

He crossed the room and pulled me against him as the lightning flashed again. "You have no idea how long I've wanted you like this," he murmured as he backed me up to the bed, gently laying me in the centre and hovering over me.

I slid my arms around his broad back and pulled him closer. "Then show me," I whispered as the thunder rolled.

Our mouths met in a heated kiss as Emmett hitched my left leg over his hip. His erection grazed my centre, making us both moan.

"You're so fucking wet," he groaned.

"It's all you," I replied, gently biting on his earlobe. "But I'm pretty sure you can make me wetter…"

We ground against each other for a few more minutes and then Emmett rolled off me and reached into his nightstand, pulling out an unopened box of condoms. I shifted across the bed and started dropping kisses across his back, stopping when I spotted his video camera lying on its side on the floor where it had fallen off the bed.

_Fuck_, my good angel said to me. _You came in here to steal the video camera, then you started making out, and now you're naked in his bed? Get the fuck out while you still can Rose!_

_Why not get some while you can?_ My bad angel suggested. _It's not like he's not hot…or hard…or willing…and he looks like he's definitely able…and it's been a while since someone other than you got you off… _

Good versus evil was never a balanced battle for me. Bad was the winner…every time.

I moved back across the bed and slid under the covers, laying with my arms over my head while I waited for Emmett to join me. He rolled back across the bed with a condom in hand and slid in beside me, running his hand down my side to rest on my hip.

"This isn't just some fuck, Rose," he said quietly, looking into my eyes. "I've wanted you for so long, but I stayed away because you're Alice's friend."

"Well she'll just have to deal with it then, won't she?" I replied with a smile, lacing my fingers in his hair and kissing him deeply.

His hand tightened on my hip, pulling me closer. "I can't wait any longer. I need to be inside you."

I quickly pulled the condom from his hand and rolled it on, teasing a little and making him hiss with the contact.

He moved to hover over me once again and I felt the tip of his erection pressing against my entrance. I couldn't stop my hips from rocking up to meet him, and moaned in pure ecstasy as he entered me.

Emmett's head dropped to my shoulder as he slid in the final inch. "Fuck you're tight," he groaned, sliding out and setting a slow pace but thrusting powerfully into me.

He rested his forehead against mine as we moved, our breaths and moans mingling in the small space between us. My hands roamed his back, sliding into his hair and across his broad shoulders as he moved inside me. His hands slid up and down my body, occasionally grasping my own as their random paths crossed.

Slowly but surely his pace increased, along with his power, to the point that the bed was moving with us. I felt the tightening in my belly that I knew meant my orgasm was close and I wrapped my legs around Emmett's waist to draw him in deeper.

"Fuck Emmett, I'm so close," I panted, taking hold of his biceps.

A deep growl rumbled from his chest as he drove into me harder still. "Then don't fucking hold back."

I turned myself over completely to the amazing man doing amazing things to my body and let my orgasm rock my world. I dug my nails into his arms as I cried his name, arching up towards him.

I was slowly coming down when Emmett started grunting softly. I turned my face back to his and watched as his eyes widened and the veins in his neck stood out like steel bands. He paused for the briefest of moments before his head dropped forward once more and his whole body shuddered above, around and inside me.

He stayed inside me as we caught our breath, sharing feather-light kisses the whole time. He eventually withdrew and quickly disposed of the condom, sliding back under the covers and drawing me against his side.

The storm outside was in full force and we lay in each other's arms for a while, not talking, just being close. We both jumped when his cell phone rang.

"Fuck Alice," he muttered. "Hello?..Yeah…What?...Ok…Tell mom to be careful…Call me when you're on your way home then…Yes, I know Rose is here…Yes, I'm being nice…No, I'm not mad at you…Alice! Just tell mom to be careful, ok?..Yeah…Yep…Alice!..I'm hanging up…Call when you're on the way home, ok?...Yep…Bye."

He dropped the phone on the floor and came back to me, kissing me softly before pulling me back into his arms.

"What's going on?" I asked, running my fingertips over his chest.

"Mom and Alice are stuck at the store…the parking lot is flooded and Charlie Swan is over there, not letting anyone leave until the water goes down. So I guess it's just you and me for a while," he told me.

"Esme went with her?" I clarified, suddenly realising that if she home, she would have heard us.

"Esme went with her," he confirmed, rolling over and pinning me underneath him.

"Emmett, one question," I said, turning my head away from his lips before he could distract me again.

"Mmm hmm?" he mumbled, his face buried in my neck.

"What's on your video camera?"

He paused and then started laughing. He lifted his head and smiled that gorgeous dimpled smile at me.

"Nothing."

I froze. I was naked in my best friend's brother's bed, having just had the most amazing sex of my life, which had come about because I thought he video taped up my skirt.

"Nothing?" I couldn't believe it.

He nodded. "Nothing."

I gaped at him.

"Rose, what's the date today?"

I thought for a second and felt my stomach drop. "April first."

He nodded again. "I said what I said this morning as an April Fool's joke. If I'd known it would upset you that much I would never have done it."

I thought back over the events of the day. "Emmett, I should be really pissed at you right now, you know that right? But somehow I just can't be. You played a pretty low joke on me, all for some stupid day, but now I'm here, with you, and I just - can't - be - pissed."

He chuckled. "You sure you don't want to be pissed at me?"

I raised an eyebrow as I asked, "Why?"

"Well, then I could make it up to you…" he answered, disappearing under the covers.


	6. St Patty's Day Fun

**Entry for the Countdown to April fool's Day – What An Irishific Day!**

**Title: St. Patty's Day Fun**

**Bella x Emmett x Alice and Bella x Emmett x Edward**

**All Vamps, OOC**

**Author: MysticIce24**

**Summary: Can Bella endure Alice's beautifying and planning for a day to get to a night of fun and pleasure with Emmett and Edward?**

**Author's Note: Not SM, so I don't own. Just helping out breathoftwilight with this one shot. I don't think it's some of my great work, but I hope you think differently. It's basically pure smut.**

Alright, so, yes, I am a vampire and have been for a few years. For the most part, I've adjusted and found things I really enjoy. One such item being the fact that, after having been waxed and plucked the day I was bitten, I never again had to worry about a unibrow or shaving in general. I'd been told, not that I believed, I was now beauty personified.

Still, there were small things I clung to. Things I'd enjoyed doing as a human. Before being changed, I'd loved sleeping in in the mornings. Now, I didn't sleep…period. But, I didn't care. At some point during the night I would go lie down and pretend to sleep. After all, there is something to be said about having your boyfriend 'wake' you in the morning.

"Bella…"

Hearing my own boyfriend calling my name, I put my pillow over my head, snuggling deeper into the comforter. It was a game to us. I guess, if I were still human, one would read this as a sign of "leave me alone."

"Bella…"

His deep, masculine, yet slightly boyish voice came closer, and I blindly reached out, feeling around for another pillow to put on top of the one already over my head. Let him dig me out.

"Bella… Bella…" Emmett's voice penetrated through both pillows, not that I was surprised, considering I had heightened hearing and Emmett was loud to start with. "Come on, Sugar, get up."

I smiled to myself, determined to win this time. Though, all things considered, there was no win or lose. "Emmett, it's Wednesday. I have no classes. Let me sleep," I mumbled, scooting further down the bed and under the covers.

"You don't sleep," he pointed out laughing. "Alice will be here shortly." I felt the bed dip as he sat down.

"Why is she coming again?" I asked, rolling over to snuggle against his hip.

"It's St. Patty's Day and you're going to the spa or some shit like that," he told me, rubbing a hand down my back. Technically, spa day was code for girl day. None of us had anything to wax or pluck and when your skin is like granite to humans, it's hard to get a massage from them.

I sighed. You'd think after all this time I'd be use to Alice beautifying me, but I wasn't. Go figure. Giving up, I pushed the pillows onto the floor and shoved the blankets down off my head, looking up into Emmett's golden eyes.

"Why am I going with her again?" I grumped as Emmett smoothed my bed head hair.

"Because Alice is an evil pixie who doesn't take no for an answer and is obsessed with holidays and parties," he responded, leaning down and claiming my mouth.

"Right," I answered against his lips, wrapping my arms around his neck. There was nothing like kissing Emmett. He put his whole self into it with a passion. Or, maybe that was just my opinion. I did tend to get lightheaded and spacey when he kissed me.

"Come on, get up, Beautiful," he ordered, pulling away slightly, his hands resting on either side of my head.

"Ummm…no. You come to bed," I whispered, kicking the covers off myself. I'd lain down wearing a black thong and camisole. Desire flared in Emmett's eyes as he gazed down my body. Another good thing about Wednesdays, Emmett didn't have classes, either.

"Bel…la…" my name left his mouth on a breath, and I arched my back up in silent invitation, flames of desire licking up my body at the possessiveness I saw in Emmett's eyes. He lifted one hand, moving it to cup my breast, and I arched further, feeling my nipple pebble against his palm as he kneaded my breast.

"Em…" I didn't get a chance to finish his name; his mouth covered mine so he could thrust his tongue in and fuck me with it. The desire I felt blossoming burst into a full fire, and I knew the instant the scent hit Emmett. His movements stilled for a nanosecond and then, with the speed of our kind, he made short work of my clothes, tossing them over his shoulder. I was sure I heard some tearing in there and was positive I'd never wear either article again. My skin bare to his touch now, he claimed one breast in his mouth, thrusting two fingers into me.

"Gods!" I screamed at the sensations, holding his head close as he nibbled and nipped at my breast, occasionally biting down just enough for me to feel the burn of his venom, causing me to hiss, but hold him closer. The feeling of pleasure started tightening in me as he switched to my other breast, giving it the same treatment and adding a third finger, shifting his hand slightly so he could play with my clit as well.

"Please! Gods, Emmett!" I called out, trying to arch my entire body against him. I closed my eyes, tossing my head on the bed, my fingers pulling at Emmett's hair as he kissed his way down my body, settling between my legs and putting his mouth over me, sucking hard. I opened my mouth on a silent scream, moving my hips closer, only to have his arm put across them to hold me down.

He added a fourth finger, stretching me out further to fit his wide girth, working his tongue against my clit. I alternated between screaming and babbling incoherently as he brought me to the edge again and again, only to back off.

"Emmett! Please! Oh gods, right there…yes, please!"

There was a rustling of clothes, and even though I could feel Emmett's mouth against me, for a moment I thought it was him undressing. I realized it wasn't him when I felt two delicate hands on my breasts, playing with my nipples, and someone sitting on my face. I opened my eyes, looking up the expanse of back to black hair. Alice. I wrapped my arms around her thighs, covering her clit with my mouth and sucking at her, playing her with my tongue like I felt Emmett doing to me. She tasted sweet, like honey. Even though we each had our own boyfriend/husband, we never hesitated in sharing or swapping partners. That was how I'd fallen in with the Cullens in the first place. Not only had Emmett desired me, but so had Alice and Rose and they hadn't been shy about it. So, with all the practice I had gotten doing this often over the last few years, I had Alice screaming my name in release in no time.

I pulled away to speak, letting Alice feel my breath against her still sensitive nub, enjoying her shiver of delight. "Fuck me, Emmett!" I was beyond aroused at his actions and needed to feel him in me with a passion.

I felt him pull away, Alice blocking my view of him, before hearing him say, "But…it's magically delicious!"

"I don't care! Fuck me!" I ordered, knowing how it turned him on to have me order him around. Taking advantage of the fact he had pulled away, I flipped Alice onto her back on the bed, rolling over her and claiming her mouth with mine. "Alice…come to join us?"

"It wasn't my intention as I came over, but the opportunity was too good to pass up. Emmett is rather large," she whispered against my lips as I pulled away, kissing along her jaw and down to her breasts, taking one into my mouth. I felt her slid her hands into my hair, her nails scrapping against my scalp.

I looked up at her from under my eyelashes, releasing her breast to whisper, "Just remember, he's still mine."

"All I ask is that you share once in awhile," she responded as we listened to Emmett strip. I took her other breast into my mouth right before Emmett's bare chest was on my back.

He gripped my hair, pulling me up to hiss into my ear, his hand moving up my side and around to cup one breast, "Put your legs on the outside of Alice's. I wanna be able to fuck you both." He didn't give me the option of complying or not, simply situating us how he wanted, my legs on the outside of Alice's, hers bent at the knees spreading mine apart.

I leaned down to kiss Alice, not having the ability to do much else in our current position, feeling Emmett slam in to me on a hiss of pleasure. I wasn't stretched as much as I should be to accommodate him and mixture of the tight fit, being pressed against Alice, and his quick entrance had me screaming my release into Alice's mouth as I broke into million of Bella fragments.

Emmett held still within me until my inner muscles quit squeezing him, before withdrawing slowly and then slamming back in, pressing me against Alice again, who was doing her best to rub against me. He picked up speed and every time I felt him entering me, I was pushed down against Alice. After several strokes, he withdrew and I knew he was entering Alice, as her eyes went wide and her nails dug into my upper arms.

I knew she was pretty well lubed from coming, but Emmett was rather large and it took a bit for him to work himself into her. He had to go slow until Alice was stretched out enough for him to pick up the speed he'd been using while fucking me. Once he got going, he alternated between the two of us, fucking me for a few strokes before switching to Alice. With Emmett's bulk holding me down on top of Alice, the most she and I could do was kiss and rub our hands wherever we could reach.

Alice and I came twice more, apiece, before Emmett hissed, "Bella…fuck…" before biting the nap of my neck and slamming into me one final time in release. He clasped to the side, pulling me to lie on my side against him, as we lay panting, a habit not a necessity, for a few minutes.

"Hello, Alice," I finally greeted her with a smile, laughing.

"Hey, Bella! Hi, Emmett!" she answered, giggling when Emmett's response was simply to lift a hand in response. "Shower time?"

I nodded, opening my mouth to ask if she wanted to join me, only to have her answer before I said anything. "Not happening. I 'see' myself showering first and alone this time."

With that, she got up, flitting into the bathroom and coming out not a half hour later. When I raised an eyebrow in question, she answered, "I'll be doing my hair and makeup for the party. I figured I could be fast."

I shook my head, getting off the bed and heading into the bathroom to shower myself. Emmett remained where he was, watching Alice dress and me prance around naked for a few moments. He was still there when I came out fifteen minutes later.

"Let's go," Alice said, grabbing my hand and pulling me out of the room. "You'll be heading over to Carlisle's and Esme's soon, right, Emmett?"

"Whatever you say, Alice," Emmett yelled at us as we left the apartment.

"Jasper and Edward will be joining him," Alice informed me as we climbed into her yellow Porsche.

"What's on the agenda?" I asked, watching the scenery fly by the window as we drove over to Rose's apartment. All of us had our own places, but still spent a lot of time with Carlisle and Esme. I never quite understood why it was this way, since it wasn't for privacy. Why would we need that if we swapped partners? But, that's the way it was and honestly, for girl days, it was nice. You could kick the guys out of one place and they still had a couple of other places to go to to chill.

"The usual," she answered, parallel parking in front of Rose's complex. I groaned, knowing it meant nails, makeup, hair, and clothes. As we headed inside and upstairs, I wondered what I'd be forced to eat. Given the day, a lot of green most likely. Alice wasn't one to not dress according to the holiday colors. I knocked on Rose's door and had barely put my hand down when she answered.

"What the fuck have you been doing? Alice is without makeup or perfect hair," Rose demanded, shutting the door behind us as we entered.

"Emmett and I were fucking when Alice arrived and she decided to join us," I told her, sitting down in the chair Alice pulled away from the table.

"Lucky! Don't get me wrong, I love Edward, but Emmett is just so…" she paused, searching for the right word.

"Large?" Alice supplied.

"Huge?" I offered.

"Those both work," she answered, closing her eyes, and I was sure she was remembering the last time she'd gone at it with Emmett.

I wasn't much of a party girl and really didn't want to attend this one. I'd much prefer to spend the day in bed with Emmett, but…there was nothing wrong in getting enjoyment where one could. Before I could voice my question, Rose looked at me and asked, "Let me have Emmett tonight?"

I pretended to ponder the question for a second, knowing I could demand something in return for letting her at my man. "No. I want Edward and Emmett tonight, but you can have Emmett after and into tomorrow night."

"Agreed," she held out one well manicured hand and we shook on it, smiling at one another. There was no offense to Jasper, but I never enjoyed screwing him as much as Alice, Edward, or Rose. I hadn't quite figured it out.

"Let's get started. After we get ready, we need to finish decorating at Carlisle's and Esme's," Alice said, taking a brush to my hair.

"You didn't get that done before coming over to my place?" I asked incredulously. I would have thought she'd have the house bedecked first and then have come over to get me.

"No, I had to send Jasper off to pick up some last minute decorations. We didn't have enough lights," she answered and I shook my head. "Hold still."

I didn't move after that, letting Alice brush and pull at my hair to her hearts content while Rose painted my toe and finger nails. Green for the toes and gold-tipped French manicures for my fingers. An hour or so later, Alice stepped away from my hair and proceeded to do my makeup.

"Done. Don't do anything. You still need to get dressed," she ordered as she and Rose started getting ready themselves. Content to do as ordered, I sat on the couch, pulling out the book I was currently reading to pass the time. I was just finishing it when Alice pulled me up and into the bedroom to get dressed a couple hours later.

"Alright," Alice said, pushing me in front of the mirror. My hair was down, floating about my waist, but had a sexy, tousled look to it, like I'd just been ravished. Why that style took an hour or so, I had not a clue. My makeup was light lip gloss and gold eye shadow. As I spun around, I wondered how long Emmett would keep me dressed in what I was wearing: a black mini skirt, green camisole with a gold shamrock, and green, strappy, heeled sandals. I had to give Alice credit; she knew how to make me look hot.

I looked over at her and Rose to see what they were wearing. Rose had on a tight, form fitting, green dress that went mid-thigh and had a deep V-cut cleavage and heels similar to mine. She'd done her hair in the same way as Alice had done mine and was also wearing gold eye shadow, though with bright red lipstick.

Alice had run her fingers through her hair to style it, and I thought she'd used a glittering gel since her hair sparkled when she moved. She'd paired an off-the-shoulder, black shirt with an ankle-length, flowing, green skirt. I figured there must have been a good shoe sale, since she wore the same ones as Rose and I. She'd done her eye shadow in green though, with a light mauve lipstick.

"Let's go finish decorating," Rose said as we grabbed our purses and left, heading down to Alice's car. At the speed Alice drove, it didn't take long before we were turning onto the drive to Carlisle and Esme's place. Someone had been decorating as green and gold lights were strung through the trees lighting the way.

The moment I walked through the front door, Emmett's arms were wrapping around my waist and his hands cupping my butt. "You look very fuckable," he told me and I smiled up at him. It was a typical Emmett comment. He never had a care who was around, saying what he thought.

He leaned down to kiss me, pulling away when Alice ordered, "Mind the lipstick."

Glaring at Alice, Emmett put me down, none-the-less, and pulled away.

"We only have a couple hours to go and we need to finish decorating," Alice clapped her hands and I shook my head at her exuberance, following her into the living room area, pausing when I saw what was sitting in the far corner.

Pointing at it, I demanded, "What the hell is that?"

Emmett looked over my shoulder at where I was pointing, but before he could answer, Edward informed me, "It's a giant, stuffed leprechaun that Emmett found at the decorating store when we met up with Jasper."

"Hey! It's cute!" Emmett defended his purchase. The leprechaun looked like a typical leprechaun and was holding a pot of gold. The only difference was this one stood as tall as I did.

"Where the hell are you going to keep it?" I asked, looking over my shoulder at him.

"Here in my room," he answered, moving past me to help Jasper and Edward at the bar while Alice, Rose, and I got lights strung and decorations set out. We had to go slow, making sure everything was just right or Alice would follow behind us and fix it to her satisfaction.

After the fourth time of her fixing something I'd set out, I whirled on her. "Alice, if you're going to fix everything I put out, why the hell don't you just do this yourself?"

"I thought you'd want to help out," she retorted, crossing her arms.

"I would, if you'd stop fixing everything I do!" I huffed, throwing my arms up in the air. "If you have to change what I've done, at least do it after I've finished!"

"Alright! Alright!" she backed off; leaving me to finish putting out the decorations I'd been assigned. The minute I set down the last shamrock, I stepped back with the intent of admiring my work, but saw Alice going around and making slight changes here and there. Throwing my hands up in the air, I gave up. Alice would be Alice, and nothing I did would ever change that.

Not wanting to watch Alice change my work, I headed into the kitchen to see how the bar the guys were setting up was coming along. I stopped in the doorway, blinking my eyes. Every beverage I could see was some shade of green.

Edward must have read my thoughts on my face, since he couldn't read my mind, and said, "Don't even ask."

"Emmett's idea?" I threw out, looking at the person in question, who was stripping me with his eyes.

"No, actually, my idea," Edward replied, and I stared at him in amazement. He was usually the serious one of the bunch.

"Ooo-kay," I nodded, more than a little surprised.

Alice came in, Rose following her, a giant smile on her face. "Oh good! Just like I saw! Thank you, Emmett!"

"Alice, it was actually Edward's idea," I told her, figuring she must have seen the end result but not who suggested it. Alice's reaction, along with Rose's, were nearly identical to mine, they stared at him in awe.

"Why is everyone so surprised?" Edward demanded pouring what I assumed was green food coloring into a bottle of vodka.

"You're usually so…serious," Rose told him, before turning on Alice. "Are we done?"

"Yes. We have a little bit of time before the guests start arriving. I've left outfits out on each of your beds," Alice pointed at the guys, before directing Rose and I out of the kitchen.

"Where are we going?" I inquired, following along behind her.

"To freshen up, of course. You should know that by now," Alice looked at me incredulously over her shoulder.

"Of course. My bad," I muttered, cursing my stupidity. It had been a dumb question. Alice had been doing this to me long enough that I should've known. Why else would we be heading upstairs after spending hours getting ready earlier in the day? The minute we entered Alice's room, I was pulled over to the bed and sat down upon it.

"Close your eyes," Alice ordered and I didn't dream of disobeying. I felt the soft tickle of the makeup brush as she touched up my eye shadow. "Part your lips."

I opened my eyes, parting my lips at the same time so she could reapply my lip gloss. "Finished?" I inquired.

"Yes. Wait here and don't lie down!" with that, she and Rose disappeared into the bathroom to fix whatever it was that needed fixing. I remained on the bed, wishing I had a book to read or could at least go find Emmett. Thinking of Emmett had me wondering what Alice had laid out for him to wear.

The doorbell ringing brought Alice and Rose out of the bathroom, checking their outfits, and mine, before Rose said "We are ready to go greet our guests."

More than ready to get this party started, simply so I could make an appearance before disappearing with Edward and Emmett, I followed them out of the room and to the top of the stairs. Jasper, Emmett, and Edward stood at the bottom waiting for us to descend. All wore jeans and a green shirt, Emmett and Jasper in t-shirts and Edward in his usual button down. I smiled at the thought of unbuttoning it later.

A few more guests arrived as we were walking down the stairs I sent a quick thank you up that I'd learned to walk in heels, to our waiting men. Emmett took me into his arms and disregarding Alice's pointed look, kissed me.

"How long do we have to stay before I can take you and strip you down?" Emmett asked when he finished fucking my mouth with his tongue.

"Long enough. Bella, fix your lipstick," Alice ordered, handing over the lipstick she'd put on me so I could reapply. I smirked up at Emmett. The kiss had been well worth it.

As Jasper, Alice, Rose, and Edward left to mingle with the still arriving guests, I cocked my finger at Emmett to get him to lean down. "How about stripping me down with Edward?"

Emmett pulled back enough to look into my eyes, desire flaring to life in his. His voice was husky when he spoke. "How did you go about doing that?"

"She wants to fuck you," I answered. "And I agreed, as long as I got Edward."

Emmett raked his gaze over me. There was something about sharing me with another guy that Emmett flipped over. I didn't know if it was watching me be dominated by someone else or the fact that he was rather possessive and could show me who I belonged to after. Whatever the reason, he was never one to turn down the opportunity to share me.

Edward suddenly appeared next to us, and I figured Emmett must have called him over in his mind. "What?"

I had to admit, while it was nice sometimes that Edward could read minds, it got annoying when you could only hear one side of the conversation.

"How'd you get Rose to agree to that?" Edward suddenly turned towards me and I realized I'd tuned out whatever else he'd been saying to Emmett. I didn't get a chance to answer, Emmett apparently having done it for me. "Really? I have no objections."

I let out the breath I'd been holding. It was one thing to negotiate with Rose for stealing her man for a night, but said man still had to agree as well. It was the rule, which meant that if Emmett decided after he didn't want Rose, there was nothing she could do about it and Rose knew that.

"Bella!! Dance with me?" Mike slurred, coming up to us. He must have hit the drinks very fast or just didn't hold his liquor well.

"Sorry, Mike, this dance is mine," Edward interjected, pulling me into the living room dance area. Alice had picked out the music and some Irish rock band was playing. Edward spun me around so that my back was to his chest as we moved along to the beat. "Who dressed you?"

"Alice and Rose, of course. You think I'd pick this out on my own?" I said laughing and rubbing against him, feeling his body's response along my rear.

"No, but a man can hope," he whispered in my ear.

"Keep dreaming," I answered, reaching back to wrap my arms around his neck.

"You can get cozy later, Eddie. I'd like my girl," Emmett interrupted us as the song changed, saving me from Mike who was again coming my way.

"Jealous?" I taunted, rubbing my rear against his crotch. Emmett growled in my ear, his hands going to my hips.

After that I let the music take over me. The more the night wore on, the drunker our classmates became and the more amusing they were. Mike had passed out on the couch, thankfully, and was no longer bothering me.

Jessica and Lauren had come, and I enjoyed watching them trying to get Edward's attention.

"We can show you such a good time, Eddie," Lauren simpered, and I coughed to cover my laugh.

"Yea, Eddie," Jessica joined in, running her hand down his arm. I about chocked on my laughter.

"Thank you, but I really need to find, Rose," Edward tried detangling himself from them. Lauren held onto one of his arms, while Jessica remained glued to the other.

"Why doesn't she join us? The more the merrier," Lauren offered and I wondered how drunk she was. Edward glanced in my direction, his facial expression clearly asking for help.

Since I wanted him to fuck me later…soon…now, I decided to help out. After all, if I didn't help, he might change his mind. With a little wave in his direction, I walked off to find Rose.

"Rose!" I called out, finding her dancing with Emmett.

"What?" she asked as I walked over to them and joined in their dance.

"Edward needs some help," I told her, running my hands down her sides.

"Bella, you keep that up and I'll fuck you here and now," Emmett interjected, and Rose ground against him. I was guessing Emmett was aroused.

"What has my man gotten himself into?" Rose asked, stopping in her dance.

"More like who's gotten a hold of him. Lauren and Jessica," I said, walking into Emmett's arms as Rose stalked off.

"Have we put in enough of an appearance?" Emmett demanded as we danced. "I'm dying to strip every inch of clothing off you. Who the hell picked this outfit anyway?"

"Alice and Rose," I answered, grinding against him.

"Must thank."

I glanced around and saw Rose had taken care of the Slut Twins and figured now was as good a time to break. I was far more interested in something other than partying.

Grabbing Emmett's hand, I walked past Edward, cocking my finger. Emmett must have done a quick explanation in his head, because Edward fell into step with us. The nice thing about Emmett's room here was that it was in the basement. I heard Edward turn the lock on the door as we started descending the stairs.

I didn't make it half way down before I was tossed over Emmett's shoulder and he ran the rest of the way down.

"Eager?" I teased, my hair falling down over my face.

"Damn straight."

"Just set her down so we can start stripping her. Hell, I've wanted to take that outfit off all night. Remind me to thank Alice and Rose," Edward commented as Emmett set me on my feet, turning us so that my back was to his chest and Edward was right in front of me.

I reached out and started undoing the buttons on Edward's shirt, feeling his hands rubbing up my legs, over the skirt, and under my camisole. As he moved them higher towards my breasts, he pushed the camisole up as well.

"Lift your arms," he ordered, his voice breaking no argument. I didn't hesitate to obey, stopping what I was doing to lift my arms above my head so he could pull my top off and throw it over his shoulder. "Fu-ck. You're not wearing a bra."

"Shit, Bells. If I'd known that, I'd have hauled you down here sooner," Emmett hissed, his hands running up my back and into my hair, to pull my head back.

"I don't think Alice would've liked that," I got out just before he claimed my mouth. I managed to finish unbuttoning Edward's shirt on touch alone, feeling his mouth claim one breast once I was finished. I ran the fingers of one hand into Edward's hair and wrapped the other arm around Emmett's neck.

Emmett pulled back and I whimpered missing the feel of his tongue fucking my mouth, especially since I knew it was in a similar manner to how he'd fuck me later. Emmett moved his hands down my sides, stopping at the top of my skirt. His fingers ghosted along the seam to the back and I heard the zipper being pulled down.

"Fu-CK!" Emmett growled as the skirt fell down my legs to pool around my feet and he got a look at the underwear Alice had picked to go with my outfit. It was a black g-string that tied at the sides and barely covered me in front. When I'd put it on, my first thought had been to not wear it.

"Hell…" Edward agreed, pulling away from my chest. In sync, they each ran a hand down my side, untying one side of the g-string, leaving it to fall on top of my skirt. Emmett slid his arms around my waist crossing them so that his right hand cupped my left breast and his left hand my right breast. He lifted me up slightly, allowing Edward to shove my skirt and g-string away from my feet before setting me back down.

"Spread your legs," Edward ordered, kneeling in front of me. I had a brief thought as to what was with guys fucking girls while they were wearing shoes, but did as he demanded.

Emmett started kneading my breasts, using his chin to move my hair so he could kiss along my neck and shoulder. Edward placed his hands on my thighs, his mouth covering me, causing me to cry out as I felt his tongue on my clit.

"Gods, Edward…" I moaned, leaning back against Emmett, grateful for the support of his body behind me. I felt one of Emmett's fingers trailing down my stomach, around my back, and over my butt, slipping between my legs. One of the benefits of doing Edward and Emmett at the same time was the fact that they could coordinate their movements. Edward shifted just enough to allow Emmett to slide two fingers into me. "Emmett!"

"Should we leave her shoes on or take them off?" Emmett asked aloud, for my benefit I was sure. The sandals had ribbons that wrapped around my calf and tied under my knees.

I moaned as Edward's mouth left me long enough to say, "On," before going back to sucking on my clit. The harder Edward sucked, the more my knees buckled, and I let all my weight rest against Emmett, sure if I didn't have him behind me I'd fall down.

"Do you want more, Bella?" Emmett asked against my ear, nibbling on it.

"Please, gods, yes…" I moaned, arching my hips towards Edward at the same time that Emmett added a third finger. Edward added his teeth, alternating between using his tongue against my clit and nipping at it with his teeth. "Edward, please!"

I could feel the rough denim of Emmett's jeans rubbing against my skin, which kept getting even more sensitive the longer Edward played with me. I could feel myself tightening, desire curling within me, but Edward and Emmett weren't going fast enough for me to come.

"Please, gods, please!" I begged, moving against Emmett.

It was Edward who answered me though. "What do you want, Bella? Hmm? What?"

"You. Emmett. More," I babbled, moving my head on Emmett's shoulder. I didn't get a chance to say anything else, finding myself airborne before landing on Emmett's bed, bouncing a couple of times. When Edward went to take off his shirt, I yelled, "No! I want to do that."

He shrugged, but left his shirt on, as he and Emmett stripped out of their clothes. I licked my lips watching them, rubbing my legs together. Both stalked towards the bed and me. I shifted to sit up on my knees, reaching my arms out as Edward got closer, so I could slide his shirt off. I ran my hands down his arms, letting the shirt fall to the floor and laid back down on the bed.

"Tell me, Bella, do you enjoy having both of us at once?" Emmett growled, getting onto his hands and knees on the bed and crawling up to kneel over me. He gazed down at me for only a second, continuing on until his erection was even with my mouth. As Edward lay down between my legs, covering me once more with his mouth and inserting three fingers, I moved my hands to pull at Emmett's hips so I could take him in my mouth.

"Gods, Bella! Fuck!" he hissed, as I wrapped my hand around what didn't fit into my mouth. I moved my hand in time with my mouth, running my tongue wherever I could reach. Edward sped up his movements and laid an arm over my hips as I started moving them, getting closer and closer to my release. "Shit, Bells, do that again."

I gazed up at Emmett, swirling my tongue around his tip once more, smiling to myself at the look of pure pleasure that spread over his face. The more I sucked at Emmett, the more he started fucking my face, and I was thankful I was a vampire since if I hadn't been what Emmett was doing would have caused me some serious harm. Edward gave one last lick on my clit, and I burst apart, screaming around Emmett, my hand tightening reflexively. My actions caused Emmett to come in my mouth, and I tightened my lips around him.

"Jeez, Emmett. You couldn't have pulled out long enough for us to hear Bella scream out her release?" Edward snarked as Emmett moved off the top of me.

"You'll get to hear her, right, Bella?" Emmett said, staring down at me.

"Yes," I answered, shifting against the sheets on the bed.

"Do you like the thought of both of us in you at once, Bella?" Emmett inquired, huskily, laying down on the bed and pulling me on top of his chest. I'd let Emmett do me anally, but if I was doing him and Edward at once, Emmett was too big to do it comfortably.

"Yes," I moaned, sliding onto Emmett, groaning at the feeling of fullness. Placing my hands on Emmett's chest, I rocked back and forth, sliding up and down. The next time I rocked forward, Edward placed his hands on my shoulders, pushing me down so that I was chest to chest with Emmett. Emmett took the opportunity to claim my mouth as I felt Edward lubricating my ass, stretching me out.

"Don't move," he hissed, getting into position. I nodded, my mouth still fused with Emmett's. Edward slowly started pushing in, inch by inch, and I tensed for a second in reflex before I was able to relax my muscles. When he was fully in, I groaned in pleasure, the feeling of fullness like nothing I'd felt before. "Fuck, Bella."

Emmett slid out and as he was sliding back in, Edward slid out. They started an alternating rhythm, one entering as the other pulled out. Edward sat up on his knees and pulled me up against his chest, giving Emmett perfect access to my breasts, which he took full advantage of by sitting up and taking one nipple into his mouth. Edward kissed along my neck and shoulder. Between the two of them rocking in and out of me, and my sensitivity from coming before, I was soon screaming out my pleasure again.

"Fuck! Edward, Emmett! Gods!"

"Yes! Scream, Bella… let me hear you!" Edward hissed in my ear before biting my shoulder and slamming into me. I felt him spasm within me and knew he'd reached his own completion.

I squeezed my muscles tighter and Emmett also slammed into me, roaring out his own completion. "Hell, Bella!"

We collapsed down on top of one another, breathing heavily.

"You all look…so…satisfied," Rosalie purred and I saw her climb onto the bed over Edward's shoulder.

"Care to join us?" I asked, knowing the night would be getting very interesting.


	7. What Falls Between the Cracks

_Title: What Falls Between the Cracks_

Entry for the Countdown to April fool's Day – What An Irishific Day!

Pen name: mac214 (ff) or mac (twilighted)

Rated M

**A/N:** Many thanks to Breath of Twilight for inviting me to participate in the countdown! SueBob and my ficwife and Ultio co-writer, 22blue, served as betas for this one-shot, so thanks to them too. And a huge shout out to Great Chemistry, who came up with the title. My one-shots clearly take a village.

Beannachtam na Feile Padraig!

My mouth tasted like I had licked the bottom of an ashtray in which someone had puked.

With a groan I rolled over in bed and scratched my balls, only to come up with a handful of... _Lucky Charms_? What the fuck? I looked down at my hand in disgust and tossed the cereal away, hearing it ping across the hardwood floor as it hit. I tried to remember the night before but couldn't come up with a damn thing... just a horrendous pounding in my head.

The only thing I _could _remember was yesterday had been St. Patrick's Day. Jasper and Edward, my closest friends, had lured me to some dumb Irish bar... and I seemed to remember shots of Jaegermeister.

How I had ended up with a crotch full of cereal and marshmallows, I wouldn't dare to venture a guess. I could, however, feel more cereal still in my chonks, digging into the underside of my balls. I heaved myself out of bed and muttered, "Jesus fucking Christ, McCarty... what the fuck did you _do _last night?" My body felt as if I'd been run over with a truck. I gingerly walked to the bathroom, kind of crouching as I walked to avoid the possibility of cereal crawling into my ass crack.

My eyes nearly bugged out of my damn head when I looked in the mirror over the sink in the bathroom. There was a tattoo on my freaking chest! A tattoo! It was huge and, oh my god, it was a tattoo of Hello Kitty with a shamrock and a name underneath. Elica? What? Then I realized I was reading it backwards. Alice? That was no better - I didn't know an Alice _or _an Elica. This could _not _be good. Not good at all. Even though the slight ache in my chest was a dead giveaway, I harbored the hope it was a temporary tattoo and showering would make it all go away. I stepped out of my y-fronts and threw them in the corner of the bathroom, picking the cereal out of my ballsack with one hand as I flicked on the shower with the other.

I noticed something blue in the palm of my hand, and I prayed it wasn't another tat. It was a phone number, though - written in thick, navy marker. I considered just washing it off, but I worried it might be important... providing I could ever remember what the hell had happened last night. Jasper and Edward were sure to have some kind of insight, but I dutifully staggered into the bedroom and dug a pen out of my desk, copying down the number as my head throbbed.

All things considered, I should have felt lucky I had woken up in my own bed...alone. After a night out with the two of those assholes, I once woke up naked on the front steps of City Hall. Nude in public is a lot different than waking up with a permanent reminder of a lost St. Patrick's Day though, and I was feeling pretty pissed off.

The stench of something terrible hit me very suddenly, and I sniffed, trying to determine the origin of the smell. With a dawning horror, I realized it was me. I lifted my arm and whiffed my armpit. I smelled like someone had dipped me in a vat of the liquefied shit my uncle used on his corn field. _Not _good.

I hurried back into the bathroom and hopped in the shower, immediately reaching for the soap. Even after three thorough scrubbings my skin still faintly smelled of manure, but the water was getting cold and the new tattoo on my chest burned like a motherfucker.

My cell phone was ringing as I swayed in the door to my bedroom, trying not to fall over. Even after a shower, I felt like absolute hell.

"What?" I growled into the phone, fumbling with it to turn the sound down a bit.

"Emmett!" Jasper yelled into the phone.

"Keep it down, dude. I think they heard you three states over. What the fuck do you want?"

"Just wanted to make sure you made it home, man."

I raised my eyebrows and stared at the phone in my hand. "What do you mean? Where the hell were you?"

He laughed, and I had to pull the receiver away from ear a bit because that shit made my head hurt. "We lost you around midnight. I turned around and you were gone. Like twenty minutes later, you texted Edward to tell him you'd met someone. Anyone worth telling me about?"

My groan was practically automatic. "Beats the hell out of me. This has been a weird fucking morning."

"What do you mean?" Jasper asked, still cracking up at high volume.

"I don't remember a fucking thing, but I have a tattoo and woke up with cereal in my skivvies."

"What?" Now he was giggling like a little freaking girl, which was irritating the crap out of me. "What kind of cereal?"

"Lucky Charms."

"Yeah, dude, it's magically delicious," he spat in between guffaws. "So what's this tattoo?"

"Fuck you." I rolled my eyes and pulled on a pair of clean underwear. "You really don't remember seeing me with anyone last night?"

"Naw. Like I said, you were just gone. And you really don't remember anything?"

"Uh uh." I picked up my jeans from the night before and sniffed them. _Oh man. Rank._

"Well... look through your pockets or something."

"What for?" I asked after pulling a shirt over my head.

"Clues... what the fuck do you think? A leftover leprechaun from yesterday?"

"Yeah, you're hilarious," I said. "Hang on."

I yanked on a clean pair of jeans and carefully picked through last night's disgusting-smelling pants. A couple of bottle caps, some loose change... a match book... some crumpled receipts. I smoothed out the paper and studied it.

"Uh, well... looks like I spent $200 at Body Graphics. There's a Wawa receipt for a couple of hoagies. Matches from the Sofitel."

"You know what you have to do, right?"

Sleep? Visit a laser tattoo removal joint? Eat something greasy to settle my stomach? "What?"

"Follow the fucking bread crumbs. Go hit the tattoo shop and the hotel, visit the Wawa. See if you can figure out what happened."

"You're on fucking crack."

"Come on, man - this'll be epic! I bet you did some wild shit! I bet you-"

"Later, Jasper," I interrupted, flipping the phone shut. His enthusiasm for playing Sherlock was getting on my last nerve.

My kitchen was a mess - I hadn't done the dishes for a few days, and plates were piled on the counter. I swung the door of the refrigerator open and studied the contents, looking for something that wouldn't make me feel worse. I settled on the leftover lo mein from two nights ago. As I sat down on my giant couch to eat lunch, I tried to remember something... anything... from last night. I was just about to give up and turn on some cartoons when I got a flash of a tiny girl with a huge smile and insane-looking black hair... dressed as a leprechaun.

Maybe Jasper'd been on to something. Or maybe it was just some fucked up thing my brain came up with after hearing Jasper's suggestion. Still, that girl was hot... maybe I should follow the _clues_, as Jasper called them. I felt a little bit like Shaggy or something and suddenly wished I had a dog named Scooby.

"I'd have gotten away with it too if it weren't for you meddling kids!" my brain screamed at me. I winced at the volume and dragged my hungover ass off the couch to find that piece of paper on which I'd written the number from my hand. I figured it would be the easiest place to start. The phone rang twice before being picked up by some guy with a gruff voice.

"Philadelphia Police, Precinct 17."

"Oh, uh, sorry," I stuttered. "Wrong number."

I panicked a bit as I shut the phone. Why did I wake up with the number to a police precinct on my hand? That was some fucked up shit right there. I ran my hand over my hair and hoped I hadn't been arrested. Apparently the phone number _wasn't_ the easiest clue to follow. I figured Body Graphics would be open by now, so I grabbed the receipt and matchbook and headed out the door.

There was a heavily tattooed guy sketching behind a counter when I walked in, and his face lit up when he saw me. That couldn't be good.

"Emmett, my man!" he greeted me familiarly. I didn't have a clue in the world who this guy was. "How's the ink?"

"Um, fine." It was itching like a motherfucker, but I wasn't about to say that. "Hey, uh, do you remember who I was with last night?"

His smile got bigger, making the lizard tattooed on his chin wiggle. "Yeah, she was smokin'! How's the little missus this morning?"

My eyes damn near bugged out of my head. "What? Little missus? She's my...

"You don't remember a damn thing, do you?" He laughed uproariously and pounded the counter with his fist so hard I thought the glass might shatter. Meanwhile, my stomach was back to doing flip flops. I shook my head, and he laughed even harder.

The guy came around the counter and clapped me on the shoulder before leading me back to a chair.

"Have a seat, brother."

I did as he asked, praying he wasn't going to tell me something really awful, although I couldn't imagine how much worse this could get - tattooed and possibly married. My parents would flip out.

"So, whaddya want to know?"

"Well, anything. Why do I have Hello Kitty tattooed on my chest, and who is this Alice person?"

"Oh, so you _do _remember something!"

I shook my head. "No. I assume that's her name because it's tattooed under the Hello Kitty."

He was laughing again. "That Alice is a spitfire, man!"

I glared at him, and he held up his hands, his chuckles dwindling. "Okay, okay. So you got here around one in the morning, and we usually don't take new tats that late, but your girl is a charmer."

"Why'd you call her the little missus?" I asked nervously.

"Oh, well, you said the two of you were getting married on Sunday. Guess not, huh?" His wolfish smile was back, and I considered punching him in the face for half a second. My night of forgotten drunken debauchery was _not _funny.

"Anyway, you said you wanted Hello Kitty because it reminded you of Alice, and that was pretty much it."

"Did we say where we were going next?"

"I think Alice said something about that after hours club around the corner."

I stood up and shook the guy's hand. "Thanks, man."

"I have video footage, you know," he said, raising his eyebrow. I sat back down. "Would you like to see it?"

"Hell, yeah," I said, although I certainly wasn't excited about it.

He motioned me toward the back room with a sly grin and flicked on a television. A few minutes later grainy black and white footage revealed me and the girl I flashed on earlier, but she wasn't wearing a leprechaun costume anymore. Rather, she was even hotter than I remembered in tight pants and some swingy top, and I watched in disbelief as she threw herself on me before I staggered and kissed her, my tongue clearly visible even in the crap video.

The edge of a memory was poking at me, and I concentrated on trying to let it come.

A small voice murmuring my name, calling me. _ "Emmett. Oh god, yes, Emmett."_

The feel of her tiny hands on my ass. A firm, soft nipple against my lips.

And then it was gone. I lost it, but if that's the kind of thing I had to look forward to, I wouldn't mind remembering _that_.

I thanked the guy and headed toward the Sofitel. On the way there I noticed the Wawa I had stopped at the night prior, I stopped in for the hell of it. I doubted anyone would be working who had been there the night before, but maybe seeing something in there would help me remember more of what had happened.

Sure enough, I was near the rack of apples and bananas when it hit me.  
_  
The door shut behind me with a loud click, and Alice was scrabbling at my pants like a monkey on speed, my lips attached to her face like I was trying to Hoover her tongue out of her mouth. Neither one of us seemed particularly steady on our feet, evidenced by the way I fell over sideways, taking Alice with me. Luckily she landed on top of me with a soft "ooph!" pushing past her lips._

I whipped her shirt off and immediately latched my mouth onto her neck, sucking vigorously and then pulling back to admire my handiwork: a giant, purple hickey practically glowing in the dim room. She giggled and tried to rip my shirt open, but the girl had no upper body strength whatsoever. Finally, after she struggled for a few minutes and got all pink in the face from the exertion, I did it for her, sending a few of the buttons skipping over the carpet. She laughed and toyed with one of my nipples with the tip of her index finger.

She awkwardly climbed down my body to finish undoing my pants, slapping herself with my belt and sending her tumbling off my legs in the process. She landed on her ass and, without even missing a beat, she rolled over and stuck her hand unceremoniously down my pants, grabbing my dick. I turned in her direction to avoid having my cock yanked off and nearly crushed her when I tried to slide my arms around behind her to unhook her bra. I caught my weight but couldn't manage to get the damn thing open. It was as if it was superglued to her. She reached back with a breathy giggle and undid the clasp in a half a second, flinging the thing behind her haphazardly.

I flopped my head onto her chest and happily found her nipple with my mouth, sucking on it and biting down as she whined this weird, high-pitched sound.

That would at least explain part of my memory; too bad that was all that would come back to me.As a bonus, I had a raging hard-on in the middle of a convenience store, and the middle-aged woman working the register was checking out my package. That certainly wasn't uncomfortable or anything. I couldn't get out of there quickly enough.

The walk to the Sofitel was a bit difficult with my dick practically poking a hole through my jeans. Visions of corpses and other gross fucking things – like why I might have smelled like shit this morning - were running through my brain at warp speed trying to get rid of my problem, but nothing seemed to be working. It took being hit on by a really ugly fat guy to make a dent in it, and even then I was still thinking about Alice in a way my mother wouldn't have approved.

The front desk clerk, a small man with olive skin and short, dark hair, studied me with disdain as I walked toward the reception area.

"Can I help you, sir?" His voice was high-pitched and snooty, and I nearly laughed at him.

"Yeah, man. Is there anyone who was working last night I can talk to?"

He actually smirked and simpered before directing me toward the concierge. A tall, blond woman held out her hand to me as I approached the desk.

"I'm Rosalie Hale. How may I help you, Mr..." she trailed off.

"Emmett McCarty," I said, trying to come up with some way to phrase my question that wouldn't embarrass me. After a few tense moments, I just blurted it out, humiliation be damned. "I woke up this morning with a packet of matches in my pocket from the hotel but no recollection of how I got them. I, uh, well, I also woke up with a mystery tattoo and the phone number to a police precinct written on my hand." I left out the part about the Lucky Charms in my underwear, because that just seemed too personal to share. "Anyway, I know I was with a little dark-haired girl named Alice, but that's really all I know."

"And you're wondering if someone remembers you?" Rosalie asked, an amused smile on her face.

I nodded, feeling kind of stupid but willing to shame myself in order to find out more about my mystery night.

"Well, let's see if you had a room." Rosalie tapped the keyboard in front of her. "How do you spell your last name?"

I went over the spelling, and she smiled brightly as she pulled some information up on her computer.

"Well, Mr. McCarty. It looks as if you were indeed here last night, although I'm sad to say your companion's name is not listed. I can give you the key to the room if you want to take a look around. I'm afraid housekeeping has already been through."

She gave me the key, and I took the elevator to the fifth floor, heading toward room 503. I pushed open the door and glanced around the room. It looked pretty standard - cream-colored wallpaper, big bed, dark wood furniture. I sat down on the bed and stared at the closed door, willing something to come to me. It wasn't until I flopped back on the bed in exasperation that I had another memory.

_Alice looked up at me, her lips wrapped around my dick and her tongue working my shaft in a way that cut through even the muddled fuzziness in my head. I pulled her up so I could kiss her mouth, that same tongue that had just been about to make me come pushing into my mouth aggressively. I bit her lip gently and yanked a fistful of her dark hair to bring her closer to me as I ran my hand up the inside of her leg to reach the intense heat radiating from between her legs._

She squeaked and opened her legs to give me better access, kicking me in the leg as she did so, and I slid a finger into her, wondering at the wet, slick feel of her pussy on my hand. She squirmed against me and rolled her hips to show me how she wanted it, and I followed her rhythm, adding another finger as I kissed her. Her small, perky tits brushed against me as we moved together, and she cried out my name as she fluttered around my fingers, contracting and convulsing so tightly I worried I'd break something. When she finally relaxed, I couldn't take it anymore - I had to be inside of her.

I pulled a condom out of the pocket of my discarded jeans and rolled it over my dick. Alice eagerly climbed onto my lap and helped me line us up before she slowly sank down onto my cock, every fucking centimeter of the raging inferno of her pussy making me feel like I was running a fever as she squeezed me. Her little hands clutched at my shoulders and she pumped up and down on me, arching her back as I played with her nipples.

Bolts of electricity were flying to the head of my dick as Alice slid over me, and I could feel the muscles of her pussy starting to clench. It was a snug fit, and I was moaning like crazy and trying to keep myself from coming by thinking about baseball stats. It was a losing battle though, and within moments my thighs started to shake, the familiar hard tickle moving up my legs, through my balls, and up my dick until I came with a groan. At the same time, Alice gasped and she came too, the two of us clinging to each other tightly.

"I love you, Emmi-bear," Alice murmured sweetly, kissing me eyelids. 

_  
"Love you too, Ali."_

What the fuck? Who was this girl? I didn't even tell my own mother I loved her unless there was some kind of emergency, but Alice had me falling all over myself? It was clearly some kind of alcohol-fueled craziness. Still, I was intrigued enough to keep looking for her, although I didn't quite know where to go from here. My 'clues' had run out, except for maybe the police station. I couldn't quite imagine walking into the precinct and asking why I'd had their number written on my hand.

I heaved a sigh and resigned myself to throwing myself at the mercy of the police. Rosalie had asked I not be too long in the room, and it had already been about 20 minutes, so I smoothed the comforter and walked out the door, making my way to the elevator. I headed back toward the concierge desk and handed Rosalie the keycard.

"Oh, Mr. McCarty," she said, a sparkle in her eye. "Someone came in a few minutes ago, and I think you might want to speak with her. She's sitting around the corner in the waiting area. Small girl with short, dark hair. Can't miss her." She indicated to her left. "Good luck to you."

I nearly broke my ass in my haste to get to see who Rosalie was talking about, hoping it was Alice. Sure enough, it was the girl I'd been remembering all day. When she saw me, she got the strangest look on her face, and she stood up and tentatively walked over to me.

"Hi," she said shyly.

"Uh, hi."

"Could you tell me why I have "Emmi-bear" tattooed on my ass?"


	8. Trouble

**Host note:**

**Soooo- five days ladies, and Remember me hits the big screen, how many of you are planning on going opening night? How many pre-purchased ur tickets? **

**If any of ya live in Ontario - you should totes ping me, we can so make this an epic viewing of our fav yummykins. :-P**

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Mwah~

* * *

**Entry for the Countdown to April fool's Day – Just a Pranktical Cullen Day.**  
**Marie Pattin**  
**Rated M**

**AN: I need to give a major shout-out to several people: First, my best friends, Shalee and Chelsey, who gave me the idea for this. Second, KinkyKandJazzyJ, here on fanfiction, thank you so much for giving me advice and reading over this. This couldn't have been written without these people and I dedicate this one-shot to them. Also, a big thanks to Breath-of-twilight, for inviting me to participate in The Countdowns. The main inspiration for this was, of course, the prank and **_**Never Shout Never**_** and **_**Owl City**_**. **

_Remember, Love is the Movement._

_**Trouble**_

"Hey Eddie," Emmett's loud voice came from my doorway. "Wanna do something fun,"

"No," I grunted, annoyed. I was picking away at my guitar, trying to fix the chord arrangement for my newest song. "And I told you not to call me that, _Emmy_,"

"What the fuck ever! You never wanna do anything but play your stupid guitar and write fuckin' love songs," Emmett plowed his way through my room, plopping down on the couch that was underneath my loft bed.

"Can you not break my couch; Mom was pissed when you wrecked the last one," I plucked at the strings and wrote down the chord.

I was trying my best to get this song figured out. It drove me crazy when I had an unfinished song, but I never had unfinished songs because I had never-ending inspiration.

Bella Swan.

This girl has driven me crazy ever since I can remember. She has always been there. She was in all my classes, our lockers were opposite each other and she sat only two tables over from me during lunch, giving me the perfect view of her.

I. Am. Addicted. To. Her.

I can hardly stand sitting next to her, not touching, not even talking, and just breathing her in. She was strawberries and freesia.

But I didn't have the balls to just talk to her, other than when we had a lab to do in biology. It didn't help that Bella Swan was the star in my nightly wet dreams. No matter what time I went to bed, how long I slept, Bella made an appearance in my dreams. When I woke up all I was left with was an aching hard-on and my hand. It's hard to talk to someone when all your mind can think about is ripping of their clothes and taking them on the lab table...

Bella Swan would be the death of me.

Everything about her, though, made me happy. Every time she smiled or laughed my heart would automatically miss a beat and I couldn't help but smile with her. Every small act of her unnoticed kindness made me feel that I should be just as compassionate as she is.

I'm so fucked up that I can't even tell her these things. I was so scared that if my inspiration rejected me, I would be stuck writing sad songs. Forever.

Emmett let out a loud sigh.

"Dude, there is nothing to do. Can you believe I can't wait to start school, just so I can have some form of entertainment," he chuckled, knocking his foot against my chair.

Summer in Forks wasn't like summer anywhere else. Forks only had a daily high of sixty-five degrees and a chance of rain was always attached to the forecast. We usually spent the rainy summer on vacation with our parents, Carlisle and Esme.

This summer was different though.

Dad claimed that there was too much going on at the hospital for him to leave. Since Mom refused to go without him, we were stuck in the house, stuck in Forks, for the whole summer. Emmett's boredom had finally hits its peak, I guess.

"Will you at least listen to my idea," Emmett asked, exasperated.

"Fine, you little bitch," I put my guitar off to the side and turned to face him. Emmett's stupid face lit up with a smile and he started into his 'fantastical idea'.

***

Summer in Forks was boring as hell. It didn't help that my best friends were away on vacation, leaving me alone in the this rainy hellhole.

You could only clean, read and surf the Internet for so long before it all became annoying and monotoned. And that's why I am now half-lying on my bed, all the blood rushing to my head as I have my dirty fantasies about Edward Cullen.

Who is he?

Well, let me tell you.

Edward Cullen is the guy who makes all the girls' panties drop. Yes, even mine. You see, Edward is everything a girl day dreams about. He's tall, handsome and has that very mysterious quality that girls just can't resist.

I have known him since preschool. And somehow, every year, we always end up in the same homeroom, with the same class schedules. We've even been lab partners for two years in a row. Despite this, I have never really talked to him except for when we were in lab.

Why? Well, you see with a guy like Edward Cullen, you can't just go up and talk to him. He's the type of guy where he would have a polite conversation with you but then zoom off as fast as he possibly could. Why this was, I wasn't sure. Maybe he was shy, like me. Or he thought he was too good for the girls that tried to talk to him.

Speaking of girls, I have never seen Edward with one. I mean, dating wise. This has led to the many rumors that he is gay. I personally don't think he is. Partly because at the talent show last year, Edward performed and he sang the most wonderful love song...I practically had an orgasm.

Mostly, though, I don't think my heart could take it if he was gay. What I often described to my friends as just a simple 'crush',was anything but.

I am in love with Edward Cullen.

Call it the fancy of a simple sixteen year old girl, but I couldn't help myself. He was amazingly perfect. From his long, messy bronze hair to his glowing emerald eyes to his double lip piercing, Edward Cullen made my lady bits tingle every time I heard his voice and every time he smiled.

In short, Edward Cullen was yummy and I wanted him in the worst way.

I wanted him to pounce on me and kiss me senseless. I wanted him to run his hands all over my body. I wanted him to rip off my clothes and take me on the lab table. I wanted him to-

A loud knock scared me out of my thoughts and onto the floor.

"Motherfuc-" I was interrupted by another knock, this one not as loud. I pulled myself up from the floor, rubbing my sore head as I made my way down the stairs and to the front door.

I flung the door open and my snarky answer was swallowed.

Standing on my front porch was Edward and Emmett Cullen. Good bye rational thinking.

"Uhm," Came my brilliant answer.

"Oh hey, Bella," Emmett greeted me as Edward stood there, silent, his eyes trained on his Chucks. "We knew you lived somewhere around here," He nudged Edward. "We were wondering if you could help us out with something," Emmett Cullen was Edward's equally as hot older brother. He was taller than Edward and much bulkier than him with curly, dark hair but the same green eyes as Edward.

I blinked once. Twice. Three times.

"Help with what," I asked slowly. I probably sounded like I was mentally handicapped but it was not every day that the Cullen boys showed up on your door step asking for your help.

But why were they knocking on _my_ door?

"Well you see, we are kinda doing this experiment thing and we sorta need a camera guy, I mean, girl," Emmett said, rubbing the back of his neck with a smile. "So, if you're not busy or anything, maybe you could help us out,"

I only looked at Emmett, keeping my gaze away from Edward so I didn't eye-rape him.

What if this was you? What if Emmett Cullen with a silent Edward, came to your door and asked you to help them film something, would you do it?

"Sure," I agreed.

"Great!" Emmett exclaimed, clapping his large hand onto Edward's shoulder roughly. I grabbed my hoodie from the coat rack and followed Emmett and Edward, shutting the door behind me.

"So, Bella, let me give you the deets," Emmett started as he flung his long arm around my shoulder. "We've decided to mess with the townsfolk of Forks. We want to conduct a little experiment in the form of a prank,"

Edward spoke for the first time, interrupting Emmett, "We just want to see how pissed off people will get," He chuckled and I felt my heart speed up.

"O-oh," I said lamely. "What kind of prank," I asked, looking up at Emmett. His face was covered in a smile.

"You shall see, Bells, you shall see," He laughed heartily. I let my eyes trail over to Edward. He had his hands shoved into his hoodie pocket and as my eyes raced upwards to his face, I saw that he was looking at me too. I blushed for getting caught starring at him.

"Thanks," He muttered from his perfectly soft looking lips. "For helping us out," My blush intensified.

"No p-problem," I managed to smile. He smiled back at me, sending my heart into an uneven rhythm. I was led just a half mile away from my house; a slightly busier part of town.

"I'm so pumped," Emmett exclaimed as he bounced excitedly in his spot. I smiled and suddenly a video camera was put into my hands. I looked up to meet Edward's bright gaze. He quickly explained to me how the camera worked. I nearly lost it when he touched my hand as we both went to hit the On/Off button.

"W-well," he stuttered.

"Seems easy enough," I muttered, smiling up at him, despite my blush. He nodded, smiling and then ran to his place as Emmett raced across the street.

"Remember to keep us both in frame, Bella," Emmett instructed. I gave him the thumbs up as I adjusted the camera and hit the record button.

I only had to wait a couple of minutes to find out what exactly the prank was. I had been ripping my brain apart, trying to figure what it was the Cullen brothers were up to.

Edward and Emmett both crouched down and pretended to be pulling on a rope. I looked up from the camera to see it for myself. My brow furrowed as I tried to figure out what exactly they were doing.

A car was coming and I thought that they couldn't possibly fall for it. It was so clear to see that there wasn't anything there. But to my surprise the car actually slowed down and came to a complete stop as Edward and Emmett held a 'rope' across the street, seeming to block the car's path.

It took all I had to hold in my giggles.

The car honked it's horn but the Cullen brothers didn't release the 'rope'. You could see the driver was getting frustrated as they started to inch forward and finally just blowing past the boys and down the street. Edward and Emmett came up from their positions and shared a laugh.

"See, I told you," Emmett yelled smugly to his brother.

"Wow," I giggled, finally letting it out. "That was great," I smiled as I jogged over to Edward. It was so much easier to be around him, for some reason. Maybe it was because we had his brother as a barrier. Maybe it was because we were both more comfortable outside of our usual school setting. I wasn't sure what it was, but I was eternally grateful.

"Just wait Bella," Emmett bumped into me. He obviously didn't know that when you bumped into me, I fell down. I wasn't born with a sense of equilibrium, so I was always falling down or tripping over the air. The floor and I had a great relationship.

But before I could even start to fall over, two large hands were around my arms, keeping me upright. My eyes flew to Edward's and I thought I would pass out from being so close to him.

Luckily, Edward let go of me once he was sure I wasn't going to have my daily meeting with the ground.

"Th-thanks," I stammered. He gave me what could only be described as a crooked smile and nodded.

"No problem,"

"Jeez, sorry Bella," Emmett apologized. I rolled my eyes and waved him off. He smiled. "Well, wait until you see what else we have in store for the good people of Forks,"

And what they did nearly had me pissing my pants.

First they started with the usual, holding a 'rope' across the street while cars would stop. Sometimes they would recognize that it was just a trick, but for the most part people stopped and didn't go until Edward and Emmett acted like they dropped the rope. This in between time was the hilarious part. Most honked their horns, other rolled down their windows and yelled. Some even swore.

A fun fact about the people of Forks: They cuss like fucking sailors.

It only got better as Edward and Emmett expanded the prank. They would start off like they were pulling a rope but then they would stand up and walk towards the car and, don't you believe it, the cars actually backed up!

This when on for about an hour, and it just kept getting funnier as they kept expanding the prank. It was only when they wanted to include me that I got a little worried.

"What do I have to do," I asked, exasperated.

"All you have to do is pretend to be jumping roping, thats it," Edward explained to me as he rubbed my shoulder gently.

"What about the camera," I asked.

"We'll just have to set it up so that all of us will be in frame," He shrugged, but he didn't remove his hand from my shoulder. During the times when there was a lag in cars, we would all sit and talk. I never imagined it would be so easy to talk to Edward Cullen and to find that we had so much in common was amazing. We liked the same kind of, well, everything. From books to music to foods, we liked the same types of things. And when he saw the small tattoo on my wrist, the one that had 'love' written in an elegant script, he eagerly pulled off his hoodie and took off his shirt to show off the tattoo he had on his right shoulder; the word 'love' was sprawled across it in simple script.

I couldn't help but rake my eyes over Edward's back and run my fingers over the tattoo. His skin was so soft. I could practically feel the drool dripping down my chin as I imagined running my nails down his toned back.

He turned around and I could feel my mouth hanging open. I think a fly might have even flown in. Edward's body was better than any mental image I had ever conjured up. He wasn't bulky like his brother, rather, he was lanky but his muscles were still well defined.

I felt a jolt at my side and turned to look at Emmett who gave me a knowing look.

I quickly gathered my thoughts, "Wow, Edward. That's so amazing," Could I be any lamer?

"Thanks," He smiled and pulled his shirt back much to my displeasure. I think I needed to change my panties...

I was brought back to the present with a simple tug on my wrist.

"Come on," Emmett shouted. "I think I hear a car coming," He led me out to the middle of the street and then rushed to his side. "Ready, go!" He shouted and I turned to look at Edward who was already swinging his arm. I jumped in time with is arm, making it look like I was actually jumping roping.

"Go and stand with Edward. Act like your pulling with him," I stopped jumping, got in front of Edward and copied his position. The car was coming slammed on his brakes so hard I flinched but didn't release the pose.

"Shit," I heard Edward breathe behind me. I looked at him over my shoulder, but he was looking to Emmett, his gaze intense. Both of our attention was diverted when we heard a car door slam.

"What the fuck is wrong with you kids," A man's loud voice yelled. He was stomping over to Edward and I. Edward quickly stood us both up and moved me so I was behind him.

"It was just a prank, dude, calm down," Emmett jogged over to us, placing himself slightly in front of Edward, going into protective brother mode.

"Calm down," The man yelled and I flinched again. I felt Edward's hand grab mine and I held on tightly to it, enjoying the electricity that ran between us. "Calm down! I just blew the brakes out on my car! I've already called the cops and they're on their way," his voice was so loud. I was pressed against Edward's back, his hand still holding mine as my other hand gripped the fabric of his hoodie. I pressed my forehead against his back. It was then that I caught the magnificent scent that was Edward.

It was hard to describe while my brain was so affected by the scent. There was a faint trace of Axe and it was mixed with another warm type smell. Edward smelled like...home.

I was pulled out of my smelling by the large man's loud voice and the sound of police sirens.

"Edward," I gasped in a whisper. He cocked his head slightly to let me know he heard me. "My dad's the police chief. I can't get in trouble," I whispered to him. Yeah. My dad was in charge of the police department of Forks. I couldn't embarrass myself and him by getting into trouble like this. I had never really been grounded before but I could only imagine what Charlie would do if I showed up at the station in cuffs.

"-and you kids should just let me see your faces. You're in trouble anyways," The man yelled. We all had our hoods up and drawn over our faces due to the current drizzle. Well, at least he couldn't identify us.

"Emmett, we gotta get out of here. Bella's dad..." He trailed off. He only spoke loud enough for Emmett to hear him. "Imagine what Mom and Dad will do to us," I watched Emmett's face flash with horror but it quickly disappeared.

"We'll split up. You take Bella and hide," Edward nodded and I left go of his hoodie, getting ready to run.

"Now!" Emmett said in a quiet whisper and we started running. Edward and I headed back towards my house and Emmett ran across the street and into the woods. It was then that I heard the sirens, louder than ever. The police had arrived.

I kept my hand locked with Edward's as we ran. Just a few seconds after we started running, I tripped over something. Of course, I would fall down. Edward pulled me up and we started running again, taking to the woods.

He angled us west, towards the residential area that we both knew was on the another side of the woods. It was hard, trying to dodge the trees and trying not to trip.

We both panted as we broke free from the tree line. We stopped, deciding which way to go. I saw the perfect place as I dragged Edward behind me. He let me lead him as we ran across the street and towards a house I knew was empty. We ran into the back yard where I saw what I had been looking for. I quickly pulled the doors open and jumped inside with Edward, closing the door.

I tried to gain control of my breathing as I leaned against the wall of the shed I had pulled us into. I heard Edward next to me, trying to do the same. I slid down to the floor as I heard the thunder. Ah, so the storm they had predicted was upon us.

Suddenly, I heard Edward laughing. A loud laugh that filled the entire shed. At first, I thought he was going insane until I realized our exact situation. We were in a shed after running away from the cops, hiding so that we didn't get our asses hauled off to jail.

With this realization, I started laughing with him. We leaned against each, holding each other up as we laughed.

After awhile we calmed down.

"Did we really just do that," I asked, breathless.

"Yup," Edward nodded. He was suddenly very still. "Do you hear that," I focused my hearing and distinctly heard the pounding foot steps of some one running towards the shed. Without thinking, we both jumped up looking for a hiding spot. I looked down and saw a cabinet that ran the length of the shed. I opened the door to find nothing inside.

Edward crawled inside, laying on his back. He motioned for me to come inside with him. I didn't think, just acted as I crawled in, laying down on top of him as he closed the door. Just two seconds afterward, we heard the shed doors being opened and the sound of shuffling. Edward and I waited. I was gripping the fabric of his hoodie, trying to control my breathing. His arms were wrapped around my waist, holding me in place.

I tried not to think about the position we were in. Edward was much too tall for the cabinet, so he had his knees bent, to fit inside. I rested in between his legs, my hips resting on top of his.

I_ really_ needed new panties now.

I buried my face into Edward's chest, breathing in his scent. How creepy was I? Here I was, sniffing and practically cuddling with Edward even though it was very possible that we would be found and be in a shit load of trouble.

Yeah. I was up there on the creeper list.

After only ten seconds, we heard the doors shut again and the person walk away. Edward and I both let out sighs of relief. He pushed opened the door and I crawled out, trying not to kick him or anything. I fell out and onto the floor. I watched Edward crawl out and he laid next to me.

"That was only intense," I breathed. Edward looked at me and smiled.

"Yeah, it was," He paused for a moment. "Shit!"

"What," I asked, alarmed.

"The camera," He rubbed his hands over his face. "My mom is gonna kill me," I only chuckled as I reached down to my hoodie pocket and pulled out the object I had tripped over.

"My camera!" Edward grabbed it from me and pulled me into hug which was rather awkward since we were still laying on the floor. He turned it on and we both watched the playback. The entire incident with the loud man had gotten recorded. Edward shut off the camera and looked at me with that crooked smile.

"Damn, that shit is going on YouTube," He shook his head and chuckled. I smiled but kept my eyes on him. He truly was a beautiful person, inside and out. I found myself reaching out and running my fingers across his cheek. He looked over at me, slightly shocked but then it faded into what only I could call contentment.

Edward lifted himself up and held himself so that he was hovering over me. He placed his hand on my cheek, running his thumb back and forth.

I couldn't believe this was happening. I was amazed at the turn of todays events. I had gone from fantasizing about Edward Cullen to actually being with him. He hadn't rejected me. He hadn't pushed me away. No, he was just an inch away from my face, away from my lips. He seemed to pause for a moment and before he could react, I closed the distance between us and brushed my lips against his. It was then that his cell phone went off.

"Dammit," He swore as he lifted himself off of me and pulled his phone out of his pocket. I scrambled up from the dirty shed floor and brushed myself off, my face on fire and my back to Edward.

I couldn't believe that I did that. Maybe he had changed his mind when he had paused and I had just now made this an incredibly awkward situation.

"Hey Bella," Edward turned me so I faced him. He stared at me, his eyes seemed to be clouded with some type of emotion I couldn't read. From the corner of my eye I saw a flash of light and then a thundering boom. I quick glance out the window revealed that the storm was in full force now.

"Um, who was that," I asked, still looking out the window.

"Emmett," He answered. "He made it home. Apparently this storm is suppose to be pretty bad and they want everyone to stay where they are. So we can't exactly go home,"

"Shit!" I exclaimed. "My dad has probably been calling me and I'm not home," I explained when Edward asked what was wrong. He held his phone out to me. As I dialed the number, I let the story come together in my head.

"Hello," My father's gruff voice answered.

"Hey Dad,"

"Bella! Thank god, I tried calling the house but got no answer. Are you alright,"

"Oh yeah, fine. I'm stuck at Alice's house. I came over to feed and walk her dog,"

"That's right. You're pet sitting for her,"

"Yeah. So I think I'll just harbor down here and wait out the storm. I'll try and make it home as soon as it's over," I lied easily to my dad.

And he bought it. "Alright, sweetie. I'm just glad you're safe. Be careful, Bells,"

"You too, Dad,"

"Bye,"

I hung up the phone and handed it back to Edward, who slid it back into his pocket.

"I hate lying to him," I sighed and rubbed my temples. "Oh well," I sighed, dropping my hands and turning to face Edward. "So, what are we gonna do,"

He shrugged. "Well, we're stuck here,"

"Thanks for pointing that out Captain Obvious," I smiled, rolling my eyes.

Edward chuckled and then, with the same playfulness on his face, he said, "There's something I wanna finish," And with that, he closed the distance between us and pulled my face to his. I was caught off guard but quickly engaged myself in the kiss, my hands going to his shoulders to fist the fabric of his hoodie. He put both his arms around me, pulling me closer, and lifting my feet off the ground. He walked us backwards until I felt him set me down on top of the cabinet that we had hid in. Edward stood between my legs, resting his hands on my hips

Holy shit. I was kissing Edward Cullen. He was kissing me back and it felt so..._right_. The initial spark between us had become a gentle hum of never-ending electricity. It made my hair stand on end, made my heart speed up, and acted like a magnet. I'm pretty sure I could go without food, water, and oxygen as long as I was able to kiss Edward.

We both pulled away, our breathing heavy and uneven as our bodies rested against one another, my legs around his waist. Edward rested his forehead against mine and I could feel his smile against my lips.

"You don't know...how long I've wanted...to do that," He breathed, completely surprising me.

"Really," I squeaked.

He chuckled. "Yup. I'm pretty sure I've liked you since preschool,"

**. . . **

"You're kidding me, right," I asked him, pulling my face away to look at him. He had a small, embarrassed smile and shook his head.

I laughed. Full on, belly aching laughing. Edward just stared and waited for me to calm down. Once I did, Edward wiped away the tear I had shed.

"Mind letting me in on the joke," He teased.

"It's just that, I've liked you for just as long," I said, shaking my head. Edward just stared at me in surprise.

"Why didn't you say anything," He asked me, his arm tightening around me.

"Why didn't _you,_" I retorted.

"I asked you first," Was his response.

"I asked you second," I crossed my arms which was quite difficult seeing as I still pressed against Edward.

"I never..." He struggled for the words. "I didn't say anything because I didn't want to take the risk that maybe you didn't like me, that you would reject me," His voice was so small, his eyes drawn downward so I couldn't see the emotion in them. I smiled softly as I placed my hands on his cheeks, lifting his head to look at me.

"Never," I whispered and pulled his lips to mine. Our chaste, soft kisses soon turned into a heated battles of our tongues.

My hands went from being buried in his hair to pulling at his hoodie, trying to get the thick material off. Once it fell to the ground, I let my hands roam over his t-shirt covered chest and back, letting them find their way to the hem of his t-shirt, removing it just as quickly. My hands returned to his hair, letting out a quiet moan as Edward moved his lips to my neck.

***

I nearly lost myself at Bella's nearly silent moan. She had made quick work of my hoodie and shirt, both of them laying on the floor.

I silently growled as my lips touched her shirt; she was too covered. I removed her thin hoodie only to find a flannel button-up. Too impatient to unbutton her shirt, I ripped it off, popping off the buttons.

"Damn," I hissed as I took Bella in. Her heaving, covered beasts called to me, begging to be touched. And touch them I did. I let my hands cover them, feeling the already hardened nipples through her purple bra. My hands slid around to the back where I found the clasp and undid it, sliding it down Bella's arms.

Suddenly, Bella was covering herself, a blush spreading across her cheeks and down her neck.

"Bella," I whispered to her, moving her arms out of the way and pulling her close to me. I had to contain myself as I felt her soft chest against mine. I looked straight into her eyes, the usual brown nearly black with lust.

"You don't have to be embarrassed," I brushed my lips with hers. "You're beautiful,"

"Edward," She whispered as her arms came around my neck and she pressed harder against my lips. I let my hands slide down her neck and cup her breasts, running my fingers over the hardened pebbles.

***

Edward's words and actions had snapped something in me. I was suddenly emboldened and confident in what I was doing.

My hands found themselves sliding down Edward's chest, over his valley of abs and right to his belt buckle. I made quick work of it, along with the button and zipper on his jeans.

My brain didn't think about anything but the what was happening at that moment. Had I still had my rational and logical thinking, I would be stopping this. But rational thinking was gone the moment Edward's shirt landed on the floor. For once in my life, I was living for the moment.

I let my flats fall from my feet and used them to push down Edward's jeans, leaving them around his ankles and him in only a thin pair of boxers, his hard length standing up. My eyes were taken away from the tent in his boxers to the words and pictures on them.

"Family Guy," I smiled at Edward, who smirked at me.

"Gotta love Stewie," I felt his hands at the button and zipper of my jeans. He undid them and slid my pants off. Edward gulped and tore his eyes away from my panties. His dark eyes were suddenly unsure. I knew the question before he even asked.

"It's okay, Edward," I pushed his hair away from his face, placing a kiss on his chin. "I want this," I whispered in his ear. With that, Edward pulled down my panties, and his fingers were instantly at my folds, feeling the wetness.

"God, Bella," He hissed, sliding a finger along them. I wasn't prepared for the feeling that washed over me. My fingers had nothing on Edward's. I let out a gasping moan as he traveled his finger against my clit.

I let myself lean back, supporting my body by my elbows as Edward continued to dance his fingers against me.

God. The feeling he was creating felt like it was more than my body could handle. And as he pushed one finger inside me, it only intensified. The coil in my lower stomach was tightening in the best way.

It didn't feel like enough. I wanted Edward. All of him. I wanted to be with him in the closet, best, and worst way imaginable.

I sat up, and Edward pulled his hand away from me, no doubt thinking he had done something wrong.

I kissed him again, long and hard. "Edward," I whispered, licking his swollen bottom lip. "I want you, now," His eyes met mine and I could see that he wanted it too.

"Lay all the way back," He ordered as he pushed his boxers down. I did as he said and then felt him pull me down so that my bottom was almost all the way off the counter. He lifted my legs and I wrapped them around his waist, pulling him close. I didn't expect when I did this that his cock would slip inside of me.

I let out a loud moan that contained Edward's name but Edward's moan was louder than mine.

"Fucking shit," The words fell from his lips like a prayer. He didn't move and for that I was grateful. I wasn't a prude; I had taken care myself, thanks to my dirty Edward fantasies, but this was nothing compared to my or Edward's hands.

I was filled and stretched to the max. The feeling wasn't unpleasant, I just wasn't used to it.

"Are you alright," Edward asked, looking suddenly embarrassed. I shook my head, shifting slightly making both Edward and I hiss.

"It's just an odd feeling," I panted. "But I like it," This gave Edward the cue to start moving. He started off slow but then went faster and it was then that the friction finally caught up to me. The coil had tightened further and it left me panting and gasping Edward's name.

The thunder masked our heavy panting and when I choose to open my eyes to peek at Edward, he was illuminated in white light for just a split second and I saw his face twisted in pleasure. His eyes were on me and he started going faster.

The pressure building up inside me was unbearably amazing and it only got better when Edward rubbed his thumb against my swollen clit.

That was it. I shuddered and Edward's name left my lips in a loud gasp. The feeling was amazing, unlike anything I had ever given myself. It didn't even compare.

All the tension was released and it spread through out my lower body, turning me to Jello. I was left in a hazy bliss.

In the background I heard Edward gasp, swearing as he came and released himself in me, leaving a quick gush of warmth.

***

Watching Bella's face contort as she experienced her release was my undoing. Her walls clenched all around me and let myself give in to the pleasure.

"Fuck," I hissed.

I was spent as I let my cock slip out of Bella as her legs laid limp on either side of mine. She seemed to have recovered and was starting to sit up. I put my arms around her and pulled her towards me, hugging her close, breathing in her scent.

Bella hands were in my hair as she placed a kiss on my neck.

"That was wonderful, Edward. Thank you," She let her head rest in the crook of my neck.

"Anytime," I smiled against her hair and she laughed tiredly. What you'd think would be awkward, was actually really nice and content.

The storm outside decided to make itself present when a something hit the side of the shed, shaking it and pulling Bella and I out of our post-coital haze.

"Maybe we should get dressed now," Bella said and I nodded. I reached down and pulled up my pants. I picked up Bella's clothes, handing them to her. Once we were both dressed, I sat down and pulled Bella into my lap, holding her against me.

"Hey Bella,"

"Yeah," She yawned.

"I know we kinda did this backwards, but will you be my girlfriend," I whispered into her ear, brushing her hair back.

She turned to look up at me and smiled. "Of course," I brushed my lips against hers.

It was then that a song planted itself in my brain and I sang the line into Bella's ear. "_I am so happy knowing you are the one that I want for the rest of my days,_" I saw Bella's lips curve into a smile and then relax as she drifted off to sleep.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and typed out a quick text to Emmett.

_U r a genius._

A minute later I got a reply.

_I no. Just make me the best man at ur wedding and consider us even._

I smiled.

_Deal. _


	9. The Cullen Sex Chronicles

**Host note:**

**K, so I have compiled the names of each person who has reviewed thus far and would like to thank each and ever one of you for your continued support during the countdown.**

**I will do this for now on each chapter to say thanks, cause we totes do appreciate ur feedback and support.**

**So, I give you:**

Hnwhitlock2000, , Great Chemistry, Hadley Hemingway, Tawelephant, Mambomama, Twilightlvr1, Teamedward2110, Brina328, Cullendriver, Freeflymore, KyuketsukiInOki, Paco1230, Maplestyle, Aliceandjasper22, Eternal-grace101, Cullen's pet, RoseBud024, Twilightnaley19, Princess07890, Danna0724, PJ Austin, Mauralee88, Bohemian28, Spirit Of The Pheonix, RedzMystery, Greeneyedgirly, MysticIce24, Twilightobsessed09, StarryEyedGlimmer, Twilightlover4life2010 ,Switzerland25, Jrprose20, Melliegirl13, Crazykatwp, Navygirl14, Tesha Alise Cullen, Walker77, Uk Alice, Mzcullen58

You gals are wonderific --- Mwah~

* * *

**Entry for the Countdown to St. Patrick's Day. What an Irishific Day!**

**Hosted by:** Breath-of-twilight

**Author: FF keeps removing this pen name- and I think it is cause of the freaking (dot) in it. So, the author is MyLion(dot)MyLamb - but please remember to change the (dot) to an actual period. Let's hope this works:-P**

**Rating:** MA for strong sexual content & mature only!

Just a quick thank you to _Breath-of-twilight _for the offer to contribute in this Smutastic St. Patty's Day Countdown.

To my fantastic Beta, Misty. And my friend Nuria for helping out with this. You girls are fucktastic! Love ya!

**Title:** The Cullen (Sex) Chronicles

The Lifestyle Pt. 1: The Mistress

_**Onward with the read. . . **_

The hour was late and the sky dark—purpling in the distance—as Carlisle drove the familiar roads to a location few had the privilege of knowing about. The air was tangy and moist with the coming of spring. He could almost taste it. The adventure. It sprang forth in every breath he took—husky and ripe—plump for the picking. He fidgeted in his seat with anticipation ringing high as he remembered past trysts and fantasized about the ones yet to come. The one he would encounter in mere minutes.

He was late tonight. He was never late for a meeting. An emergency surgery he needed to oversee had kept him away longer than he had originally intended. He knew he needed to. He had to, to save a life. Saving lives is why he became a doctor, but he couldn't help being a little frustrated at being pulled away for so long. His Mistress, he knew, was disappointed at their postponed meeting, but he knew she understood. She always understood but not without a little punishment to show how much she wanted him there; how much she needed him there.

He contemplated what his punishment would be tonight making his arousal stir. The road coiled and wound around the mountain in tight dangerous curves and his speed continued to increase with every climbing twist the mountain took. Venom found purchase in his mouth as his anticipation continued to mount the closer he neared his destination. With each swallow his throat never eased its dry feeling and the twisting in his stomach knotted more.

Tonight would prove to be something out of the ordinary indeed for his brothers and sisters but his Esme wanted to try something themed this time.

"It's always themed, my dear," he'd tried to convince her when she'd come to him.

"Masquerade is hardly a _true_ theme. This will be whimsical and sexy. What better combination could there be?" she said to him not three months before with a light kiss and pat on the rump before turning away to make preparations for the coming event.

He really had no say in the matter, he thought now with a chuckle. What Esme wanted, Esme got. For their first quarterly gathering of the year, she wanted whimsical and sexy and apparently St. Patrick's Day was the perfect holiday to fulfill her wish.

When the gatherings first began, they were always on the last Sunday of the month. At the time, it had made it easy to keep it a secret as only those who were members knew when and where to meet. Then one year, there was a blunder Unexpected guests had arrived and threw a wrench in the whole operation. After that, each quarterly gathering was never at the same time of the month and the location was changed.

So the invitations were sent out. March 17th was the magical date.

Carlisle had been surprised at how quickly the RSVP confirmations were flying in. Usually, it took a few weeks before the RSVPs started pouring in as the attendees—knowing the routine—tended not to fret about the details too much. Their way was always that of leisure but for this event, the members were quick to send in their confirmations.

New member requests were noticeably higher as well which was not a usual occurrence just before the first quarterly gathering. He had to hand it to Esme though, she'd always known how to throw a party and in turn attract the right kind of people.

Carlisle's cock twitched again as he made the final turn. The drive was long, graveled with small pebbles and lined with large oak trees that looked menacing in the late night glow. Delicate fire lanterns held in place by cord nailed to the ground lit the dark path leading in. As the manor came into view, Carlisle could see the tens of cars lined in the circular parking.

He quickly pulled in behind a Range Rover before stepping out of his Mercedes hastily. He took a moment to calm himself and readjust. Carlisle was dressed in perfectly pressed black slacks, a black, long sleeved dress shirt with a silk green tie. Slipping on his green fedora and adjusting his simple mask, he checked himself one last time in the driver side window and decided he was one handsome vampire. Very handsome indeed.

Nearing the entrance, Carlisle could smell the excitement behind the door. It smelled like musk, and sweat, and _sex_. Sweet, husky, sticky sex.

He used the large brass knocker that hung in the center of the door to alert his arrival as was customary, even for him.

When the door slowly crept open, Carlisle took three steps inside just as Collin—the Leprechaun—moved from behind the door to greet him.

"Good evening, Sir."

"Collin."

Carlisle gave a slight nod of his head as he ventured toward the back where music—dark and husky, yet whimsical—could be heard. He knew this was where his pleasure awaited him.

Entering the main room, Carlisle looked around the ornately designed space with its antique furnishings. Not much had changed since the last time they'd all met, except now it was trimmed in green and gold with shamrock accents. On each of the few small tables about the room, he spotted small brass pots filled with golden wrapped condoms.

Chuckling to himself, he knew nothing would be used out of the small pots of "gold" about the room set out as decoration but he had to admit they were a festive, amusing touch.

As he looked around for his love, he saw his friends—members—mingling and arousing themselves in preparation to play.

In the corner to his left, he could see a vampire ravishing a supple human woman who looked to be mere moments from death and enjoying every minute of it. Her hands were bound, the straps binding her taking purchase over a nail stabbed mercilessly in the wall. The top of her velvet dress was ripped down to reveal her breasts that glistened with a mixture of the vampire's venom and her blood. The skirt of her dress, hiked up as her legs gripped his hips thrusting forward.

His cock jumped as her glazed over eyes popped open behind her glittery green mask as the vamp bit into the juncture between her neck and shoulder and drank deep. She threw her head back bucking hard against him as she cried out in pure ecstasy.

Her partner stood to the side watching the enjoyment and ecstasy roll off her in waves as she held a glass of wine tight in her hand. Her other hand was buried in her lace green panties—her dress pooled on the floor beside her—pumping and stroking herself in time with them.

His thoughts of the scene before him and helping the lone woman relieve her arousal were interrupted.

"Evening, Carlisle."

Carlisle turned to see Eleazar in a simple black mask trimmed in green and his wife, Carmen, with a more elegantly elaborate designed mask made up of emeralds, rubies and feathers.

"Evening," he replied with a hand shake.

He leaned in to give Carmen a light kiss, but it quickly turned deeper as she threaded her fingers though his hair under his fedora. Drawing her closer, he caressed her behind in a loving, but desperate way. Her hips bucked against his.

He could feel Eleazar's arousal brush against his hand as he took stance behind his wife pressing her more fully into Carlisle aching cock. As Carlisle continued to fondle Carmen's deliciously pert rump, Eleazar's hands pinched and pulled at the hardened nipples of his wife's breasts between them.

With a small gasp and a giggle, Carmen release Carlisle.

"Well, now, that certainly was a grand hello," Carlisle replied with a lustful smirk.

Carmen simply smiled seductively as she turned away dragging her husband behind her.

Finding his way to the bar, Carlisle ordered a mixed Brandy that was one part Brandy and one part human blood. It was during these gatherings that his true brothers and sisters allowed themselves to indulge in the forbidden flavor of human blood. The bartender eyed him appreciatively as he handed him his order—a generous three fingers on the rocks.

Taking the first sip of his drink, Carlisle turned taking perch against the edge of the bar to survey the room noticing couples mixing and mingling trying to sate their need with small touches as they sometimes liked to draw out the wait.

Turning, Carlisle's gaze was caught by a beauty in a shimmering silver gown. Her silky cables were in long deep curls down her back. A simple emerald jeweled mask adorned her face. It only took him moments to recognize the beauty as Bella before she disappeared through the door he knew was used as the "group" room.

He thought back to the first time he'd had her. She was so nervous never having been with anyone other than Edward. The mere thought of being with her husband's "adopted father" rattled her to the core.

"_Come, my dear. There's nothing to be afraid of."_

"_This. This isn't—"_

_Edward palmed her already bare breast, distracting her with arousal as he whispered in her ear. _

"_We're just a different kind of family."_

_Slowly he nudged her forward and into Carlisle's embrace where he ravaged her mouth with his own. His venom mixing with her own. Her hips instinctively started grinding against his as she threw her head back in pleasure at what Carlisle's mouth was doing to her. _

_Quickly removing her bottoms, Carlisle had dropped to his knees hitching one leg over his shoulder—as Edward supported her with his naked form from behind—and buried his face between her legs to show her the true joys of what it really meant to be a Cullen._

Carlisle's cock twitched at the memory bringing him back. Curious as to what she was up to now, he decided to venture into the room she had just moments ago disappeared into.

Quietly, he stepped behind the ornately carved door before closing it. His senses were hit with the smell of pure sex. The music was lower, deeper in here, mostly drowned out by the moaning of lovers in ecstasy. Their passion consuming them.

Directly in front of him, he recognized several of his old friends in a very compromising position. Bodies were intertwined with one another. Rubbing and grinding. Where one grunt ended a moan began. He could smell the sweat dripping and venom pooling as bodies continued to move in unison.

"Hey there, Papa Bear," Rose let out with a sultry laugh.

"Enjoying what you see?" She asked as she rubbed his bulging crotch and nibbled on his ear.

Biting down on his shoulder, she enticed a moan out of him as he threw his head back loving the feeling of her massage and her teeth. When his eyes popped open—feeling his pants go slack—they were as dark as night. Looking down his eyes where met with Bella's lust filled orbs. She took him completely in until he hit the back of her throat making herself moan in the feeling of him as he slid down her throat.

Leaning back a bit, she let him slip out of her warm inviting mouth with a pop. She swirled her tongue around his mushroom head the way she knew he liked enticing a deep, throaty moan. His purpled head spurted more venomy pre-cum from its slit and Bella press her tongue in. Clenching his teeth in pleasure, Carlisle thrust forcefully back into her awaiting mouth.

Bella moved at vampire speed, enveloping him fully once more as Rose continued her slow torture over his neck and shoulders, now pinching and twisting his hardened nipples. He felt himself draw up, muscles clenched. Roaring out, he finally released his tangy cream into Bella's welcoming mouth.

After sucking him dry, Bella rose, fixing Carlisle's pants as she went and placed a sweet kiss on his lips.

"Esme's been waiting for you."

"Where is she?" He inquired while caressing her rump.

"Upstairs. Maeve will take you up."

Bella gave him one last kiss as Rose smacked his firm ass before they sauntered off.

*** * ***

Entering the room, Carlisle was instructed to sit in the oversized chair that was placed in front of a large blacked mirror that spanned the full length of the wall. The room around him was small in size, but just as ornately designed as the rest of the house.

Sitting idle had his nerves on edge. After spotting a small bar in the corner, Carlisle served himself another generous, three fingers serving of Brandy mix before returning to his seat.

The lights in the room dimmed as he sat and the mirror before him was no longer blackened.

On the other side was another room, larger in size, with a bed sitting off to the left. But what caught his attention was the scene before him.

There in the middle of the room was a naked Edward and fully clothed Jasper on his knees sucking him off.

Esme, adorned in a beautiful silk green robe, was seated in the corner watching with eyes burning with desire.

Jasper rose to his feet, kissing up Edward's body as he went, after he had shot his hot, sticky cream down his throat.

Their lips brushed together in a passionate kiss battling for dominance. Edward moaned as he tasted himself on Jaspers tongue, delving deeper into his mouth. Edward pulled Jasper against him more, grinding their twin arousals together. His hands traveled down Jaspers shoulders to the front of his shirt where he plucked and pinched at his hardened nipples before ripping his shirt open.

Jasper reared back as Edward's tongue expertly lapped over his chest. Running his hands down his back, Jasper grabbed at Edward's ass. He was beyond horny and ready for his release.

"You started without me," Edward heard someone whisper in his ear before he felt Emmett's razor sharp teeth trail the shell of his ear. His already naked form pressed up against his.

"You're late," Jasper managed as Edward sunk his teeth into his shoulder while jacking his cock.

Emmet's only response was to forcefully grab Edward's hair, jerk his head back and start lapping at his neck before taking his lips. He moaned and started bucking his hips against Emmett's engorged cock, feeling it slide in between his aching cheeks.

Releasing himself from Emmett's hold, Edward slid his body seductively down Jasper's. His engorged cock was standing straight up, pre-cum leaking from his slit onto his abs.

He leaned in, nuzzling his face into Jasper's ball sack as he breathed deep, inhaling Jasper's sent before striking his tongue out to wrap around his left nut. He expertly sucked each into his awaiting mouth, swirling his tongue around and pressing it to the roof of his mouth.

"Fuck, Edward. That feels good," Jasper roared out, throwing his head back. He spread his legs further, twining his fingers through Edward's hair and pulling him closer as his right nut received equal treatment now. His muscles were quivering as pleasure shot through him.

Opening his eyes, he was met with the sight of Emmett jacking himself as he watched Edward. Jaspers cock jumped again, throbbing as it continued to leak. It's mushroom head an angry purple.

He looked down once more at Edward nuzzled under his dick, his flaming red hair gripped in his fingers, and wanting nothing more than to fuck his sweet little mouth. He wanted to fuck him long and slow before tearing into his mouth at vampire speed shooting his cream down Edward's throat as he greedily drank it up.

Edward moved the flat of his tongue up the base of Jasper's shaft, swirling it around before sucking on his head, adding gentle pressure to his slit causing him to thrust forward and jerking his head down on his cock making him hit the back of his throat.

Behind Edward, Emmett kneeled, kissing and caressing his way down his back until he reached his ass. Emmett palmed his cheeks running his fingers between them slowly, teasingly.

Spreading his cheeks, Emmett dipped his tongue and ran it the length of Edward's ass, enticing a deep, throaty moan from him as his plump lips were still wrapped eagerly around Jasper's cock. Flipping over, Emmett perched himself under Edward. Gently licking, he moved his tongue over Edward's ball sack before sucking each into his mouth vigorously.

Venturing further down, he flicked his tongue out in a back and forth motion adding pressure to his perineum causing Edward to drop his hips and rock against him,

Edward continued to groan around Jasper's cock as Emmett continued to run his tongue along the crack of his ass before swirling it around his pucker, gently probing. His shudders were coming more frequently as he grazed his teeth over the sensitive flesh.

So fast that only a vampire would see the movement, Emmett slipped from under Edward and straddled his legs. Gripping his hips, Emmett didn't wait a beat before he plunged his girth into Edward.

Edward release Jasper's cock momentarily as he bucked back onto Emmett's thick cock, roaring out in pleasure.

"That's right. It's magically fucking delicious," Emmett grunted out as his hips made contact.

His cock was massaging Edward's prostate, making him buck back harder and harder with each thrust of his hips.

"I'm going to fuck you like Bella never could."

Carlisle continued to sit in his chair on the other side of the mirror and watched his 'adopted sons' ravage each other. His cock was ramrod straight and the damp spot in his slacks was growing with each passing second.

He longed to be in the room with them. Smelling their aroma. Hearing their grunts. He could practically taste it. Looking toward Esme, he could see she was touching herself as she watched her boys. Her head was thrown back, fingers buried between her legs. He knew this was his punishment. Being away from the action and not being able to join in made the pleasure of watching much too difficult to resist.

Jasper approached her now.

"Darlin'," he said to her in his southern drawl, his hand outstretched.

"Let me help you with that."

She rose, lifting her cream covered fingers to his mouth. He opened willingly, sucking her sweet cream off. Ripping her robe to shreds, he turned her to the wall and claimed her. Plunging deep and quick. Mercilessly. Unrelenting.

Esme could barely catch her breath before she felt another cock impel her wet, waiting canal. She wrapped her legs around Emmett's waist, her arms around his neck as her two sons took her from both sides. Driving deep into her, filling her up so completely she could barely take the pleasure.

Despite the multitude of pleasure coursing through her, driving her to the brink that she wanted it to stop, she cried, "More!"

The pressure she felt from behind increased tenfold as Edward claimed Jasper.

"I'm going to make you mine," Edward grunted.

Carlisle's cock was now pulsing with need. He needed to get off, but he knew he couldn't join them. He cursed his needing to stay at the hospital now more than ever.

He unbuckled his slacks, sliding them down his hips until he sprang free.

Just as he reached for himself, a pale white hand reached out and stopped him.

*** * ***

**Safe Sex Disclaimer:** This is a work of fiction. Regardless of this stories human/vampire nature, I in no way condone unsafe sex. That's just stupid. Nor am I speaking out for or against and/or promoting any form of sexual play in any fashion.

Hope you enjoyed.

Happy St. Patty's Day,

Char


	10. Emerald Eyes

**Host note: You guys/ gals totes rock! I knew u had it in you :-P**

**Review appreciation this time around is courtesy of cullendriver's spanktacular review :-P and you all get bright neon green and pink - glow in the dark so they are extra obvious, super slippery, double lubed, extra big and thick condoms as thanks!**

**freeflymore, Mambomama, Uk Alice, Aliceandjasper22, KyuketsukiInOki, ms. shyblush, x Twilightlovergirl x, Hadley Hemingway, MysticIce24, hnwhitlock2000, RoseBud024, Navygirl14, Maplestyle, twilightnaley19, apple of eve, beccasmind, cullen's pet, brina328, cullendriver... think I got ya all - now on with the show!**

* * *

x Twilightlovergirl x- the first three continuous storyline collabs are over- the collab that will be at the end of this countdown has absolutley nothing to do with the previous ones at all.

cullendriver - ur awesome sauce - condoms, yes, I hear ya... I guess they are just srsly tedious to write, how bout we just assume that any of these spectacular writers who have forgotten to point blank say - "he rolled the condom down his thick shaft while smirking at me with lust filled needy eyes." just forgot to say just that and all our characters, except any who may flat out say "no rubber dome for me" are wearing them :-P

* * *

**Entry for the Countdown to April Fool's Day – What An Irishific Day!**

**Pen name: SydneyAlice**

**Rated: M**

**Pairing: Edward and Bella**

**AN: I was asked to participate in this fun little countdown. My lemons are usually more romantic than this, but the rules said "smut," so here we are.**

**I'm a little nervous. **

**Enjoy!**

**Disclaimers: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. The songs are by the Pussycat Dolls.**

* * *

_**Emerald Eyes**_

* * *

"I cannot believe you talked me into this," I groaned pathetically as Alice and Rosalie pulled me by the hand into the rowdy karaoke bar. My stilettos – which were, according to Alice, "the perfect, pointy, provocative shoe" – made the short walk from the parking garage to the front of the bar extremely difficult. Alice had literally squealed when she found the one-of-a-kind deathtraps online, and when you combined the heels with the completely inappropriate yet festive holiday attire I'd been forced to wear….right down to the green corset….I was quite ashamed to leave the apartment.

"Well, I cannot believe how hot you look," Rosalie admired the improper length of my skirt. "Honestly, Alice….you've outdone yourself. That skirt is practically nonexistent."

"That was the plan!" Alice squealed excitedly. While I had issues with my attire, I had to admit that Alice's idea was a welcomed one. It'd been one year – three hundred and sixty-five days – since our messy divorce had been finalized. Dishes had been shattered. Photos had been ripped. Shit had been thrown. Jacob's girlfriend had introduced herself to me through an email. Attached to the email was a video link. When opened, that link provided the visual evidence of their many trysts.

In the form of a sex tape.

I'd received the email at 4:45 PM. Thirty minutes later, his clothes, magazines, our wedding album, and my wedding ring had been tossed out the door and onto the ankle-deep grass that he'd once again failed to mow.

I was striking the match when he pulled into the driveway.

I'll never forget the look on his face as he watched me toss the match into the bonfire. I'll always remember the feeling of satisfaction as I watched his every possession erupt into flames. And I will always appreciate the Forks Fire Department's swift response while the Chief of Police (my father) examined my handiwork with a smug smile.

Needing a change of scenery, I'd packed my bags and moved to Seattle to live with my two best friends. I'd barely unpacked my suitcase before Rosalie and Alice had immediately assumed the roles of matchmaker. One loser after another had verified my belief that all men sucked, but most upsetting was the fact that none of them had been able to bring me to orgasm.

None. Zero.

In three hundred and sixty-five days.

Alice had explained that my orgasm was now elusive because I associated sex with my cheating bastard of an ex-husband. Rosalie agreed, stating that I'd yet to meet the man who was capable of sufficiently erasing Jacob Black's lackluster bedroom skills from my memory.

Completely sexually frustrated, I'd stopped dating altogether about six months ago.

And now, I was being hustled to a St. Patrick's Day costume party with the intentions of getting drunk and finding the one man who could make me forget my shitty past.

We were well aware that our costumes would cause heads to turn. Rosalie was wearing transparent green lingerie and Alice was adorned in her naughty leprechaun outfit. They however, were used to the attention. I, on the other hand, was mortified. Alice told me to keep walking, promising that the booze would make me brave. We ignored the catcalls as we pranced through the doors because, frankly, the boys appeared to be jailbait. Once inside, all three of us stopped abruptly, taking a moment to survey the scene around us.

"Damn, that's a lot of green," Rosalie murmured dryly.

I couldn't disagree. A huge St. Patrick's Day banner was hanging above the bar. Shamrocks were plastered on every flat surface, including the floors and walls. Green helium balloons were floating above our heads. The men were dressed in green bow ties and hats and not much else; the girls were flaunting their perfect breasts with the help of their constricting yet transparent emerald lingerie.

I was a bit disappointed to see that I wasn't the sluttiest looking girl in the place.

"Let's grab a table," Alice squealed as we made our way through the crowd. We finally found an empty table in the back corner. Within seconds, our table was invaded by a very short green man wearing a green top hat. His body was caked with green paint and he _might _have stood just over three feet tall.

"Would you ladies care for a drink?"

Because she's the brave one, Rose asked the question that was on all of our minds. She squinted her eyes at the tiny man.

"Are you a _real _leprechaun?"

"Of course!" He smiled jubilantly and winked flirtatiously. The fake Gaelic accent was atrocious. We all giggled because it was obvious he wasn't even Irish. He was probably a theater student from UW.

"We want _drinks_! Plural." Alice yelled above the noise. Our little leprechaun scampered away as we turned our attention toward the bar. The karaoke machine was blasting, and we watched in embarrassment as four very drunk college girls completely butchered "Don't Ya" by the Pussycat Dolls. The obviously tone-deaf men were salivating as the girls danced on the bar. Thankfully, the song ended, and each girl was carried away on the broad shoulders of one of their many admirers.

"Do you think she just went 'eeny meeny miney mo?'" Alice grinned as the "lead" singer pounced on the first boy within jumping distance. He looked thrilled to be alive as she wrapped her legs around his waist. He carried her to the back of the bar and through a sparkling, emerald, beaded curtain.

"Wonder what's back there?" I murmured curiously.

"The pool tables," Rose grinned mischievously.

"Do you think they're actually _playing_ pool?" Alice wondered aloud, and we all laughed in unison.

After about an hour, the drinking games commenced. Anytime someone screamed, "It's magically delicious!" we were required to chug whatever drink was in our hand at the time. After three shots, I was begging our leprechaun for a bottle of water.

The little green fucker just laughed at me.

Thanks to the lack of talent and the flowing booze, the rest of the night's karaoke was fairly nauseating. The men didn't seem to mind, and their raucous whistles were resonating in my ears. Alice glanced my way, her eyes twinkling with a shit-eating grin on her face. I nodded enthusiastically.

"But we haven't sung karaoke since college," Rose groaned as Alice and I pulled her through the crowd and toward the bar.

"That was just three years ago," I mumbled as Alice made her way to the bartender. "Besides, you heard those girls. Singing in tune is obviously optional. Maybe we'll get lucky and three broad-shouldered men will carry us off the bar and back through the glittery green curtains…"

Rose's eyes brightened as she considered this. "That _would_ be fun…"

I smiled in encouragement. "You can even pick the song."

"Can we strip?" Rosalie asked hopefully. That question caught the attention of a few of the guys at the bar, and they all nodded enthusiastically.

"_You_ can strip, if you must. My clothes are staying on."

Rosalie smirked as her eyes roamed by outfit. "Why the fuck do you care? You're barely clothed as it is."

I looked down at my skimpy outfit.

_She had a point._

The driving beat of "Buttons" by the Pussycat Dolls flowed through the air, and I squealed excitedly.

"I love this song!"

Alice smiled knowingly. "I know."

The bartender winked at Rose and offered his hand to each of us. The rowdy crowd cheered as we attempted to balance ourselves in our deadly heels on the slippery surface of the bar. He handed each of us a microphone.

I think it's important to note that I'm not an exhibitionist by nature. But my scandalous outfit – combined with the booze and my pent-up sexual frustration – were motivating me…making me unusually brave. I turned to face the crowd and began to sing with my girls.

_I'm telling you to loosen up my buttons, baby  
But you keep frontin'  
Sayin' what you gonna do to me  
But I ain't seen nothin'  
_

Alice took the first verse as Rose and I danced against each other. The men were absolutely loving it, and we were totally eating it up. I'd just suffered through the worst year of my life. I was ready to forget the past and move on with my life.

This was a new Bella Swan.

Fearless.

Sexy.

Rose and I slid against each other's bodies as we belted out the chorus. I glanced down at the men surrounding us, and a pair of sparkling green eyes caught my attention.

They were piercing. Intense. Hypnotic.

I gasped as the man made his way toward the bar. The seas parted, and suddenly, he was standing right in front of me. He leaned against the bar, his eyes blazing as he watched me sway. I watched in fascination as he licked his lips, his gaze traveling along the nonexistent hemline of my skirt and the perfect point of my stilettos.

I wanted that tongue in my mouth.

His hair was bronze and tousled, and I itched to run my fingers through it. His jaw was sculpted and strong. His lips were turned in a sexy crooked smile that stopped my heart and caused desire to flood my senses – a feeling so foreign that it literally caused me to tremble. I'd forgotten how good it felt to be _wanted_. Had Jake ever looked at me that way? With complete desire and ravenous need?

My brown eyes locked with his emerald ones, and I knew I had my answer.

_Never._

"He wants you, Bella," Rose whispered in my ear. "Take the next verse. Make him ache for it."

My eyes never left his handsome face as I breathed into the microphone.

_I wonder  
If I'm just too much for you  
Wonder  
If my kiss don't make you just  
Wonder  
What I got next for you  
What you want to do?  
_

My hand trailed down the front of my corset, and I toyed with the shimmering fabric that clung to my breasts. I watched his hand as it traveled down the front of his jeans, palming his very obvious erection. My head was spinning as I realized that he was a Greek god come to life, and _I_ was making him hard.

I squatted down to the bar, desperate to be as close to him as possible. His eyes darkened as he admired the view I offered, and I smirked softly as I brought my finger to his chin, forcing his eyes to focus on my face once again.

_Take a chance to recognize that this could be yours  
I can see, just like most guys_

_That your game don't please  
Baby, can't you see?  
How these clothes are fitting on me  
And the heat coming from this beat  
I'm about to blow  
I don't think you know…_

I stood again as Alice leaned against my back, and we finished the chorus. Rosalie had found an admirer in the bartender and had ceased singing long ago. At the end of the bar, a tall, blonde had his eye on Alice…

And my sexy stranger's penetrating gaze was making my blood boil.

The song ended, and the crowd erupted in applause. He smiled crookedly…sexily…and offered his hand to me. I dropped my microphone to the bar and took his hand in mine. A shock…a jolt of pure passion…caused goose bumps to erupt on my skin, and without a word, he lifted me off the bar. I wrapped my legs around his waist, and he pressed his forehead to mine…never taking his eyes off me….as he carried me toward the back of the bar and through the holy beaded curtain.

As soon as we passed through the sparkling beads, he growled, and I found myself pinned against the wall. His hands gripped my ass, and I groaned as his fingers lingered on my flesh.

"What the fuck are you wearing under this skirt?" He moaned desperately.

"Thong," I panted. He lifted my skirt as my legs tightened around his waist. I whimpered as he pushed forward with a loud groan – his denim covered erection pressing against the narrow fabric of my panties. Holding me with one hand, his other hand dipped along my thigh. I whimpered as his fingers stroked the soaked fabric of my panties.

"You're so fucking wet," he growled as he pressed his finger against my clit. I moaned loudly and arched off the wall.

"For you," I whispered honestly. His emerald eyes smoldered as he jerked my panties, effectively ripping them away from my body. I screamed as the sensation of tearing fabric against my skin rippled through my body. A sexy snarl emerged from his chest as my hand reached for the button of his jeans. His eyes darkened as my fingers expertly unbuttoned and unzipped his pants in a matter of seconds. He groaned in my ear as my hand cupped his cock. I pumped him furiously, watching with fascination as his mouth parted, his tongue licking his bottom lip.

"I want that tongue in my mouth," I whispered boldly, his face inches away from mine.

"My tongue is going to be all over you," he murmured huskily, his breathing becoming erratic as I pumped him harder. Faster. All barriers gone, his fingers delved against my clit and I screamed out loud as his finger pinched the sensitive nub.

"That's right, baby. Scream for me." His voice was velvet as my screams intensified. One year. Three hundred and sixty-five days of pent-up sexual frustration, and this man was going to make me come with just his fingers.

But that's not what I wanted. I wanted him buried inside of me. If I was going to finally come, I wanted to feel him deep inside of me.

"Please fuck me," I whimpered pathetically. Begging. Pleading. His fingers slowed against my clit as his eyes bore into mine.

"You were singing to me…dancing for me…" his voice was dripping with sex, and it caused the sweetest throb in my core. As if his fingers weren't enough…his voice was driving me over the edge.

"Yes," I admitted softly. "Please…..please fuck me….."

With a low growl, he pushed away from the wall. I had no idea where we were going. I didn't care. I tightened my legs around his waist and buried my face in his neck. Suddenly, he dropped me to my feet and turned me around, pulling me flush against his chest. As my eyes became accustomed to the dim lighting I noticed I was standing against a pool table. A quick dart of my eyes assured me that the room was empty.

"It's just us," he murmured hoarsely in my ear. I shivered as he ran his hand beneath my skirt and along my ass. He pushed my hair to one shoulder, and his lips ghosted along the side of my neck. He nipped my skin with his teeth, and I gripped the edge of the table in support. He pressed his erection against my ass, and I groaned, pushing back and pivoting my hips in response.

"You're so hard," I whispered softly…amazed…as he pressed deliciously against me once more.

"For you, baby…"

I whimpered breathlessly as I leaned over against the table. My breasts caressed the felt of the pool table, and I could feel my nipples hardening in response. "Please take me…right here….just like this…."

He snarled sexily as he leaned over me, his lips trailing along my earlobe.

"Do you really want me to fuck you on this table?"

I turned my head slightly – just enough to catch his penetrating stare. I flashed him a smile and whispered, "I am _begging _you to fuck me on this table…"

And with that plea, he became ravenous. I smiled with pleasure as his hands wrapped around me, cupping my breasts and massaging them through the fabric of the corset. He sucked greedily on the skin along my shoulder.

"Take it off," I panted heavily. I felt him smile against my skin as his hand found the zipper and swiftly pulled it down. The constricting corset fell away from my body, and both of his hands reached around to my breasts….kneading and caressing to the point that it was almost painful. His fingers trickled along my swollen nipples; he teased them until they hardened like pebbles beneath his skin.

Quickly, he flipped me over, and I leaned on my elbows as I watched him slowly unbutton the green vest covering his shoulders. I was completely naked – except for my skirt and shoes – and I wasn't the least bit shy. I climbed to my knees and crawled toward him…his eyes never leaving mine as he finished stripping for me.

All that remained was the green bowtie around his neck.

"This tie is _so_ sexy," I whispered softly. He gasped as I pulled the end of the tie, and with slow, careful motions, I slid it down his chest.

"Tell me your name…." he murmured breathlessly. I smiled as he climbed onto the table and promptly pressed my back against the cool felt.

"Take off my skirt," I offered in negotiation, and he chuckled as his jade eyes twinkled excitedly.

"No way, baby. I want to fuck you in this skirt….and these heels….." His hands trailed along the hemline of the skirt and down my leg. I arched off the table as each of his hands wrapped around my calves, causing my legs to open in invitation. With a wicked smile, his face disappeared between my thighs, and I gripped the table as he blew a soft gust of air along my slit. My stomach tightened in want…a deep piercing desire that I hadn't felt in so very long. I recognized the sensations…..the throbbing of my clit, the ravenous desire….the hunger to feel a man's hands all over me. To feel his lips on mine as he filled me completely….

I ached for all of it, and this green-eyed god was going to give it to me.

I opened my eyes and found him staring back at me – those emerald eyes scorching. He slowly crawled over the length of my body and positioned himself at my entrance. My hips flexed instinctively, and we both gasped as his erection nestled itself against my core.

"My name is Edward," he panted hungrily. "And I want you to scream my name when you come…." His mouth placed hot kisses along my neck. My hand wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer….tighter….

"My name is Bella, and I want you…..more than I've ever wanted anyone in my entire life," I whispered against his ear. My tongue snaked out and traveled along the edge of his earlobe. He groaned my name as if it was a prayer and with one quick thrust, he was inside of me. I gasped as he filled me…stretching me….he braced his hands on each side of my head and stared into my eyes.

"Your eyes…." He moaned softly as he thrust once more. His forehead pressed against mine, and my body arched off the table with each powerful plunge. "……they're so brown….so gorgeous…"

"Oh my god, yesssss…." I panted, losing myself in the rhythm….In. Out. Each thrust more urgent than the one before it. My legs wrapped around his waist, and we both groaned as the new position brought him deeper. Our mutual groans echoed off the walls as he pounded into me….driving harder….faster....

Without thinking, I grabbed him by the hair and crushed his mouth to mine. We kissed hungrily, our tongues exploring….probing….fighting for dominance. He groaned into my mouth and the sound reverberated down to the very spot we were joined. I clenched my muscles around his cock…._so close_….

"Edward….." I screamed as my legs clenched, my heels digging into his back.

"That's right, baby. Give it to me…scream my name…." His thrusts were erratic and frenzied, and with one final plunge, I shattered beneath him. My entire body vaulted off the table as he wrapped his arms around me…protecting me…as I rode wave after wave of the most intense orgasm of my life.

"God, Bella……" He growled passionately as his body stiffened, and with one last thrust, he moaned as he spilled, filling me completely.

Our breathing was ragged as we came back down…..his eyes hooded, but still that delicious emerald that I loved so much. We panted breathlessly as we stared into each other's eyes, silently willing our bodies to disconnect but dreading the separation.

"Did I hurt you?" Edward whispered softly, his hand gently caressing my face.

"Are you kidding?" I smiled happily. "That was….."

_Glorious? Mesmerizing?_

There were no words.

"I know…." He murmured. He sat back, pulling me onto his lap. He stroked my bare back as I settled myself against him, wrapping my legs around his waist once again. His eyes were hypnotic as they bore into mine.

"Do you think we'll need to replace the table?" I asked with a mischievous grin.

He laughed. "I think I'll offer to buy it. I've been looking for a nice, sturdy pool table to add to my game room. And this one now holds a lot of memories…."

"Hmm…make you a deal?"

He smiled that crooked smile. "Are we negotiating again?"

"Do you have a problem with that?"

"Hell no," he laughed loudly. "The last time we negotiated, you asked me to remove your skirt."

I giggled, remembering my courage. I was sure I was blushing crimson.

"What if….I pay for half of the pool table….and then we can christen it, right there in your game room?"

His emerald eyes darkened as he licked his lips. My breath caught in my throat as he leaned down to kiss me gently…softly. When he broke the kiss, I opened my eyes. He was staring at me in wonder, and I'm sure my expression reflected his.

_Magically delicious, indeed…._

"You have a deal, baby."


	11. Priceless

**Host note: Can I say tht we are totes giddy about hearing from so many more of you readers??? Well we are! So, thanks for peeking ur head out and saying hi!**

**Yesterday's shout outs are curtesy of Twilightlvr1 and her 'melted butter' so here's a lucky lep for you all, let's hope it brings us what it seems to bring these characters...snickers* :-P:**

**Mambomama, Lauren Danielle, Twilightlvr1, freeflymore, Aliceandjasper22, Hadley Hemingway, Paco1230, Ms. shyblush, beccasmind, Rosebud024, KuketsukiInOki, Twilightobsesses09, Tineyio, teamedward2110, Navygirl114, twilightnaley19, hmwhitlock2000, fanficaddict6604, Maplestyle, & cullen's pet. **

**Lauren Danielle - the author who wrote The Cullen Sex Chronicles was MyLion(dot)MyLamb - change (dot) to an actual period. grrrr how fucktarded is that glitch in FF???**

**Freeflymore - I am pretty sure you too are asking about The Cullen Sex Chronicles - and it is by MyLion(dot)MyLamb - change (dot) to an actual period.**

**Now....without further ado, I give you... PS - This one is damn HAwt**** so strip down and grab ur fan ladies!**

* * *

**Entry for the Countdown to April Fool's Day- Just a Pranktical Cullen Day**

**Penname: cullen's pet**

**Rated: M**

**Pairing: Emmett/Bella slight Rosalie/Bella**

**Title: Priceless**

**Summary: Bella is fed up with Emmett's practical jokes and sexual innuendoes. She decides that April Fool's Day is the perfect day to exact her revenge. She just didn't expect things to backfire on her so spectacularly.**

**A/N: Hi, all. I'm so excited to be a part of this countdown. I've written a few lemons so I'm not a complete novice but this is the first fic that I've written that's contained any sort of femslash. You will have to let me know how I do. A few notes on this story: this takes place after Edward and Bella are married, there was no pregnancy, and Bella is still human enjoying college life like Edward had wanted. The Cullen's enjoy open relationships to keep their sex life exciting. The characters are a little OOC but realistically Edward would never share Bella, would he? All that being said, I hope you enjoy it!**

**Priceless**

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Edward asked me, his velvety voice laced with concern.

I looked at him, arching my eyebrow at his question daring him to challenge me any further. He backpedaled quickly. "I'm not saying that Emmett doesn't deserve some kind of retribution, but you know how he gets and you can definitely expect some sort of retaliation. You may only escalate his teasing."

"You worry too much," I said lightly. "Besides that, I had Alice look and she said everything will turn out fine, that our family will be closer than ever. I'm sick and tired of playing the weak, pathetic human. It's time to fight back. Just because I'm mortal doesn't mean that Emmett can take advantage of that fact. I'm tired of his insinuations and innuendoes. I'm tired of hearing him poke fun at our sex lives. That's really none of his business, even if he can hear it all." I was fuming by the end of my little tirade. I flung myself on the couch and pouted at the unfairness of it all.

"Stupid vampires and their superior hearing," I grumbled to myself.

Edward smiled widely at me, his butterscotch eyes dancing with merriment. "You do realize that your complaint also applies to me, right?" he teased.

I looked up at him, marveling once again that this glorious creature loved me despite my fragility and faults. "Yes, I know. But you don't use that ability to make fun of me at my expense," I explained. "I just want to take him down a notch or two. I want him to realize exactly what I am capable of. Besides, it's not like he can be angry with Rose for it. They do have an open relationship," I pointed out.

The Cullens all had open relationships. Except for Edward and I, of course. It was an intriguing idea even if I didn't fully understand why they did it. If they loved their mate, why would they be intimate with someone else?

Alice had tried to explain it to me once. "Bella, it's not that we don't love our other half or that we don't feel complete in each other," she said gently. She paused and looked like she was choosing her next words very carefully. I waited patiently for her to continue. She sighed and said, "Things just start to get a little monotonous over the years. You can't comprehend it now because you and Edward have only been married for a few months. You are still discovering each other. But imagine it after fifty or sixty years. Couple that with the fact that once you become a vampire, your libido increases exponentially. You become insatiable. I don't know how Edward could stand it over all those years. I bet he can't wait for you to be turned now." She smiled knowingly and winked. "You know not to bet against me, right?"

I smiled back at my best friend. "Of course, Alice, you won't ever catch me betting against you."

I was brought back to the present by a cool hand pressed against my cheek. "Are you okay, love? You kind of spaced out on me for a moment."

I smiled at my husband. "Yes. I'm fine. I was just thinking."

He groaned. Edward still didn't like the fact that he couldn't hear my mind. It was something that he both loved and loathed at the same time. It granted him time to have only his thoughts in his head when we were alone together. But it also drove him insane not to hear what I was thinking about. He was used to being able to pick a person's brain for any information that he wanted and the fact that couldn't hear me unsettled him. I knew he was going to ask. He always did.

"What were you thinking about?"

_Right on cue_, I thought. "Alice," I replied simply, not wanting to go into detail.

He rose his eyebrows waiting for me to continue. I groaned internally. I always felt extremely uncomfortable talking with Edward about his family's practices. I wasn't sure that I was enough for him. Especially after my conversation with Alice. What if he wanted to join them? Would I be okay with that? It was a topic that we had not discussed in great detail. I was already insecure about why such a God-like creature would want to be with a plain girl like me. Then I found out about the Cullen's unique type of relationship. That had opened up a whole new can of worms. What if he preferred to be with Rosalie or Alice once he had experienced what it was like if he didn't have to hold out?

"Are you satisfied with me, Edward?" I asked, my voice quiet as I finally voiced my concerns.

His expression softened. "Of course, Bella, you know I want only you. What brought all this on?"

I sighed and looked away from his beautiful, golden eyes. "Well, I was just thinking about my prank. I know that you are okay with what I plan to do with Rose but Alice got me thinking the other day. She said that they choose to have open relationships because it keeps things exciting. I couldn't help comparing them to us. I know you hold back because you are afraid that you'll hurt me." He opened his mouth to interrupt and I held up my hand silencing him. "Please, let me finish. I can't help feeling that I'm leaving you unfulfilled. Are you happy with the way things are?"

He pulled me into his arms. "Bella, what am I going to do with you? I love you and you know that I prefer you to hold onto your humanity as long as possible. If I had it my way, I'd never change you."

"Oh no you don't, mister. You made a deal," I argued. "You can't back out now!" I emphasized my point by poking his chest sternly.

He chuckled. "I know, I know. I wasn't saying that I wouldn't change you. I was only trying to point out the fact that you are human doesn't bother me, that I prefer you human."

I snuggled closer to his chest, inhaling his intoxicating scent. "So, you don't want an open relationship like your brothers and sisters? I know Emmett wants us to join in on the family fun, so to speak. I think that's why he drops all the hints and innuendoes."

He stroked my hair and spoke quietly into my ear. His cool breath felt very pleasant as it fanned across my neck. "Whatever you want Bella, I'm okay with. I'm okay if you want things to stay exactly as they are. I'm okay if you decide to experiment further with Rosalie later on. I know deep down she harbors some sort of infatuation with you. She tries to hide it from me, but I catch her thinking about it every once in a while. And you are right about Emmett, although he doesn't bother trying to hide it at all. I catch him having inappropriate thoughts about you all the time. It's what makes your prank so dangerous. He may feel like you are giving him the green light. He won't be pleased at all when you burst his happy, little bubble."

I gazed up at his beautiful, butterscotch eyes. They were easily my favorite part of his face. I pressed my lips to his slowly, delighting in their coolness and silky texture. I sucked on his bottom lip, savoring his unique taste. He tasted so good that I could kiss him all day, every day for the rest of my life, and never get tired of it.

I pulled away reluctantly to breath. That was something that I wouldn't miss after my change. "I'm not worried. Emmett would never hurt me. I'm sure he'll laugh about it after a while. I just can't wait to see the look on his face when I kiss his wife."

Edward chuckled, "Neither can I, love. Neither can I."

The next day was April 1st. D-Day. The day that I would finally pay Emmett back for embarrassing me every time I turned around. He took too much pleasure in transforming me into a flaming tomato. It was time for me to get even and he had no idea what was in store for him.

Alice and Rose were good enough to keep Emmett preoccupied while I set everything up. Rose had given me a set of lingerie that she had worn. Then I had taken the sexiest pair of underwear that I owned and worn them before Edward and I made love. I wanted Emmett to be able to smell my arousal on them. He would never fall for it if it was just my regular scent on them. I rubbed the two articles of clothing together, mixing the scents. I couldn't tell the difference, but Emmett would be able to. I placed the underwear in a plastic bag and sealed it. I didn't want the scent to dissipate. I wanted Emmett to be able to smell them as soon as he opened the door to his jeep.

I snuck quietly out to the garage. I opened the door to the jeep and got in. I took my panties out of the bag and rubbed them all over the seats. Then I left the evidence on the floor behind the passenger seat.

Perfect.

Now all we had to do was play our parts. I had to admit that I was a little nervous. I was a horrible liar and an even worse actress. Not to mention that I was going to make out with Rosalie. She was a little intimidating. But it would all be worth it. It was going to be priceless. Emmett was a prankster at heart. He was always the joker and never on the receiving end of a good joke. I think this will be an enlightening experience for him. He might tone things down a bit after this. That was the goal of this whole exercise. That and I wanted revenge.

The whole family was in the living room, except for Carlisle and Esme. Carlisle was working and Esme was out running errands. Everyone was in on the joke except Emmett. Alice was on her computer with Rose. Jasper was in a chair reading from a ridiculously thick book about American history. I was watching Edward beat Emmett on the X-Box. That in itself was hilarious to watch. Emmett hated to lose at anything.

"Can we play something else," Emmett grumbled as Edward killed him again. "You know I hate these war games. I'm no good when it comes to this strategy shit."

Edward smirked. "Yes, we know you well. All brawn and no brains."

"Hey!" Emmett said as he shoved Edward off the couch. "I have a brain. Just because I don't advertise its presence doesn't mean it doesn't exist."

"Ahh… I can picture it now. They could devote a special documentary detailing the journey to find Emmett's brain. It would be on the Discovery Channel," I retorted. Then using my best English accent I said, "The great, white hunter waits silently. His target is elusive but he's positive that it, in fact, exists. He just has to have patience. He feels good. By the end this expedition, he will have found Emmett's brain."

Emmett frowned, and I giggled. Jasper, Alice, and Edward laughed loudly. I even saw the ghost of a smile flicker on Rosalie's lips. Emmett said, "It wasn't that funny, guys."

I said, "Yes it was and you know it. Just be careful when you beat your brother up. Fragile human here. I don't want to visit Carlisle in the emergency room today."

"Sorry, Bella," Emmett groused, still upset that everyone had laughed at him.

"Emmett, stop pouting. It doesn't look good on you," Rose chimed. "Be a dear, go get my purse out of the jeep. I need my credit card."

"Yes, dear." He got up and walked out to the garage grumbling to himself. "Might as well. I keep getting smeared by Edward on the X-Box and everyone is letting Bella pick on me. What is the world coming to? Imagine a human picking on a vampire."

I smiled to myself. If that bothered him then what was coming next was sure to send him over the edge. I looked at Rose and winked. It was show time.

The door in the mudroom banged loudly as Emmett came back into the house. I smiled inwardly as he stalked through the kitchen back to the family room. I glanced up as he halted in front of the desk. In one hand he was carrying Rosalie's purse. In the other hand, bless him, were my underwear. Stage one was complete. I don't think we could pull this off if he didn't bring the evidence into the house.

"Who the hell do these belong to, Rose?" he asked, dangling the panties in the air for all to see. Great. I was already blushing as he waved my panties around like a flag. "I know they are not yours and they are a bit too big to be Alice's."

That was my cue. "Oh, those are mine, Emmett. I'm so glad you found them. I was afraid that I'd lost them."

Emmett's eyes widened in disbelief as he held up the black, lacy thong. The little bells sown into the side jingled as he lifted them up. "These are yours?" he asked. He looked shocked but I didn't miss the fact that his eyes were darkening. He was falling right into out trap. "Why were your panties in my jeep?" he asked incredulously. "Edward, if you…"

Edward cut him off. "No, Emmett. Why on earth would I do that with Bella in your jeep? I'm as clueless as you are. Bella, care to explain?"

He was so convincing that if I didn't know better I would have believed him myself. I cleared my throat. "Well, you see, you remember how Rose took me shopping last week…" I trailed off as I blushed thinking about what I had to do next. That was alright because it looked like I was blushing at the memory.

Emmett was staring at me with anticipation. He licked his lips slowly. It was a good thing that I wasn't a mind reader. It didn't take a genius to realize that he was imagining what he thought had happened. I could even see the front of his pants beginning to tent.

Edward looked at me, "And…," he prompted.

I blushed even darker as I noticed his arousal. Holy crow, whatever Emmett was thinking must be something else or maybe Edward's imagination was getting carried away. This had better be worth it.

"And we went lingerie shopping. Rose picked those out. I wanted her opinion before I wore them for you. I told you what happened. You said that you weren't mad," I accused.

Edward smiled at me, "I'm not, love. I just wanted to hear the story again."

"Edward!" I exclaimed, smacking him lightly on the arm. "You are getting to be just as bad as Emmett!"

Emmett just stood there, shocked into silence, still holding my panties hostage. He swallowed heavily. "You mean you… and Rose… in my jeep?" He couldn't even form a coherent sentence. His eyes darkened even further.

I stood up and sauntered over to Rose. I hoped that I looked more confident than I felt. It felt like there was an entire flock of birds trying to take flight in my stomach. Reaching my destination I caressed her cheek softly. "It was wonderful," I purred as I straddled her.

Emmett's jaw hit the floor as I leaned forward and kissed her full on the lips. I licked her bottom lip shyly letting her know my intentions. I'd always been a little curious so I might as well go all out. I might never kiss another girl again. I heard a thud as Emmett collapsed into a chair as I pushed my tongue into her cool, tender mouth. Now, I knew in my head that we were merely putting on a show for Emmett, but I couldn't help the arousal that pulsed through me. Her mouth was softer and sweeter than Edward's. I ground myself against her as she sucked on my tongue gently. God, this girl could kiss.

I nipped her bottom lip playfully as I pulled away. "I don't believe I ever thanked you for a wonderful time," I said huskily. "I'd like to do it again sometime, beautiful."

Rose looked a little dazed. Alice was fanning herself. "God, that was hot," she muttered. Jasper, Edward, and Emmett were now sporting raging erections. Now it was time for the final act. I walked slowly over to Emmett keeping my eyes locked on his now completely black eyes. I leaned in and breathed, "Can I please have those back now, Emmett? Maybe I'll model them for you sometime, too." I whispered the second part and delighted in the shiver that it produced.

He looked up at me, His eyes full of undisguised lust. He gulped nervously. I had a very hard time keeping a straight face. I'd never seen Emmett so unsure before. It was fabulous. "You're serious. You and Edward…"

I took things one step further. I sat down in his lap. I hoped that Edward was okay with this. I didn't dare look at him, afraid that I would ruin the prank. Emmett shifted slightly and I felt his immense length press against my rear. Oh my, he was rather well endowed, wasn't he? Rose was a lucky girl. I placed my face against his neck. I let my lips graze his skin as I spoke. "Well, after my rendezvous with Rose, we decided that we could open our minds to new experiences. That we would value each other more if we experimented with other people."

Emmett's hands were curled tightly around the armrests of the chair. He looked like he was having to physically restrain himself from touching me. He was gripping the chair so hard that the leather was beginning to split. Esme was going to be pissed. Finally he rumbled, "So, you'd model these for me?"

"Uh huh." I assented, sucking on his neck. "Later tonight if you want."

"Hell, yes," he growled.

I beamed at him and moved to get off him. Standing up, I leaned over him once more and whispered into his ear, "Thanks, Emmett. By the way, April Fools!"

I stepped back and studied his reaction. I never wanted to forget this. His face was a myriad of expressions. They all passed so quickly that I couldn't recognize them all. Mostly I saw shock, disbelief, anger, and disappointment. I was intrigued by the last one. He really did want to be with me.

"What!?," he yelled. "That wasn't real! It was all a joke!?" His expression really was priceless.

We all burst into laughter at once. Jasper was rolling around on the floor, the force of our emotions too much for him to handle. It made us all laugh even harder. He held his stomach, gasping for air that he didn't even need. "That was fucking hilarious. Damn, that shit is going on u-tube. Bella got you Emmett! Admit it, grizzly boy, she got you good!"

"This was all Bella's idea!?," he roared. The pictures on the wall shook as his voice got louder. He couldn't believe that I'd pulled one over on him.

Rose got up and sat on her husband's lap trying to placate him. "Oh, don't be so upset, monkey man. It was all in good fun. It was Bella's idea originally but we were all in on it. Besides, you can't honestly say that you didn't enjoy it," she finished and covertly winked at me.

"Did I ever," he muttered darkly and I blushed again. Another thing I would definitely not miss after my change. "Can a vampire suffer from blue balls? I believe I may have the worst case in the history of history. I never knew you had it in you, Bella."

I smirked triumphantly and flopped down on the couch next to Edward. Mission accomplished. "I hope you learned from it. I'm not taking your teasing lying down anymore. From now on, this Cullen is out for blood. Metaphorically speaking."

Everyone laughed again. Then Emmett muttered so quietly that I almost didn't hear him. "I wish I could take you lying down."

Rose smacked the back of his head as I turned an unattractive shade of puce. Damn it, I set myself up for that. "Ow… Rosie!" he whined loudly. "I'm just frustrated. You know, Bella, that prank was not very nice," he pouted.

He really did look adorable when he pouted. His dimples stood out from his cheeks and his lower lip protruded in the cutest way. He looked like a two year old that lost his favorite toy. I had to tease him a little. "Aww… Emmy-bear. No hard feelings, but I think it was priceless. It reminds me of those old master card commercials. The price of an April Fool's prank: Sexy underwear: Twenty dollars. Lap dancing lessons: one hundred dollars. The look on Emmett's face when he realized that Bella tricked him: priceless."

Everyone laughed again as Emmett grumbled, "It's not that funny, guys. I can't believe you were all in on that. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some frustrations to work off."

Jasper snorted loudly, "You mean wank off!"

Everyone laughed uproariously as Emmett yelled, "Shut up, Jasper. Nobody asked you!" Then he disappeared upstairs.

Once he was gone, I started to feel just a bit guilty. I had played my part a little too well it seemed. Jasper placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. He could feel my guilt. "Don't worry, darlin'. He'll get over it. But I have to admit, the arousal he was emitting was almost enough that I wanted to throw Alice on the floor right there. If it was any stronger, I might have started projecting it and things really would have gotten interesting. In fact, I have a problem of my own now that has to be taken care of just from recalling it."

With that, he disappeared out the back door with Alice in tow. Then Rose flitted upstairs. I assumed she was checking on Emmett. He was pretty angry.

I bit my lip as I considered what Jasper had said. "Was it really that bad, Edward?" I glanced up at him through my lashes. He was watching me carefully.

"It was pretty bad," he admitted. "But he wasn't the only one affected by your little performance. Rosalie really enjoyed that kiss. Everyone definitely enjoyed watching it. Emmett's thoughts were nearly incoherent."

I noticed Edward's eyes had darkened. I hoped he wasn't angry with me about how far I had taken things with Emmett. "You're not angry with me, are you?" I questioned almost fearing his answer.

"No, love. I have to admit that it was hard to see you sit in his lap and it was harder still to hear his thoughts but I know in the end that I'm the one you love. My ring is the one on your finger." He paused and pinched the bridge of his nose. "He wants you, Bella. Badly. They both do. In fact, they are conspiring upstairs as we speak."

"Are you serious?" I squeaked.

He nodded. "Your kiss sent Rosalie over the edge. She imagined it before but now she's had a taste and she wants more. Emmett, on the other hand, had harbored fantasies about you ever since we've been together. They've decided that they are going to pursue you and seduce you into their bed."

I looked at him incredulously. This was not turning out at all like I intended. It was supposed to make Emmett back off a little instead of figuratively hunting me. "Edward," I whispered. "What are we going to do?"

"We?" he asked smugly.

"Yes, we," I hissed.

He laughed suddenly. "You started this. You have to fix it. You're the one who is constantly insisting that I don't need to save you all the time. So here's your chance to save yourself. I need to hunt anyway. I'll see you later, love."

He placed a chaste kiss on my cheek and was out the door before I could even blink. Why that little… My thoughts were cut off abruptly by a door closing upstairs. Well, if Edward wanted to abandon me in house full of sex-crazed vampires I'd just go to La Push. It had been a while since I'd seen Jacob.

I pulled open the front door and it was pushed shut immediately. What the hell? I spun around and was face to face with Emmett. Well, not face to face. Face to chest would be more accurate. I gulped nervously. His eyes were nearly black.

"Emmett," I began uncertainly. "I'm sorry if my little joke went too far. I…"

He raised his hand, cutting me off. Where was Rose at? It was just me and him in the foyer. "Don't apologize, Bella. We all know that you were enjoying yourself as much as I was."

I looked up at him in surprise. What was he saying? "Emmett…"

"You can't lie, Bella," he growled, his voice heavy with desire. It made me shiver. Wetness pooled between my legs as he backed me against the door. "Vampires have an amazing sense of smell, you know. I can smell you even now." He licked his lips as his eyes traveled my body. His nostrils flared as he inhaled a deep breath. "I must say that you smell absolutely delicious. It makes my mouth water."

My heart started to race at his words. "_Edward, I'm going to kill you for leaving me here like this_," I thought mutinously.

I squealed as Emmett picked me up and placed me over his shoulder. He raced upstairs and deposited me on his bed. He turned and shut the door. I moved to get up but I was pinned before I had time to blink. I couldn't help feeling more and more aroused. Edward was never this forceful. He was too afraid of hurting me.

"Emm…"

"Shh…," he growled again sending another thread of want straight to my core. God, that was sexy. "I want this. You want this. Edward is happy with whatever you choose to do. There's nothing stopping this from happening."

"How do you know Edward doesn't mind?" I asked incredulous.

He smirked, "Vampire hearing, babe. I heard part of your conversation yesterday."

That brought me full circle back to my original complaint. "Stupid vampires and their superior hearing. It's not fair," I pouted.

He chuckled, sending vibrations through my body. "Yes. We are a very talented species. I'm about to show you how talented we can be."

His lips captured mine in a searing, possessive kiss before I could protest any further. I never knew that kissing could be like this. Edward held so much of himself back. He was terrified that he would hurt me if he didn't censure every move that he made. This was exactly how I had always longed for Edward to kiss me.

"You are so warm," he murmured. "So soft and you smell so good."

I stared into his glittering, onyx eyes. "Emmett…" His hands trailed down my body as he buried his face in my neck. "If you want me to stop, tell me now, Bella. After this, I might not be able to stop," he rumbled.

"No," I gasped as his fingers trailed over my sensitive mound. "Don't stop."

He growled at my words and attacked my lips with renewed ferocity. This was what Alice was trying to explain to me not to long ago. Emmett was the total opposite of Edward, and it made me appreciate Edward's qualities even more.

I kissed him back hungrily. He was right. As much as I loved Edward, I still wanted Emmett. I wanted his possessiveness. I'd always imagined that Emmett would be as aggressive in bed as he was in every day life. He was not disappointing me.

His hands trailed over my stomach, sliding under my shirt. His hands were so much larger than Edward's. They were cool, exactly like Edward's but more self-assured. He knew exactly where and how to touch. It only made sense, he did have decades of experience where as I was Edward's only experience. It made me feel slightly guilty that I was enjoying Emmett's experienced hands. It was not Edward's fault that he was still learning, just as I still was. It was almost enough for me to ask Emmett to stop. Almost.

"Where is Rose?," I panted as he sucked lightly on my neck. "I thought she was upstairs with you." God, why did that feel so good?

"She's off with Edward," he rumbled in reply as he moved south with his attention.

"Oh," I gasped as he swiftly removed my shirt. The quickness of the movement startled me. He was certainly impatient, wasn't he?

"Are you trying to kill me, Bella?" he growled. "No bra, really?"

I smiled mischievously. "I'm not wearing any underwear either, papa bear."

He groaned and latched onto my nipple which hardened instantly under his talented tongue. I moaned in response. It was almost too much. I let myself stop over-analyzing. The news that Edward was off with Rose didn't bother me like it should have. I think we could grow as a couple from the outside experiences. If anything, it assuaged the guilt I was feeling and helped me abandon myself to feeling what Emmett was doing to me.

Emmett reached down, flicking open the button of my jeans as I ground against him. He leaned back and pulled my jeans off. I blushed under his unwavering gaze. He was only the second man to see me naked.

"So fucking beautiful," he muttered as he stripped off his shirt.

All thought fled my mind as I gazed at him in wonder. He looked like a Greek God, sculpted from pearly, white marble as he straddled me. I had no idea what he had been hiding under his clothes. And he had the audacity to call me beautiful.

He kissed me again. I could feel his arousal press against my thigh. He was monstrous. I pressed myself closer against him, the friction feeling delicious against my heated flesh. I moaned into his mouth, and he deepened the kiss. God, I needed more. I broke away gasping for air.

"Remember, grizzly boy," I joked using Jasper's term of endearment. "I'm still human. I still gotta breath."

He grinned his goofy grin and I melted even more at the sight of his dimples. "Of course, beautiful. Edward would burn me alive if anything happens to you."

I smiled at his words. He was right. "Alright, Emm. I think you are wearing too many clothes. Or maybe I should just leave. You seem like you're not into this." I loved to tease him. He was hilarious when he was so worked up.

I moved to get up and found myself pinned to the bed once again by an entirely nude Emmett. It was entirely unfair that they could move so fast. "Oh, no you don't," he growled again. The sound made me quiver with desire. His erection poked my wet opening and I could feel the vibrations in it from his growl.

Jesus, I was literally dripping. I ached with need. "Emm, please. I need you. I need to feel you inside me."

His eyes had darkened to the point that they looked like two black holes. "Bella, promise me you'll tell me if I hurt you. I tend to be a little rough."

"I promise, just stop teasing me," I growled out. Yes, I growled and it amused me to no end. "You're so cute," he teased further kissing the tip of my nose. "Like a fluffy kitten who thinks that it's a tiger."

I glared at him until he kissed me once more. He pinned my wrists with one hand and positioned himself with the other. "Are you ready?" he whispered. I nodded and he sank into me slowly.

I moaned loudly as he filled me up. He growled as I moaned sending another thread of heat pooling in my belly.

"God, Bella… So tight… and warm… almost hot… How does Edward not blow his load right away?" he groaned.

"Emmett!"

"What!?" he asked fearfully. "Did I hurt you?"

"No," I groaned. "Move, you're driving me crazy."

He relaxed, "Your wish is my command."

He pulled out slowly and impaled me once more with his enormous cock. Still, I needed more. "Harder, Emmett," I whispered. "I'll let you know if it's too much."

He grinned and set up a bruising pace. He held my wrists in his steely grip, careful not to crush my delicate bones. I wrapped my legs around his waist, tilting my hips to meet his thrusts. He hit my sweet spot over and over. I wouldn't last long. I had dreamed of Edward taking me like this. Maybe he would once he realized I wouldn't break.

I gasped as Emmett rotated his hips. I saw stars. "Emmett…" I moaned clutching him harder with my legs. "I'm going to cum, papa bear," I breathed.

He growled again and kissed me fiercely pushing his tongue into my waiting mouth. I moaned my approval as he escalated his pace.

"So close…" I murmured. He slammed home once more and I positively shrieked as my orgasm washed over me. I heard his answering shout and felt his cold seed splash inside my hot cavern. In the heat of the moment, Emmett's lips ended up on my neck and his teeth sank into my yielding flesh. I froze thinking that he had lost control, that he meant to kill me. That wasn't the case.

"Oh, shit!" he exclaimed. "Shit! I'm sorry Bella. I don't know what came over me. Fuck! I can't believe I lost control like that. What the hell am I going to do?"

I was already lost in a blur of blinding pain. I could feel it threading down my neck as it pumped through my veins. He had bitten me. I wasn't angry though. Edward had told me that vampires become controlled by instinct when mating. I remembered the feather incident during our honeymoon. It was just their nature to place their mark on something that they considered was theirs.

I whimpered softly as I trembled in pain. Yeah, it was safe to assume that my prank didn't end exactly as I had hoped. I heard Emmett moving about. "There is only one thing to do," he said grimly. I felt his teeth pierce my wrists and ankles. I cried out as my whole body lit up in flames. It felt like I was being slowly roasted on a spit. I screwed my eyes shut against the throbbing pulse that thrummed through my aching body.

"Fuck!" I heard him mutter before I lost all my faculties. "Edward is going to kill me!" He was right. Edward just might.

~~~~FIN~~~~

End Note: So, lovely reader. Let me know what you thought about my lemony one-shot. I would really like to know whether it is good or bad. I'm always looking for ways to improve my writing. If you liked this, feel free to check out my other stories. : )


	12. Magically Delicious

**Host note:**

**k, think I finally got The Cullens Sex Chronicles issue all fixed up, moving on....**

Today's one shot is brough to you in part by the letter 'P' - cause with P, I can make sentences like this -The perfect pretty, pink penis plunged into my pulsating pussy causing me to pant and whimper in a perfectly blissed out and utterly pleased puddle of orgasm.

**Yeah- I srsly need some sleep, eh!**

**K, so Perfect P's to all who reviewed yesterday, and you are: twilightnaley19, teamedward2110, Jamie_louise_black, ****Mambomama, Hadley Hemingway, ms. shyblush, Navygirl14, KyuketsukiInOki, Alinka, Spirit Of The Pheonix, Cullendriver, Paco1230, Rosebud024, and hnwhitlock2000.**

**Thank you all for taking the time to review and make us smile~**

**PS....Jamie-Louise-Black- I have totes pleaded for a continuation already and have it under good authority that she is planning on making this a short-multi-chaptered continuation- so can't wait!**

* * *

**Magically Delicious **

Entry for the Countdown to April fool's Day – What An Irishific Day!

Pen name: Rochelle Allison

Rated M

Edward/Bella

_Thanks to my beta, Nic, for reading and polishing this for me, as usual._

***

"Bella, you need to get over here. Right now," Edward's voice grumbled over the phone.

Stifling a laugh at Edward's melodramatic plea, I flopped backward onto my bed. His car was in the shop, making him dependant on his parents and I for rides, which he hated.

It didn't matter though, because it was Friday and I hung out at his house every Friday night.

"Hello to you too. I'll be by in a bit; I still need to take a shower."

"You don't understand. Em's home and he's wreaking havoc," he sighed.

Frowning, I sat up. "Wait, Emmett's back? When did that happen?"

"Early this morning, apparently, when we were at school. Let's see if you can guess why he came back…"

Realization dawned as my eyes flickered to the calendar hung over my desk.

March 17th; St. Patrick's Day – otherwise known as the day Emmett Cullen's favorite holiday coincided with his love of debauchery and wild parties.

The Cullens were fiercely proud of their Celtic roots. I mean, everyone had a little bit of Irish in them but Edward's family could actually trace their lineage back to the Irish towns their ancestors had hailed from. Esme and Carlisle took yearly trips to the Emerald Isle to visit with family and friends they'd made over the years and as children Edward and Em had always gone with them. As the boys got older though, they began complaining and by the time Emmett was a sophomore in high school their parents decided to just go by themselves.

Frankly, I wasn't sure what Esme was thinking. Her home was practically palatial, a visible testament to her taste and skill as an interior designer. Her firm was located in downtown Forks, but she was known across the country for her work. The fact that she entrusted the house to Emmett and Edward for four days a year while she vacationed with Carlisle was bewildering.

I suppose it helped that he always had the place spotless by the time they returned.

Edward, on the other hand, had a much subtler appreciation for his roots. He found St. Patrick's Day tacky, complaining that the American celebration of it had little to do with anything actually Irish. He wore his love in the form of a Celtic cross on his back and a Claddagh ring on his finger, and when I'd turned seventeen, he'd given me a ring that matched his.

Blinking, I realized Edward was still prattling on about the disaster that was Emmett, and how pissed he was that our quiet night of movies and fooling around had now effectively been shut down.

"Okay, okay, chill," I sighed, twisting my ring around my finger. "It'll be fine – we've had fun at Em's parties before."

"Maybe, but this time he brought a bunch of his frat brothers. I told you he pledged right? In the beginning of the year?" Edward began whining again.

"I'm hanging up now. I'll be there in a half hour," I said loudly.

"Okay," he said, sounding relieved.

Ending the call, I jumped off of the bed and stripped on my way to the bathroom, mentally reviewing what I'd be wearing. Truth be told, I was about as excited as Edward was about this party – not at all – but I still wanted to look decent.

Exactly twenty eight minutes later I pulled up to the Cullen's, where a few cars were already lining the street. Edward had left the garage door open for me, promising there would be an open spot due to his car being in the shop and Carlisle's being in airport parking.

I rang the doorbell several times. Not surprisingly, no one came to the door, and why would they? I doubted anyone would hear a doorbell over the dogs barking, the frat-friendly Top 40 "rap", and the cheers emanating from deep within the house. I'd just begun to dial Edward's cell when the door swung open and Emmett, dressed as an overgrown leprechaun, swept me into a hug.

"Bella baby!" he cried, actually lifting me off the floor. Exuberance and obnoxiousness aside, Emmett really was one of my favorite people. I hugged him back, planting a quick kiss on his stubble before he set me down.

"Hey, Em, long time no see," I giggled, caught off guard at how ridiculous he looked.

"Ya like the fit, huh? Huh?" He grinned knowingly, twisting a strand of his orange faux-beard.

"Daaaamn, Em, you didn't tell me the honeys were already here," some blonde guy said, swaggering into the room. He winked cheekily at me. "Hey girl, 'sup."

"Naw, dude, that's my little brother's girl," Emmett laughed, swinging his arm around me.

Blonde Guy smirked, eyeing me up and down. "Oh it's all good, we can still-"

"No, we really can't," Edward snapped, walking into the room with a faint scowl on his face.

"Hey," I said, releasing Em.

"Hey yourself," he responded, ducking his head to kiss me as we headed back up to his room.

Vaguely, I heard Emmett's horny little friend saying something but his voice faded away as we climbed the steps. Edward scowled; he hated having to stake his claim on me that way when it was so obvious we were a sure thing. I'd been with him since the ninth grade, and in love with him for almost as long. Our relationship never got old, and I was still so physically affected by him it was crazy.

"You see what I've been dealing with?" he asked, pushing the door to his room open.

I dropped my bag onto the floor and kicked off my shoes before crawling into his bed. "Oh come on, you mean you aren't impressed with Emmett's outfit?" I snickered.

He rolled his eyes, locking the door. "So what do you want to do tonight, now that the big screen in the den is no longer an option?"

"Edward, you have a TV, why can't we just watch something in here?"

He shrugged. "I guess…"

"Did you want to go out?"

"I'm not leaving my brother and his idiot friends here by themselves," he said.

"Oh, like you can really stop them from doing anything!" I said. "They're about to be so wasted. And they're, like, probably all huge buff types like Emmett and his cheesedick friend."

"What, you don't think I can handle myself?" Edward smirked, crossing the room so he could join me in bed.

"I'd rather you handled yourself with me," I grinned, wrapping my legs around him and pulling him down so our bodies were flush.

He kissed me, deeply this time, sliding his tongue into my mouth right away, and I responded, licking at him with mine. He pushed his hips into me and I tightened my legs around his waist, feeling his insta-erection.

"Don't tease," he murmured against my lips.

"I'm not," I breathed.

He kissed his way down to my neck, licking and sucking until I was almost writhing in pleasure.

"Let's do it," I whispered, running my fingers through his hair.

"Okay," he whispered back, twisting his hand between our bodies so he could undo a button or touch me, I couldn't really tell.

He'd gotten my pants halfway down my legs when there was a loud thump at his bedroom door. I jumped, banging my head against the headboard.

Pouting, I rubbed my head while Edward threw a sheet on top of me. "What?" he yelled, charging toward the door.

"I need you to hold down the fort so I can make a beer run," Emmett called from the other side.

"Has he been drinking?" I asked, wondering if he really was as stupid and reckless as he'd been in high school. Hurriedly, I yanked up my pants right as Edward flung his door open.

"You can't be serious," he said.

"Dude, get your ass downstairs and I'll be back in ten," Emmett replied calmly, adjusting his little green vest.

"You're going like that?" I cried hysterically, unable to hold in the laughter.

He smiled proudly, nodding. "Yup."

"No one else can go" Edward insisted, trying to subtly adjust his pants.

"They're not from here, Edward, jeez. Stop whining and get downstairs," Emmett said, his amusement finally falling away. He and Edward stood to toe, glaring at each other.

"Have you been drinking, Emmett?" I asked hesitantly.

"Nope," he shook his head, cocking an eyebrow at Edward.

Finally, I got off the bed. "Come on," I linked my arm though Edward's. "Don't take long. We have plans," I said, looking meaningfully at Em.

"Yeah, apparently," he snorted, looking at Edward's crotch pointedly before turning to leave.

Downstairs, the party was in full swing. Emmett had roped off – yes, roped off – the second floor in a moment of inspired brilliance, so at the very least that part of the house was safe. Loads of people, many of whom I recognized from school, were milling around. I spotted Cheesy Blonde Guy over by the couch, hitting on a redhead perched on the armrest.

So far, there hadn't been any damage done, but the night was still young. Things could look vastly different by morning.

"I still can't believe he came home just to do this. Don't they have parties in the city?" Edward lamented, tossing several empty, used cups in to the trash can in the kitchen.

"Maybe he just missed home," I shrugged, opening the fridge and peering inside. "Ooh, pudding…"

Edward watched as I dug greedily into my treat. "As soon as Em gets back we're going back up there to finish what we started."

Nodding, I gave my spoon an extra long lick for good measure, amused when Edward adjusted his pants once again. He shook his head at my antics, folding his arms as he leaned against the counter.

"Is there any soda?" I asked, tossing my spoon in the sink once I was done with the pudding.

"No," Edward shook his head, glancing around the kitchen. "There's punch though."

I followed him over to a pair of punch bowls on the counter, both bright green in color.

"I'm not trying to get fall-down drunk," I said, regarding the punch dubiously as Edward leaned down to smell the contents of the bowl nearest him.

"Ugh, not that one. It smells like there's about ten bottles of vodka in it," he said, making a face. I sniffed the second bowl, which was labeled "_Magically Delicious"_.

"This one doesn't smell too bad actually," I said. "Smell it."

He sniffed it before ladling a tiny bit into a cup and tasting. "Nope, you're right." He quickly poured us each a cup.

"Mm, it's good," I said, relieved and admittedly surprised Em would provide a non-alcoholic punch too.

"All right, let's walk around." Edward held his hand and I took it. We checked every room, including the second floor to make sure no one had sneaked up, finally ending up in the kitchen again. It was getting louder by the millisecond, but nothing was broken and no one was vomiting or fighting.

So far, so good.

I felt great, almost euphoric. Turning to Edward, I was pleasantly surprised to see that he too, looked happy. He beamed down at me, enveloping me in a warm, cozy hug that practically sent tingles to my feet.

"Let's go outside," he suggested, his eyes sparkling.

"Okay!" I said. "Let's!"

I couldn't have imagined a better idea. Edward's backyard was vast and spread out, perfect for taking walks. While the Cullens had next-door neighbors on either side, no one lived directly behind them and the yard stretched back so far that it eventually spilled into the woods.

Because of the uncharacteristically chilly March weather Forks was having, there was hardly anyone outside. A couple of girls sat smoking at patio table on the back porch, not seeming to notice us as we walked by.

"Let's go back there," Edward whispered, nodding toward the more unkempt part of the backyard, close to the tree line. There was a decrepit tree fort nestled in the trees, back from when he and Emmett were small boys, as well as a rusted out swing set.

"Why do you guys still have this stuff?" I asked in wonder, wishing desperately it was still functional. I'd have done anything to swing for awhile…

"I don't know, honestly," Edward said. "My mom's usually such a stickler for keeping things tidy."

"She's probably forgotten all about this," I said, noticing that the grass beneath my shoes suddenly felt very springy. Dropping to my knees, I touched the ground, running my hands over the cool, and thankfully dry, leaves.

Leaves?

Fishing my phone from my pocket, I pressed a button to illuminate the face so I could use it as a flashlight. What I'd initially thought was grass was actually a plant or herb of some sort.

"Bella?" Edward sounded so far away, and I waved him over even as I knelt with my face nearly to the ground.

Plucking one of the leaves, I held it up so I could see it better.

"Edward," I breathed. "Why didn't you tell me you had four leaf clovers growing back here?"

He picked one and looked at it carefully, his beatific smile widening impossibly further. Now he looked like the Cheshire cat, his teeth gleaming white in the weak moonlight. "They're shamrocks," he said, his voice a reverent whisper. "And I didn't even know we had them back here."

"Oh, like three leaves instead of four?" I asked, giddy with our discovery.

Edward nodded, running his hand over the thick patches of shamrocks beneath us. "Maybe my dad planted them or something, after a trip to Ireland."

I imagined Carlisle hiding shamrock seeds in his pockets and started giggling so hard that Edward joined in. I laughed so hard my belly hurt and my face ached.

"Hey, you know what would be nice?" I asked abruptly, zipping my hoodie up all the way.

"What?"

"A blanket," I said, aching to lay beneath the stars with Edward.

"Yeah, that sounds good," he sighed, not making a move to get up.

"Can we get one?" I asked, standing up.

"Uh, okay," he said, rising to his feet.

Once we reached the patio, though, and were faced with the daunting prospect of interacting with so many people… we paused.

"I can't go in there," I said to Edward, clinging to his arm. It occurred to me that I was feeling sort of strange. Delightful, but strange.

"Yeah…neither can I," Edward agreed, looking anxiously at the windows facing into the living room. The number of guests seemed to have multiplied.

After a moment, I remembered the football blanket in my truck. We tiptoed around the side of the house to get it, jumping every time someone said something too loud from inside.

"Bella," Edward said as I fumbled around inside the cab of my truck. "I think Emmett put something in that punch."

"Like what?" I asked, locating the blanket. I eased back out and shut the door.

"Like, something. But I feel something. Aren't you like… irrationally happy right now?"

"Happiness is never rational," I sighed happily. _Okay, maybe he has a point. And we _are_ speaking really slowly right now…_

"What should we do?" I asked, worry flashing through me. This could get bad.

"I don't know, but I can't go back in there. Not with all those people. I think I saw Angela and Ben in there," he said. He was on student council with them, and it might not look good if they ran into us while we were on whatever we were on.

"Oh, crap," I said, grabbing his hand in the darkness.

"I'm gonna kill Emmett. Seriously. Kill him."

"Let's go back to the shamrocks," I sighed. _Why can't I stop sighing?_

_And where are the shamrocks?_

We wandered back toward where we'd been before, stopping when we felt the softness beneath our feet. I quickly spread the blanket and lay back, removing my shoes so I could wiggle my toes in the shamrocks. Edward settled next to me and we wrapped the edges of the blanket around us.

"Like a burrito," I whispered, snuggling closer to him as I raised my eyes to the sky.

Straight above there was a circle of night sky, framed by the feathery fingers of the trees around us. The stars were lovely; pristine things winking at us from an inky black beyond. I gasped when a shooting star blazed across, nudging my leg further between Edward's. Everything was so vivid, so alive.

"Did you see that?" I asked, overcome by sight, sound and sensation. It was almost too intense; my heart fluttering warmly in my chest, my stomach tingling with anticipation.

"Mhm," he said, pulling me closer. He kissed my neck and that was nearly too much, as well. I scooted down so our faces were level, and touched my lips to his.

He rolled me on to my back, kissing me roughly, and I wrapped my legs around him as I had done hours…lifetimes…ago, his hair cool silk against my overheated fingers.

I rolled my hips against his and he shifted in response, pushing harder until the denim between us was hot and abrasive.

He unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans, rolling off of me to remove them, and I did the same, wanting nothing more than to feel more of his skin.

I could still hear the sounds of the party, but they were mellow and jumbled and melded with the nighttime sounds, the crisp crinkle of breeze-tossed leaves and singed flicker of falling stars.

And then Edward was on top of me again, his face blocking the heavens but surely just as fine, and I laughed and kissed him gladly, welcoming his tongue. We kissed until I didn't know where I was and when he moved my panties aside and guided himself inside of me I couldn't tell where he ended and I began.

We pushed and pulled and sometimes fast and sometimes slow. I never wanted him to stop; he felt so good and so _right_ even if we _were_ screwing like bunnies in the back yard while Emmett-the-Leprechaun's party raged just yards away.

Edward lay flatter, almost crushing me, so that his body brushed against my clit and I grasped and grappled at his shirt, warning him without words: _stay just like that…_

He left my mouth to suck brutally at my neck and I came, just like that, shaking and shuddering beneath him. Releasing me from his mouth he pushed up and away from me, just enough so he could hit it the way he liked to, hard and fast, and then he came too, his eyes squeezed shut.

The stars spun wildly and he fell to my side, panting.

For hours we kissed and shivered beneath the blankets, aglow and in awe as the night grew quiet and sky glowed lighter.

***

"Hol-ee shit."

_So not a welcome voice to wake up to._

Wincing, I rolled onto my back and squinted up at Emmett, who had lost the vest – but not the green leggings – and was staring down at us in confusion.

"What? What?" I croaked, struggling to sit up as I realized that beneath the old, musty football blanket, I was still pants-less.

_And Emmett has my pants. Awesome_.

He shook his head, his eyes flickering between Edward and me.

"Dude," he folded his arms. "Mom's gonna _kill _you."

"What?" I cried, shifting uncomfortably. Half of my butt was on the ground. "Why?"

Edward sat up slowly beside me, rubbing at his face as he yawned.

"Because," Emmett said, scratching his head, "you're rolling around in Mom's flower beds."

I looked down in horror. Esme's late winter blooms of snowdrops and irises were scattered all around us, a soft white testament to our late night shamrock-shenanigans.

"Edward," I hissed.

"I know, I know," he groaned, tugging at his hair. "Dammit, Emmett, what was in that punch?"

Emmett's eyes widened and took a step back before doubling over in hysterics.

"Punch?! You dumbass!" he gasped between deep belly laughs. "You drank the Magically Delicious, didn't you?"

Edward stood up, looking rather rumpled in his boxers and sweatshirt. "Emmett."

"Mushroom tea, dude," Em said finally, getting a grip. "I bet you two were tripping balls all night long."

**And there ya have it - This ending is brough to you in part by the letter 'S' as in... all you sneaky slinkers out there should srsly select that lil review button and leave some smut loving shouts outs or maybe something sad or silly, or even some slamming good praise.**

**K, back I go for a nap...snickers***


	13. Just My Luck

Not gonna list ya all today, sorry. In a rush and want to get this one shot to you as early as possible...and you totes prefer that, right????

So huggles and butt smacks to the usuals and anyone else who took the time to review yesterday. Enjoy!

Mwah~

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Entry for the Countdown to April Fool's Day---What an Irishific Day!

Titled: Just My Luck

Pen name: IrunwithCullens316

Rating: M

(And please, don't be a flamer if that is not "your cup of tea." Just leave and go far, far away ; P)

Pairing: Alice McBrandon and Jasper O'Hale

AU

OOC

One main character is human, the rest are mythical creatures of a certain persuasion.

Alice McBradon Point of View:

"Alice! Oi, Alice, where are ya' out there?"

Fiddlesticks! Cynthia was calling! I looked around the once-secluded meadow for a place I could hide me'self until she got tired or left, but there was none. The clearing was perfectly round and full of wildflowers; to hide would require straying from the path Cynthia was about to find me with. Into the forest, full of bears, hares, and other terrifying little creatures. I gulped.

I'm so not leaving this meadow. Cynthia will just have to find help with whatever the blazes she's about to interrupt my alone time for elsewhere.

"Alice?" Cynthia called out once more. I could detect a slight note of fear in her childish voice. I better make me'self known. 'Tis my sisterly duty to protect my smallest sibling.

Sighing, I responded, "O'er here, Cyn, and quiet down before ye' wake the dead, already!"

Cynthia entered the clearing with a sheepish smile. "Sorry," she mumbled.

"It's fine, Cynthia, but get to it. Why are you here and what do you need help with?" I asked.

She rolled her bright green eyes and grinned halfheartedly, "Not me this time; mum is the one in need of your services, Alice."

Oh great. "What for, if I may ask?"

Cynthia sighed glumly, "Mum needs our help peeling potatoes and such for dinner."

"Fun," I said sarcastically. "Any way I can get out of it? You know, do your chores for a fortnight, maybe? Spin you a new dress?" I hoped out loud. I wished it was the latter; dressmaking, while still considered a household task far more entertaining than chores.

"Sorry, no. She specifically told me you had to be there," she apologized.

I sighed dejectedly, "I'll be there in a few, I suppose. Just yell if you got lost on the way out, hmm?"

"Of course, see you in a few, sister." Cynthia waved and walked out of the clearing.

I slumped back down on the old stump I had been sitting on. I most definitely did not want to head back to our little seaside cottage with only one window and peel potatoes like a common leprechaun. I needed adventure! Housework was the ultimate bore to me, something my mother just could not comprehend. I didn't have an ounce of desire to grow up and become an ordinary wife to some dull farmer, but I must learn how to be 'the perfect housewife!', as per my mum's request, so she used Cynthia and I as helpers for whatever mundane task she could find. I swear, some days I wanted nothing more than to shout to her face that we are a family of leprechauns for Christ's sake! Where is all the mystery and smoked mirrors and faerie magic the humans place us among?!

These imaginings always tire me out, so. I am much more content to sit and go back to my previous train of thoughts, before Cynthia came for me: Jasper O'Hale.

Sweet Mary, Joseph, Baby Jesus! That boy is too beautiful to be a stumpy little Leprechaun! Our families, the O'Hales and McBrandon clans, have gone down in history as friends for what seems like centuries. Jasper is one year older, respectively, and absolutely gorgeous. The lucky bastard is blessed on his mother's side with human genes, and not Irish human. So we've been told, Jasper's great-great-great grandaunt, twice removed, was a human straight from Paris who fell in love with a Leprechaun, so now most of Jazz's family is graced with sapphire blue eyes, slightly tanned skin, and golden brown locks. Aaah, if only, but it's not as if I'm not an anomaly as well. What with my long black curls, pale white skin, and emerald eyes, the only feature I share with my mother and sister, I sometimes find me'self in the perspective of a person on the outside looking in. Ma says that stems from my desire to be more than a normal Leprechaun girl should, but I know it's because I'm different.

"Alice?! You ever coming out?" Cynthia shouted from who knows how far away.

"Yes! I'm leaving now!" I replied.

**Micheal O'Newton's Point of View**

I am a thief, I thought proudly, I boast of this title.

I grinned to me'self as I stood in the shadows outside the small clearing. Inside, there were two girls conversing. Sisters, I presume, because of their like eye colors and what the younger was asking of the older.

"Mum needs our help peeling potatoes and such for dinner," the younger said.

I almost laughed when I heard the older pleading with her sister for a way out. Hmph, prime example of a Leprechaun, not knowing its place in the kitchens. Yes, this is my victim.

See, my father, Micheal O'Newton Sr., owns a general store in the village two miles away from here. One would think that being the son of the owner of the only store of its caliber for miles would make for a rather lucrative home life, but alas, it does not. He forces me to work as his hand, delivering heavy sacks of taters and stocking shelves, for absolutely no pay at all.

"Keep the money in the family. You have no use for it. Help the family by giving up your share," he tells me.

Um, hello? Father, your brain still up there in that thick skull of yours? I need gold. I am a seventeen year old teenage boy for Christ's sakes; if I ever plan on getting that little Italian Bella Swan who just moved to town out of cocky Edward Cullen's grip, I need money to fund the plan. He's the filthy rich son of the landlord who still owns our plot. How am I to compete with that broke? It's pathetic, and here I was, thinking you wanted me to be happy?

Stupid old man.

I begged and I pleaded for minutes on end, but he just wouldn't fork up any gold. So, I came up with a new plan. Starting tonight, I would be going on weekly Leprechaun hunts, hoping to catch a little bugger and trick them into giving me their gold. My superior tracking skills had already found one right in our backyard!

I grinned animatedly when I heard her call to her retreating sister's form that she was about to head home. As soon as she stood, I leapt out and grabbed her by the back of her dress.

"Now I've got you!" I yelled. "And I'll not let you go until you've given me your gold!"

"Name's Alice, Alice McBrandon," she squeaked. "And alright, I'll give you what gold I have, just please! Let me go!"

"I'll not release you until I've got the gold," I said prudently.

With a sorrowful wave of her hand, a small pot painted with rainbow stripes appeared in front of us on the path. I quickly dropped my captive for a look inside the rather small cauldron.

"What is this?" I asked puzzedly. "Is this all the gold you've got?" I frowned; there were only three coins inside.

Alice sighed and dropped her gaze. "Aye, and I'm lucky to have that. My beau Jasper is much cleverer. He has a mountain of gold, and is forever bragging that no one can outwit him. I bet he'll laugh at me for being outsmarted so easily and so swiftly." Her face morphed into a pitiful expression.

I smirked, "You say Jasper's got all the gold?"

"'Tis the truth," Alice replied, "He's always taking me on these fancy dates with them, coins he tricked off one man or another. He laughs at me and my three little coins!"

In my opinion, this didn't sound like the proper behavior of a good, gentlemanly beau, and this beautiful Leprechaun girl obviously deserved better, but who was I to talk? Maybe this is how things are in her world? I decided not to mention anything so I could try to trick this Jasper, supposedly an extremely clever Leprechaun.

I grinned as an idea popped into my head, "It seems you're just a small fish, and there's a much bigger one in the pond," I told her. "I'll throw you back if you help me to teach that beau of yours a lesson."

"It would be nice to be the smart one for once," Alice said slowly, staring intently at something in the trees. "Okay, I'll help you."

Silly, naïve little Alice the Leprechaun.

"Oh! I know, I'll teach you how to build a genuine Leprechaun trap!" she declared. "Let's see how Jazz deals with that!"

And so, a pact was made.

I picked up little Alice and began to walk back towards my house. Luckily, my da' had built me a small work shed about three years ago. I head there whenever I need a place to just tinker with things in peace. It was the optimum place to build this trap. Alice guided me through building a heavy trap door that would hold anything inside when provoked, strong, sturdy walls to keep it there, and a thick roof to instill a sense of vulnerability. Now, all we needed was some bait.

"How about some shamrocks?" Alice suggested when I voiced my concerns, "Leprechauns love them!"

We hurried back to the meadow to look for some, the Leprechaun trap in my arms and much heavier than I had originally thought it would be. I quickly dropped to my hands and knees to search for some of the elusive clovers.

"I'd help you," Alice called from the meadow's edge under the protective shade, "but like I said, Leprechauns adore them---I'm not sure if I would be able to control myself. They're magically delicious to us, you know? Best if I stay over here."

Red in the face and sweating buckets, I walked back to the trap and placed four drooping shamrocks in the cage. I crawled over to where Alice sat, comfortable as ever, ready to wait the night away.

"Alice?" I asked suddenly. "How do you know Jasper will show? We've got no guarantee he'll walk this way."

"Oh, he'll most definitely come this way. He always walks the path through the meadow after work on the way home. I usually meet him and we walk together. Do not fret, he'll come."

Assured, I settled in to wait for this Jasper.

I woke with a start just after sunrise the next mornin'. Rushing over to the trap, I knew that something promising was inside. Oh boy'o! Alice, like the servant she was born to be, opened the door eagerly, and a rabbit hopped out and away. The shamrocks had been eaten.

"Oh damn." Alice muttered. "Too bad for you. You'd best take my wee pot of gold, and I'll be on my way. No need to tell you more Leprechaun secrets or let on about better bait."

"Better bait?" I asked to her back. I walked over and picked her up by the back of her dress. "You'd best tell me more, or you'll wish you did."

Alice sagged in my hands. "Rainbows," she gasped. "Leprechauns love rainbows. Why do you suppose we hide our pots of gold under them?"

"And where would I get a rainbow to put in the trap?" I asked stupidly.

"Easy," Alice replied. "On a sunny day like this, you'll find a beautiful rainbow in the waterfall near my house. It's also one of Jasper's favorite relaxation spots."

Groaning, I dropped Alice and dragged the bulky trap out of the bushes. Seems to me like it's heavier than it was yesterday. As soon as Alice hopped on my back, I began to hull the thing towards the river, the Leprechaun on my back shouting and pointing out the direction. By the time we arrived, I was scratched, hot, and exhausted, but I didn't care once I saw the glorious rainbow under the waterfall.

"Just set the trap under the falls," Alice instructed. "I'll tell you where. With luck, Jazz's gold will be yours before noon!"

I dragged the trap into the rushing water. At first the cool water felt wonderful on my overheated skin, but soon I felt frozen through to the bone. I thought of all the gold I would receive and my beautiful Bella's face when I courted her, and then refused to give up now. When the trap was finally set in the perfect place according to Alice, I stumbled, half-dazed, up to the riverbank. I flopped down near the warm rock upon which Alice sat and fell into a shivering doze.

I awoke to Alice's shout, "You've got something!"

Back into the freezing water I went. I retrieved the trap, but when I upended it on the bank, three fish was all that tumbled out. I turned to Alice scowling, "I should just take your gold and be done with the matter."

"Isn't that what I've been saying all along?" Alice agreed. "Settle for my three coins, Michael. It's not your fault that Jasper is cleverer than you are."

Oh no she didn't.

"No one is cleverer than I," I shouted at her. "I just need the right bait!" I glared at the tiny Leprechaun.

"Well," Alice said hesitantly. "Gold is the best bait, but I didn't think you'd want to use that."

"No problem," I said assuringly. "I'll just use your pot of gold."

"You can use it, but it won't tempt Jasper O'Hale," she said. "If it did, he'd have already tricked me out of it, I'm sure. To trap him you'd need much more gold. That's why I didn't suggest it before."

This stopped me, but only for a moment. I pulled two gold coins out of my pocket. "Will these help?" I asked.

"It's better," she admitted. "but Jazz has a mountain of gold, remember? It would take more than five gold coins to interest him."

Ah well, to get money you have to spend money, right? "I'll be right back, don't go anywhere," I ordered her. I hurriedly ran home and into my small work shed. I dragged out the small chest where I kept all of my money and ill-gotten gains from trickery. I hauled it back to the river and opened it in front of Alice.

"Will this do?" I panted.

"Ah, now there's a glorious sight!" she declared. "Add that to the rest, and it'll be sure to fetch Jasper. The gold calls to him."

I regretfully placed the gold in the mouth of the trap and settled down what was hopefully one last time to wait, but after an afternoon in the hot sun, a night on the stony ground, and a morning in the river, I was worn out. My head nodded, sagged, and I was out like a light.

**Jasper O'Hale's Point of View**

I crawled out of the bush behind the trap, careful to keep my eyes off the gold. It wouldn't do Alice or I any good for me to get caught now.

"That's a fine trap you have there, Alice," I whispered.

"Aye, indeed it is," she giggled. "The man's a dab hand at making traps, but a little light in the head, love. Ah well, 'tis a fine trap."

"No better than our own," I replied with a grin for my love.

"I want to thank ya' for helping me out of this little tizzy, Jazz. I don't know wha' I woulda' done if ya' hadn't been standing watching outside the clearing. No, I know. I'd be flat broke and grounded for not helping me' mum with dinner. Thank ya' for warning her about my predicament as well, I wouldn't want her to worry," she said seriously.

"'Twas nothing, Alice. I had fun teaching that there boy a lesson. He needs to know not to mess with us Leprechauns." I laughed and picked Alice up around the waist. Her soft hands cradled my face as I leaned in for a dizzying kiss. We kissed for a while, and while I knew that I wanted more, right now wasn't the place for it.

"Want you, Jazz," Alice moaned when I kissed down the side of her neck.

"Not here," I muttered, trying to keep my cool when she started fingering my jacket's buttons.

"Too late," she whispered as she eased the emerald green blazer off of my body.

Nodding my consent, I reached around her small frame to undo the small satin buttons of her dress. To tease her, I pulled the dress slowly down her frame. With desire and lust running through me, I placed my hands back upon her bare shoulders, running my fingers along her arms with curiosity and reverence. I wanted to please her. Feeling the texture of her silky skin, I worried my hands, calloused from manual labor, were too rough for this delicate creature, but she swallowed hard and fidgeted in my hands, responding to my touch.

Her chest was heaving as I looked back to her face. Her head was tilted upwards slightly; beautiful emerald eyes hooded with want. Alice stepped closer, pressing her hips into mine, causing a groan to escape me loudly. Both of our heads snapped to look at the insolent creature not ten feet away, but he was still passed out. Thank God.

With mounting excitement, I slid a hand up to cup her breast, groaning again at how full she was. Alice's breath caught in pleasure. By pure instinct, my other hand curled in her dark locks, tugging her face back for her lips to meet mine. She had the softest mouth. We both kissed harder and rubbed and caressed, but after a moment, we came up gasping for air. I again crushed her mouth against mine, desperate for more. She arched her back in response, eliciting soft sounds of pleasure, sending thrills through me.

I shivered against her cold fingers as they trailed lightly over my chest, teasing me. She moaned into my kiss before her hands came upon me, touching with need and urgency.

"Alice. . ." I groaned.

"I need to feel you, Jasper," she whispered.

"Do you want to feel me inside of you?" I growled against her ear.

"More than anything," she responded.

I pulled back slightly to stare into her sky-blue eyes to let her know I was ready. My tip nudged her wetness and she pulled me to her, wrapping thin arms around my neck. With uncontrolled breathing and a pounding heart, I slowly pushed into her. The sensation of her body overwhelmed me.

"Oh, Alice." I was dizzy with lust, shuddering with pleasure, as I started a slow pace with her. Her sounds were short and heavy against my chest, legs wrapped tightly around my waist. Pushing deeply into her, I yielded to the feeling, rocking our bodies together without abandon. We both cried out as we fell over the edge.

**~~Some time later~~**

"Alice? I think it's best we leave?" I whispered into her hair.

Stretching her lithe little body, Alice nodded and pulled herself out of my embrace to pull on her damp dress. I followed her lead and quickly yanked on my knickers, shirt, and trousers. My jacket was nowhere to be found, though, so I left it to grab Alice's hand.

She walked over to the still snoring body of Michael O'Newton and kissed his forehead. From where I stood, I quietly heard her mutter, "You'll never get my pot of gold."

A fine Leprechaun trap, indeed.

Fin. Lol, man, that was some serious Leprechaun lovin'. Never knew I had that in me. ;D

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	14. St Patty's Day of Pleasure

Host note:

Can't stop and chat, still searching frantically for that damn Shamrock and my bowl full of Magically Delicious.......

Please tell me I am not the only one pathetic enough to actually look? :-P

Thanks, as usual to all you wonderful readers, for reviewing and supporting the authors and the countdowns!

* * *

Entry for the Countdown to April fool's Day – What An Irishific Day!  
Pen name: IvyLane  
Rated M  
Pairing: Alice and Jasper

My first one shot ever! I hope you like it and thanks to BreathofTwilight for including me in the St. Patty's Day countdown! Also thanks to my wonderful beta IcarusToSun ~ I luv ya girl!

APOV

It was a horrible day, possibly my worst ever. The sun shone brightly over the forest surrounding Forks, setting the treetops aglow with the rosy hue of dawn. A rainy mist kissed my face as it settled upon everything it gently touched. It was rainbow rain, a perfect setting for today, my most dreaded day of the year; my life even. I chance at freedom; one shot at being a "normal" teenager. I smoothed the non-existent wrinkles in my hunter green plaid skirt, looking at the high school apprehensively. My first day; just peachy. With no clue what to expect inside, I crept towards the door; hoping that I didn't humiliate myself thoroughly in my ignorance of typical teenage protocol.

These were not the reasons I felt today would be the most horrible ever. No, to my utter embarrassment, this particular day was horrible because it was St. Patrick's Day AND my 17th birthday: my one chance at a normal, human life. But to accomplish this feat of madness I needed to find him, my true love: the one to make my heart flutter and knees weak. That is what ma told me it was like for her when she met my father years ago. Yet, why she told me to come here to find him, this creepy little school, was completely beyond me. But ma had what they called the second sight; no one ever dared to ignore her instructions to the letter when she deigned to give them her "advice".

I lived in a world of magic and folklore: colorful and unbelievably joyous. My life was filled with joy, love, and laughter. But yet I yearned to be here, among the humans, a place where magic was scoffed at and true love was rare. Yet, there was the materialistic piece to all of this that I could never ignore. My urge to shop was almost an addiction: an addiction that I could never satisfy due to the lack of shopping opportunities at home. I could have what I wanted at the flick of the wrist really, but no one at home appreciated my incredible sense of fashion.

But here everyone had to work for every desire and had tasks that must be completed to maintain a pleasant lifestyle. Most did not do this well. It created a tense and unhappy environment, making me realize how much I truly did take for granted. The atmosphere here practically screamed hatred and violence, and most frighteningly, fear of the different and unique.

_Well you are definitely different and unique. This should prove most interesting. _

_More like disappointing._

_Oh shut up._

Taking a deep breath, I walked through the doors into the unknown. The hall was full of people doing one of three things: darting into classrooms, rushing down the halls, or standing about chattering among one another. Ma warned me of the cruel natures of teenage girls and their "cliques" I believe she called them. Supposedly girls couldn't simply be friends with just anyone… seemed a bit ridiculous to me. People glanced at me with curiosity as I wandered along, searching for the main office so I could get my schedule for the day. Ma assured me there would be no problems.

I wandered around for what seemed like forever but finally found my destination. At the end of the main hallway I saw the sign hanging ominously above the plain half-glass and half-wooden door. Breathing a sigh of relief I shoved the door open, not expecting the groan or the thudding noise that accompanied the movement. Dear God, did I hit someone on the other side? My face flamed red with the thought. Wide-eyed and covered in blushes, I peeked behind the door and saw my victim grabbing his forehead as he leaned against the office wall behind it, then slowly slid down to the floor.

"Fuck…" he muttered, uncaring of the gasp of the secretary watching the scene in horror.

"Jasper Hale! Cursing in my office is UNACCEPTABLE!" Mrs. Cope sputtered indignantly. She was a jolly looking woman in her mid-forties, who looked at me in angst as I stared open-mouth at the gorgeous boy I just leveled in my impatience to gain access to the office.

"Sorry ma'am, but that shit hurts like a bitch." He drawled in this soothing and erotic tone of voice. My body shivered in delight upon hearing it. The sound of his voice resembled dripping honey straight from the honeycomb: warm and smothering. I watched in fascinated horror as he rubbed his fingers gracefully over his forehead, soothing the ache that was unfortunately completely my fault. I couldn't look away. I imagined those hands rubbing me instead and my body reacted immediately, causing goosebumps to spring up all over my arms while my body tingled pleasurably.

He rubbed his eyes and glanced up at me. I felt I was drowning in his ocean blue gaze as my heart began to race and moisture formed between my legs, dampening my panties. He was perfection: soft wavy light brown hair, sexy, kiss-me lips, and a lithe and muscular frame that just begged to be worshipped. I was spellbound; completely captivated. A grin formed on his lips as I continued to stare boldly at him, sending more pleasant shivers up my arms.

"In a rush, darlin'?" he drawled, his eyes caressing every part of me as I stood there gawking at him as if I had never seen a man before. He seemed to take the assault lightly now that the incident had passed.

_Good work Alice! What a way to meet someone.  
_

"I'm so sorry!" I blurted out, realizing that I may have just ruined my chances with this incredible guy; possibly even THE guy. "I was not paying attention and I…"

The grin developed into a full smile; a smile that made me want to succumb to his every whim. He rose to his feet and approached me slowly. "Shhh.. darlin' its ok. I'm not that breakable; you just took me by surprise is all." He reached out to take my hand and raised it to his lips. "I'm Jasper. And you are?" he inquired softly as he turned my palm up, and kissed my wrist instead. It felt intimate, his lips grazing against my pulse while his warm breath teased the area, encouraging all those lovely goosebumps to spread like wildfire across my body.

I realized I had yet to answer, and whispered out, "Alice" before he could think I was daft. "I'm Alice."

JPOV

Fury enveloped me as my forehead throbbed in pain, causing a low curse to slip from my lips unconsciously. My mother would have cuffed me hard for that slip up; my family was raised to behave in a genteel-like manner towards others. But that shit fucking hurt like a bitch. That was the excuse I handed Mrs. Cope as she upbraided me for the expletive. I gripped my pulsing forehead, attempting to sooth the throb by massaging the skin there lightly; hoping that it would do some good. I was already late for homeroom: had just obtained my pass from our wonderful home office advisor and was about to leave for homeroom as the office door attacked me viciously.

_What kind of addle-brained fuck just shoves open a door like that? I can't wait to rip him a new asshole!_

And I was about to do just that… until I raised my head and looked up at the face of an angel, standing above me in concern and horror at her unmeaning assault on my person. I thought at first I must have hit my head harder than I thought, because no girl could be that dainty and fairylike; no one could be that physically perfect. This dainty pixie stood no taller than five feet; brown spiky hair and bright green eyes that shone like emeralds on her pale porcelain face. The rest of her was slight but definitely feminine, her pert little breasts thrusting out from underneath that tight sweater she sported. A sweater I wanted to peel off of her to see what lay underneath.

"In a rush, darlin'?" I practically leered at her, because apparently my momma didn't raise me to be quite as much of a gentleman as she had thought. My eyes caressed every inch of her slowly, and as each second passed I became more obsessed with possessing this fey like creature. I grinned at her, because she was just fucking adorable the way she started wringing her hands nervously, staring at me like a deer which was frozen in someone's headlights, awaiting their fate.

"I'm so sorry! I was not paying attention and I…"

I stood, taking her hand within mine to kiss the pulse in her wrist. "Shhh.. darlin' its ok. I'm not that breakable; you just took me by surprise is all. I'm Jasper. And you are?" I could feel her pulse beating wildly under my lips as I pressed them firmly to her skin. She smelled like spring wildflowers and honeydew. Just plain fucking edible. I was so screwed.

Her name was Alice; I wondered if I was slipping down the rabbit hole into wonderland as I continued to be overwhelmed by her presence. I pulled her towards me, hoping that perhaps this chance meeting was predestined, and maybe I wouldn't have to suffer through class this morning after all. Perhaps with some luck I could convince this lovely pixie to ditch with me today, and explore her perfection more thoroughly. As the thought crossed my mind, dear Mrs. Cope made the situation that much easier for me by asking if I wanted to be excused for the day.

"I think that might be for the best, ma'am. Perhaps this young lady could walk me to my car? I feel a bit dizzy at the moment." I replied hesitantly. Hopefully my boldness didn't scare her away.

Alice nodded quickly, her spiky hair rustling with the movement. As the tips spiked out, the mass looked soft and inviting. My hope was I would be able to find out if that were the case soon enough. She opened the door, slowly this time, and waited for me to pass by. I stopped her once we were clear of Mrs. Cope's earshot, my elicit plans for the day slowly developing in my mind as my body began to react to its nearness to her. The throbbing of my head was miniscule compared to the aching throb that was now intensifying in my pants; my cock bucking at my jeans as if it were a battering ram trying to break through a wall to get closer to her. "Care do ditch with me today, love? I know this nice little spot we could just go and relax at, if you are up for the adventure."

Her face lit up happily, as if she were thinking the same thing. I reached around her shoulders and led her to my car, thinking that she was a bit too easy to convince about the "adventure" I was spontaneously planning. She didn't look like an easy lay, and honestly, I wasn't down with that at all if she were. Sure getting laid was my number one priority, as it was for most guys my age. But I was a bit pickier, and liked my girls to be less experienced in the bedroom. That way when I rocked their socks off, they would remember the experience that much more. Plus the shyness of innocent ladies turned me the fuck on, as I disliked sharing what I felt was mine; even if it was only mine for a short timeframe.

This "pickiness" also worked to my disadvantage as I am a bit rough in the bedroom, which makes innocent ladies nervous if not downright petrified. So my experience was not as vast as any young teen would like, but I had a good time when the opportunities arose.

_This one is dainty, Jazz ole boy. Might have to take it a bit easier on her…. Damn!_

But she was too cute to resist; there was just this magical quality about her, something that called me to her, almost like a siren's song. I felt hypnotized by the sway of her hips, and the soft soothing sounds she made as she passed by simple things that seemed to amaze her. As we reached the car, she stopped by the nearby rose bush and leaned in, deeply inhaling the fragrance as a slow smile curved over her finely sculptured face.

"Stopping to smell the roses, darlin'?" I asked sarcastically, raising one eyebrow in her direction.

She looked up startled, then perked up as she skipped, yep I said skipped, to the passenger side door. "It's amazing, isn't it? All the wonderful things that most people take for granted daily?" She tilted her head to one side quizzically, and it made me wonder if her question was rhetorical or if she actually expected an answer. I chose the prior response and shrugged at her lamely, as I sauntered over to her side and opened the door for her and settled her inside. I supposed she was right; people did tend to take things for granted. It was just surprising that a hormonal teenager would be expected to realize this in a world that generally takes everything for granted, by yet another youth, no less.

APOV

The silence was unnerving as we drove to Jasper's "little spot" as he put it; the warm sexual innuendo in his tone assuring me I would soon know what passion was like. I couldn't wait. My body trembled at the thought of his hands upon me, and my body ached for something I didn't understand. But I would soon. And it would be amazing, just as ma promised me. As we cleared the trees the sight I beheld took my breath away. A small lake, a secluded masterpiece of God was nestled here protected by the surrounding trees, rippled as a waterfall flowed over the top of the mountain behind it. The sun shone brightly across the water, causing a small rainbow to seem to float out from the waterfall. Ironic.

It was the perfect place to explore one's emotions and sexual urges; a private spot for myself and this human god to play freely. I stared up at Jasper as he helped me from the car; such a gentleman. I leaned in, whispering softly in his ear invitingly, "I want you inside me." His eyes widened for the briefest of moments, then twinkled as that sexy panty-wetting grin appeared as he pulled me close. I felt him throbbing against me, making me tremble in need. "Please…" I begged, not sure what I was begging for exactly, but knowing it would ease the urgent ache I had between my legs.

"Are you sure about this, darlin'?" he asked in a whisper, his lips brushing against mine in a feather-light kiss. I moaned lowly, loving the feeling of his lips on mine. I wanted more and deepened the kiss by following his lead; I had never kissed anyone before. His tongue teased the corners of my lips, begging for access to my mouth, and I eagerly compiled. Using my own lips as a sword, I dueled with his, as he led me backwards towards the edge of the lake, never breaking contact.

My knees felt weak and I slowly sunk into the soft bed the spring grass had created, Jasper following behind to kneel before me, his eyes dark with desire. He yanked his shirt over his head quickly and cast it aside, baring his chest to me. Lithe muscle and skin stretched over his torso, his muscles rippling as he reached for me. He tugged lightly on the bottom of my sweater, obviously wanting like for like but not quite willing to undress me himself. I complied with a tender smile, pulling it up and over my head, tossing it away. I was naked underneath, not needing a bra to support my perky breasts. He moaned and leaned forward, sucking one into his mouth urgently, sucking and nipping as I writhed beneath him. I arched towards him, never wanting this building pleasure to end. God, the things I had fucking missed in my life thus far. His lips trailed up towards my neck as his hands kneaded my breasts urgently. Heat spread throughout my body, bringing a rosy flush to my usually pale skin. He nibbled on my neck gently, not hard enough to break the skin, but enough to send a fresh wave of pleasure through me, soaking my already moist panties as I ground my pelvis against his throbbing cock. I wanted… needed more.

His hand descended, running slowly up my leg and underneath my skirt to touch me where the pressure was building, where I needed his touch the most. He ran his fingers over the panties, teasing my clit with the pad of his thumb. My body arched like it was hit by lightning. "Mmmmm … yes." I groaned; loving the adoration he was giving my aching body. He stiffened at my vocal encouragement, and gripped my panties in his hand, ripping them from me with one swift tug. I gasped as the cool spring air hit me, soothing yet amplifying my almost painful arousal. I felt on pins and needles, my body taunt and tingling. I grasped at his hands with my own, pushing them back where I wanted them most.

He teased me again, then thrust a finger into my opening, pumping it in and out in an erratic rhythm, mimicking what his cock could instead be doing inside me. "Fuck!" he growled out, "You are so fucking tight baby." Another finger joined the first, stretching me slightly. I couldn't reply; too absorbed in these wonderful spiraling feelings building and pulsing with the pumping of his fingers. "That feels good, darlin'?" He murmured into my ear, sucking the lobe into his mouth for a quick nip. God, even the teeth of this man drove me fucking wild. Suddenly, his fingers curled inside me and the peaking spiral started to unravel, my body exploding as my back arched off the ground, sharp fireworks of pleasure pulsing from between my legs; proof of my first orgasm leaking into his fingers, still deep within me. "So fucking hot." He whispered, as he removed his fingers slowly and moved away from me.

I felt bereft as soon as his touch was no longer on me, but he quickly returned, and leaned over me, his sex throbbing against my opening. I grabbed his shoulders, trying to pull him closer, showing him that wanted more. "Please…" I whispered again, yet this time I knew exactly what I wanted. To be filled, with him.

JPOV

I couldn't believe how amazing my fragile little pixie was: passionate and uninhibited. She was fucking breathtaking and I wanted her to be mine. I watched her body arch as she came all over my fingers. So hot, so fucking tight! I wanted to feel her around me, not just my fingers. Thinking of exactly that, I pulled away to remove my jeans, returning to her quickly, before she thought I was done with her. Would I ever be? Somehow I doubted it; somehow I felt what we were about to do would change me permanently; bind me to her somehow. I lowered myself between her legs, leaning against her so she could feel how much I wanted her. Yet, I didn't move to enter her. I waited, for some sign that this was what she wanted. Her whispered please accompanied by her hot little nails digging into my shoulders was all I needed.

I gripped my cock and eased it into her. She so fucking tight I could feel her muscles stretch around me, gripping me urgently. I pushed in deeply and heard a tiny gasp of pain escape her. Fuck was she… "Alice…" I whispered, "Um…. I am not sure this is the time to ask, but have you ever done this before?" Her head shook slightly as she winced, a single tear slipping down her cheek. Well fuck me; a virgin. I hesitated in shock, unsure if I should proceed because it would definitely be a much more pleasurable experience for me than it could be for her, this first time. With my hesitation came this intense possessiveness, knowing that this girl was no one else's; only mine.

Sensing my hesitation, she wrapped those dainty legs around my waist and gripped me… hard. "Jasper," she moaned, her voice thick and full of desire, "don't stop. Please, I need you." I gripped her legs, trying to get a hold on the tidal wave of emotions that I didn't understand at all. I moved, slowly at first, then increased my rhythm as the need to possess her completely overwhelmed my need to be careful with her. She didn't seem to mind though, if the moans and gasps of pleasure were any indication. She met my thrusts eagerly; her limbs intertwined with mine; making us one.

Her body started to tense, warning me of her approaching release; a release I wanted to join her in. I pumped against her urgently, the pleasure building and building until I felt my release erupt from my body, her name echoing in the air along with the sounds of her own orgasm. I collapsed against her, completely devoid of energy. Fucking amazing. Never in my life had I experienced such immense pleasure, not even from the seasoned whores I associated with. And trust me; there were lots of them.

I felt Alice's fingers caress my cheek as she sighed contentedly. "I have to tell you something," she whispered hesitantly, "Something you are probably never going to believe, Jasper." Her body trembled, not in pleasure but this time shivered in fear as she squirmed out from under me to sit next to me on the grass. She seemed completely unabashed by her naked beauty; sitting naturally as if she were in the midst of a café at noontime. "I'm not like you. Human that is."

My mouth dropped open in shock. Was she fucking kidding me? "You look pretty human to me, Alice." I scoffed, becoming pissed that she was playing mind games with me. What the fuck was this about?

"That is because it is St. Patrick's Day, and my birthday. It was my ma's birthday gift to me this year." She explained slowly as if she were speaking to a small child, which I felt like at the moment. "I'm a leprechaun, you see." She smiled confidently at this, smoothing her skirt as she spoke. Ironic as it was the only thing she was still wearing.

I couldn't stop the peals of laughter that erupted from my chest if I wanted to. Of all the … I rolled back onto the grass, holding my stomach as the fits of laughter just kept coming.

"It's not funny Jasper!" she yelled, her face turning red and her eyes seemed to glow in anger, "this is serious business! Her magic only works for today, if I couldn't find a human to love me. Don't you understand?!" She looked pretty pissed, and it halted my laughter, at least for a moment.

"Do you really expect me to believe that Alice?" I asked hesitantly. I started to rethink having found the girl of my dreams, and instead wondered if she was half daffy. I scanned her face, which seemed genuinely upset at my scoffing, but seriously…. a leprechaun? I shook my head slowly, saddened by the doubt I had about her sanity. That was until I saw green sparkles appear on her shoulder, and a little green…leprechaun appeared.

"Happy St. Patty's Day!" he bellowed, causing me to rub my head in alarm. Maybe I hit my head harder than I thought this morning. He leaned towards Alice and poked her neck with this little wooden cane he held in his hand. I wanted to flick him off her like a bug for touching her.

_Jealous of a leprechaun now Jazz? Nice!_

"Do go away, Da; you're not helping!" she yelled to the little man sitting on her…. Da? I was definitely losing my mind here. She was 20 times his size, for Christ's sake!

"Well who's sayin' I be wantin' to help this laddie out anyways? He laughed at me; I saw him rollin' around over there like a naked pig in a poke!" he grumbled, pointing his cane at me menacingly. "You best be careful laddie, or I'll be takin' my sweet Alice back home with me. I told her this was no place for the likes o' us!"

The idea of him taking her away…. well it scared the shit out of me. I felt a special bond with Alice, one I couldn't yet explain. But I wanted more time with her, time to explore these new feelings and discover what they meant for us. "Don't take her." I asked quietly. "Let her stay with me. She's mine." Perhaps I should have left that last sentence out.

"YOURS?! I hate to break it to you lad, but she is MY daughter and MY heir. I could let her stay; promised her ma I would if she found ya'. But I be tellin' you this, no matter what, you'll never get me pot of gold. She leaves, and it goes to the grave with me." He looked at me wide-eyed, thinking that I was after his treasure? Didn't he realize that his true treasure wasn't a stupid little bucket of gold coins?

"Fuck your gold! I just want Alice!" I hissed, grabbing her arms and pulling her towards me. This caused the little man to tumble off her shoulder to the ground, bellowing like a stuck pig. He stood up and rubbed his ass, trying to sooth the aching muscles, I guess. "Would you like that Alice, darlin'? Staying here with me?" The smile that lit up her face was the only answer I needed. I reached for her sweater and pulled it gently over her head, kissing her tenderly as I rose to dress.

"Then let's go, shall we love?" I murmured gently as I wrapped my arm around her to lead her to my car.

I couldn't help giving her "Da" the finger behind her back as we walked away.

The End


	15. Magically Delicious 2

**Host Note:**

**So...I have had a busy as hell weekend- so sorry for the late posting, but I was off seeing Alice in Wonderland, might I say, Johnny Depp plays a fucktacular mad hatter :-P Cause he totes does, he is just my brand of crazy, I guess....lol**

**Remember me... have u seen it??? I got to go see it Saturday night with FF's wonderful Jamieson Z ( her one shot will be up in the near future) and dude, I am so positive that was Rob's best work yet! Really enoyed it, didn't shed as many tears as expected, but srsly...have u read my work, I am an angsty, cold hearted kinda gal, so the few sniffle and misty eyes I spouted were srsly a leap for me :-P**

**Anywho- if you have yet to see it, give it a go, it is totes good!**

**Oh, and I so can't forget.... the wonderful FH and I wrote a one shot for the FMl contest and dudes and dudettes, srsly we are totes freaking out! We won first f'ing place!!!!!! And, of course, that so wouldn't have been possible without the support of you woderful folks out there- is it sad that RL isn't half as exciting as FF life? :-P**

**Anywho- I'll stop rambling, just wanted to thank you all for being so fuckawsome!!!! MWAH~**

**For all those you have been reviewing, I lurvs ya all, so glad ur enjoying this lil conjoining of authors, Last chap or maybe last two, I give heartfelt thanks to you all.**

* * *

**The Countdown to April Fool's Day – What An Irishific Day!**

**Penname: bella c'ella luna**

**Pairing: Bella & Emmett (I know, I know)**

"**Magically Delicious"**

**Hope you enjoy, if the interest is there, I would consider turning this into a two-shot or a mini fic! Lemme know!**

Bella sighed and sank into the first empty seat she found. The corner table was, shockingly, empty and hidden away. She could sulk and watch Edward perfectly from here.

The bar was crowded with people wearing green in honor of St. Patrick's Day. Bella glanced down at her black v-neck and jeans. Not very festive.

She toyed with the frosty beer bottle in front of her, picking at the label. She didn't want to watch him. She didn't want to see him dancing with that skanky blonde, her hands all over his back and in his hair.

Bella really thought that this year things would be different. Edward would finally notice her. He was supposed to realize that she wasn't the girl who grew up with him anymore – she was a _woman_.

Not just any woman, either…she was completely in love with him. Had been ever since the eighth grade, when he offered to accompany her to the school dance. She suspected it was a pity invite and his mother forced him to ask her, since her ankle had been broken and Dr. Cullen said she couldn't dance.

Bella snuck another look at Edward and felt her stomach turn at the way he was dancing with that girl. Jealousy coursed through her and she bit her lip, willing herself not to cry.

"Bella Bella fo fella banana bana bo Bella fee fy fo fella - BELLA!" Emmett shouted.

Bella quickly averted her eyes, but not quickly enough. Emmett's expression fell into one of knowing, and he dropped into the seat across from her.

"Aww, Bella, you can't let him get to you like that," Emmett said kindly. He pushed a beer across the table. "Drink up. Can't let him see you like that, either."

Bella sniffled. She didn't want to drink anymore. She wanted to go home. "I know."

"You know?" Emmett repeated, his voice belying his disbelief. "Well, it looks to me like you're sitting here in the dark, all alone, watching Edward get nasty with random chick."

"I'm not," Bella said defensively. Emmett eyed her doubtfully and she sighed. "I guess I am. Just – _ah_, why doesn't he like me?"

"Have you ever told him?" Emmett asked, taking a swig of his Heineken. "I mean, _we_ all know, but does he?"

Bella's eyes narrowed. "What do you mean, 'we all know?'"

He laughed, and it was a loud, happy sound that could be heard even above the roar of the bar. "It's pretty obvious, Bells."

She scowled. Well, _that_ sucked.

Emmett laughed again. "So that's a no. Well, you can't blame the kid if he doesn't even know how you feel."

"He does know," Bella protested. "I mean, he must. Edward just…I guess he doesn't feel the same way. I mean, I can take a hint."

"It doesn't look like you're taking a hint," Emmett observed. "It looks kind of like you're wallowing. Why are you here alone?"

Bella felt the harsh prick of tears in her eyes; Emmett wasn't being mean, he was just being honest. She looked down and made sure her voice was steady before she spoke. "I was just about to leave. Jasper brought a friend but he got sick, so he and Alice left to bring him home. What are you even doing here tonight? I thought tonight was the big night with Rosalie."

"Ah," Emmett sighed. He reached his thick arms above his head and stretched. "Turns out she's got a boyfriend. That sucks, right? I wasted like three hundred bucks on flowers for nothing."

"So both of our nights suck," Bella mused. "What a shitty night."

"My night is not sucking," Emmett correct her. He stood up and drained the last of his beer, then held out his hand. "I came to drink and dance, and maybe get lucky. After all, it _is_ St, Patrick's Day and I _am_ Irish. And since you're the hottest girl here, you've got to dance with me. So come on."

"No – no! I don't dance," Bella shook her head, blushing at his compliment. She loved Emmett. He was so sweet.

"Bella," he sighed. "We can do this the easy way, or we can do it the hard way."

She sat back in her chair to take a thorough look at him. Bella had a pretty good idea of what the hard way was – the usual hard way. If she ever resisted Emmett's attempts to cheer her up, he had a tendency to just pick her up and toss her over his shoulder. He was definitely strong enough to do it.

Emmett stood a few inches over six feet, taller even than Edward. He had the shoulders of a linebacker, broad and muscled. He was just big all over – his heart, his personality, his sense of humor.

He took a step towards her and Bella squealed, already anticipating his attack. He laughed and darted right to her, scooping her up in his arms as if she were weightless.

Bella gasped and locked her arms around his neck. "Put me down!"

He just laughed again and moved onto the dance floor. As if knowing that she wouldn't be able to resist peeking, he moved far away from Edward and then stood in front of her, solidly blocking the bronze-haired God from her view.

"I don't dance," Bella said, speaking loudly to be heard over the music.

"Everybody dances," Emmett replied automatically. He grabbed her hips, wiggling his eyebrows lasciviously when she jumped. "You just move to the music."

Bella swayed awkwardly back and forth for a few moments before Emmett took pity on her. He pulled her closer, so their hips were bumping together, and forced her in synch with his movements.

"See? It's easy," he said. Emmett reached for her hands and placed them on his shoulders.

Bella was surprised at the warmth spreading through her body. It felt good – it was nice to be touched by someone, however innocent it was. Bella couldn't remember the last time someone just held her. Overcome with the urge to lean into Emmett and rest her head on his chest, Bella tried to move away. She was surprised by her sudden yearning for affection.

Emmett immediately frowned at her and just yanked her closer. "Dude, the last thing you want is for him to see you acting like a pissed off girl. Just relax and dance with me."

Bella realized he was talking about Edward and had assumed her reaction was because of him. She decided it was safer to pretend that Edward was the reason she tried to pull away, and ignore the fact that it was because she secretly wanted to feel up Emmett.

"You're not so bad," Emmett grinned. Without missing a beat, he practically flung her away from him, only to pull her back in a spin.

Bella gasped and clung to his huge shoulders for dear life. He laughed and dipped her.

The lights in the bar flashed and the music abruptly changed. The fast beat of the rock song switched to the sultry beat of an r&b hit. She had to wrack her brain for the name of the song, but it came to her – "Too Close."

Emmett seemed to hesitate and Bella immediately felt the sting of rejection. He normally danced with four or five different women a night. What, he had no problem grinding with strangers, but wouldn't with her? The rest of the crowd had adjusted to the new music but they continued to move to the beat of the nonexistent rock song.

"What?" Emmett asked defensively.

"Nothing," Bella scowled.

"Fine," he said knowingly. "You wanna dance? We'll dance."

He twirled her around so her back was flush against his chest. Bella's heart thudded against her rib cage, and when his big hands settled on her hips, holding her against him, she felt her insides begin to liquefy. She didn't know if she should put some space between them, but when she tried Emmett just jerked her back against him.

His chin rested on her shoulder and Bella felt his curly hair brush against her cheek.

The delicious pressure against her ass disappeared when Emmett turned her back around to face him. She didn't miss the intense gleam in his eyes or the hungry way he was staring at her.

Her stomach clenched when he closed the gap between them, making their bodies touch. The way she wanted him was unprecedented; she had known Emmett for years and never felt even a flicker of sexual desire for him. Bella let her eyes close as she lost herself in the music, in Emmett.

"Don't use me to tease Edward," Emmett said quietly, his mouth by her ear.

Shivers ran down her spine at his menacing whisper. Bella wanted to look at him but if she turned her face, their lips would meet and she wasn't sure if she was ready for that. "I'm not."

Emmett drew back a few inches to look her in the eye. "So who are you teasing, then? Me?"

Bella blushed. "No – I mean, I don't mean to. It's just – it feels – "

Emmett ducked his head and she felt his cheek skim hers. The rest of the bar - the people dancing around them, the clinking of beer bottles and the laughter of people having fun - abruptly faded away. "Feels like what?"

"Good," she blurted out. "It feels good."

He sucked in a sharp breath and shook his head, as if to clear it. Bella felt him begin to step back and she tightened her grip around her neck. "Just – let's just finish this dance."

Emmett's jaw tightened but he nodded.

She didn't like this unhappy Emmett, who so obviously wanted to get away from her now. Like air hissing out of a balloon, Bella felt her brief elation, and that flare of desire, disappear. She looked up at Emmett, who was staring at the crowd around them coolly.

Stinging tears filled her eyes and Bella swiftly cast them down, hoping Emmett didn't see. What a baby! She blinked rapidly, but when it quickly became clear that they weren't going away, she broke out of Emmett's arms and dashed for the exit.

She could hail a cab and get home. Emmett would probably be glad that he didn't have to give her a ride. He could hook up with someone more his style. And Edward – well, Edward probably hadn't even known she was there.

The cool night air was a refreshing difference to that of the crowded bar. Bella pushed through a crowd of girls wearing green and ignored their irritated comments. She only made it a few steps past them when the girls acted up again; this time, their comments were anything but irritated.

Bella could hear Emmett excusing himself so she moved more quickly. It was pointless to even try to get away, because Emmett was in excellent physical shape. The star quarterback of his college team, Emmett was being scouted for several NFL teams and was constantly training. His coach had him running six miles a day, whereas Bella probably couldn't make it to the end of the block without keeling over.

"Bella!" he called.

She ignored him and whipped out her cell phone, ready to call for a cab. Emmett stepped around her and plucked the phone out of her hand, tucking it into his back pocket.

"What are you doing?" he demanded. "Why did you leave?"

Bella whirled around and started in the other direction, not trusting her voice to work. Emmett grabbed her arm and turned her around, forcing her to face him. She had never seen Emmett look so distraught.

"What's wrong?" he asked again. Emmett reached up and smoothed her hair back and Bella gulped for air, really fighting tears now. "Bella, please. Tell me what I did."

"Nothing," she whispered. Bella shrugged and finally raised her head, meeting his eyes and not caring if he saw her tears. "I just felt stupid. I don't want you to think I was trying to tease you. I just…"

"You just what?' Emmett encouraged. "Come on. Tell me."

He was standing close again, too close, and her thoughts began to jumble together. Bella's head swam with the scent of his cologne and she had to fight the urge to lean into him. She looked up and he towered over her, so big and comforting and safe, and Bella opened her mouth but nothing came out.

"Jeez, Bells, you're killing me here," he joked, trying to lighten the mood. "Did I step on your foot or something? Break it?"

She managed a tiny smile, despite how horrible she felt inside. "I'm sorry. I don't know. I got confused, I guess. It just felt different, ya know?"

Emmett nodded, and when he spoke his voice was cautious. "It did feel different. _Nice_ different."

Bella looked up at him sharply. He couldn't possibly feel the same way, could he?

Emmett had everything going for him. He was sure to be drafted by the NFL, but he was studying physical therapy "just in case." His grades were admirable, and quite frankly, Emmett was gorgeous. He was the epitome of masculinity. She had seen him once without his shirt on and admired his physique.

He never had a steady girlfriend, except for Rosalie, but that was back in high school. She came to visit for the weekend, to see everyone. Bella knew Emmett was hoping for some kind of rekindling, but apparently Rose had a boyfriend she neglected to mention on the phone.

Bella was surprised that Emmett hadn't been snatched up by someone a long time ago. He was always so sweet, and just _stable_. He was always there, whenever anyone needed him, for _whatever_ they needed.

Emmett cleared his throat. "I'll take you home."

Bella realized she had been quiet, lost in her thoughts, for too long and felt her cheeks warm yet again. Emmett had already turned and began walking in the direction of his jeep. His words caused her heart to sink, and she wondered what exactly she had been hoping for. Bella followed him quickly.

The ride home to her apartment was short and tense. Emmett didn't say anything; he didn't sing or badger her relentless about Edward, or even tease her about her lack of green.

He parked in front of her building and Bella's hands began to sweat. Why was she so nervous?

"I'm sorry your St. Patrick's Day was so terrible," she apologized. "I know it's your favorite holiday."

Emmett shrugged. "I'll walk you up."

"It's okay," Bella replied, shaking her head. She didn't want to prolong the awkward goodbye.

He rolled his eyes. "Let's go."

She braced herself and climbed out of the jeep. Emmett walked two steps behind her, his hands shoved into his pockets. Bella fumbled with her keys but finally shoved them in and swung the door open, revealing her darkened apartment. She turned and almost collided into Emmett's chest.

"Sorry," she mumbled.

"Well…" Emmett trailed off.

"Good night," Bella whispered, daring a peek up at him from under her lashes. The tension was so thick she could scarcely breathe. She began to turn around.

"Bella, wait," he said, his voice frustrated. He looked even more upset now. He ran a hand through his short, dark hair, and Bella couldn't help herself – her eyes dropped to the sliver of flesh that became visible above his jeans when he raised his arm.

She quickly looked up but Emmett didn't even notice. He was rubbing his face with both hands. When he pulled them away, his cheeks were ruddy and his eyes held a determined light.

"Bella, can I just – I just want to try something," he pleaded, his voice soft. He took a step closer, and everything slowed down. Bella could feel each heartbeat as they thudded against her rib cage. Emmett's head ducked and she felt his warm breath exhale across her lips.

Her insides tightened with want, with such an unprecedented amount of longing that her knees almost buckled.

She whispered his name and he nuzzled her cheek. His skin was surprisingly smooth and she thought he must have shaved before they went out. Bella squeezed her thighs together just as Emmett's lips ghosted over hers, in a quick sweep.

Before he could completely pull away, Bella reached for him; whether it was to steady herself or pull him closer, she didn't know. Emmett responded with a low rumble in his chest, and then his lips were back on hers.

This time they were braver and when his lips captured hers, they didn't let go. Bella gasped into his mouth and her hands held onto his broad shoulders as he explored her. Emmett broke away just long enough to walk her backwards into the apartment and shut the door.

Bella heard the lock click shut and then Emmett's thick arms were around her. He easily picked her up and stumbled over to the couch.

"No, no," Bella whispered against his throat. "The bedroom."

He stilled for a moment, and when he spoke his voice was several octaves deeper than usual. "Are you sure?"

Bella nodded, and though it was dark, he understood. They made it to the bedroom in two seconds flat, and then Bella was bouncing on her bed. She laughed and leaned over to turn on her bedside lamp.

Emmett stood at the foot of her bed, looking tousled and turned on and _way_ too good. He didn't belong in her bedroom; her brain still couldn't understand Emmett wanting her.

Then he reached behind his head, grabbed a fistful of his emerald t-shirt and ripped it over his head. His chest rose and fell with his heavy breathing and Bella couldn't get past his rippling muscles. They contracted and bulged and each one was sharply defined. She longed to run her hand over his skin and see if his muscles jumped under her touch.

His body was perfect. She knew he was obscenely fit, but seeing him shirtless was a whole different ball-game than seeing him in a shirt, no matter how tight. How did she ever forget? Emmett was built like a Greek god.

"You're beautiful," she whispered, finally tearing her eyes away from his sculpted torso. "Perfect."

He laughed and shook his head. "Bella, you have no idea what you do to me, do you?"

Despite her compliment, Emmett experienced a brief moment of insecurity. Was she comparing him to Edward? Had she ever been with Edward? He didn't think so, but…the thought troubled him.

Bella looked at him curiously. He forced another laugh, then unbuttoned his jeans. He remembered her dating that kid Jacob, and then that asshole from school, Mike Newton. Emmett had wanted her ever since the first day he had seem Bella, but knew she liked Edward. So he never made a move.

But now…he was tired of waiting for Bella to realize that she could do so much better than Edward. She could have someone who really wanted her, someone who worried about her and wanted to make her happy. Someone who loved her. Someone like him.

His gaze was so intense that Bella looked away. Her eyes found his hands instead.

His hands moved slowly, working the button fly until the front of his jeans hung open and revealed a pair of black boxer briefs.

Bella kneeled on the bed, waiting for Emmett to come to her. She couldn't stop fidgeting and was vividly aware that she had never been so turned on in her life. It no longer seemed so difficult to reconcile this man, this fucking beautiful, masculine specimen, to Emmet - one of her best and oldest friends, the one she could always count on.

"Your turn," he said quietly.

Bella swallowed hard. "I'm – I'm shy."

She heard Emmett's breathing hitch and he kneeled on the bed, just inches away from her. All that golden skin, just asking to be touched; her heart pounded. Bella held her breath and looked up at him anxiously.

"Let's go slow, then," he said. "Can I kiss you again, Bella?"

Bella leaned into him, so eager for his lips on hers that she nearly fell into his lap. Emmett groaned and scooped her up, settling her on his lap so she was straddling him. Bella could feel his erection, and like every other part of Emmett, it was huge.

Emmett's kisses consumed her and Bella lost her breath, tumbling dizzily into a black hole of sexual desire. He was so warm, and his skin was so soft but the muscle underneath was like rock. Her hands skimmed over his body, touching everything she could reach, until the need inside of her was too overwhelming.

"Emmett," she gasped.

He pulled her shirt over her head and Bella fought the urge to hide herself against his chest. Emmett ducked his head and kissed her throat, his hands reaching up to cup her breasts. His hands were so big that they practically swallowed her up.

"Take this off," he muttered, sliding a fingertip under the edge of her bra.

Bella reached back and undid the clasp, and her bra slid off and landed between them. Emmett moaned against her throat when her nipples puckered tightly in the palms of his hands. He squirmed underneath her and when the temptation became too great for her to resist, Bella slid her hand into the waistband of his briefs.

As soon as her hand had wrapped around his scorching flesh, Emmett picked her up and flipped her on her back.

"Hey," she protested.

Emmett didn't say anything. He went straight for the waistband of her jeans and made quick work of the zipper. He tugged them down her legs, one hand returning to her panties before the jeans were even on the bedroom floor.

His fingers snaked into her panties and Bella jumped at his touch. He parted her overheated flesh, and for once Bella was too aroused to be self-conscious. Emmett's skilled fingers deftly found her most sensitive spot and he passed over it in tiny circles. Soon Bella was panting and writhing.

She clamped her thighs shut on his hand and looked up at him. "No more. I'm too close."

He laughed shortly, but withdrew his hand. Bella watched, unabashedly curious as he shucked his boxer shorts. "There's no way you're closer than me."

His thick, long erection sprang forward and Bella had to stifle a squeak of surprise. He was too big! There was no way that would fit inside of her.

"We'll go slowly," he promised, and Bella realized that the trepidation she felt was probably splashed all over her face.

Emmett removed her panties, watching her carefully, waiting for some sign of real unease. She was visibly nervous but he could handle that. It was even kind of cute.

Emmett kneeled between her legs and took himself in hand, slowly stroking up and down. Bella watched him pleasure himself, her eyes darting up to his. Emmett's gaze was focused at the glistening juncture between her legs. Bella was almost embarrassed at how aroused she was.

It had been _so_ long, and Emmett was _so_ beautiful…her legs felt boneless and her hands shook with anticipation.

"I want to taste you," he murmured.

"No way," Bella shook her head. "I want to – I want you to be inside of me when I finish."

The quiet, bashful way she made her declaration almost made Emmett lose it. He moved quickly, shifting so that he held himself above her. His dick rested on her stomach and Bella giggled, then rubbed her hand up and down its length.

He groaned and realized he couldn't wait any longer, or Bella wouldn't have a chance to finish. He grasped his dick by the base and rubbed its plump head against her opening. Bella's breathing abruptly became louder and more erratic, and she pulled her knees up around him.

"Are you ready, baby?" he asked throatily.

"Yes," Bella responded, her hips pushing up. "Now."

The head slipped inside of her and Bella let out a low moan, arching her back. Emmett's hands fisted into the bed sheets and his hips moved slowly but surely, not stopping until he was completely buried inside of her.

"God, you're so big," Bella breathed loudly. "Oh, my God."

"Is it too much?" he asked, dreading her answer. He couldn't pull out now, or he'd just die.

"No," she moaned. "It's perfect. I didn't think it could be like this. It's – "

She froze when his hips began pumping, but Emmett went nice and slow, until she wrapped her legs around his waist and dug her heels into the back of his legs. Her fingers bit into his shoulder muscles.

"Emmett," she said in a high voice. "Oh, God, I'm going to – "

"Yeah," he grunted and buried his face into her neck. "Please, Bella."

Her walls, already excruciatingly tight around him, convulsed as her orgasm crashed down on her. Emmett groaned at the delicious torture, feelings his hips hammer out an unsteady rhythm. He was so close. This was his fantasy – Bella, his dream woman, whom he had wanted for so long – but it was so much better than he imagined.

"Emmett, I want to see you come," Bella whispered. She opened her eyes, which were totally satisfied and sated. She reached up and cupped her right breast, rolling the nipple between two fingers. "On me."

He growled, not even able to speak, and thrust into her hard; once, twice more, then pulled out. His hand flew up and down his shaft, coated in the juices from Bella's orgasm, until his muscles began to seize up. Emmett moaned at the way Bella licked her lips, still playing with her nipples, and closed his eyes.

He spurted through his fingers, the hot, sticky substance landing on her stomach and breasts. Bella gasped at the contact and stared down at it in wonder.

"Jesus, Bella," Emmett swore. It took him a moment to calm down, his heart beating a sharp staccato and his lungs working as hard as if he just ran five miles. He sank down onto the bed next to her, kissing the side of her throat.

He looked at her and smiled. Bella's glow and obvious happiness made him feel even more content. "This is the best St. Patrick's Day of my life."

Bella laughed. "Mine, too."

"All right, I'm all rested up," Emmett said abruptly. He sat up and grabbed Bella.

"What are we doing now?" Bella exclaimed, holding onto his muscular arms.

"Showering. And round two," he grinned.

"Round two?" Bella repeated incredulously. She laughed and put her head on his shoulder.

Emmett breathed a sigh of relief as he carried Bella into the bathroom. She didn't seem to regret anything. If she closed off or shut him out now, his ego probably wouldn't be able to take it. This glimpse of perfection, of what life must be like with Bella, had straightened out his priorities, and she was now number one.

Bella didn't close off. She turned the shower on and stepped in. "Come on, Em."

He stepped under the warm spray and Bella pulled him close. "Happy St. Patrick's Day."

"You too," he murmured, her lips cutting him off.

**A/N: Depending on YOUR reaction, this may turn into a mini-story. Will Emmett get the girl? Will Cullen snatch her away? ;) HAPPY ST. PATTY'S DAY!!**

**LUNA**


	16. Lions, Magnets and Luck

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Entry for the Countdown to April fool's Day – What An Irishific Day!

Pen name:theotherbella

Title:Lions, Magnets and Luck

Rated M

A/N:Hola chickadees! Thanks so much to breathoftwilight for letting me be apart of this countdown. I had a blast writing this, and I hope you guys enjoy reading it just as much :)

I was like a lion in the jungle.

No woman would be immune to my cunning and charm. She would take one look at me, and fall in love.

That is just what I do. That is what I make happen.

I will make you love me.

"Dude, you're really fucking shit faced, aren't you?"

I was momentarily snapped from my hunt as Emmett nudged me with his shoulder. "No."

I thought for a second. Five beers, two tequila shots,a jack and coke...okay, maybe I was a little bit wasted.

But it didn't matter. No woman was immune to me.

"Edward, seriously, stop repeating yourself. You sound like a fucking Chatty Cathy."

Fuck, had I been talking out loud?

"Yes, idiot. Now cut it out."

Oh.

I scanned the bar again, and instead of turning to the hot thing with tits on my left, I loped back over toward the bar to get myself back together.

I could completely do this. I was Edward fucking Cullen. There was no reason I couldn't fucking do this.

I could be all over every single chick in this joint if I wanted to be.

And fuck, did I want to be.

You know how they say play through the pain? Well, you can fuck through it, too.

The bar was a typical bar. Gleaming, polished oak with matching stools, a haze of sweat and general drunkenness hung in the air. Emmett and I frequented this place because it was close to campus, prices weren't bad and it wasn't usually too crowed. Tonight was the exception, though. Tonight was the exception for everything, I think.

Tonight, was St. Patrick's Day.

This was the one night a year it was absolutely a-okay to get completely shit faced and pretend you're Irish and call yourself a leprechaun. Well, I wasn't Irish. But maybe I could be a leprechaun.

Look out.

I was Edward Cullen, Leprechaun.

Okay, that didn't have quite the ring to it that I was looking for.

Hmm.

"You know, it'd probably help if you looked interesting."

The voice...that voice was soft and dulcet. Smoother than silk, and sweeter than honeysuckle.

Yum.

I looked over, and was pleased to find that she wasn't some over make-upped, sparkly topped, tight panted girl that usually did this shit to me.

She was like...a vestal virgin, but without that whole innocent thing. Her brown hair was tied up at the nape of her neck, and brown eyes were watching me and sparkled with amusement. She looked like she could kick my ass, and fuck me because I liked it.

She could be in charge.

I could love her till she was seeing stars.

Frankly, I wasn't seeing a downside to all this.

I raised my eyebrows at her, and tried to smirk. "I am always interesting, my dear."

She laughed, taking a sip from the bottle of Heineken she had. "No, you aren't."

"Then why're you talking to me?"

"Because your idiocy astounds me, obviously."

I furrowed my brow, suddenly not too sure of myself. "That's not very nice, you know."

"You're gonna feel like a jackass tomorrow."

"Why?"

She shrugged, turning to face me for the first time. "Because this isn't you, Edward."

Oh, fuck.

"Hi, Bella."

She smirked at me again. "Hey, Edward."

To semi-quote Bogie, of all the gin joints in all the towns in the world she had to walk into mine.

Bella and I went to high school together, where I'd had a (massive) tiny crush on her. I lived, breathed, thought of this girl with every waking second I had.

Problem was, I was Edward Cullen. You came to me when you needed your math homework tweaked, or a little something extra in your history essay. I was the guy who knew everything about anything, even the stuff no one cared about.

For instance, I could name the types of plankton that blue whales ate.

In latin.

But enough about me. Bella on the other hand was...well, she wasn't really anything except for Bella. She was probably the one girl I didn't have to help with anything because she was just as smart as me, if not smarter.

She never once sought me out to correct her grammar, never needed to ask about the Alien and Sedition Acts of 1798, and didn't want to know 100 factorial. This made her completely inaccessible to me.

Why, you ask?

Cause I was a fucking dumb ass, that's why.

"Edward, you okay?" Bella asked. "You look kinda...well, paler than usual."

I groaned again, rubbing my forehead with my hand. "Yeah, I'm okay. What's up, Bella?"

She hummed a little while mulling over her answer. "A little of this a little of that. What about you? Do you go to school around here?"

"Probably." I mumbled.

"Edward, for someone who just two seconds ago seemed pretty sure that he was gonna charm the panties off of every girl in this room, you certainly lost faith quickly."

I shrugged, keeping my head down. "Whatever." I did not feel so well all of a sudden. "I think I need to leave."

I went to stand up, but the mixture of the booze and that all too familiar strawberry shampoo made me stumble. My mind was on over load and I didn't know what the hell to make of it. Why did I have to see Bella tonight of all nights?

I was supposed to get laid tonight, not ridiculed by the one woman I actually wanted to sleep with.

Not cool, Bella decision maker, ruining my Leprechaun fun.

My hands shot out in front of my body reflexively, but instead I felt one slender arm around my waist. "Easy, Edward." Bella's voice was soft and warm in my ear, and fuck me but I closed my eye to let my mind get lost in it.

It reminded me of easier times, when the most important thing on my mind was what to have for a snack after school and how I smelled. All I cared about back then was having my day revolve around the times I'd be able to see Bella.

I felt her hand press against my stomach lightly to set me straight, her fingers splayed. I groaned softly. "You okay?" She asked, her voice just as quiet and despite the people around us, Bella was all I heard.

I nodded. "Yeah. My keys are in my back pocket; fish them out for me?"

I felt, rather than saw, her tense beside me. "You're not driving yourself home."

"I'm not?"

"Absolutely not." She huffed. There was an awkward silence, and I went through the list of possible ways to get home in my head. None of them got me there fast enough. Bella let out a deep breath, and if her mouth hadn't been so close to my ear I wouldn't have heard her. "You can come home with me."

I chuckled a little. "I guess I am getting some St. Pat's day love."

Bella pinched my side. "You'll never get me pot o'gold."

I couldn't help it; I laughed harder. "What are you? The Lucky Charms leprechaun?"

She laughed too, cause that shit was funny to picture. I mean, Bella, with a red beard in the little green suit doing a jig? Admit it, you're laughing, too.

Her hand patted against my stomach then went away completely. "Come on, let's get you to bed."

"Again, trying to get me in the sack."

"You remember how we talked about you feeling like a jackass tomorrow?"

"Yeah?"

"This moment is not helping to assuage that."

"Ohhh, Baby, I love it when you use big words."

"I'm not your baby." She said, kinda harshly, not gonna lie. She helped me out of the bar, and we started slowly (mostly because of my lack of coordination) down the street.

"Thanks, Bella," I said, finally finding my voice again.

She shrugged under my arm. "It's no trouble. I wouldn't have offered if it was."

I nodded. "Yeah, but I'm acting like an ass, so it's the least I could do. Say thank you, I mean."

She laughed again, and I swear it was like fucking...awesome. "It's okay, Edward. You're drunk, I understand. This is me," she said, leading me up to an oak door with a huge glass window so you could see the foyer.

"Fancy," I commented.

"Eh, it's okay," she replied, unlocking the front door then helping me inside.

Once we got to her apartment, though, I saw the Bella I knew; the Bella I remembered. The space was small, but in a cozy not claustrophobic way, and she had two built in book cases on either side of the fire place. The kitchen was clearly used on the regular, and I could still smell whatever it was she'd had for dinner. It smelled awesome.

"I'll put you in my bed, and I'll take the couch," she whispered, beginning to move me in the direction of what I assumed to be her bedroom.

"No way, Bella," I said, stopping in my tracks so that my body became dead weight to hers. "I'll take the couch."

"It's not as comfortable," she argued.

"And I'm inconveniencing you, so it makes more sense for me to take it," I countered.

She smiled faintly up at me, but didn't say anything.

"What?" I asked gruffly, kind of embarrassed by the way she was looking at me.

She shook her head, still smiling. "Nothing. Just....that's the Edward I remember."

I furrowed my brow down at her. "What Edward was I before?"

She deflated a little and shrugged beneath me. "Someone else; I hardly recognized you."

That was weird.

I let her words sit in the silence around us for a second until I felt something shift. Something inside me. And not in a good way.

"Bella, where's the bathroom?"

She pointed over her shoulder. "There."

I tore away from her, and with speed I didn't know I possessed right then, I bolted into the bathroom only to collapse in front of the toilet. I would end up puking at the hot girl's house. I just would. This is my luck.

Fuck.

The contents of my stomach expelled themselves into Bella's American Standard, but through my retching, I felt a hand on my forehead and another on my back.

Either I sprouted two extra, or Bella was watching me puke.

"You're okay," she cooed. So much for the extra arms. "You're okay."

I didn't feel okay though. I felt like ass. I felt like sinking into the white and navy tiles and disintegrating. This was probably the worst end to what was supposed to be the greatest night of my life.

This was all just a huge mess.

I finally stopped spewing my guts out, only to feel Bella's hands leave me. I shut my eyes as I heard the water run. I pulled away, flushed the toilet and leaned against the wall.

"How do you feel?" she asked, just as softly as she dabbed at my mouth with a wash cloth.

"Better," I mumbled. I opened my eyes slowly and blinked at her. Something snapped inside me then.

I hadn't seen or heard from this girl in ages. She never spoke to me, never gave me the time of day and all the while I pined for her. I fucking pined. I was convinced as a teenager that my life would be complete and amazing if I only had Isabella Swan by my side.

Never happened.

No matter how much I wished and begged, it never fucking happened.

"Why're you doing this for me?" I demanded, suddenly sounding more like the wounded teenager I used to be than the lady killer I'd become. "You don't even like me."

She smiled sadly and sat back on her heels. "No one said I didn't like you."

My brow furrowed as I watched her. So many different things were flashing across her brilliant brown eyes that I couldn't register any of them. All I knew was that I had completely misjudged her. "You like me?"

She nodded, folding the cloth over and wiping my forehead. "I think you're a good guy. At least, the Edward I knew was."

Hm. "You don't like me now?"

"I don't know you now."

"Oh," I replied lamely. "Listen, Bella. I have a proposition. Why don't we share the bed? You can dress like an eskimo if it makes you feel like I won't attack you in the night, and I'll keep my clothes on. Even my socks."

Bella blinked at me once before she started laughing. "Okay."

I cocked my head to the side and just looked at her. "Okay?"

She shrugged, still smiling, and stood in front of me. "Why not, right?"

She held out her hands to help me up and I took them in a daze. I seriously could not believe my fucked up luck.

Bella helped me back into her bedroom, where I promptly flopped onto her fuckawesome bed. "This...this is a bed."

"Glad you like it," she replied, and I could hear her opening and closing drawers. "No peeking."

Okay, never ever tell a guy 'no peeking'. It makes me peek. It's like I have this biological urge to peek just because you tell me not to. Yeah, I'm a toddler. Whatever.

So I turn my head to the side, where I can hear Bella moving around and for what I saw there are only four words: Side. Boob.

...

Fuck. Yes.

I tried; I tired really hard to look away, but I couldn't. Bella was taking her sweet time putting on the cotton tee shirt I saw on the chair in the corner, and I was allowed 30 whole and complete seconds of tit ogling.

That little bit of milky white flesh was taunting me, showing me things I'd dreamt about since I was fifteen. That was the best thing that could have ever happened to me right then.

Thank everything that's holy she managed to pull on her shirt before she turned around. Had she not, I so would have been caught and then kicked out which wouldn't have been any fun at all.

"Are you really sleeping in your clothes?" she asked quietly, coming over to sit next to me on the bed.

My head flopped back to the side, and I looked at her. She was all changed for bed and kinda sleepy looking with her brown hair tossed and flipped around her.

If I was a lion, then she was a lion too. She just had the right look for it.

"I was gonna."

Bella shook her head and started to shift toward me. "At least take your pants off."

"Excuse me!" I said, pushing her hands away and turning from her as she came way to close to my hard on.

Bella rolled her eyes. "You're not gonna be comfortable sleeping in jeans."

Oh.

Good point.

I reached down to do it myself, and after some kicking and tossing I removed the offending garment. This, however, did nothing to hide my absolute need to me buried inside all things Bella. Stupid sex drive.

I awkwardly rolled away from Bella and somehow managed to get under her thick white comforter.

Epic Win.

Taking advantage of this, I rolled back over toward her. Bella hadn't moved, though.

"Aren't you staying?"

"Well, yeah, but I just wanted to be sure you were all tucked in and everything."

I let out a huge sigh and just nodded at her. I was 'tucked' in more ways than one.

"Tell me what you've been up to," Bella asked, pulling the covers back on her side of the bed, then arranging herself beside me.

"Uh, school and stuff. I'm going to Med school in the fall."

Could not fucking wait for that shit.

"So you're graduating on time?" she asked, pulling her hair up into a pony tail.

"Yeah. May 8. You?"

"I graduated in December." She clicked off her bedside lamp, and it took a second for my eyes to adjust to the dim light of her bedroom. "I'm taking a semester off before I get my masters."

"In?"

"Adolescent psychology."

"Wow," I puffed out. Not what I was expecting. But then again, Bella never did what I expected. Why the hell would she start now?

"Yeah. I had a hard time in high school, so I thought it'd be cool to help kids who're going through stuff, you know?"

I nodded, but was confused. "I didn't know you had a tough time."

Bella shrugged, settling down under the covers beside me. "There wasn't much you could do, Edward," she whispered.

For the record, I would have done anything to keep Bella happy. Because, fuck, happy Bella is happy Edward.

"Bella?" I whispered, taking a chance and moving closer to her.

"Yeah?"

"How come...how come we weren't friends?" I sucked in my cheeks, and felt nervous, but I sure as hell wasn't going to take that question back. I wanted to know why. Just why.

She let out a heavy sigh. "Edward, you and I were really different."

No, no we weren't. Bella and I were two peas in a fucking pod. We were like...fucking Gable and Lombard. Hepburn and Tracy. Bonnie and Clyde. Lucky and his Charms.

"How...what do you...I mean, Bella..." I trailed off, because really that statement was too absurd for me to respond to.

"It's whatever, Edward. Don't worry about it." She moved closer to me this time, and I could feel the heat from her arm against my chest. "How's college?"

I sighed. "It's okay, I guess. I'm ready to be done."

"Why?"

"Because...because I'm starting to see that maybe I've been wasting my time."

I wasn't talking about the school. I wanted to be a doctor, and once I was one, I'd definitely be all over that shit. It was...the other stuff. That's what I was regretting.

"Kind of a slut, eh, Cullen?" Bella asked, an amused lilt to her voice.

"Little bit."

"You seem a little...shy for someone with sluttish tendencies." She noticed, this time her hand coming forward to push my hair from my eyes.

"It's still me, Bella. I'm still the same old me."

I could see her smiling at me, and fuck if I didn't love it. "I like the old Edward," she whispered.

"You do?"

"Uh huh. He's a good guy. Not the arrogant bastard I met at the bar."

I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding, and pulled myself closer to her again. This time, my hand touched the smooth skin that stretched over her hip. "The arrogant bastard can't be a good guy, too?"

She pushed her face toward my neck, and call me crazy, but I'm pretty sure she sniffed me. "He can; when he's Edward."

The smile that crossed my lips at that moment was better than any post orgasmic grin I'd ever sported. First of all, Bella was in bed with me, this close to my body, and basically falling asleep. Second, she was telling me that she liked me. The love of my life, star of all my horny teenage fantasies liked me.

Epic mother fucking win.

***

I'm gonna start by saying that I was not fucking responsible for the way that I woke up the next morning.

I blame those fucked up leprechauns.

When I was coming back to consciousness, I realized that my fingers were clutching on to something much softer and warmer than a pillow. Next, was the way that my right arm was most definitely asleep followed by the ache in my left leg, which felt like it was in a vice grip.

This could have been either completely awesome or completely awful.

But when my eyes apprehensively slid open, I was so fucking pleased I could have done a jig. Even though I hadn't seen her in years before last night, I knew that the full pursed lips and rumpled brown hair belonged to Bella Swan, love of my life.

Moments like that were one in a million my friend. One in a mother fucking million.

I leaned down, and let myself kiss her forehead briefly. There wasn't any of that lingering crap. I knew it'd wake her up, and I didn't want to get caught and then tossed out of bed. It wasn't worth it.

Sure enough, my lips did the trick and Bella's eyelids fluttered open. I expected her to be confused, outraged, hell even inquisitive but she was none of the above.

Get this: she fucking smiled. "Morning, sleepy head."

Oh. Okay.

I grinned back at her. "Morning." I reluctantly pulled away when she did, trying to shake away the pins and needles in my arm. "Thanks again, for letting me stay."

Bella stretched out and I watched her nipples go hard under her tee shirt. Guh. "No problem. You were good...sleep company," she said with a sleepy laugh.

I couldn't do this, I suddenly realized. I couldn't just be in the same bed with her and turn off the raging hormonal machine that had been humming since the first time I saw her at fifteen. I had to get out of here. Now.

"Listen, you probably have shit to do, so I'll get going." I started to get up and out of bed, but of course things never go my way.

I was swinging my legs over the side of the bed, and starting to stand slowly when Bella grabbed my wrist. "No, Edward, wait."

Well, the prickling in my leg didn't leave me much time to compensate for the gravitational shift she put on my body, so, of course, I tumbled back into her. Exactly where I didn't want to be.

Well, that's a lie.

I found myself laying half on top of Bella, her hand still clutching my arm and my wood poking her thigh. I could honestly think of worse scenarios.

Bella's lips parted ever so slightly, and I could feel her chest rising and falling rapidly against mine. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes half opened. "Edward," she whispered in a breathy moan.

A breathy moan that went straight to my hard cock.

I groaned a little, trying to get some kind of composure back. I couldn't do this. I couldn't let myself do this. "Bella, we...can't..." form coherent or complete sentences, apparently.

I couldn't finish my thought because her hand was traveling up my arm, and somehow found its way to my cheek. Her touch was so warm, so full of...happiness that it was physically impossible for me to pull myself away.

So like a magnet to steel, I gave into my attraction. I leaned forward, her hand never leaving my face and brushed my lips softly to hers. Fuccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkk. There was honestly more of a...spark, jolt, burst, whatever you want to call it in the mere swipe of Bella's lips than I'd felt in the lips of any other woman. And I promise, I'd done enough research to back up that claim.

"We have to," she whispered, pressing her lips more forcefully to mine.

Well, if we had to.

My lips moved more forcefully against hers as her hands moved from my face into my hair. Fucking shit, this girl knew how to play me.

With her fingers firmly anchored, she pulled my face closer to hers and arched the rest of her body into me, and her legs came up around one of mine.

Okay, I had to get my head together.

I was not an inexperienced teenager anymore, and I sure as hell wasn't intimidated by the fact that I had the love of my life moaning underneath me. That didn't make me feel like I had anything to prove at all.

I could do this.

Literally.

I pressed my hips more forcefully into hers, eliciting a moan from her perfect mouth. That shit made me want more. I let my weight down onto my forearms and swiped my tongue over her lips, begging for entrance. This was my mother fucking dream come true.

Slowly (and with another moan) she let me in, her tongue probing my own. She tasted...well, in all honesty she didn't taste like anything at all, but it was still amazing. Her kisses were soft and insistent, making me want to take more from her, and give it back tenfold. I didn't want to be the passive receiver with Bella. I wanted to give to her; I wanted to give her everything I had.

So I would.

I pulled away suddenly, leaving Bella panting above me as my lips moved down over her face. My hands came down as I moved over her jaw and neck to cradle her head. My fingers twisted in her soft hair and I began to wonder if this was just a dream. Fuck it. If it was, I sure as hell didn't want to wake up.

I reached the collar of her shirt and pulled one hand from her hair to push it away. I didn't want to push my luck, so I resigned myself to placing hot kisses at her collar bone.

Bella whimpered a little, so I looked up at her. She was still fucking ethereal. She was looking down at me, her lips full and swollen from my kisses, and pulled her hands from my hair. They moved down her body, and pulled at the hem of her shirt. "Off?"

Who was I to deny her?

I broke away enough to pull the shirt over her head and stared at the full on loveliness that resided on her chest. If side boob was amazing the whole thing was nothing short of breathtaking. It was like they were there for me, and me only. I grinned up at her before going back in. I returned my lips to her collar bone, licking across that surface before I got to the valley between her breasts.

Her heart was thumping steadily against her ribs, and that sound seemed to cool my jets for a second so I could focus on what was happening. I was about to do something; about to feel something with someone that I never in my wildest dreams thought I would have. I was a luck bastard.

I kissed up the side of her left breast, dragging my lips over to her rosy nipple. I circled it lightly once, flicking my eyes up to watch her. My tongue poked out gently, licking around the already tight bud. Bella's eyes were shut tightly and her mouth hung open in an 'o'. I was pleased. Finally, and only after I was completely convinced that she wouldn't be able to take it anymore, I took her nipple into my mouth, sucking on it greedily.

"Fuck, Edward..." she moaned. My name falling from her plump lips in the throws of passion? I won the fucking lottery, didn't I?

I smiled against her flesh then pulled away to make a repeat performance on the other side. I was all about fairness, and I didn't want her other boob to feel left out. Bella's hands skimmed down my shirt, tugging at the hem, so I pulled away to take it off. Instead of just collapsing back on top of her, Bella sat up. She cupped my face in her hands and kissed me hard, not letting me move one inch to break our kiss. I wrapped my arms around her waist roughly, trying to get her as close as I possibly could. It was then that I realized that this was something different. This was something that I'd never be able to duplicate with anyone.

Bella pulled away first this time, never letting my face go and peppering kisses across it. "I want you," she whispered, "I want you in me."

I moaned, and I swear my eyes rolled back in my head. That shit went straight to my junk. If I didn't get in her soon, my cock was gonna launch off my body. My hands slid down her back and hesitantly under the waist band of her pajama pants. I stopped at the top of her ass, trying to hold onto some shred of self restraint, but then decided it wasn't worth it. I plunged down even farther, grabbing her cheeks roughly and palming them.

Bella let out a surprised squeak and giggled a little. "Hey."

I couldn't help but laugh at her playfulness. "Hi. You have the best ass of all time."

She leaned in and kissed me softly. "Thanks."

I wasn't having any of that softly shit, though, and I sought out her lips again. Her hands left my face suddenly, and moved down my body to my boxers where she started playing with the hair above the elastic.

"This...this is okay?" she whispered, panting heavily against my lips.

"More than okay," I confirmed, squeezing her ass a little for emphasis.

I guess that was the moment shit shifted. Bella wasn't a dream or a far off desire anymore, she was a reality coming true. She was something I could have; something that I would have. I didn't know what I was going to do when I couldn't any more. But to be completely honest, I wasn't too worried about it right then.

She began to push my boxers from my hips, so I followed suit. We both broke away after a moment to rid our self of our last vestment of propriety before looking at each other. This was it.

This was it.

I held out my arms for her, and she climbed over to me slowly, straddling my lap with my cock in between us. I kissed her one last time, hoping she could feel how much this meant to me; how much I wanted this and wanted her. Her arms came to rest against my shoulders as she slowly raised herself above me. I grabbed the base of my cock and helped her slowly guide me into her.

And then I'm pretty sure I blacked out.

She was so fucking tight and wet and warm...it was like I'd never really and truly had sex until that moment because nothing was better than this. I hadn't even fucking thrusted yet, and I was going to blow my load like some inexperienced teenager.

She slowly came down my shaft until she was fully seated on my shaft. It was killing me to hold still and let her adjust to me. All I wanted to do was pound wildly into her, but Bella refocused my attention with one breathy word from her perfect lips. "Edward..."

Fuuuuccccckkkkkkk.

I leaned over and kissed her again, going back to cup her ass when she began to move over me. I helped her set the pace and felt every single centimeter of her tight heat. This was that best thing that has ever happened to man. Ever. Nothing would ever top this, and nothing ever could.

"Fuck, Bella, you feel so fucking good." My voice sounded deep and gravelly, and she seemed to like that shit because she purred (fucking purred) and started moving faster, rolling her hips once I was fully sheathed again.

"Edward...Edward..." She kept going, moaning as I met her thrusts and started to palm her ass at the same time. "Make me cum."

This, I could do.

"Your wish, love." I started moving her faster over me, lifting my hips to meet hers and forcing her to take more of my cock with each thrust. I kissed her heatedly, prying open her lips and pulling her tongue into my mouth, sucking on it softly.

I felt her walls begin to tremble around my cock, and I knew this was my moment. I could make Bella cum and see stars and all that other shit I wanted to do last night. I moved my hand from her ass, around her hip and over to her swollen clit. I swiped at it gently at first, but then pressed rough circles into it. I wanted her to cum hard.

"Bella, Bella baby?" I whispered into her cheek as I let her catch her breath. "Baby, all I want is to feel your perfect pussy let go around me. I want to feel you cum. Can you do that for me, love? Can you cum for me?"

Bella moaned, and I moved my fingers harder. "Fuck...fuck...yes. More. Harder."

So I did. Bella moved faster, and I pushed my fingers harder until finally I felt my cock brush against that spot.

Jack pot.

"FUCKING SHIT!" she wailed, her pussy clamping down around me, then trembling with her release.

All in all, this should have been a perfect moment. I should have been thrilled that I'd just made the most perfect female in the entire world come undone around me over and over again. But I wasn't.

Oh, I so wasn't done yet.

Bella was panting, my name falling from her lips like a requiem, when I roughly pushed her over and lifted her legs against my shoulders. I leaned down, thrusting in slowly to keep her going so I could whisper in her ear. "That was good, baby, but do you think you could do it again?"

Bella gasped as I sat back up and started pounding into her wildly. This time, the change in angle and her walls still pulsing around me made it too much for me to even think about anything other than her cumming again, and me getting mine. In that order, of course.

"Edward..." She kept moaning, over and over. "Cum. Please...give me your cum. I want to feel you...please."

I set my jaw, and went harder. I grabbed her hips and tilted them up higher. This would be her undoing. "You first, love."

My cock prodded at her G-spot again, and she clamped down around me once more, screaming my name so loudly, I'm sure you could hear it across town. The second time was too much for me, but I managed to thrust into her three more times before I blew my load into her tight pussy, calling out for her.

I was panting above her, still thrusting weakly in the aftershocks of our orgasms.

Amazing wasn't even the right word.

Bella finally had enough of my lolly gagging, and pulled me down on top of her to kiss me with a passion I hadn't even known to exist. That was the best fucking way to end this, hands down.

I pushed myself up a little, just enough to brush the hair from her face so I could see her. "You're beautiful, you know that?"

She smiled up at me, humming contentedly. "As long as you think so."

I nodded, kissing her again because I couldn't fucking help myself. "I do."

There weren't any words after that, because really what the fuck did we have left to say. I don't know how to explain it, other than to say that something felt...finished. It felt like the end of something.

I sighed, and rolled off of her, pulling out in the process. "I should go. Em's probably looking for me."

"How is your brother?"

"Good. Getting married in a couple weeks."

"Ah, congratulations."

I nodded. It was weird. Being buried inside her and feeling what I felt and now we're talking about my brother's wedding like we just met on the street? Huh?

"Hey, Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for...taking me in." Shit was that a double entendre?

She laughed a little. "Any time, Edward."

Holy fuck, was that?

"Any...any time?"

"Sure. Maybe next time, we can plan it out?"

I laughed a little to myself, then finally looked over at her. She was grinning beautifully at me, and all I wanted to do was get lost inside of her all over again. "I think we can do that."

Her smiled stretched even further across her delicate features, and I leaned over to kiss her. "Maybe tonight?" she suggested.

I nodded in agreement. "Tonight."

She giggled a little, then kissed me again. "Okay."

I smiled against her lips, and couldn't help but thank whatever lucky entity crossed my path last night.

This was by far the best St. Patrick's Day ever.


	17. The Mysterious Dervla in Exam Room 1

Entry for the Countdown to April fool's Day – What An Irishific Day!

Host Note: Won't bother ya today, just enjoy! :-P

Pen name: IPaintEdward

Rated: M

a/n Okay, this is my first ever posted writing. I have so many people to thank, and I can't believe I'm actually doing this! First, my thanks to Robot Moose and WickedWriterChick for prereading, beta-ing and generally talking me off the ledge. Kelli- awesomesauce just oozes out of your pores. Thank you for egging me on and insisting that I could do this. HA! We'll see. I don't think I could have written this without Kellan's delivery of the cheesy line, "I already installed it in your car." I cringe every time, but it shows what a goof Emmett is. So, on with the show . . .

Disclaimer: SMeyer owns these guys. I just dream about them.

Title: The Mysterious Dervla in Exam Room 1

This is going to be a tough one. Some way, I'm not sure how, I have to get around my brother and sister's 'talents'. Wouldn't want them to screw everything up! Alice and her damnedable future sight, and Edward and his reading my mind all the fucking time. There has to be a way to get around them. I know Alice is able to shut Edward out by reciting shit in her mind; I've never been able to do that. He always knows what I'm thinking. Probably is hearing what I'm thinking right now. I don't know that anyone is able to shut down Alice, though. You can ask her not to look, but, sure as shit, if I do, she'll look all the harder. I don't think she trusts me any farther than she can throw me, and that wouldn't be far; even if she is a strong little shit.

You see, April 1st is fast approaching, and I've always wanted to pull a prank on my family. I never have been able to get past those two, though. They've always spoiled it for me. I haven't been able to pull a prank since . . . well, since before that damned bear. It used to be the highlight of my year, back when I was human; pulling pranks on friends and family members alike. It's been a long, fucking dry spell.

There is no way I can pull one on either Edward or Alice, and if I tried one on Rosalie, well, let's just say it would be a _long dry spell_ of a different sort. Jasper, yeah, so not gonna happen. He _feels_ fucking everything. Can't put this over on him. Esme is so sweet and kind, I couldn't do anything to her.

That only leaves Carlisle, my dad for all intents and purposes. Like I said, this is going to be a tough one. What would really get his goat? He always seems to take everything in stride. Never gets ruffled about anything. The only person I can think of to ask is Esme. She might even be willing to help.

"Esme? Gotta minute?" I wander up to Esme's office/workshop, knocking tentatively on her door. This is her creative space, and I don't want to disturb her if she's working.

"Come on in, Emmett. You know I always have time for you." She's always so accommodating and sweet. "What's on your mind?"

"I'm not exactly sure how to approach this, Esme. But, I've been dying to pull an April Fool's prank for _years_. I haven't been able to because my plans have always been foiled by either Edward or Alice, or both." I sit down in one of the overstuffed chairs and hold my head in my hands. Maybe I can play on her sympathies. I am not expecting the chuckling that I hear, then it escalates to downright belly-laughs. She's laughing at me! "What?"

"Oh, Em. You look so dejected. So, just who were you planning on pranking, anyway?"

I explain to her my reasoning, and she agrees that Carlisle is the perfect choice. She even has an idea that just might work . . . Time to get the whole family involved.

It seems that, around the time Carlisle was turned, England and Ireland weren't on the best of terms. And even though Carlisle is mild-mannered and accepting of so much, he really can't stand things that are intrinsically Irish. What could be more intrinsically Irish than Leprechauns? Okay, now we're really on to something.

With Alice's help, this whole thing is going to start on St. Patrick's Day. You know how Alice likes to decorate and throw parties. Yeah, we'll have a party for St. Patrick's Day. Leprechaun's and four-leaf clovers will abound. Since most of the attendees will be the kids from Forks High, we can't really do the green beer thing, well we could, however, I doubt the mother in Esme will allow it. But green gingerale will suffice, right?

I start researching online for any decorations or trinkets having to do with Leprechauns. I found it! Well, actually, I found _them_. I order every Leprechaun lawn ornament and figurine I can find. We'll have them everywhere! I also find some interesting Leprechaun costumes, one in particular I can't wait to see Rose in.

I really need to talk to Edward to enlist his help; every time I see him he has a smirk on his face, as though he's secretly enjoying the whole idea. Since he seems to be enjoying it, I ask him to go hunting with me, and as soon as we are far enough away that no one can hear us, I ask him directly his thoughts on this prank. "So, bro, whaddaya think? You wanna help out with this little game?" I know he already knows I'm going to ask, so I just put it out there, out loud.

"See, Em. I just would never think of pulling these sorts of pranks. Not that I don't enjoy them, it just never enters my mind to do it. So, yeah, I think this will be a blast. I'm not so much looking forward to the party, but the April Fool's prank, count me in on that one, for sure."

I slap him on the back, and we take off again; he's looking for mountain lion, and I'm looking for that fucking bear. Or one just like him.

Alice is in her element. The house looks like a Leprechaun threw up all over everywhere! Everything is covered in white and green twinkling lights, four leaf clovers, and the statue and knick-knack Leprechauns I ordered online. Yeah, and while I was at it, I ordered costumes for everyone. We're all dressed to the teeth in green with gold buttons, gold buckles on our shoes and stovepipe hats with big gold buckles there, too. Edward, Jasper and I all have Meerschaum pipes to complete the look. I didn't want to push the issue, yet, with Carlisle, so he doesn't have a costume. The party alone is enough to have him gagging on his deer-blood cocktail!

The party is a rousing success. All the kids from school are having the time of their lives. You know they couldn't miss the chance to see where 'the Cullens live' now could they? So, I'm spending the party watching my Rose. _Man, what was I thinking when I ordered that costume?_ I find myself spending the night hangin' behind the refreshment table, 'cuz if I were out in the general populace, everyone would know exactly what was on my mind. Watching her in that costume has me so hard I can't even adjust myself into any sort of comfortable position. Rose knows it, too. See there, she's bending over and shoving that bodacious ruffle-covered ass of hers in my direction.

Every time she moves, she sets up another fucking fantasy and my dick twitches. _Twitch._ Shit. I have to get her out of here, and soon. How long are these fucking humans going to hang around?

Finally, the last guest fucking leaves. I wave good-bye to Mike Newton, snatch my personal Leprechaun in my arms, and am upstairs with her, bouncing her on the bed, before Mike even gets the engine turned over in his car. After tossing Rose on the bed, I stalk her, "Do you have any idea what you've been doing to me all night? The fucking ruffles. The cleavage attempting to free itself from the front of your vest?"

"Aw, Baby," she purrs, "Why did you buy it for me if it was going to be so _hard_ for you?" She crawls on her hands and knees to the foot of the bed, licking those luscious pouty lips. _Twitch._ I can just feel those lips wrapped around my cock, slipping up and down, sucking; her tongue circling the head on each upstroke. _Twitch._ "Come over here. I want you where I can touch you."

God, I thought she'd never ask.

Faster than lightning, I'm standing at the foot of the bed with my pants and boxers around my ankles. My dick is waving and saluting her at its proudest. I reach out to slip my fingers down the front of her costume, between her breasts, into the cleavage that has taunted me all evening. Though I've seen and felt these breasts, this cleavage, for years, it never fails to amaze and excite me. Slipping my fingers between her breasts is nearly as good as slipping my dick between her folds. The vest is pressing her breasts tightly together; they envelop my fingers and almost seem to form some sort of suction on them as I start to remove them. _Twitch, twitch!_ Just as I slip my fingers between her breasts a second time, she takes me into her mouth.

Dear God! After the torture of watching my Rose all evening, it amazes me that I don't blow my load immediately. Breathing deeply, though I needn't breathe at all, helps me to center myself and stave off my impending orgasm. Not that I don't want to orgasm, not at all, but who wouldn't want to prolong the sensation of Rose's lips and tongue on their dick? I certainly do! I wind one fist into her long blond curls and rest the other on her shoulder. My hand in her hair helps set the rhythm that best suits me right now, slowing her down a bit, making me last that much longer. The hand on her shoulder draws small circles on her shoulder and collar bone, letting her know how much I appreciate that she's giving this to me.

As much as I love what Rose's mouth is doing, I'm finding I need to change it up. I pull her head back gently, using the hand wrapped in her curls. "Baby, lie back for me. I need to attend to those ruffles." The ruffles cover both the front and back of the panties I'm currently staring at. I couldn't tell before, but the panties only just barely cover the crack of her ass. Barely covering the landing strip to my heaven in the front. I ghost my hands over the ruffles, feeling the silkiness of the panties, as well as the rougher texture of the lace. I run my hands up and down her inner thighs, watching as her breasts rise and fall more quickly with each pass. Pulling the crotch of the panties to the side, I swipe my tongue over her lips, just tasting what has seeped out to soak through her panties. It's magically delicious! It's a wonder it isn't running down the inside of her thighs, she's so wet.

Pressing a little harder, I swipe my tongue along the same path; this time parting her lips and ending with a swirl around her hard nub at the top. A gasp escapes her, and I redouble my efforts. I lick, nip and swirl my tongue all around, in, over and under those lips, holding her hips down with my forearm so I can continue without chasing her all over the bed. Her gasps are coming quicker, and I can feel her walls beginning to flutter against the fingers that I have enlisted in my campaign to bring her to orgasm. I concentrate my efforts on her clit, sucking it in my mouth and flicking my tongue over, and over it, all the while pumping my fingers in and out, occasionally curling them to swipe and press against her 'oh so sensitive' spot. With a shriek of my name, her walls clamp down so tightly it's all I can do to keep my fingers moving. I keep pumping my fingers slowly as she comes down from her high. Once she sighs her sated sigh, I roll her over, placing her on her chest.

Circling her waist with my arm, I lift and move her toward the head of the bed as I climb up behind her. Hitching her up to her knees, I slide those frilly panties off her body, very carefully; I want to save those for another time. She knows what I'm up to and spreads her knees apart so that I can kneel between her calves. I look and see that she's already fingering her own clit, anticipating my entry. "Oh, man, Rose. Watching you fingering yourself is so hot. Keep it up, baby." I stroke myself a few times, circling the head with my thumb, watching her.

Not able to wait any longer, I slide my dick up and down the wetness before me, slathering myself in her juices before plunging myself deep within her chasm. I close my eyes and wait out the latest urge to orgasm, before beginning to pull out, only to slide back into that warm wet channel. I set a slow rhythm, as I want this to last forever, or at least as long as possible. I can plunge so deep this way.

Rose is moaning, "Em, you feel so good. You fill me just right. Just a little more, baby. Yes! Just like that!" God, I love it when she talks to me that way. She begins to spasm around me, and I begin to feel the tightening start in my balls. As if she has a sixth sense, Rose begins to stroke my sac, gently squeezing then tugging. It's too much. I can't hold back when she does that. Her pussy clamps down on my dick. The tightening accelerates, and soon, much too soon for my liking, I'm pumping frantically, jerking without rhythm, as my orgasm erupts from me along with a growled, "Rose!"

Spent, I lower both of us to our sides, still nestled within her. Though I'm beginning to soften, I smile because I know that this isn't the end of our night.

The next two weeks just fly by, during which we all prepare for our little prank. Finally, the time has come for the sneak attack on Carlisle's sensibilities. I can't help the goofy grin permanently etched on my face. The others are smiling, or smirking, too. Thank goodness Carlisle has left for the hospital; I don't think I can hold back my jubilance much longer. Of course, we let the rest of the emergency room staff in on our little prank, and enlist their help as well. As much as they love Carlisle, they are as eager as we are to pull this one off. We've provided them with a small camera to place in each of the exam rooms, along with a miniature microphone so we can all see, hear and record Carlisle's reactions to the situations we will provide for him. We've tested the cameras and mics to make sure we have a strong signal, everything is set, so we're ready to go. Those of us not immediately needed will be sitting in the van in the hospital parking lot, watching it all unfold.

Carlisle will be hampered by his need to move at human speed. The rest of the staff, even knowing what we are up to, won't be able to see the speed at which we work. We have enlisted the assistance of an honest to goodness Leprechaun, Dervla, whom Alice met prior to coming to our family, to pull this off. He's dressed in what would seem to be classic Leprechaun garb. Really, it's a child's costume.

We get Dervla set up in the first exam room, he's moaning and groaning, writhing as if he's in pain when Carlisle makes his cheery entrance. And his face falls. Quickly schooling his features, Carlisle continues. "So," he checks the chart, "Dervla, where, exactly, does it hurt?" he continues in his most compassionate, understanding voice. Dervla points to his abdomen, indicating an area approximately where his appendix would be. Carlisle gently probes the area, frowning, to which our Leprechaun emits another high pitched howl. Somewhat taken aback by Dervla's reaction, he clucks soothingly and assures Dervla that all will be well and that they will take good care of him. Assuring Dervla of his imminent return, Carlisle, at human-speed, hurries to the nurses' station to order tests and jot down his notes on the chart.

The minute Carlisle leaves the room, Dervla peeks out the door to make sure Carlisle is out of sight so he can move to the next room. At Leprechaun speed, Dervla hops up onto the next exam room table, while Jasper prepares him for Carlisle's arrival. This time, Dervla is going to have a nasty rash on his arm.

Since he has to wait for the test results, Carlisle makes his way to the next patient. Entering the exam room while examining the chart, he says jauntily, "Well, Ian, what seems to be the problem today?" Looking up, he takes in Dervla sitting on the exam table and scowls. You can just see his thought process: _Didn't I just see this person? And wasn't his name Dervla?_ He looks back at the door he just entered, walks over, opens the door and checks the number of the room. Ever the professional, Carlisle shakes his head and continues with the exam. Diagnosing a minor rash, he applies a hydrocortisone ointment and writes a scrip to be filled. Assuring "Ian" that it should take care of the problem, and that if not, he should return after a week, Carlisle smiles and leaves the room to continue his notes back at the nurses' station.

The charge nurse assures Carlisle she will look into what's taking so long with Dervla's test results while Dervla hightails it to the next exam room. Edward helps him get ready for the next installment of 'get Carlisle's goat'.

With a somewhat puzzled, thoughtful look in his eyes, Carlisle makes his way to the exam room across the hall. Stopping outside the room, he reads what has been written on the chart thus far. He opens the door and his eyes seem to bug out of his head. 'Rory', the patient, is sitting on the exam table with a bloody dishtowel wrapped around his hand. The door hasn't even closed yet, and Carlisle checks it out, yet again. It appears he just can't believe his eyes.

At each turn, Carlisle is looking more and more perturbed. To any that don't know him, it wouldn't be obvious. But to those of us that know him so well . . . well, he's pissed! And not just a little bit, either.

Edward does an amazing job with the fake blood, well, not really fake, but the wound is. He used an expired unit of blood on the towel and 'Rory's' hand. At this point, however, it seems Carlisle has reached his breaking point. He turns on his heel and calls out for the charge nurse.

"Maria? Could you come in here please?" As soon as she comes into the room he attacks, "What is the meaning of this, Maria? I've treated this same patient twice already, under different names."

"I don't know what you're talking about, Dr. Cullen. Your first patient, Dervla, is still waiting for you in Exam 1. Oh, and I just got the labs back. I'm sure you want to see them as soon as possible."

"Fine, Maria, would you please clean up this patient's hand for me? I'll be back as soon as I check the lab results."

We're all in the van laughing at the top of our lungs, but we need to make it into the hospital before Carlisle makes it back to Exam 1. Time for the big reveal!

Dervla hustles into Exam 1 and hops up onto the table, barely avoiding being caught by Carlisle. The door swings open and Carlisle strides inside, holding the 'test results' in his hand. They are obviously bogus, well, obvious to us, anyway. Go, Alice! "Well, Dervla, it appears that there isn't anything critically wrong. How's the pain?"

For the first time, Dervla opens his mouth and speaks, "Aye, Doc. It appears tha' thers nae to be a worryin' 'bout." In a thick Irish brogue, as he hops from the exam table, he continues, "May St. Patrick guard you wherever you go, and guide you in whatever you do--and may his loving protection be a blessing to you always." He skips out the door, leaving a dumbfounded Carlisle in his wake. Dervla gives us a wink as he continues out the doors of the Emergency Room, whistling.

We all assemble outside Exam 1, waiting for Carlisle to appear. "April Fools!" we all shout at him as soon as he opens the door. We're joined by the rest of the ER staff, all smiling and laughing with us. Carlisle begins to bluster, then realizes the joke's on him, so to speak, and begins to laugh along.

Edward runs out to the van to get the recording of Carlisle's 'patient' interactions from this evening. Fortunately, it is actually a very slow night in the ER and we all sit down to watch Carlisle watch Carlisle. When he sees himself walk in to examine 'Rory,' Carlisle breaks into a huge belly laugh. Relieved at his acceptance of the prank, we all laugh with him, high-fiving each other for the first successful April Fool's prank in the Cullen family history. You know that shit's going on You-Tube!

a/n Hope you all got a giggle or two from this. Please, show your appreciation of Breath_of_Twilight's devotion to you by organizing this countdown. It's a HUGE undertaking and she does it so well! Click that little green button to let her know!! ↓↓↓


	18. Let the Games Begin

Host Note:

Okay ladies, here's the deal, apparently I am not getting 4 one shots from various authors, so, to compensate for this, I can do one or the other of the folloiwing choices - don't like one, bnut like the other, can't live with one or the other- lemme know in ur review, and I will go by the highest number between the two for my decision.

1 - I post the remaining one shots every other day, instead of every day.

2 - I post the remaining one shots one after another- till there are no more- and then there will be a gap between the one shots and the collab posting date.

Lemme know which u prefer.

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Entry for the Countdown to April fool's Day – Just a Pranktical Cullen Day.

Pen name: RedzMystery

Rated M

Paring: Edward and Bella

AN: I wanted to thank Breath-of-twilight for kicking my ass into gear, and helping me out with this. She's gotten my words flowing again, and I can't thank her enough. I really appreciate all she has done for me. Luv ya girlie! *muah*

* * *

**Let the Games Begin**

All day I had been thinking about one thing. I couldn't help it; she was just too damn beautiful for her own good. Bella and I have been together for 6 years. We met as freshman in High School, and we were now almost done with our senior year at Dartmouth. She was an English Major, and I was Pre Med. We moved into a house off campus with my siblings and their significant others when we were sophomores and have been there ever since. Some might say that with our 6 personalities being so different that it would be hard to share a living space, but we have always just clicked together. Sure there were some tense times, but for the most part we always meshed together seamlessly.

But really, who cares about all that? I was too busy at the moment thinking about how stunning she was. We were out with our friends tonight just blowing off some steam, and enjoying our time together as a group. At least that is what I would tell you out loud. Really the only reason why I love to go to these clubs is because Alice and Rose always manage to dress my Bella up in something she normally wouldn't wear, and it's always a treat to see her in her 'club gear' as Alice calls it.

Don't get me wrong, Bella is always gorgeous, but she is mostly a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl. She doesn't need to spend time on her hair and makeup, and she doesn't need to dress up to be beautiful. Bella is naturally bewitching, and part of her allure is that she doesn't try too hard. She is who she is, and that has always been enough for me.

That, however, does not mean that I am not a man. There is something about seeing your girl in a tight dress with her curves highlighted in high heels with her hair looking like you've been running your hands though it and her eyes darkened by makeup so she looks like she's been thoroughly ravaged that can bring any man to his knees to worship at her alter. And that is why I love club night. It also doesn't help that when Bella's been drinking, she tends to be less concerned about what others think of her, and she'll let herself go more.

So that's where I am now; watching my girl on the dance floor with her two best friends, trying not to drag her off caveman style and find a dark corner to consume her whole. Thank God the night has almost come to an end. It shouldn't be too much longer before Emmett has to step in to keep Rosalie from beating the shit out of the poor unsuspecting guys hitting on our girls.

This is always how the nights end. Alice, Rose and my Bella drink way too much. They decide to dance together (i.e. grind all up on each other looking like the opening to a skinimax porno), and end up drawing the attention of every man in the club, along with most of the women. Rose sees someone eying either Alice or Bella, and starts to go ape-shit on them, and then Emmett has to go save the poor SOB from his Rosie. Jasper and I then have to help him drag the girls out of the club and then back home. By the time we get home, we have all decided to pretend that the incident has never occurred, thus giving us no reason to keep from repeating the pattern in a few more weeks. If every club night didn't end like this, these nights would be perfect.

A hand on my shoulder, followed by Emmett's booming voice broke me from by musings.

"Time to go, looks like Rosie is about to hand that fucker his balls!" Ah, leave it to Emmett to put things into perspective.

"Come on man," Jasper sighed as he made his way out of the booth to follow Emmett to the dance floor.

Groaning, I complied and trailed after them. This was the least enjoyable portion of the night, but it did lead to my favorite part: Bella. Naked. In our bed.

I quickly made my way to the dance floor and caught a fuming Bella around the waist. She always got herself worked up on nights like this. Honestly, I did too, but I have learned over the years that if I don't keep my cool, things would only get worse. If things get worse, I'll never get her to the part I love the most. _Bella. Naked. In our bed. _I might have mentioned this before, but I _have_ been thinking about it all day.

We discreetly maneuvered our way past the people on the dance floor and made our way out of the club. Emmett handed his ticket to the older valet, and as we waited for his jeep to come around, we all tried to calm down our girls. For me, this usually meant shoving my tongue down Bella's throat, and tonight was no different.

Several minutes later we were interrupted by a high pitched banshee shriek. "Christ you two, can't you knock that shit off for one damn minute? For fucks sake, it's bad enough that we'll have to listen to you two the whole damn night, I really don't need the pre-show too! Seriously use this towards a fucking room" Rose bellowed as she threw a crumpled up 20 at Bella.

"Hell Rose, like you have any room to talk! You and Emmett were mauling each other earlier. I thought we were going to have to douse the two of you with the fucking fire extinguisher at the club before the whole place got a free show!" Bella was obviously not taking any of Rose's shit tonight. If this didn't stop soon, they would keep this up all night, and I would be cock blocked by Rose with a 3rd degree case of blue balls, and never get Bella naked, in our bed.

I had to act fast. I shot a look to Emmett over Bella's shoulder, and turned her back to face me. I murmured in her ear, as quietly as I could, "Love, you know how she gets. Just let it go. I was really enjoying myself a few moments ago, and I would like to continue, but I can't if you and Rose are about to start a cat fight. Can we please continue?"

She sighed and replied, "I'm sorry Edward. Now, where were we?"

I crashed my lips back to hers, tasting and savoring the sweet taste of rum on her breath. I chanced a glance at Emmett and Rose, and noticed they were sucking each other's faces off as well. Now, if they could keep this up for the ride home, all will be well. Unfortunately for me, Emmett drove tonight. Hopefully, Jazz and Alice will be able to be enough of a distraction for Bella and Rose to make it home without starting up again.

I broke away Bella and nodded to Jazz. He looked at me and rolled his eyes. He knew all too well what would happen if we didn't stop this now. Alice would add her two cents to the mix, and then none of us would get any tonight. It would definitely be better for all of us if we could stop that from happening.

Finally, the grandpa valet brought the car around. I helped Bella into the back seat, and climbed in after her. Jazz lifted Alice in next to us then heaved himself in. Once we got our girls situated on our laps Em pulled out of the parking lot.

Immediately, Alice broke the tension. "Crank the music Rose. I love this song!"

All three started moving to the beat. This was good. Bella bouncing around on my lap meant all would go according to plan again. I really love my pixie sister.

Two songs later we pulled up to our house. I grabbed Bella by the waist and raced her up to our room. We each had our own floor, and ours was the top. I ran through the door, kicked it shut, and locked it behind me. I found out the hard way that this is more than a good idea, but a necessity. Emmett has never heard of personal space and had come barging in here one too many times in the past. Just 2 weeks ago he walked in on our Karma Sutra night. Poor Bella was embarrassed for days after Emmet witnessed us doing one of our favorite standing positions: the Veshta.

I turned and pressed her against the door, and attached my lips to her neck. I groaned into her skin. She always tasted so good, and now was no different. She wrapped her legs around my waist and tugged on my hair. I removed my hands from her waist, and began to trail them up and down her thighs.

"God Edward," she moaned as she threw her head back. She smacked her head on the door and whimpered. I kissed it tenderly and carried her to the bed.

"Are you alright?" I rubbed the back of her head just to make sure she didn't hurt herself. Blushing, she bit her lip, and nodded her head. I tangled my hand into her long hair and kissed her again. I gently laid her down on the pillows as my hands began to wander up her thigh again. Now I just needed to get her naked and the plan would be complete.

I tore my lips from hers, and sat back on my haunches. She was panting, and her chest was heaving. I kissed her shoulder as I swept her into my arms again. Moving her hair to one side, I found the zipper to her dress, and dragged it down her back. She clenched her fingers into my hair, and drew my face to her throat.

"Edward hurry, I want to feel your strong naked body against me."

As I trailed my nose down her shoulder, I removed the strap of her dress as she tugged at the hem of my t-shirt. I sat up and let her remove it as I turned on the bed to kick my shoes off. Bella, as usual, had lost hers as soon as we entered our room.

I quickly stood from the bed, pulled her to the edge and dropped to my knees as if I was praying to a Goddess. As I looked into her eyes, I slid my anxious hand under the skirt of her dress. I moaned her name as my thumbs felt the wetness saturating her sexy, black, French cut panties. "Fuck, Bella, you're so wet already." I eased her panties off her and flipped her skirt over her head. She arched her back as I massaged her thighs and inhaled her sweet scent. Nothing smells better than my Bella, it is intoxicating. I leaned closer to her, and she shuddered as I suckled on the soft skin of her pussy.

"Please stop teasing me. Please, Edward!" She knew I couldn't help but give her anything that she begs for, so I quickly sucked her hot little clit into my mouth. I heard her moan, and then she froze.

"Love, what's wrong?"

"Edward, did you hear that?" I listened closely, but the only thing I heard was the sound of my heart beating and our heaving breaths.

"No Love, I didn't hear anything."

"I swear I heard something."

"Bella, you probably just heard one of the others. We're not the only ones in the house you know. Come here," I whispered to her as my lips sought out hers again. I lifted her dress over her head as I moved to hover over her on the bed. She arched her back as my fingers deftly unhooked her bra. As I dragged it down her arms, her hands reached for the button fly on my club jeans. I hissed as her hand brushed against my throbbing cock, which quickly turned into a moan as she palmed me through my black boxers. Her anxious hands pushed my jeans and boxers off my hips.

I nuzzled her breasts with my nose, dragging my face from one pink nipple to the next. She fisted my hair again as she breathed out my name. As I flicked out my tongue out like Gene Simmons to tease her pink bud I thought I heard something crash above our heads. I dismissed this notion as quickly as it came into my head and continued my trail to my own personal Holy Grail.

Bella whimpered as I licked her wet folds, and she gasped as I circled my tongue around her clit. She drew my hair tighter between her fingers. "More, Edward, please more," she whispered. I slowly entered one finger into her.

"Christ Bella, you're always so tight." I quickly added a second finger, and plunged them in and out of her as I lapped at her clit. She writhed for me now, and I knew it wouldn't take much longer for her to come for the first of multiple times tonight. My tongue replaced my fingers, and I fucked her with it as my thumb rubbed quick circles on her clit.

"Fucking Christ, I love your mouth!" she screamed as she came on my tongue. I lapped at her juices like a kitten would a bowl of milk as she rode out the waves of her orgasm. I crawled up her body and trailed kissed along her torso. As I reached her lips, she froze again. _This is new_, I thought as I looked into her wide eyes.

"Edward, what did you just say?" she asked.

I looked at her, confused. "I didn't say anything, Love. Why? What did you think I said?"

"Nothing, never mind. Lay back. I wanna taste too." She replied lasciviously, as she seductively licked her perfect lips.

Her soft tongue swirled along my abs, teasing my as she dragged her mouth from one hip bone to the other. I threaded my hands into her hair and massaged her scalp. She licked down to my thigh, and as her hands came up to encircle me she gently squeeze my balls. As she manipulated me with her hands, her tongue traced the head of my cock. She never gave me a warning before she engulfed me in her mouth.

"Fuck, Bella!" I screamed out as she lazily began to bob up and down on me. I loved it when she sucked me off, but I was worked up, and I really wanted to be inside her soon. Don't get me wrong, a hot blow job is nice, but nothing beats the wet tightness that is her pussy. I gently pushed her off of me, and I swear I her heard her say "No more sex in my room," but she was biting her lip and gazing at me with hooded eyes, so I brushed it off and hauled her body against mine and rolled us over.

"Now, Edward! I can't wait; I need you in me now!" she all but cried as I grasped her hips and entered her slowly, inch by long inch, stretching her as I went. We both groaned when my pelvis lay flush against hers.

I started a gentle rhythm, pulling out almost completely and thrusting back in, teasing her the way she liked She met me thrust for thrust. She was past the point of coherent speech, but her garbled sounds spurred me on.

"Come for me, Bella. Come on my dick!" I demanded of her. She screamed out her release as she clenched around me. I grabbed her thighs and wrapped them around my waist as she recovered.

Soon she was meeting my thrusts again. "Harder, Edward, deeper. I want you deeper in me!" she pleaded as I began to move faster. I reached under her and lifted her hips to get a better angle as I drove myself deeper into her. Shit I was getting close, but I wanted her to come again at least once more before I did.

"Bella, pinch your nipples," I rasped as her back arched, and I found her clit with my thumb. As she shook and screamed my name the ceiling shook and a loud throaty moan came from above us, but I was too far gone to care. She stilled immediately as I trust deep inside her and spilled myself within her.

She clung to me as she continued shaking. "Edward, I know I heard that. What the fuck is going on?" She was trembling, and her eyes were welling up with tears. I cradled her to my body as I rolled over to sit up in bed. I dragged the covers over her body as I rocked her.

"Shhhh, Love. It's probably just the wind. I'm here. Nothing is going to happen to you when I'm here." But her trembling didn't stop, and we heard glass shatter above us.

She screamed and clutched my neck tighter, almost crushing herself to me. The noise above us only got louder, and whatever was going on up there was starting to shake the plaster loose from the ceiling.

"Edward? Bella? I told you, no more sex in my room. I warned you, and now you've made me angry. Punishment must be given," we heard the ghostly voice speak. I looked at Bella, but she had frozen and gone ghost white, almost in a Catatonic state.

The ceiling shook again, and the light crashed to the floor. Bella screamed, grabbed the satin sheet and bolted from my lap. I tore the down comforter from the bottom of the bed, wrapped it around my chiseled waist and ran after her. I flew down the stairs and out the front door like a bat out of hell. Emmett, Jasper, and Alice were standing there, laughing hysterically at a frantic Bella. I glared viciously at them as I rushed to her side.

"There's a fucking ghost in the attic! It wants revenge on us!" she cried into my shoulder as she shook violently. I hugged her to my chest and rubbed soothing circles on her lower back. I looked to the others, and realized Rosalie was missing. Just as I was about to question her whereabouts, she strolled out the front door with a smug smile encompassing her face.

"Did you get it?" She looked to Alice, who nodded her response.

I snapped my attention to Jasper, who was trying to speak despite his laughter. "Dude, you should have seen your faces. Bella, that was absolutely priceless! Holy hell, that shit is U-tube worthy. You looked like you were about to have a heart attack!"

"Would someone tell me what the fuck is going on?" I seethed, while shifting Bella in my embrace and tucking her head under my chin.

"Well," Rosalie began, "we wanted to get you back for the time you and Bella thought it would be funny to replace the sugar with salt. To this day poor Emmett will only use sugar in the raw since it is the color brown." She rubbed Emmett's back consolingly, as he tried to pout through his laughter.

Alice continued, "I can't believe you didn't realize today was April Fool's Day. I didn't think you would actually believe that there was a ghost. I figured you would realize that it was us and ignore it," she shrugged. Seriously what rock have you been living under to not know that it's been April 1st all day! I certainly didn't think you would come flying out of the house wrapped in a sheet! But Bella, the look on your face! It was too funny…for any words to describe!"

"Rose started that shit when we were leaving the club so you would have to distract Bella, bro. We figured if you two were completely into each other, than you wouldn't realize where we were going, and we could pull it off. Worked like a charm, Eddie!" Emmett's boisterous laughter broke into the night.

My mouth hung open in shock. The sugar thing was months ago. I had actually totally forgotten all about it. Bella and I were pissed at them for purposely flushing the toilets when we were in the shower together, so we decided to get them back the next morning. Since we didn't know for sure who did it, we figured this way we would definitely get the right person. We all have coffee together in the morning, and we all use sugar. We kept interrupting them individually when they tried to take a sip until everyone had their coffee fixed and in front of themselves. It was satisfying watching their faces scrunch up when they each finally took their first sip. Emmet was so disgusted by the taste that he spit his coffee into the old toaster that we never used.

I closed my mouth and clenched my teeth. Bella looked up at me, and her eyes looked dangerous, as if she just had an epiphany on how we could get a glorious revenge. I smirked back down at her.

Apparently, the Prank War of 2010 has just started. Let the games begin.


	19. The Little Green Light

**Host Note: So, as I am sure you have figured out already, I have decided to post every other day. Thank you to all who revied the last chap- and for those who voiced their choice about the remaining posts.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Entry for the Countdown to April fool's Day – Just a Pranktical Cullen Day.**

**Pen name: lexiecullen17**

**Pairing: Edward/Bella**

**Rated M**

**The Little Green Light**

AN: Thanks so much to breath-of-twilight for asking me to participate in this countdown. There's nothing I like better than smut and sharing that smut with my fellow smut lovers (too much smut in one sentence? ...yeah, I didn't think so either). Anyway, thanks to my beta, lisa89, for prettying this up for me and to LaraIsAwkward for laughing at it and boosting my comedy ego. Hope you all enjoy it, too ;) xoxo, lexiecullen17

**~*~**

**Emmett**

"Come on, midge, you don't think it's even a little bit weird that they still won't tell us they're fucking?" I bellowed, getting frustrated as fuck with my thickheaded best friend.

Alice sighed and rolled her eyes, as she usually did when I started to speculate on the sex lives of our other best friends. "I swear to God, Em…How do you even know they're fucking?"

I opened my mouth, ready to answer, but she put her tiny finger up to my lips to silence me before I could even get anything out.

"The answer is, you don't!"

I moved to argue because even though they'd been keeping it a secret, probably since they'd met one another, I knew that my best friends Bella and Edward were getting it on. I mean, during high school, they'd barely kept it a secret, always conveniently going missing at the same time. And after both leaving for college on the east coast, neither of them had been able to come back home for Christmas break. Oh, yeah. Edward cited that he was pledging SAE at Dartmouth the next semester and needed to suck up to some of the guys, while Bella claimed that her internship at the _New York Post_ wouldn't let her off in time to go home and be back in time for classes.

Bull fucking shit.

But now we were all home for spring break, and I was going to call them out. I mean, why the fuck would they keep it from us in the first place? We'd been friends since we were in diapers. There was no excuse for this kind of fuckery, and I wanted some answers.

Just then, Alice's phone buzzed in her lap. "Speak of the devil," she said sarcastically, her eyes widening as she held up the phone for me to see. Bella's name flashed across the front, and I couldn't resist knocking the phone from Alice's tiny fingers and stealing the phone for myself.

"Talk to me, cunt."

I could practically hear Bella rolling her eyes as she snapped back. "How many times do we have to have this conversation, you lumberjack? You can't call a girl 'cunt.'"

"Why the fuck not? You are one."

"Wow. This must be why I call you all the time. You're such a sweetheart."

I scoffed. "Actually, you didn't call me."

"Right. And where the fuck is Alice, anyway?"

My eyes flicked over to my midget best friend, and I couldn't help but laugh at what I saw. "Getting ready for some cyber sex, apparently."

Without looking back, Alice flipped me the bird as she continued chatting with her boyfriend online.

"Ah, and how are the twins?" Bella asked.

"You haven't talked to them?" I responded, genuinely surprised.

Our little group of six had always had very distinct relationships. Alice and I, the best friends, dated Jasper and Rosalie, aka 'The Twins.' They were fuckhot and blonde with gorgeous eyes and killer bodies…okay, that was just Rose, 'cause I had never made a point of checking out Jasper before. But I guessed he wasn't a bad-looking guy. _Shut up, you're getting off topic!_ Right, anyway, Rosalie's best friend in the group had always been Bella, so if she didn't know how the twins were, I should probably be pretty concerned.

"Not today," she sighed, over-exaggerating her exasperation. "And I assumed that if Alice was in front of a computer and naked, you'd have a better idea, capiche?"

"Right. So, did this phone call have a point?"

"Just…Edward said he wants us all to be ready to booze at his place by six. Does that work for you and your other half?"

"You know I live like down the street from him, right? And why the fuck couldn't he call me himself?" I knew I was goading her. I wanted to see if she'd falter. But, like the practiced liar she was, she didn't.

"Oh, I just ran into him in town. He was buying the booze, and he said his phone died…wanted me to pass it along."

_A likely story._

"Sure, well, we'll just see you there at six, then."

"Great. Later, fucker."

The phone clicked shut, and I tossed it over to Alice, who was now mimicking giving a blowjob to Jasper with her tongue against her cheek.

"Shit, Alice, I really don't need to see live porn. I already know you and Jasper are fucking like bunnies on coke."

As soon as the words had come out my mouth, I had a brilliant fucking idea. It was as if all the genius in me had been stored up for this single, solitary moment.

"Get off my computer, midge!" I yelled, halfway out my door. Without waiting to hear her response, I barreled downstairs and outside, jogging the ten minutes to Edward's front door without even pausing. I turned the knob, happy to find that, like every family in Forks, the Cullens didn't lock their front door.

_Perfect._

As quickly as I could, knowing that Edward could be back at any second, I ran up the two flights of stairs to his bedroom. I cracked the door open, hoping that by some miracle Edward and Bella were already naked in there together, but I wasn't that lucky. His room was empty, though, and—as usual—his laptop was set up on his desk.

Not a moment later, the dim green light of Edward's webcam lit up with a request to connect to my computer.

Oh, man. This was going to be such a fucking invasion of privacy, and I could not fucking wait. This would be the greatest relationship reveal in the entire world.

**~*~**

**Edward**

For the past four, nearly five years, my life had been like a well-rehearsed play. I'd been spoiled since going to college, though, because I wasn't constantly under the watchful eyes of my best friends. Tonight, though, the play was back on, and I was doing my damnedest not to fuck up my lines. But Bella was making it awfully hard.

_Yeah, in more ways than one._

I mean, it wasn't even April yet, and she thought it was fine to prance into my house wearing her tightest black jeans—the ones that made me have to physically restrain myself from grabbing her ass in them—and a light blue wife beater, light enough that I could see the dark blue lace of her bra every time she made the slightest movement.

And on top of her blatant display of epic teasing, I hadn't been able to fuck her since President's Day weekend in February, nearly a month and a half ago. Things had gotten so busy since I'd pledged SAE that I hadn't been able to drive down to Manhattan during the weekends anymore. And of course, Bella hadn't brought her tank of a truck to New York City, so she relied on me for transportation. Needless to say, my right hand and our webcams had been getting a hefty workout.

Tonight, we were back in the closet, restricted to lingering touches and stolen glances. Fuck, I couldn't wait for my friends to leave.

Looking around, I saw that Bella was already in the kitchen…and bent over, her luscious ass on display as she rifled through the refrigerator. She did this shit on purpose. I knew. She couldn't fool me.

I glanced over my shoulder, just to make sure the other couples were happily occupied before I stalked over to her and squeezed. That slut didn't even flinch. Nope, instead she leaned back into my hands, grinding herself against my hardening cock.

I let one of my hands run along her side, cupping her tit in my hand, as the other moved around her thigh to rub against the inseam of her jeans. Her entire body stiffened before melting against my hands, and her head fell, exposing the delicate flesh of her neck to me.

"You're only making this harder on yourself, Cullen," she said smoothly.

At her words, I lifted her upright and pressed her against the closed freezer door, tightly pinning her hips against the cool steel with my hands. "I think you've made it hard enough." I smirked and flicked my eyes towards my now raging hard-on.

She threw her head back, laughing freely before stepping out of my grasp, away from the freezer, and winking. "You can show me later."

Chuckling, I opened my hand as wide as it could go and laid a huge smack on the curve of her behind. "Oh, I plan on it, Swan."

"Ow!" she yelled, scowling over her shoulder at me. "Fucker, you will pay for that!"

"What the hell going on in here?" Jasper casually ambled into the kitchen, looking us both up and down, and smiled widely at Bella, who was rubbing her ass. "Did Edward finally give it to you nice and hard, beautiful?"

"He wishes," she scoffed, hopping up onto the counter.

"Swan, if I had ever wanted to fuck you, believe me…you would know. And you'd be _begging_ for more," I growled as Jasper chuckled and walked to stand between her legs, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her closer.

I'd forgotten how fucking tight Jasper was with Bella. Or maybe I'd just repressed it. Either way, I was about t minus three seconds from ripping his limbs from his body, despite the fact that I knew his dick was reserved for Alice only.

Over Jasper's shoulder, Bella narrowed her eyes at me in warning, silently telling me to step the fuck off.

I hated this game we played, but I did it for her…because she was afraid that should we decide to end things, it would make things awkward with our group of friends.

_Nice to know that she has the utmost faith that the other two couples in our group of friends would never end, therefore, never make anything awkward, right?_

I needed a drink. Badly.

"All right, you cunt bags, it's time to stop your verbal threesome and bring me and my woman some booze," Emmett cried out from the living room.

What auspicious timing.

"Sure, fucker, what do you all want?"

"Beer works." I heard two other voices of approval, so I started pulling out a bunch of the chilled bottles and placing them on the counter next to Jasper and Bella. At the sight of the bottles, Bella's face scrunched up completely, looking at them as though they were the most offensive things in the world.

I, being the best boyfriend ever, had anticipated this reaction.

"Wow, beautiful," Jasper said lazily, leaning back to get a better look at Bella's expression, "with a face like that, how is it possible that you're still single?"

Bella huffed and rolled her eyes, pushing Jasper away from her and hopping off the counter. "What the fuck, J? I'm single by choice. And I hate beer. Cullen should know that."

I rolled my eyes and grabbed the large purple pitcher I'd made this afternoon in anticipation of her arrival off the refrigerator shelf, lifting it into the air for her to see. As I'd predicted, her hazel eyes lit up.

"Grape Kool-Aid and vodka?" she squealed, clasping her hands together in excitement.

I almost replied with an, "Of course it is, baby," but I caught myself just before the last word slipped out and changed it quickly to "Bella."

"Ew," Jasper scoffed. "I don't know how you can drink that shit."

"It's amazing, fuck you very much." Bella grabbed the pitcher from my hand and filled up a huge cup of it before giggling and sauntering out to the living room. Yeah, there was definitely an extra swagger in her step. Vicious harpy.

"She is something else, isn't she?" Jasper laughed to himself as he picked up some bottles.

"She certainly is." I followed his lead, grabbing the remaining bottles and wandering out to the living room.

I settled onto the couch next to the intertwined mass of limbs that was Emmett and Rosalie, popped open my beer, and took a long swig. Bella was happily sipping her purple concoction, lying with her feet across Alice's lap on the loveseat, while Jasper sat on the floor, between Alice's legs. I smiled. This felt like home.

"Okay, who's going to share first, bitches?" Emmett bellowed, breaking my moment of peace and clarity.

"Share what?" Rosalie asked, trying to figure out what her boyfriend was up to now. That fucker always had an agenda.

"I either want to hear about all the pussy at Dartmouth or whatever this cunt's been up to in New York City," he said, signaling between Bella and me.

"Uh…" I had no fucking clue how to respond. "I don't kiss and tell," I said, deciding that my answer seemed reasonable enough that Emmett wouldn't push.

To my surprise, Bella snorted into her drink and started giggling hysterically.

"Oh my God, Cullen," she said through her laughter, "You're not getting any pussy, are you?" Her laughter increased as she continued to taunt me. "That is classic. What? The girls in Hanover actually have standards? Who knew?"

"Shut your mouth, Swan. I didn't hear you offering up any cock tales of your own."

"I don't think I want to hear any cock tales," Jasper whined, glancing back at Bella, who was now chugging the last of her drink. Damn, that had gone fast. She was going to be drunk in no time.

"That's okay, you can get me my refill while I fill everyone in on the sordid details." Bella held out her drink for Jasper.

"I'll get it!" Emmett insisted, bounding off the couch to grab her drink and running into the kitchen.

Alice glared at him, and I wondered what drama I had missed between them. Those two bickered nearly as much as Bella and I did. With an all-too-sweet smile, Alice turned back to Bella and cooed, "Sweetie, you don't have to tell us anything you don't want to."

"Oh, it's not that I don't want to," Bella quipped, her voice sounding a little buzzed. "I just think that some of you can't handle what I have to say."

I laughed and killed my beer, opening a new one immediately.

_Thank you, Emmett for knowing I'd need another…_

"Come on, Bella, give it up," Rosalie finally piped in.

"Yeah, whore, let's hear who you've been fucking." I was goading her, and Bella knew it. Her face flushed with surprise as she caught eyes with me. A spark in her eye told me that Bella wasn't going to take my question lying down…which of course was exactly what I wanted. I wanted her as fucking worked up as humanly possible.

"Holy shit, Bella! Are you blushing?" Rosalie leaned forward, off Emmett's lap to get a better look at the significant amount of blood pooling in Bella's cheeks.

"No," she answered quickly.

"I hate to differ, beautiful, but I think you are," Jasper said, amused.

"So who the fuck is he, cunt?" Emmett asked. I could have sworn his eyes flicked to me before glaring at Bella.

Bella took a long sip of her drink, her eyes laughing at me over the brim. "Well, he's the intern coordinator at _The Post_."

My jaw dropped. I couldn't believe she'd just fucking gone there. Bella's intern coordinator was this twenty-four-year-old skeeze named Demetri. I mean, who the fuck in this day in age named their kid Demetri? He was tall and tan and _obsessed_ with Bella. The one time I'd met him, he'd kept his eyes glued to her chest nearly the entire conversation.

"Fucking your superior, Bella? I'm impressed." Alice nudged Bella's foot, causing her to giggle.

I was raging. My head was throbbing and my stomach was clenching, but I tried to keep it under control.

"Are you serious?" Jasper gasped, spinning his head around to stare at Bella. "Beautiful, that does _not_ sound like a good idea."

"Yeah, statutory rape, much?" I snorted, finishing off my second beer in less than five minutes.

Bella honed her eyes in on me as I stood up to get another beer. She licked the purple liquid from her top lip, teasing me with the tip of her long tongue. "It's not rape if it's consensual, Cullen. Sorry that you've never had someone consent to sit on your cock before. Tell me, Edward," she said, wickedness lacing her every word. "Are you still a virgin?"

"Fuck you, Swan," I called out, going into the kitchen to grab the entire twelve-pack out of the refrigerator.

"That's not a no, Edward," Rosalie chimed in, causing a bout of laughter to spread throughout the room.

_Ugh. The embarrassment I put up with for this woman._

**~*~**

The rest of the night went by in a blur of beer and torture. Every time Bella's tongue made an appearance, the seconds passed by slower. I couldn't wait to have it wrapped around my dick, which was exactly what it was going to be doing in…

I looked at my watch and, upon seeing that it was past midnight, was perfectly fine suggesting that everyone leave. Immediately.

"Shit," Bella slurred, stumbling as she tried to stand up from the couch.

"Jesus, Swan, how much did you drink?" I asked, holding her up from underneath her arms, assuring that she wouldn't topple over.

She giggled and winked at me, letting her arms wrap around my neck as she leaned into my chest. "Enough."

"How the fuck are you going to get home?" I asked, seeing that everyone's eyes were on us.

"Come back to my house, Bella," Emmett suggested, trying to move one of her hands from my neck to his waist. "The twins are sleeping over."

Bella frowned, snatching her hand back. She looked over her shoulder at Alice and Jasper, who already had their tongues down one another's throats. "And be the fifth wheel while you all fuck? No thank you. I'd rather spend the night on Cullen's couch."

Emmett eyed her up and down, nodding solemnly at her decision. "Whatever you want, cunt." His eyes then turned to me, alight with some sort of excitement that my drunken haze couldn't exactly decipher. "You got this?"

"Yeah, I've got this." I pulled Bella's slumped body tighter to my own under the guise of keeping her upright. Yeah…that was some bullshit, too. Bella could handle her booze like no one's business, and I'd be willing to wager that as soon as they all left us alone, she'd be ready to go.

"Night!" they all called out, closing the door behind them.

Not even a minute after the door closed were Bella's legs wrapped around my waist, her hands in my hair, and her hot mouth opened against mine.

"Fuck," I groaned as she pulled on my hair. "Baby, they could still be outside."

"Bedroom," she directed, pulling back to take a large gulp of air before attacking my neck again.

My hands finally gave into what they'd been longing to do all night and slid over her ass, pulling her firmly against my crotch, as I staggered up the stairs and into my bedroom. By the time I got into my room, I was panting and sweating from exertion alone.

"Shit, Bella," I moaned as her tongue laved against my skin, most likely leaving a huge fucking bruise. My baby loved to mark me up and send me back to Dartmouth looking like a leper. It was her "hands off, bitches," statement, and I loved her enough to not put up a fight about it.

Stumbling forward, I threw her onto the bed, falling nearly on top of her, as she'd forgotten to unhook her legs from around my waist. Maybe we were both drunker than I'd thought…

"Fuck, Edward," she grunted, shoving her feet into my ass and forcing my dick to rub against the inseam of her jeans. "Too…far…away…" she whined, in between attempts of shimmying out of her top.

My head fell into the crook of her shoulder, no longer able to fight gravity—or temptation, for that matter. Now that we were finally alone, I was going to have her…hard and rough and quick…and multiple times.

I bit down on her neck, reveling in the subsequent moan and the way her hips rolled to meet mine. "Jesus, fuck, Bella, I'm going to lose it before we even start," I mumbled against her skin, trying to fight my body's instinct and rub back against her.

Suddenly an evil gleam appeared in her eye, exciting the hell out of me. My baby loved to play dirty, and I wasn't going to lie, I loved it, too.

She pushed on my shoulder, rolling us over so that she was straddling me. Yes. My favorite view.

"You know what you need to lose, Cullen?"

"What?" I chuckled as I reached up to unclasp her bra, not even bothering to ask. I let my thumbs linger on the taut points of her nipples as the offending piece of fabric slid down her arms.

"I was just going to suggest the same thing," she snickered, pushing my shirt over my head, pressing her lips against each inch of skin she exposed.

I lifted my arms above my head, unwillingly separating them from her perfectly sized tits so that she could pull the shirt over my head. She leaned down, rubbing her skin against my chest, and flung my shirt across the room, throwing it into the dark recesses of my room.

"Mmm," she mumbled, kissing my chest again, and I immediately reattached my hands to her tits, well, tried to, anyway. Instead, she growled and slapped my hands away, hopping off the bed completely.

I sat up, startled and pretty fucking annoyed. "What the fuck, Swan?" My head swung around, trying to figure out where the hell she'd gone and was rewarded with the sight of her stepping out of her jeans, showing me her dark blue lace undies. Ung. I was a lucky fucking guy, and I knew that.

Before I could fully appreciate the view, Bella was in front of me on her knees, sliding off my jeans and boxers in one fluid tug.

Scratch that. I was a very, very lucky fucking guy.

My cock was exposed so quickly that it smacked her across her cheek, bouncing off her soft skin. I couldn't help but bust into amused laughter. I'd just fucking cock-slapped her. That shit was hilarious, no matter how much I loved her.

"You're seriously going to laugh at me when my teeth are this close to your cock, you asshole?" She grabbed the base of my dick and bared her teeth barely a millimeter away from my head, effectively ceasing any form of laughter and instead giving way to a low groan. I shook my head quickly, and she smirked and placed her hot mouth over it.

"Fuuuuuuck." I grabbed the back of her head, forcing her mouth to slide further down the shaft, but like the fucking tyrant that she was, Bella resisted my forceful movements and sucked as hard as she could, pulling up and off my dick, releasing it with a disgusting sounding slurp.

"God damn, you taste so fucking good," she whimpered, licking more pre-cum off the head of my cock, which was now dripping like crazy.

"Shit." I couldn't hear her talk about tasting me and not taste her in return. It had been too long. "Get up," I growled, kicking the jeans and boxers from around my feet.

"Wha—?"

Ignoring her, I slid back onto the bed and lay down. I smirked as I caught sight of the mirror Bella and I had nailed to my ceiling at the beginning of last summer. It'd been so long since we'd fooled around in my room; finding it was like Christmas.

"Get the fuck up here, Swan," I yelled out.

"Don't talk to me like—"

I cut her off again, loving the game she was trying to play, riling me up even more. "Don't pretend you don't love when I tell you what to do. Please, I know that better than anyone else. Now get the fuck up here so you can ride my face while you suck my cock."

The whimper that echoed throughout the silent room was enough to tell me that Bella was more than on board for my plan, and I couldn't fucking wait. Clearly, she couldn't, either, because within seconds, her thighs were straddling my head as she took me into her mouth…hard.

My tongue snaked out, immediately flicking her clit. She moaned loudly around my cock, and I couldn't prevent the forceful way my hips thrust into her mouth. I knew I was going to lose it way before she was at this rate; I was already holding back the inevitable explosion. To make up for my lack of restraint, I grabbed onto her thighs, running my hands up and down to attach her cunt to my face.

The combined taste of Bella on my tongue and the feel of her mouth around my cock was too much, and within seconds, I lost it and shot my load into her as she swallowed around me.

"Jesus cum guzzling Christ, Cullen…that was a shitload of jizz," she panted, still riding my face. "When was the last time you jerked off?" I hoped she didn't expect me to respond to her, as I was clearly too busy wrapping my lips around her clit to be bothered by something like speaking. Bella obviously felt similarly, rocking her hips against my face, forcefully grabbing my hand and moving it underneath her.

_Fuck, woman. I get it. You want my fingers, too._

Bella's nails scratched down my chest as I thrust two fingers into her, never ceasing my efforts on her swollen clit. She came, screaming my name loudly, and dug her nails into my stomach, causing my cock to harden again. Fuck, I loved hearing her shout my name.

As she whimpered her nonsensical ramblings about the glory of my dexterous tongue and magical fingers, I cleaned her up, not wasting an ounce of her deliciousness.

Unable to take any more, she rolled off my face, knocking her head against the headboard as she went. "Ha!" she exclaimed, her head tilted in the same direction as mine. "Do you remember when we put that up there? I thought Carlisle was going to have a seizure."

I stared at her face in the mirror and snorted at the memory. "Uhh, yeah, that's because you were dressed in lingerie and wielding a hammer."

I'd never seen my father's eyes go as wide as they had when I'd walked out of the bathroom in my boxers that afternoon. My calm, unruffled father had seemingly come apart at the seams, sputtering and twitching and pointing, his eyes glued to Bella's mostly naked body. I still didn't like the way he'd looked at Bella. I mean, she was fucking mine. No one else was allowed to look at her like that. And hey, how had we been supposed to know that my father was going to be home early that afternoon?

Bella giggled and slid down, wrapping her hand around my cock again, pumping slowly. Fuck, I was so ready to go already, this shit was just unnecessary. "No way. It was because he knew if your mother saw me desecrating her baby boy's room, she'd take it out on him. Speaking of which, where _is_ the Good Doctor and his perfect wife this evening?"

"I didn't tell you?" I said, trying not to let the moan back into my voice, but, fuck, her hand was good.

"No, you didn't, Cullen," she retorted, annoyed.

"Mmmm, they're vacationing in Hawaii for the week," I drawled, staring at her hand working me through the mirror's reflection. As I spoke, though, her hand froze, coming to rest in the middle of my shaft. I couldn't see her face in the mirror, so I glanced down. I was _not_ prepared for what I saw.

Bella's eyes were burning through me, lit with a fiery gaze so feral that it took me by surprise. "What?"

"You didn't want to go with them?" she spoke cautiously. "Hawaii is a pretty fucking nice vacation spot."

My eyebrows furrowed as I pondered her question. It was insanely ludicrous. "Why the fuck would I want to go with them when you and your tight pussy were going to be here, Swan?"

"Ughhh, Cullen," she moaned, moving to all fours in front of me, baring her naked, dripping cunt. "I need you to fuck me now," she said, looking over her shoulder as I shamelessly ogled her. "Now!"

I didn't need to be asked again. Without any preparation, I grabbed her hips and slammed into her from behind. "Fuck," we both moaned simultaneously. I loved many things about Bella, but there was no denying how much I loved being inside her. And it didn't hurt my ego that I knew she loved it, too. Bella had no problem being…uh…vocal.

"God, Cullen, you can't say shit like that and then not fuck me immediately," she moaned, letting her head fall forward to expose her neck. "I've fucking missed your cock," she continued as she shoved her hips back into me, driving me harder and deeper with each thrust. "Shit, shit, shit!" she chanted, finally giving in and leaning down on her forearms, changing the angle to squeeze me even tighter inside her.

"Baby, I've missed fucking your pussy, too," I groaned, causing Bella to moan loudly. My baby loved when I talked dirty. I was going so hard already that I knew this was going to be quick. "Christ, Swan, how is it possible you've gotten tighter?"

Bella's response was completely unintelligible, and I would have laughed, had I not been completely engrossed in the rough way her ass crashed into my hips, probably bruising both of us in the process. I was panting hard, trying to stave off my climax until Bella had gotten hers, so I leaned over her back to reach around and rub her clit easier.

"Yes, Cullen! Harder!" she cried, writhing in front of me.

That was when I saw it—what I knew would be my undoing. I had been so petrified about going to separate colleges last fall that I had taken it upon myself to go above and beyond. If my friends had known about what I did, I would have been mocked mercilessly, but Bella didn't seem to mind. I'd written her love letters…one for every day we were apart and had sent them in the mail to her at school. I ended each letter the same way, and for Christmas, Bella had tattooed my parting words to her skin in my handwriting.

Across the bottom of her shoulder blade, written in thick black script was:

_**Look after my heart – I've left it with you.**_

Unable to hold out anymore, I rubbed her clit furiously, switching to pinching it when I felt her walls start to clamp down on me.

"Fuck, Edward! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" Bella cried out, cumming around me as I continued to drive into her as hard as I could, spurring on my own orgasm.

As I came, I bit down on her shoulder blade, right above her tattoo, marking her as mine yet again. I collapsed on top of her, pinning her to the bed underneath me. Our skin was damp with sweat, and I couldn't resist running my tongue over the tattoo, licking up her essence onto my tongue.

"You have no fucking clue how hard the sight of that makes me cum."

She sighed happily, or as much as she could with me squishing the air out of her. "Next time you can cum on it, like a target. How about that?"

Images of me spilling my load onto her shoulder and watching my jizz slide over her tattoo filled my head, causing my cock to stir once again.

"Again?" Bella snorted, somewhat disbelieving of the movement against her thigh.

"We do need a shower," I suggested in between slow kisses down her back.

"Fuck yes, Cullen," she groaned. I didn't hesitate in getting off the bed and cradling her in my arms as we walked into my bathroom. It was going to be a long week filled with fucking, and I was two hundred percent okay with it.

**~*~**

**Emmett**

I couldn't believe everything that I had seen splash across my computer screen last night. I mean, I knew I had predicted it, but nothing could have prepared me for the kinkiness of two of my best friends. They had fucked nearly six times before I'd fallen asleep last night…and that wasn't including the time I hadn't been able to see of them in the shower, although I was fucking positive there'd been sexual activity going on in there, too.

And my best friends had been equally as disbelieving. I'd thought I was going to have to reattach Alice's jaw from how far it dropped.

"H-how the…" she'd said, her eyes wide.

"I told you all fucking so!" I 'dshouted, vindicated. "I knew they'd been fucking! Knew it! And look at that—" I'd pointed to the screen "—that is practiced. That is _not_ the first time."

We'd arrived back in my room right in time for the main event—Edward giving it to Bella hard and rough from behind, hair pulling and biting included. And, fuck, Bella was a screamer. I had definitely not been prepared for that…at all.

The four of us had become so engrossed in the live porn in front of us that I'd happily ignored whatever Alice and Jasper were doing in my bathroom and stuck my hand down the front of Rosalie's jeans. Judge me all the fuck you want, but it was necessary; her squirming was getting slightly out of hand, and I'd been hard as a fucking rock.

After we'd all gotten some (Bella and Edward more than anyone), we fell asleep quickly. I was ready for the morning reveal and put my hand on the mute button, ready to give Edward and Bella a wakeup call they'd never forget.

Before I could, though, Edward woke up and started screaming bloody murder. I laughed so hard that I woke up everyone around me.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Alice groaned, sleep filling her voice.

"Watch!" I pointed to the screen, signaling the second half of my prank. "Damn, this shit is so going to go on YouTube." I chuckled to myself as Edward threw the covers off his body, gaping at his cock in horror.

Me, being a fucking genius, had taken some blue and red food coloring and pumped Bella's drink full of it. And after sucking long and hard on Edward's dick, it was now a delightfully atrocious shade of purple.

"What the fuck?" Edward screamed, handling his dick cautiously. "Am I dying? Swan, what kind of atrocious disease did you give me? If my cock falls off, I know you're going to be sorry!"

"Cullen, what the fuck are you screaming about?" Bella asked, groping blindly for the comforter that Edward had so kindly deprived her of.

At that second, I clicked the un-mute button, ready to embarrass the shit out of them. I knew it was mean, but…them screwing behind our back for God only knew how long was pretty shitty, too, so I didn't feel that bad. I held up my finger in front of my lips, telling everyone that I would be the one to make the reveal.

The twins just rolled their eyes and shrugged, but Alice moved closer, sitting next to me to watch everything unfold. I was pretty positive she wanted to give them a piece of her mind anyway. And, since she was my best friend, I'd let her. I narrowed my eyes, signaling that she should wait for the most opportune moment, and she nodded a quick agreement. Silent conversations made everything so much easier for us at this particular moment. I thought it was pretty baller that we had that skill anyway, but it just happened to be extremely handy this morning.

"Swan! Open your fucking eyes, you vicious trollop!" Edward shoved Bella's shoulder, waking her up immediately. I could see the anger flare in her eyes from across the room, so I could only imagine what she looked like in real life. Edward didn't shirk away from her, though, but continued to scream like the little girl I always knew he was. "What the fuck did you do, you harlot? Look at my dick, woman! It's purple!"

I should have been super weirded out by staring at two of my best friends naked, but the whole situation was so goddamned ridiculous that it took all my effort not to start laughing hysterically at it.

Bella's eyes flicked down, taking in Edward's crisis before an amused smile overtook her lips. "Oh my God," she snorted. "I'm so sorry, Cullen…it must have been from the Kool-Aid." Unstoppable giggles erupted from her mouth as Edward's mouth dropped open in shock, and his eyes shifted between his discolored cock and Bella.

"Bella, this shit isn't funny! It looks…" Edward sighed and ran a hand through his hair, tugging at it "…like it's diseased or…something."

I was about to shout out something like, "April Fool's FUCKERS!" alerting them of my presence, when Bella, once again, shut me the fuck up, causing any real thoughts to disappear from my mind.

"Aw, baby, are you afraid I'll stop loving you if your cock is a funny color?" Bella leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to the tip of his dick before throwing her leg over his hip to straddle him. "Edward, it's going to have to take a whole lot more than that. You know I love you, always." She sighed and pressed her lips against his.

For once in my life, I was completely and utterly speechless. I couldn't believe my eyes or ears…or anything, really.

"I love you, too, baby," Edward replied, pulling away.

Although I couldn't think of anything to say, my counterpart did _not_ feel the same way.

"What do you mean, you two are in love?" Alice screeched, shouting at Bella and Edward through my computer. "We thought you were just fucking!"

At the sound of Alice's voice, Edward's eyes snapped towards his computer, and he pulled the comforter over himself and Bella, covering any offending body parts that had been clearly visible in the morning sunlight.

"What the…Alice?" he squawked, sounding a little bit like a strangled chicken.

Bella placed a hand onto Edward's chest and looked up at him _smiling_ and completely unfazed. What. The. Fuck?

"Did you seriously not know that your webcam has been on all night?" Edward shook his head slightly, clearly still in shock—along with the rest of us on the other side of the camera. "The little green light has been on since we got into your room, baby."

"I…uh…wh-what?" Edward sputtered. "They _watched_ us?" he whispered, leaning closer to Bella's smirking face.

"Uhhh, yeah," I finally coughed up. They had to know it was me. I didn't think Alice even had a webcam.

"Cat's out of the fucking bag,_ cunt_," Bella said, directly aiming her comment at me.

As Bella wrapped the sheet around her body and sauntered over to the computer, smirking, I felt as if I'd been had. And as she slammed it shut, leaving my screen black, I couldn't help but feel as if the joke had been on me all along.

Fuckers.


	20. In the days of clovers and Red balloons

**Title: In the days of Clovers and Red Balloons**

**A/N: I'm beyond thrilled to have been asked to participate in The Countdown! I'm so in love with this little story it's ridiculous. I hope you enjoy reading it, as much as I enjoyed writing it.**

**Entry for the Countdown to April fool's Day – What An Irishific Day!  
Pen name: Distant(dot)dream118  
Rated M  
Pairing: Alice/Jasper**

**March 17****th****, 1991**

**St. Patrick's Day in Mrs. Deer's kindergarten class**

Alice Brandon sat cradling her head in her tiny hands, as silent tears streamed down her cheeks. In front of her was an eggshell filled with soil, but unlike the rest of the class there were no clovers growing out of hers.

Jasper Hale wondered over to Alice's table with his eggshell and its over-growth of clovers. This made five year old Alice hysterical.

"Why did yours grow and mine didn't?!" She wailed.

Jasper leaned over and gave her eggshell a critical eye. He poked a tiny finger into the soil. It was moist, and cold. He pulled his finger out and inspected it closely. Tucked gently in between flecks of soil were sparkly multi-colored dots.

"What's this?" He asked, holding the finger close to Alice's eyes.

Alice gave a cross eyed glance at his finger, "Twinkles. I wanted my clovers to sparkle."

Jasper quirked a tiny eyebrow at the rosy cheeked girl. "I'm not sure it works that way."

"You don't know anything Jasper Hale. It's Patrick's day, and things are supposed to sparkle and be magic." With that, she stood and marched off to the table with the cupcakes and punch.

Jasper knew things. He knew that Alice's favorite cereal was Lucky Charms, but her mom had to go through the whole box and pick out the red balloons. He knew that Alice wasn't allowed to eat or drink anything red, because her mom said it made her hyper.

He also knew that Alice loved red things. So sometimes they would meet in the field behind their houses and he would bring Hawaiian Punch in his Batman thermos and a baggie full of red balloons.

They would feast on red dye, and then they would hold hands and twirl in the grass until their bodies fell to the earth exhausted.

Sometimes she would look up at the sky with that little twinkle in her eye, and she would say, "They really are magically delicious." The red dye made her see stars behind her eyes, and she felt like she could fly.

**March 17****th****, 1996**

**The field between the Hale's and the Brandon's.**

Alice sat cross legged in the tall grass. She brought her index finger to her mouth and began to nibble gently at its nail. It was a habit that her mother despised, but Alice couldn't seem to help it.

"Quit biting your nails, Twink. Your mama's going to have a cow." Jasper's drawl carried slow and heavy over the grass, but she couldn't quite see him yet.

Jasper had started calling Alice "Twinkle" in Kindergarten. He was having trouble making the "s" sound, and the kids sometimes made fun of him. So instead of calling her "Alith" he called her "Twinkle". The nickname stuck with them. It just worked.

Alice withdrew the nail from her mouth, and lay down in the grass. Her head rested in a soft patch of clovers that had grown downy and green with fresh spring rain.

Uneasiness rolled off of Alice in forceful waves.

"What's wrong, Twink?" Jasper asked, sitting down beside her.

The counselor had come in this week to talk to the class about middle school, and then she had divided the girls and the boys and they had gone to separate rooms to have a "talk". Alice was already nervous thinking of middle school and the changes it would bring. The counselor had given her a brand new list of things to worry about. Apparently, her body was getting ready to go through some serious changes. Jasper had been her best friend since forever, but she couldn't talk to him about this. What would he know about periods and boobs.

Jasper reached over and squeezed Alice's shoulder gently. "It's Patty's day, Twink. You can't be sad today."

Alice simply shook her head.

There were times in their friendship when words just didn't do the trick. Sometimes they needed a reminder that this friendship was more than words. Jasper pulled the little baggie out of his pocket.

"Alright, Twink. Close your eyes and open your mouth." The small smile that graced her face told him he was headed in the right direction.

He pulled a tiny marshmallow out of the bag. It was hard and chalky between his fingers. He placed it gently in her mouth, and watched as her features softened. There she was. That was his Twink.

They sat in silence for a short period of time, before Jasper attempted to launch a pot of gold into Alice's mouth and the field erupted in shrieks of laughter.

Once they had consumed each morsel of sugary cereal Alice smiled up at Jasper. "The sugar makes me hungrier."

Jasper looked around the field, and then plucked a few clovers from the ground. He took the very top off of each one, and then gave Alice a cautious look.

"Trust me?"

"Always."

"Ok. Sit very still." Jasper took a clover, and licked it. Alice's face squished in disgust, but she didn't move.

Gently, he stuck the tiny clover to her cheek. It was followed by three others, creating a clover shape on her cheek.

"How does this help my hunger?" Alice asked through her lips, careful not to disrupt his creation.

Jasper reached down and pulled another clover out of the patch. He bit the top off, and then gave her a zany smile.

"They taste sort of like pickles."

**March 17****th****, 2001**

**Train tracks behind a ballet studio.**

High school had brought a new set of challenges to Alice and Jasper's friendship. Cars and drivers licenses brought sweet freedom, and busy schedules. The field sat idle and forgotten behind their houses.

Jasper had begun dating Leah in December, and his friendship with Alice had taken a backseat. As they climbed into their cars in the mornings, she'd send him a sweet smile and a little wave. Usually that was enough. It was enough to let him know that even though they barely saw each other, she was still there. She would always be there.

Today was different though. Today he stood balanced on the set of train tracks just behind her dance studio. Alice had taken up dance in middle school as a way to find her place. She fit perfectly in with the dancers. Alice was elegant, and endlessly graceful. For years, they had met in the field behind their houses on this day, but she had practice and she couldn't miss it. He wouldn't let it pass without acknowledgement. It was their day.

He sent a text to her phone asking her to meet him near the tracks after she finished with practice. She had sent back a simple "ok". He was early, and he spent the dwindling minutes pacing the tracks. He worried that the gift was a little too extravagant, but she was his best friend and he wanted her to wear something that reminded her of him.

Without warning Alice flew out of the backdoor of the dance studio, and straight into Jasper. Her arms wrapped around his neck, and her little cheek pressed into the spot that had been made to fit it.

"Happy Patty's day, Jas," she whispered.

He hugged her tightly, relishing in the feeling of the friendship that never let go. "Happy Patty's day, Twink. I, um, I got you something."

Alice eyed him curiously. "We don't do gifts on Patty's day, Jas."

His hand fiddled with the little velvet box in his pocket. "I know, but I saw it and I couldn't help but think of you."

He had been shopping for a gift for Leah. They had been dating for almost three months, and she was insistent that they celebrate their three month anniversary. Jasper had gone out to search for a necklace for her, and ended up finding one for Alice.

She gave him a cheerful smile, and then held her hand out.

Jasper pulled the little box out of his pocket, and fidgeted nervously as she turned it over in her hands. "It's nothing big. I hope you like it. I think I could dig the receipt out of the trash if you want to return it or something."

Alice smacked him playfully on the shoulder and then opened up the box. Inside was a little gold four leaf clover with a star cut out of one of its leaves. It hung on a simple gold chain, and it took her breath away.

"It's perfect. Will you put it on?" She asked, as she gave the box back to him.

He gently lifted her hair, and placed the necklace securely on her neck. She turned, and he loved seeing the necklace around her neck more than he thought he would.

She took his hand, and they walked up and down the tracks until the sun sank into the sky.

**March 17****th****, 2003**

**The field behind the Hale's and the Brandon's.**

In just a little over two months they would be walking across the stage and receiving their high school diplomas. That was the least of Jasper's worries. Over the last year he had begun to notice a shift in his feelings for the pretty girl with the sparkling blue eyes that lived next door to him. His heart had moved from the gentle beat of friendship to the quickened pace of a feeling that he wouldn't name unless she felt it for him, too.

This was the last Saint Patrick's Day that they would spend in this field. Jasper would be attending the University of Texas in Austin, and Alice would be heading off to the University of Washington in Seattle.

Alice came huffing through the tall grass, pink cheeked with anger.

"What's wrong, Twink?"

"Just irritated. Mike Newton took every opportunity to pinch me because I wasn't wearing green today."

Inside, Jasper was fuming. Mike Newton didn't get to touch her. He took a deep breath, and let it out. He needed to stay calm.

"Mike Newton is a juvenile. C'mere, Twink."

Alice scooted into Jasper's arms. "Oh, crap. I'm going to get grass stains on my skirt."

Jasper stood up and gently pulled Alice's hand until she was standing. He laid his blue and green flannel shirt down in the grass, and motioned for her to sit on top of it. As they spoke of plans and futures and graduation, Jasper's long fingers fashioned a loop of clovers and tiny yellow flowers.

Gently, he placed the wreath on top of her hair. "Now you have your green. Happy Patty's day, Twink."

**March 17****th****, 2006**

**A dive bar in Seattle.**

She missed him. She missed him in that way where your stomach hurts, and your body feels shaky with the absence. He was in Austin, and she was in Seattle. Their relationship had taken an odd turn during the last few months of their senior year. Though they had maintained a solid friendship throughout the majority of their lives, the impending separation changed something. It began with sweet stolen kisses on cheeks and foreheads, and ended in warm whispers and bare bodies hidden behind tall grass.

They had managed long distance just fine, but it was their day and she needed him.

Alice was supposed to be out with friends, but it felt so strange not to be in the field with him. She felt out of place, and out of her mind as she wished for him to walk through the door and sweep her up into his arms.

She picked up her phone and dialed the familiar number. Their relationship over the last three years consisted of phone calls and video chats.

"Pick up, Jas," she whispered. _Pick up. Pick up. Pick up._ Her mind repeated.

"Alice." Just like that her soul settled back into her body. The sound of her name leaving his lips was the prayer her soul needed to rest.

"Hey, Jas."

"Happy Patty's Day, Twink."

"Thanks. You, too."

"Did you get the flowers?"

"I did. They were beautiful." That morning, seventeen green roses with sparkling tips were delivered to her apartment. She cried when she saw them, and cried a little more after reading the card. She always knew Jasper was something special.

"So, what are you doing?"

"Drinking and missing you. It's all I seem to be able to do today. What are you doing?"

"I'm sitting in a pub on 6th street, drinking green piss. They keep telling me its beer, but there is just no way."

Alice laughed, but it didn't sound right. "Promise me. Promise me you will be here next year."

"I promise, Twink. I wouldn't miss it for the world."

"I love you," she whispered.

"I love you the most." It would never get old. Two years of sweet declarations, and she would never get tired of hearing those words leave his lips.

"Goodnight, Jas."

"'Night, Twink," Jasper said with his twang.

She smiled to herself, because she was incredibly lucky. Alice understood that rainbows didn't exist without the rain, so she would gladly accept it because when those colors took their place in the sky their breath would leave their chests and their souls would find peace.

**March 17****th****, 2010**

**Austin, Texas**

The ring had been burning a hole in his pocket since the day his mother set it in his hands. He was itching to ask her to spend the rest of her life with him, but he was waiting for the perfect moment.

Time hadn't changed Alice Brandon. She was the same beautiful, graceful, lovely girl she had been since the day he met her. She still believed in silly things like good luck, and pots of gold at the end of rainbows. She still held that twinkle in her eye, and a fire to set the world at peace.

It had been raining for four days straight, and the busy bodied girl was beginning to go stir crazy. The rain had tapered off, and just as Jasper had begun to mix the batter for pancakes Alice decided that they had to go for a drive.

In an unfortunate turn of events, they found themselves in front of the most beautiful rainbow with an empty gas tank and even emptier wallets. The walk to the pay phone was long, but they held hands and she twirled and sang.

When they finally managed to make it home, they were famished. So Jasper shooed Alice off to the shower, and finished up the pancakes from that morning.

When Alice returned from her shower music was playing softly in the background, and there were two sets of pancakes on the table. These weren't just any pancakes. They were rainbow pancakes, and they followed the pattern perfectly.

Alice let out a low whistle when Jasper walked into the room. "ROY G. BIV?"

"If you're gonna do it, you do it right," he said with a smirk.

Alice moved to sit in the chair closest to her, but Jasper cut her off.

"Um, I'm gonna sit there, Twink."

Alice nodded, and moved to the other seat. Jasper was sometimes particular about where he sat.

Jasper watched with cautious eyes, as Alice began to cut into her pancakes. He heard the distinct scrape of metal on metal as her knife met the band.

Alice lifted the stack of pancakes, and dropped it hastily when she realized what was underneath them. She looked up at Jasper with teary eyes, and he began to move towards her.

He took both of her hands in his, and he felt them shake slightly.

"God, I love you. I've been dying to do this for months, but today it feels right. Today I know that life won't lead me anywhere that I won't want you next to me. I look back on my life and I realize that the moments that I was the happiest are the ones I spent with you. I want to spend every single moment of forever with you. Will you marry me?"

She nodded, and then she whispered, "Yes. Always, always, yes."

He scooped her up, and carried her into their bedroom.

Her lips found his, and they fell together onto the bed. It wasn't long before their clothing littered the floor, and he began to realize that this wasn't exactly what he had imagined. He had wanted to make love to her slowly; show her exactly how much he loved her. It was supposed to be sweet, and achingly slow; what began to happen was fiery and powerful. It was like nothing they had ever experienced before, and he couldn't have slowed it down if he tried.

He trailed kisses up and back down her body. Occasionally he would stop and allow his tongue to dart out. She was moving against him, and he couldn't take much more.

"Please. Now." The words left her lips, breathless and wild.

Carefully he wrapped her left leg around his waist and rested her right leg on his shoulder. He pushed in slowly, but slow didn't last very long and his pace quickened. They were both completely out of control. Every emotion they were feeling was being poured into each of their movements.

She didn't need to tell him to go faster or to slow down, harder or softer. In that moment whatever he was doing was exactly what she needed. He listened as moans rushed from her lips, and his hips began to move faster as she began to tighten around him.

"Jas. Oh, Jas." She chanted as her orgasm ripped through her body.

His hips began to move erratically, as he too let go. His body fell limply next to hers on their bed. Their breathing was ragged, and neither of them could speak for the first few minutes.

Alice watched as the diamond ring cast rainbows on the wall, and she smiled. "Happy Patty's Day, Jas."

"You, too, Twink."


	21. Fortune's Fool

**Host note:**

**6 more to go and then the collab!!!**

**Hard to believe March went by so fast!**

**So, how did you Moms out there enjoy March Break??? Did kids in the US get March Break? Do they have that??? Hmmmm....I am so stuck in my lil Canuck world, I have no idea :-P**

* * *

**Entry for the Countdown to April Fool's Day - Just a Pranktical Cullen Day**

**Pen Name: Jewels64**

**Rated M**

**Edward & Bella**

**Fortune's Fool - An April Fool's Day One Shot**

_**Whenever fortune wishes to joke, she lifts people from what is humble to the highest extremity of affairs. Author: Juvenal  
**_

_**~Alice~ **_

_**Meet Bella Swan - An Introduction.**_

To say that Bella Swan was a wallflower would be an understatement. Every year throughout high school she endured the endless misery of watching friends and fellow classmates go on first dates, receive their first kisses and, perhaps, even scandalously allowing the loss of their virginity. Bella Swan had never experienced any of those things.

Bella watched, in absolute misery, as life seemed to pass her by. Every year she would watch, in jealous envy, as girls like Jessica Stanley and Lauren Mallory literally collected stables of boyfriends. Bella would climb into her truck, dejected, feeling sorry for herself and head to the nearest drug store to buy the biggest tub of ice cream to gorge on. Inevitably, the end result would be Bella hugging the toilet instead of some guy at the end of the day.

I've been watching Bella for years. It has been almost 5 years since she graduated from high school. No boyfriends in college, no one night stands. Bella Swan is an enigma to me. I have found her to be a curious subject. I ask myself constantly just what is it that she waits for? Bella slowly roused herself from her bed to face another day. She washed her face, brushed the knots from her hair, and dressed in jeans, an old tee shirt and tennis shoes. This was Bella's daily armor that she wore to protect herself. Nothing too skimpy, nothing too sexy. Just something boyish and safe.

I smiled as I watched her brush her teeth and throw her thick brown hair up into a messy knot on the back of her head. Something tells me that today will mark the real beginning of Bella Swan's ordinary, invisible life.

Who am I? My name is Alice, and I have been sent from the Gods of Olympus to change Bella's destiny. Why would the Gods be so interested in Bella? Not my place to ask. I have a task to perform and to fail would mean being banished from Olympus, only to live my life out as a human. I cannot afford to fail.

* * *

~_**Jasper~ **_

_**Meet Edward Cullen - An Introduction.**_

"Get your fucking drunk, lazy ass out of bed, Cullen! I'm warning you! If you're not up in five minutes, I'm dragging your disgusting stank ass to the shower by your ankles!"

Edward groaned and pulled the pillow over his head. Rosalie Hale was one of the best fucking managers in the business. But Edward had to hand it to her--she was a royal bitch on wheels, who gladly tormented him when he was hung over. When Edward agreed to Rosalie becoming his manager, he knew that she would keep his ass in line. Three years later….he hated himself for being so fucking right.

"I'm not kidding, Cullen! You have a magazine shoot in less than an hour and a half. I need you showered and coherent."

Edward shot Rosalie the bird from under the pillow.

"Nice, Cullen. Keep this shit up and I'm gone. You are a complete ass. A completely talented ass, who is about to waste his fucking life away on nothing."

Rosalie stormed out of the bedroom, and Edward reluctantly rolled over and eyed the alarm clock with one eye. Fuck. It was 11 a.m. It was too fucking early to be getting up.

Edward had gotten back to his hotel suite at 6:30 this morning.

He knew, all too well, he was going to look like shit for the photos. He knew he had to drag his ass out of the bed and into the shower.

Edward roused himself from the tangled sheets of the bed. The air conditioner of the hotel suite was dry and cold. It made him shiver in his nakedness. Edward rushed to the bathroom to turn on the water, hoping that the hotel gods would smile down on him and produce the much needed hot water that he required. Steam began to form in the small encapsulated space that bore nothing but a toilet and a tub/shower combination. Edward made a mental note that his hotel accommodations weren't quite what they used to be.

As luck would have it, fate reared its ugly head in the form of a toilet flush from the hotel suite next store. All the warmth that had been flowing through the shower head in Edward Cullen's bathroom had come to an abrupt halt, causing frigidly cold water to flow over his pasty white skin. Edward shrieked involuntarily and crept into the back right corner of shower before realizing he could control the temperature of the shower just by adjusting the knobs.

Edward Cullen was a spoiled prick. I chuckled thinking about how much humans entertained me. Edward was a fascinating creature. He once was a better person, a good person, even. However, the lure of fame and money had drastically changed his personality. He walked all over people, always got what he wanted, and his conceit knew no bounds. Edward Cullen could walk into a room and everyone desired him. Men and women both.

Alice had done a superb job already. Sure as my name is Jasper Whitlock, I just knew there were going to be fireworks when Edward meets Bella for the first time today.

Now all Alice and I had to do was sit back and wait for the perfect moment.

* * *

_**The Meeting**_

Bella was sitting at her desk quietly perusing her emails. Nothing but spam and one email from her mother begging for a visit. Bella sent all emails to her trash file. She reached into her desk to retrieve an emergency chocolate bar when Emmett burst into her office.

"Swan! I need you now! Angela called in sick. I am going to need you to fill in for her on the shoot today."

"What? Emmett! I don't think I can do that. I don't know how to pick out the clothes for a shoot! Are you crazy?"

"Fuck yes I'm crazy, Swan! We finally got Edward Cullen to shoot a cover. I am NOT going to trash this because of one sick assistant. Get your skinny ass down to the studio now! Don't knock anything over either! Time is money!"

Bella stood clumsily, her heart beating crazily in her chest. She couldn't do this. What was Emmett thinking?

Three times she fumbled and tripped over nothing before she even made it to the elevator doors. Today would be a memorable day, Bella thought to herself, however, not in a good way.

When Bella finally joined Emmett in the car, at the front of the building, Emmett huffed in annoyance and looked her over, from head to toe.

He then turned to the driver and told him to make a quick stop at Bloomingdales. Bella didn't dare question him, she just sat quietly beside him, hoping the door might fly open and drag her from the car and away from what she was sure would be complete and utter humiliation.

Emmett jumped out of the car, ran into the store and returned moments later with bags in his hand. He threw them at her and told her to put them on.

"What?" Bella stammered, staring warily at the bags and then back at Emmett's still annoyed face.

"Put them on. Did I stutter or something? No, didn't think so. Now I am going to close my eyes and count to one hundred, when I am done, I expect you to have those on. Got it?"

Bella opened the bag and perused the contents. "Emmett, I don't know if I can…"

"ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE…"

"Okay! Okay! Chill. I'll change my clothes. No peeking either," Bella glumly responded.

"Look, Swan, I need you to look like you actually work for this magazine instead of peddling it on a street corner in some news kiosk. I don't need to have an assistant that is going to make Edward Cullen turn right around and walk back out the door. Your clothes almost scream 'I'm a hostile lesbian'.

Bella rolled her eyes and listened to Emmett explain how first impressions were the most important. Bella finally zipped up the pencil skirt, shed her Chucks and slipped into the black patent pumps that Emmett had purchased.

"You can open your eyes now. I'm done."

Emmett let loose a small whistle the moment he opened his eyes. "Shit, Swan! You need to dress like that more often, damn! You've got nice legs! I got to say it I'm good. Now if you have a brush in that bag of yours, I suggest you brush that hair till it shines. Plus a little lip gloss wouldn't hurt you either."

Bella blew out an impatient sigh. "Great! I'm getting a fucking makeover in a car from Attila the Hun. Not exactly an Oprah moment in my book."

Emmett eyed Bella warily. "Watch the snark, Swan. I don't need you mouthing off at Edward Cullen either."

"What's the big deal about this guy? Why is he so special?" Bella asked as she ran her brush through her hair.

Emmett guffawed loudly. "Jesus, Swan. Don't you ever watch television? He's got the number one single on the charts right now, every woman and gay man wants to bang him senseless, and the dude is so fucking beautiful that even angels freaking cry!"

"Sounds like someone has a little bit of a man crush going on,." Bella wryly commented.

"Just be sure that you do exactly as I tell you, and we just may get through the next two days of the shoot okay. I'm counting on you, Swan. Don't fuck it up."

* * *

Alice and Jasper stood off to the side watching the flurry of activity all around them. Huge backdrops and lighting were being set up in strategic locations.

"There she is! Oh, Jasper! She even looks very pretty today!" Alice's enthusiasm always made Jasper smile. Alice pointed to a young woman of average height who seemed to have extreme difficulty walking in the shoes she was wearing. She looked terrified, and there were high spots of color on her pale skin. She looked like a deer in headlights.

"Oh, Alice, I don't know about picking that girl to bring Edward down. He'll eat her alive." Jasper shook his head in dismay.

Alice spun around to face Jasper. "She's much stronger than you think. I think she might surprise you! Now all we have to do is wait for_ your_ jackass to show up and get this party started."

Jasper stared at Bella a little longer. Even he had to admit she was ethereal looking. Her glossy chestnut colored hair flashed with bits of red in the sunlight. She was slender and had curves in all the right places. Jasper smiled as he watched the interaction that Bella was having with the big burly photographer named Emmett. Alice was right. There was a strong stubborn streak that ran through Bella Swan, but even Jasper could sense the terror coming off of her in waves. Bella was being asked to do something she normally didn't do.

"He's going to be late!" Alice observed as the final preparations were finished.

Jasper grabbed the hand of his immortal partner and tried to calm her. "Of course he is. Does that surprise you?"

Alice petulantly tapped her foot. "Nope, just makes me want to nail his ass even more. This jerk needs his comeuppance."

"Such language from such a pretty mouth," Jasper gently drawled, knowing all too well that it would calm Alice down. "You don't want to lose control again, Alice. Remember the last assignment? We can't afford your emotions getting the best of you again. We are already skating on thin ice, as it is."

Alice began to pout while Jasper reminded her of their last mistake. Jasper, being the gentleman he was, couldn't bear to see his partner feeling guilty, so he leaned down and brushed her pouty lips with the lightest of kisses.

"Hey, we'll succeed this time. Just keep a calm head okay?" Jasper reassured her.

Alice gave him her flirtiest smile and nodded at him through her impossibly dark lashes. All around them the humans scurried in their frenzy of activity, like ants in a colony. Alice and Jasper blended seamlessly into the background looking like they belonged there. No one questioned who they were or why they were there. They were two beautiful people who looked like they were going to be part of the shoot.

Twenty more minutes passed by, and Emmett kept pacing and checking his watch.

"Nice Guy. He's late." Bella paced behind Emmett. She had familiarized herself with all the clothes for Edward while waiting for him. She still had no idea what he looked like, but she had put together several pieces of clothing that had even won Emmett over.

"That's pretty hot looking, Swan. You just may make it in this business yet," Emmett praised.

"Are you sure you're not latently gay, Emmett? Or are you just the biggest metrosexual since Ryan Seacrest?"

"HA! I knew you watched television! You can try and act all intellectually superior, hiding that pert nose of yours in your books, but even you can't resist the siren call of pop culture," Emmett laughed loudly.

Bella sighed, "I don't watch television. I may see comments here and there when I log on my computer. That is all. Don't make fun of my books either. Wouldn't hurt you to read one, one without pictures."

At that moment a sleek, long black limousine pulled up to the shoot location. Women started last minute primping. The mood on the set became electrified with anticipation. The chauffeur exited the car and opened the passenger door. Rosalie Hale stepped out from the limo and surveyed the area before turning back around to say something to the passenger still inside. It seemed like everyone quit breathing in anticipation of Edward Cullen stepping out of the limousine.

Bella strained on her tip toes to see what was going on. She almost toppled off her heels the moment Edward Cullen came out into the sunlight. His bronze hair was disheveled, like it had been gripped in the hands of a woman during a sexual frenzy. His angular jaw was dusted with the perfect amount of one day's worth of stubble. Dark Ray Bans covered his eyes. He adjusted his cuffs of his shirt and smiled and waved at the bystanders who stood nearby with cameras, taking pictures. Bella had never seen such a smile, and it made her both giddy and dizzy. Emmett was right, Edward Cullen was beautiful.

Bella Swan experienced her first legitimate pang of sexual longing for the first time in her life. She was surprised by the pure physical reaction her body had from just looking at Edward Cullen. Every one of her nerves lit themselves on fire, and she quietly enjoyed the burn.

Edward strolled past the catering table, grabbing a cold bottle of Coca-Cola along the way. He raked his fingers through the mop of his hair, brushing errant strands back from his forehead. His long legs were accentuated by the shiny material of his trousers. His shirt was a little haphazardly buttoned but still looked pristine underneath the well cut jacket that hugged his frame, accenting the perfection of his shoulders and his slim waist.

Bella had never seen such a beautiful specimen of manly beauty. Now she fully understood Emmett's man crush. Hell, Bella had just developed a crush of her own.

Edward strolled past her, leaving his scent in his wake. Bella inhaled the scent of sunshine, smoke and sex. It mesmerized her. Unconsciously, she found herself in step behind him.

_Oh, God. His ass, you could bounce a quarter off that thing! _She thought to herself.

"Ummm…Mr. Cullen? Mr. Cullen?" Bella called out trying to garner his attention.

Edward stopped and suddenly turned, causing Bella to run right into him. Edward raised his sunglasses up to get a better look at the idiot who had just crashed into him. Bella involuntarily sucked in a breath when she saw the verdant color of his, very hostile, eyes.

"Do you think you could crawl any further up my ass?" He spoke to Bella viciously.

Bella was immediately wounded and furiously humiliated. A dark blush started to stain her cheeks as she tried desperately to stammer out an apology.

"I….I'm sorry. I'm supposed to take you to the trailer so you can get changed."

Edward looked Bella up and down.

_Not bad. A little mousy but damn she's got a fine body. Long legs. I'd like those legs wrapped around my neck. _

"Not my first dog and pony show, Sweets. Where else did you think I was headed?"

Bella took a deep breath. She was already tired of his curt tone. "Actually you are headed in the wrong direction. Which is fine by me. Keep walking that way, Mr. Cullen, and you will walk your arrogant self right into the Hudson River. If you want to go to your trailer you need to follow me."

Edward smirked at the spitfire in the slim pencil skirt. "Lead the way Miss….?"

"Swan. Bella Swan." Bella followed up her introduction muttering under her breath "Not that you'd remember it anyways."

"What was that? I didn't catch that last part." Edward started to walk behind Bella, admiring the sway of her very delectable ass. He knew he was being a shit, but he kind of enjoyed getting the mouse to roar.

Bella walked as briskly as she could in the torturous heels. Shoes like this had to be designed by a man. Her toes were squished together and aching. Not only that, but she could feel Edward's eyes boring into her.

_Fucking Jerk! I should have let him walk right into the river. He just needs to float away with the rest of the trash._

Bella arrived at the trailer that had been designated for Edward. She opened the door with a flourish, and Edward handed her the empty Coke bottle.

"Be a dear and fetch another one for me, Sweets." Edward broke open his best panty dropping smile.

"Get it yourself after you get dressed. We're on a tight schedule."

Edward started to chuckle. "Meow! The kitten has claws. I think I like this pussy."

Edward's double entendre was not lost on Bella. Once again he was rewarded with a furious blush staining that porcelain like skin of hers.

Jasper had to pull Alice back after watching the exchange between Bella and Edward.

"Alice! We can only act at the right moment. One moment, too soon or too late, and all will be lost for us!" Jasper warned.

Alice relaxed the minute Bella slammed the trailer door, after Edward had gone inside.

Jasper turned to Alice again. "Besides, weren't you the one who said Bella was strong? I'm beginning to see why you picked her for Edward."

Alice blew her dark spiky bangs off her forehead. "He's just so….he's such a pig!"

"Well, that's why we're here, to fix that. For whatever reason Zeus has, he wants these two together. But right now neither one of them has a true connection with the other. It's almost as if they need to spend a day in each other's shoes to see what it is like for the both of them."

"OH, JASPER! That is freaking brilliant! That shit would be so You Tube worthy!"

Jasper became alarmed. "Oh, no, Alice. You can't be thinking what I think you're thinking! That's a little extreme, don't you think?"

"Yes, and it's exactly what Edward Cullen needs to learn humility, and for Bella to learn how to be comfortable in her own skin."

Jasper rolled his eyes. "I should have never let you see that movie 'Freaky Friday'."

Alice's eyes were gleaming. "This is going to epic! Trust me Jasper, this will work."

Jasper raked both hands through his hair and expelled a heavy breath. "All right, talk to me. Tell me what you have in mind."

As the two immortals bowed their heads together, Alice animatedly whispering into Jasper's ear, the humans all around them carried on with their lives, not knowing that something drastic was about to happen in their universe.

* * *

_**The Swap Meet**_

The first day of the shoot had been long and arduous. Edward continued to needle Bella, and she continued to express her extreme displeasure at his behavior.

Finally, Edward had a chance to corner the elusive Miss Swan. "You don't like me much, do you?"

"No. I don't. Can I go please?"

"I know why you don't like me; . You're trying to hide your attraction to me," Edward smirked at her.

"Look…Mr. Cullen, I'm tired. This has been a long day, my feet hurt, and personally, I can't stand being around all these sycophantic fans of yours, that are just waiting for you to peruse them, like cattle, and then decide which one you want to take home with you. I think you are boorish, ill mannered and, personally, I wouldn't fuck you with your own dick."

Edward let Bella's words sink in for moment. "Well since we are being honest, Miss Swan, I have no desire to fuck you and your smart mouth, either. You have the potential to be a very sexy woman, but your hatred of the male race seems to keep you warmer at night. Good luck growing up to be a dried up old spinster with tons of cats. Now get out."

Bella stood there shocked at his final parting words. Suddenly, copious tears started to flow down her face. She kicked off her shoes and raced to the car, begging the driver to take her back to her apartment. Bella cried the entire way home. Bella's humiliation had been made even worse by the very true sentiment of Edward's words. Bella had closed herself off to feeling anything towards men in general. She fumbled with her keys and finally got the door to her apartment open. She threw the bags of clothes down and headed to the kitchen. Bella started to cry even more when both of her cats came running, demanding dinner. Bella quickly put food in their dishes and then slumped to the floor wondering how someone as beautiful as Edward Cullen could have such a dark heart.

"Who the hell did that bitch think she was?" Edward cursed loudly as Rosalie followed him into the hotel suite. "I want her gone from the set tomorrow. I don't need that shit."

Rosalie was fighting a smile from appearing on her face. Personally, inside she was applauding the spunky little brunette, who had managed to shake up Edward. Edward had already crossed the room to the mini bar and was pouring himself some scotch.

"Don't you think you drank enough yesterday?" Rose gently cautioned.

"No. No I don't, Rose. I don't need another bitch harping on me tonight either." Edward's malicious tone caused Rose to put her hands up in front of her in defense.

"Fine, kill your liver, kill you career. You are on your own, I'm done with you. Have a fabulous life, Edward." Rose grabbed her bag and paused at the door. She turned to face Edward one more time.

"You know why you didn't like that girl? Because she saw the real you. The pompous arrogant shit head that you've become. You've let the fame and the fans cloud that pretty head of yours. You feel entitled. What that pretty young woman did was remind you of something better. Something more innocent and real. I really hope you find what you're looking for, Edward. I'm just warning you that if you continue on this self destructive track of yours, you are going to end up being another "Behind the Music" episode on VH-1. Good Luck with that."

Rose then turned her back on Edward Cullen and walked out into the night.

Edward slumped down onto the couch in a posture of defeat. Edward spent the rest of the night drinking his self into oblivion, wondering if Rosalie was right. Had he changed? Did Bella remind him of the person he once used to be? Edward drifted off to sleep thinking about the mousy girl, with the hot body and smart mouth, wondering if he had been right about her life, as well.

As the stars trekked across the nighttime sky, Edward and Bella both slumbered in a deep sleep, each in their respective beds. Stars aligned in the night time sky, and for a brief moment time stopped. No traffic. No noise. Nothing. Nothing except the strange exchange of souls, from one body to another. Once the trade had been completed the world started to turn again, racing towards a new day, and a new beginning for some….

* * *

_**Waking Up**_

Bella could feel herself waking up. She stretched but felt weighed down. Her mouth was full of cotton, and her head was pounding. Bella felt like she had a hangover which was virtually impossible, considering she rarely drank. She raised her hands to rub the sleep from her eyes. Bella thought she might not be awake, and must still be dreaming, when she felt the rough facial stubble beneath her hands. Slowly she opened her eyes and realized that the hands she was looking at were not hers. The fingers were long and slender and there was a light dusting of hair on the knuckles. More hair wound delicately around masculine wrists. Bella sat up immediately in bed, the blood rushing forward and causing her head to pound even more. Bella almost screamed when she looked down at the ripped abdomen covered with soft brown hair. She slowly began to peel the sheet down and immediately passed out when she saw the erection lying at attention on her (?) belly.

Slowly Bella began to regain consciousness. She rubbed her legs together and once again she could feel hair in places where she normally didn't have any. Bella took a deep breath, got out of the bed and realized she wasn't even in her own apartment. It looked like she was in a hotel suite of some sorts. Bella looked around and spied the bathroom. Dragging the sheet, wrapped around her, she walked into the bathroom and flipped on the light. What she saw almost made her faint again. Staring back at her in the mirror was none other than Edward Cullen.

***

"Stop it! That tickles," Edward murmured. Something wet with the texture of sandpaper seemed to be licking his face. Edward slowly swam towards consciousness. He couldn't remember if he had left his room last night and gone to the hotel bar or not. He must have, because it would explain the nonstop licking of his face. Whoever this chick was…she needed to stop that shit now. The licking continued and then the bitch meowed.

Edward's eyes shot open, and he found himself face to face with one very furry feline face.

_How the fuck did a cat get into my suite?_

Edward reached to remove the offending animal from his pillow and sat up with a start when he saw small dainty fingers decorated with rings reaching for the cat. Edward clenched his eyes tightly for a moment and then opened them, praying that he was only suffering from DT's.

Edward Cullen was not suffering from Delusional Tremors. Edward Cullen was suffering from justice delivered by a tiny immortal by the name of Alice.

Edward tentatively pulled the sheets down to see he was wearing a modest tank top and pajama pants with some psycho looking bunnies plastered all over them. What caught his attention the most about the tank top was the creamy, slightly abundant flesh that peeked out from underneath the collar line and filled the tank top out with lovely curves.

Edward reached up to rake his fingers through his hair and was shocked when his fingers kept sliding through long lengths of soft chestnut colored hair.

_Oh Jesus. Please let this be a dream! _He thought to himself. He kicked down the sheets and was rewarded with the sight of dainty feet, with toenails painted a shimmery delicate pink.

He wasn't in his hotel suite. This was somebody's home. He searched for the bathroom and found it. He flipped the light on and stumbled back against the wall. Staring at him from the reflection in the mirror was Bella Swan. Edward immediately sunk to the floor and crawled to the toilet. He emptied the contents of his stomach, retching deeply, tears flooding his eyes.

Edward was finally able to breathe after the last convulsions had passed. He sat against the wall and finally stared down at the body he seemed to inhabit. It was the mouse's body. Edward grabbed the towel rack and pulled himself up. He closed his eyes one more time before opening them, only to find Bella staring back at him still. He raised his hand. So did she. He raked his fingers through his hair. So did she.

Edward worked up the courage to take the final step into madness.

"My name is Edward Cullen," he spoke softly, gentle feminine tones bounced around the small tiled space, and Edward suddenly knew that he was in Hell. Edward slid back down the wall, wondering what the hell he had done to deserve this.

***

Phones were ringing everywhere. The hotel room phone wouldn't quit ringing and neither would Edward's cell phone. Bella had no idea what to do. She was in a panic. She was herself but she wasn't. Everywhere she looked she saw the reflection of Edward Cullen. His reflection haunted her in the panes of glass of photos on the wall, in the huge sliding glass door that led to the balcony…the simple drinking glass she held in her hand.

She knew she had to get to the set. She had a job to do. But she also didn't know how to go about being Edward Cullen. If only she knew how to contact him. Her heart raced and she almost felt faint again. Oh God, she was going to have to pretend to be Edward.

Edward's cell phone rang once again. Bella was finally able to locate it. She was surprised to see her own phone number flashing on the screen. Bella quickly flipped open the phone and answered the call.

"Hello…." she answered, shocked at the rich masculine tones issuing forth.

"Um..yeah…hey…"

Bella reeled hearing her own voice answer back. Suddenly she knew that Edward had been affected by whatever weird cosmic incidence had occurred as well.

"Edward?" Bella hoarsely whispered into the phone.

"Yeah. It's me. What the fuck happened?"

"I don't know. I…I just want things to go back to the way they were," Bella wailed.

"Hey…stop! I don't cry like that. That sounds so weird coming through the phone!" Edward barked.

"God! You are such a dick! You are worried about how you sound? You're the one strolling around in my body. OH MY GOD! Please tell me you haven't done anything…."

"Shut up! I'm just as freaked as you are! No I haven't done anything! Why is that so important anyway?"

"I'm begging you, Edward. Please don't. I'm….I'm …a …."

The silence between them was deafening. Suddenly Edward spoke quietly into the phone.

"Holy Shit, Bella! You're still a virgin?"

Bella groaned and reached to absentmindedly twirl a strand of hair in her fingers. Her fingers found only short strands, and she huffed out her irritation.

"Don't make it sound like a curse, Edward. I'm saving myself."

"God…I'm sorry. That came out all wrong. I promise . I won't do anything. Hell, I don't fully understand how all this shit works anyway."

Bella actually snorted a quick laugh. "That makes two of us."

"Um…Bella…you haven't…you know…" Edward gingerly approached the subject at hand.

"No. But as much as I don't like you…what I see isn't too bad. Okay. I lied. I looked. You made me faint."

Edward chuckled into the phone, and Bella found it completely strange to hear her own laughter.

"Good to know. You're not so bad yourself." The line grew silent for a few minutes. "So what do we do now?"

"I guess we get dressed, head to the shoot and try to figure this out. I'll meet you there in about an hour," Bella responded.

"Um…Bella? People will think I have been up all night doing drugs or something if I show up on time. Can you be at least an hour late?"

Bella rolled her eyes and impatiently answered Edward using his own rich honeyed voice. "NO! I want to fix this now. I hate that something has thrown us together this way, but we need to fix it as soon as possible! I can't…I can't be you."

"Okay! Okay! I'll come pick you up. We can talk about this on the way to the shoot."

"Oh yeah, because that would be so much better. The both of us showing up together, getting out of your limo? And listen genius…in case you forgot…I'm in your hotel room, I look like you, I sound like you. What kind of limo are you going to get to come pick you up? Huh? Answer that one!"

"Jesus! Don't get all hysterical on me! I don't know what I am doing either! Fine. Just call the number I am about to give you. It's the number to my agent Rosalie Hale. Tell her you need a car. She'll send one to fetch you. Just be cool Bella. Can you even try to fake your way into acting like me?"

"That shouldn't be too hard. You are a walking dick on legs."

"Thanks for that. By the way…how much do I need to feed your cats?" Edward almost sneered through the phone.

Bella almost collapsed against the wall again. She hated Edward Cullen with a passion. The worst part is she had to stare at his face everywhere she looked.

"Leave them a dish full of food. Make sure they have fresh water. Get dressed in the clothes that are still it the Bloomindales bag that is in the hallway. Emmett will suspect something if you show up wearing anything else. To be frank…there is nothing else besides tee shirts and jeans to wear anyway."

"Okay. Got it. Go through the closet. Find the jeans with the hole ripped out in one knee. Throw on one of my old tee shirts and a hoodie. You will find an old beanie on the counter in the bedroom. Throw that on over my hair. You'll at least look like you just rolled out of bed. That should appear normal for me."

Silence ensued for several minutes. Both Edward and Bella didn't want to lose the connection they had. They only had each other to rely on.

"Um…do you have any other questions?" Bella delicately broached the subject that neither one of them wanted to discuss.

"Do you wear makeup or do you usually go natural?" Edward finally asked.

"No makeup, never had a need for it. Do you do have any major grooming habits?"

"No. I just kind of shower, rake my fingers through my hair, get dressed and head out. I will warn you though. The fans are kind of scary. They can be loud, pushy and obnoxious. Don't panic. Just smile, wave and keep your eyes focused on the ground."

"Edward? Is this really happening?"

Edward sighed into the phone. "Yeah, it's real, Bella. I don't know what happened, but I'm sorry for all it's worth. I haven't really been a nice person to you. You deserve better.

Bella almost gulped when she heard Edward's apology. "Thank you. I guess I was kind of hard on you too. I'll see you at the set."

"OH SHIT!" Edward cursed loudly into the phone.

"What is it?"

"Bella….help me think of something to say when I show up on the set as you. I had you fired last night. I got so wound up by what you said about me, I caused you to lose your job!"

"YOU DID WHAT?" Bella hollered into the phone.

"I know! I'm so sorry. We have to think of something!"

"Here is what is going to happen, Edward. I'm going to call your agent. She will send a car. We will come get you and we are going to arrive at the set together. I will withstand all the glares, the stares and the teasing just to make sure no one discovers our dilemma. Together we will figure this out."

Edward agreed to Bella's advice, and they each reluctantly hung up the phone. Both realized they had to dress in each other's clothes. Now Edward was somewhat familiar with women's lingerie, but usually he was taking those items off…not putting them on. Bella, on the other hand, had never had the experience of dealing with male body parts. Both Edward and Bella rapidly dressed trying to avoid all mirrors possible.

Bella called the phone number that Edward had given her. A very annoyed voice answered on the third ring.

"What the fuck do you want, Cullen? I told you last night, I quit."

Bella was at a loss for words. "Um…Yeah…about that. I want to apologize."

The woman on the other end snorted into the phone. "You're apologizing? Geez that's rich! Are you high?"

"Listen to me, Rose. Cut the crap! I made a mistake yesterday. I don't fully remember what I said to you, but I was out of line. I don't want you to leave. I need your help. I need you. You're the only one right now. I've got no one else to turn to."

Silence. Then Edward's agent spoke up. "I know I'm going to regret this, but you actually sound sincere. What do you need?"

"Can you send a car around to pick me up to take me to the shoot?"

"It's a little early for you. Are you sure you're okay?"

"No, but I could be with your help."

"Okay, a Car will be there in twenty minutes. I'll meet you at the shoot."

"Thank you, Rose."

"Are you sure you're not high? This is a nice change…"

"Don't rub it in, Rose, I've had a rough night. I'll see you at the shoot."

***

Bella and Edward rode to the shoot location quickly discussing any details that they needed to know about one another. The more they talked the more they realized they had things in common. They found themselves to actually enjoying each other's company, regardless of their current situation. They gave each other cue words to help each other through the day. By the time they exited the limousine, both felt as if they had some sort of control on the situation.

Jasper and Alice sat back and smiled.

"I have to hand it to you, Sweetness. This is working better than I thought it would," Jasper finally admitted.

"Hey, baby, it was all your idea. I just executed it with precision!" Alice grinned back at him.

The day progressed without any major mishaps, on either Edward's or Bella's part. The gossip started to spread amongst all those on the shoot that they must have hooked up the night before. Everyone commented on how intimate they seemed with one another. Edward had treated everyone with respect, and Bella didn't let people walk all over her. She even flirted back once or twice with some of the guys on the set who seemed to notice her newfound confidence.

The shoot ended, and Emmett hugged Bella hard, thanking her for going above and beyond the call of duty. Emmett felt so good about the shoot that he boldly asked Edward's manager Rosalie to join him for dinner. Feeling good about the shoot as well, Rosalie heartily accepted his invitation. The long sleek limousine pulled up to collect Edward. Bella took Edward's (her) hand in his own and pulled her towards the limo. They both climbed inside and breathed a sigh of relief.

"How long do you think this is going to last?" Edward finally asked trying to get comfortable in the dress he had worn all day.

"I don't know," Bella answered,"but I have to say, you're not what I thought you were. You are actually kind of a nice guy."

"You are not so bad yourself, Miss Swan." Edward smiled back at Bella. For the first time in a long time, he actually thought about how nice it would be to have a woman like Bella as his friend.

Somewhere in the night Jasper and Alice watched.

"So what happens now? How do they switch places back?" Jasper asked.

"They have to share a true love's kiss. Both will gain what they need when that happens."

Jasper groaned, "I hope this works, Shorty, because we are running out of time…"

***

Bella cooked dinner for Edward in her small but modest apartment. Even though her cats didn't recognize her physically, they became very attached to her immediately.

They passed the evening in easy conversation. Both of them talked about their families, where they grew up, their love for music and books that they shared in common.

The night wore on getting later, and the sky was a dark, inky black, punctuated by the tiny sparkles of the stars glittering brightly.

Bella reluctantly stood up to leave her own apartment. "I need to go."

"No, you don't. Stay here. I should go. This is your home."

"Edward!" Bella objected, "You can't be serious! Rosalie cannot find 'me' in your hotel suite! Let's think about this rationally."

"Rational? You want me to be rational? Bella that shit flew out the door this morning when we both woke up in each other's bodies. As sexy as that sounds when I say it…it's just not the way I want it to be. I want it to be sexy. I want to be inside you in the worst possible way. But this shit is just fucked up." Edward slumped down on the couch and started to cry into a cushion.

"Are you okay? You're crying," Bella remarked somewhat stunned by Edward's outburst.

"No. Yes. I don't know. I can't control all these feelings. I mean…fuck I cry at fucking commercials. I look at kids and find myself wondering if I ever will have any. This is killing me, Bella. I'm so confused. All I know right now is that you are pretty spectacular, and for the first time in my life I am truly afraid to try anything."

Bella snorted. "That's kind of fucked up funny because all I can think about right now is how vulnerable you look, and I'm thinking I've got an easy in to getting you to kiss me."

"Shit…this is getting worse. We're both actually starting to feel what it's like to be the opposite sex. What do we do?" Edward wailed.

"Shhh….I think I have an idea. You find me attractive…right?"

"Oh this is not the time to make fun of me, Bella. I was a nasty shit when I said that to you."

"I'm not making fun of you, Edward, far from it. I have never felt closer to someone in my life. If I were being honest…I wanted you to kiss me the first time I laid eyes on you."

Edward sniffled into the pillow. "Really?"

Bella went to join Edward on the couch. "Really, would it be so horrible to kiss me right now?"

Edward breathed in a couple of calming breaths. "No…I don't think so."

Bella reached up and stroked Edward's cheek…her cheek. "Then let me kiss you."

They both met somewhere in the middle. The electricity that sparked between them was palpable. The kiss deepened. Bella became empowered and ran her tongue along Edward's lips. Edward moaned and opened, allowing her in. Their tongues twisted and slid against one another. Breathing became labored as they touched one another in intimate places. The room seemed to spin around them. It was if they were caught in some wicked vortex. They couldn't get enough of one another. Clothes were starting to be shed on the floor.

Bella finally whispered to Edward. "Be gentle with me. This is my first time."

Edward reached up and grabbed her face with his hands. "I'll go slow, I promise. Kiss me again."

The lovers came together in a most tender passionate kiss, and suddenly both passed out from the _pure_ feeling of meeting their soul mate.

Jasper and Alice danced quietly to some unspoken music. They had succeeded. They tripped their way through the stars to their home to celebrate not only Edward and Bella's love, but their own.

***

Edward was the first to awaken.

He opened his eyes slowly and saw Bella laying next to him. She was sprawled on the floor; her lips were a rich red, full and beckoning. Her hair lay in a soft miasma, all around her delicate heart shaped face. God, she was beautiful.

Bella's lashes fluttered against her cheek and she slowly opened her eyes to find a strong, handsome face, with the prettiest green eyes she had ever seen, staring back at her.

"Hi,." she whispered. Her voice, her body…it was all her own. And yet..she knew it belonged to Edward as well.

"Bella…I…"

Bella placed a finger against his beautiful mouth to stop him from speaking. "Shhhh,. I think we have some unfinished business to take care of."

"Business? I don't do business, Miss Swan, I do pleasure."

"Guess I'll just have to find out, won't I?" Bella smiled at Edward, and he knew she was giving him the greatest gift he had ever received.

"Before I do this, Bella, I need you to know I haven't been the best person. You brought something out in me that I thought was lost."

"And you brought something out in me that I didn't know I had. Edward…I want this. I want you."

"Are you sure?"

"Oh God, Edward! 24 hours in my body and you've become emo? Knock that shit off and make love to me like I deserve to be loved."

Edward closed the distance between them and rolled Bella onto her back and pressed himself up against her. He gripped her hair in his hands.

"Are you sure, my love?"

"Love?"

"Don't ask me why…but I think I am in love with you, Bella Swan. You have no idea how long I have waited for you."

Bella smiled against his chest, breathing in his scent. "Of course you are. I love you, too."

The words suddenly stopped and bodies started sharing what words could not express. Edward slowly undressed Bella finally allowing his self to fully explore the wonders of the woman who lay beneath him. Her creamy skin was like velvet against his tongue. Her nipples responded to his touch, driving Edward further into madness. He swirled his tongue around each nipple, worshipping each one, until Bella was panting with need. He could feel the rise and fall of her hips underneath his as her body sought the friction it needed. He smiled against her belly as he made his way down to the soft hair that covered the apex above the junction of her thighs. He lightly wound his fingers through the hair, softly, tugging at it, inflaming her desire even more. Edward slowly slid the pad of his finger down through Bella's soft, wet folds. Bella bucked against his hand at the sensation.

"Shhh, love….let me do this. I want you to cum first. It will make things easier."

Bella took in a couple of shaky breaths. "Okay…but God…this is killing me…"

Edward smiled. "Killing you? Imagine what it is for me to control myself from just plunging into you and taking you with total abandon!"

Bella sat up on her elbows and eyed him suspiciously. "Seriously?"

Edward licked her wet core, and Bella flopped back down onto the bed. "Do you believe me now?"

Bella grabbed Edward's wild hair with her fingers and pulled his face back down.

"Do that again."

Edward chuckled. "Yes ma'am. I am going to lick you until you scream my name in pleasure."

Edward made good on his promise. His tongue was wickedly talented. He sucked, nibbled and licked every inch of her until Bella convulsed in pure pleasure on his face. Edward held her hips with both of his hands so he could drink from the nectar that came forth from her orgasm.

"Oh fuck! You are delicious, Bella." And to prove his point her rolled her over on top of him and pushed his tongue into her mouth so Bella could taste her own desire.

Something primal ignited in Bella that moment, and she slid down his body needing to taste him. Her hand wrapped around the beautiful erection that she had only glanced at earlier in the day. Now she felt no guilt wanting to touch it. It was like velvet wrapped around steel. Bella found Edward's cock to be beautiful. The rigid veins that stood out on it only reminded her of the fact that she made him this way. Bella gripped him harder, forcing Edward to utter a string of very sexy expletives. She began to stroke him up and down, her tongue darting out to taste the shiny liquid that would ease out from the tiny opening on the head of his dick. It was salty and thick, and Bella enjoyed every noise Edward made when she suckled him.

Edward finally stopped Bella from going further. "I need to be inside you. Are you ready?"

Bella's eyes fluttered closed for a moment, and her heart raced in her chest. When she finally opened her eyes, Edward knew she was his. Something deep and primal roared inside him. He had never felt this way about anyone.

Edward rolled Bella over onto her back, and his fingers sought her wet core. He slowly slid a few fingers inside her to get her accustomed to the feel of him being inside her.

"Oh God! Edward….don't stop." Bella started to thrash beneath him.

Edward's thumb found her clit, and he applied the right amount of pressure. Bella's mouth opened into a surprised 'O' and she began to contract all around his fingers. Edward slowly finger fucked her through her orgasm.

"How was that?" he asked.

When Bella could finally speak through her breathing, she whimpered, "Did…I ….did I just have another orgasm?"

Edward chuckled slightly,"Yeah, I'm pretty sure you did. How do you feel?"

"Like I just exploded, came back together and floated to the ceiling,." Bella answered honestly.

"Yep,. I'm pretty sure that qualifies as an orgasm."

Bella surprised Edward by grabbing him and kissing him soundly. She pulled his face away so that she could only see his eyes.

"Do it, take me. I need you, Edward. Make love to me."

In that very moment Edward Cullen found himself again. He silently thanked the Gods for whatever had happened to bring the siren laying in his arms into his life.

Edward smiled at Bella. "Tell me if I hurt you, love."

"Nothing could ever hurt as much as the years I spent not knowing you were out there, just waiting for me."

Edward almost wept at the honest words that Bella wrapped around his heart. He slowly spread her thighs apart and slid his fingers through her wetness to lubricate himself. He wanted to be able to slowly slide inside her warmth, with very little discomfort to her.

"This may hurt, Bella. I'm sorry if it does."

"Okay,. I'm ready," Bella answered.

Edward grabbed his cock and slowly slid it down from her clit to her opening. He gently pushed the head of his cock inside her. Bella bit down on her bottom lip.

"Okay?" Edward asked, watching her face closely for any signs of pain.

"Okay," Bella reassured him.

Edward slowly pushed his way inside her until he felt her barrier. "Bella…this is going to hurt. I have to push harder to get through. We can stop if this is too much."

Bella's hips started to undulate of their own accord. "Oh God, Edward. Don't stop now. You feel so good."

That was all the encouragement Edward needed. Edward suddenly withdrew from her causing Bella to whimper.

"Give me a moment. I need to get something from my wallet."

Bella looked confused for a moment, but then she smiled. Edward was taking care of her.

He quickly pulled out the foil packet from his wallet. He opened it and unrolled it down onto his hard length. He positioned himself between her thighs, and he pushed forward, feeling the breaking of her hymen. Edward groaned at the tightness of her. He quit moving, giving Bella a chance to get acclimated to the feeling of him inside of her. Once again, her impatient hips started to grind out an unspoken rhythm that was as old as time itself. She shifted and moved. Edward pulled himself up onto his knees and hooked her thighs over his. She was spread open and the sight of his cock buried deep inside her tight pussy inflamed him. He put his thumb onto her clit again and began to make expert circles on it. Edward smiled as Bella fisted the sheets into tight knots.

"Look at me, Bella, I need you to see me when you cum," Edward commanded. He thrust in and out of her gently, setting a pace that she could fully ride out her next orgasm on. Edward watched the ever-changing facial expressions that crossed Bella's face as he made love to her. She would be serene one moment, then panting the next. Edward relished the fact that he would have more time to discover everything he needed to know about the beauty lying beneath him.

Bella's breathing began to pick up and Edward leaned down to suckle a nipple. His tongue swirled, sucked and laved the rosy hardened point. Bella thrashed even more. His thumb stroked her wet slit again, and Bella started to keen his name.

"Oh God…Edward!" she screamed, as she came again, this time shuddering around Edward's thick rigid length. Edward waited for her orgasm to subside, and then he began his assault. Bella grabbed onto his hips, her fingers almost guiding him in his pace. She wrapped her legs around him tightly, and Edward could feel her heels digging into his ass. That only spurred him on more.

"Give it to me, Edward. Cum for me like you made me cum, Bella whispered. That was all it took, and Edward roared with the force of his orgasm, as he shuddered against Bella.

When he could finally breathe again, he could feel her lightly tugging at his hair and humming slowly under her breath. Edward rolled over, disposed of the condom and pulled Bella up against him. Once again he marveled at how soft she was.

Bella finally broke the silence between them. "So where do we go now?"

Edward smiled and thanked the Gods for his good fortune. "As far away from New York as we can get. I'm tired the shit in this town, Bella. I need a new start. What do you say? Feel like coming with me?"

**A/N: I would like to thank BreathofTwilight for kicking my ass into gear and making me write this one shot. She has put a lot of time and energy into this contest and I can't even begin to tell you how much I appreciate her love of fan fiction and trying to get more exposure to authors who truly deserve it! Thanks Kelli! XOXO!**

**I'm not sure if I would expand this story. If I do…this will disappear and the story will slowly unfold…naturally! Go. Read. Support the peeps who give of their time and imagination every day to keep us all entertained ! Hugs….Jules. **


	22. That Time of The Month

**I still have pink hair, and my sons DSi got stolen today, no note from me, cause it honestly will likley be something mean and ranting like!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Entry for the Countdown to April Fool's Day- Just a Pranktical Cullen Day**

Title: That Time of the Month

Author: Jamieson

Rating: M

Disclaimer: I own nothing, not even the words – only the order in which they were placed.

A/N: Special thanks to Breath-of-twilight and Mambomama for the encouragement, and again to Mambomama for the quick read-through. This marks my first attempt at anything lemony, so you've been forewarned.

-o-

It was that time of the month again.

The end of the month, that is. Not that _other _time of the month, when the Red Nile flooded her banks. No, if I had to deal with that _on top_ of the standard end-of- the-month fuckery, well...let's just say I would most likely be spending the next twenty-to-life making friends with Big Bertha behinds bars for going on a homicidal rampage or something. Of course, that almost sounded preferable right now.

Sighing, I pushed through the door and entered the bar. The loud cacophony of a dozen of voices blended together assaulted my ears and only added to the headache that was forming behind my eyes.

No, the end of the month was always the worst. The outrageous rent for my hole-in-the-wall apartment was due the first of every month. Not that really came as a surprise, but this time around the first of the month and payday were not crossing paths at all – I had just enough to cover it in my bank account, and I could only hope that the pittance that was left could be stretched far enough to make it until the end of next week.

There would be no frivolous spending this weekend, which was just another kick in the pants, so to speak - the last week of every month my job always seemed to explode for no reason that I'd been able to discern. A little frivolity would do wonders for the stress. Hell, it was only Wednesday and already I wanted to curl up in a corner and block out the rest of the world. The only saving grace was the fact that Friday was a holiday, and I had to endure just one more day of craziness at the office. Of course, that reprieve only stretched so far – because it was a holiday, I was forced to spend it out of town with my crazy, exhausting relatives at the family's obligatory Good Friday lunch.

I hoped I had budgeted correctly and had enough money to get there and back. The last thing I wanted to do, after having raved about the _fantastic_ life I was living in the city – the thought alone caused a snort of derision – was to ask my parents for gas money.

As my eyes adjusted to the muted lighting in the bar, I scanned the room for my boyfriend. It was his fault I was here and not unwinding at home. He knew how screwed up this week was for me, and he knew I had no cash to spare for a night out, but he insisted I come down anyway. I agreed reluctantly – damn him and his persuasive personality. I hadn't even had time to go home and eat something – I only lived around the corner, but if I went home there would be no getting me back out tonight. Luckily, I'd had the forethought to scarf down a granola bar before leaving the office – I hoped to score some free food, a perk of dating one of the bartenders, but only if the asshole of an owner was off tonight. I wasn't all that optimistic, though, considering how well my week had played out so far. At the very least, said boyfriend had to work later tonight, so I wouldn't have to stick around too long.

Speak of the devil...off in the corner, I saw him sit up and wave me over to the table.

Mike. He was both my best friend and my boyfriend. The former I loved wholeheartedly, but the latter, well...I loved him, but I had never been _in love_ with him. Our relationship was complicated; our love life a mess. Over the last few years we had engaged in an on-again/off-again romantic relationship, each time lasting only a few months before we decided we were better off just friends. Or rather, I decided...I had my suspicions that Mike went along with it reluctantly; he was, after all, the one who always instigated our "on" periods, convincing me to convince myself that each time would be different, that we would "get it right."

I wanted to believe him, I really did – who doesn't want the convenience of falling in love with their best friend? But it just was not happening for me, no matter how much effort I put into our relationship. Mike and I were destined to just be good friends, and I had been prepping myself the last couple of weeks to end it yet again – hopefully for the last time. I needed to stop doing this to us, stop stringing him along – I loved the guy, and I didn't want to hurt him, but I was afraid that if we kept this cycle up, it would cost us our friendship.

Not this week, though. I could not pile anything more onto my plate right now. After the holiday I would deal, but right now I needed to focus everything I had on avoiding the aforementioned homicidal rampage.

As I started in Mike's direction, I made note of the person sitting across from him. We were meeting up with an old friend he hadn't seen in years. The guy happened to be in town on business, but he was headed back home early in the morning.

The guy in question, noticing Mike's preoccupation, turned in his seat and caught my eyes with his own, sparkling green ones. For a moment the chiselled, hardened features were quite striking, almost cold, but, as soon as he smiled in greeting, his entire demeanour softened and warmed – striking in a very different way.

"Hey, baby," Mike said, standing up. He leaned over and placed his lips against my own quickly before gesturing between myself and the stranger, who I noticed had also stood up as I approached. I was oddly intrigued.

"Edward, this is Bella. Bella, Edward."

The guy – Edward – offered his hand. I placed my own in his, noting immediately the warmth that radiated from his skin and feeling somewhat unnerved by the way his eyes bored into my own.

"A pleasure to meet you, Bella," he greeted, and the liquid flow of his voice served to calm any lingering nerves his intensity inspired.

"Same," I replied. He loosened his grip on my hand just enough so that I could ease my fingers out of his, in essence turning over the responsibility of ending the contact to me. Smooth operator.

I took my seat beside Mike as the guys sat back down. Turning to Edward, I said, "So, Mike tells me you were his wingman in high school."

Edward raised an eyebrow in amusement and slid his gaze over to my boyfriend. "Did he, now?" Mike merely shrugged. "That's not how I remember it."

I raised my eyebrows, intrigued. I knew everything there was to know about Mike the adult, but Mike the teenager was rather blurry. I turned to Edward and smiled mischievously. "Tell me more."

-o-

"I can't believe you guys actually did that!" I exclaimed, shaking my head.

"It's true," Edward grinned. I was sitting beside him on one side of the bar while Mike stood on the other, serving a customer and nodding along with his friend's assertion. It was far later than I had planned to stay, but, strangely enough, I was having a great time. Edward had ordered one last drink, and I offered to keep him company while Mike was otherwise occupied.

I turned to my best friend of six years. "How did I not hear about this?"

Mike thanked the customer for his tip, and turned back to us. "Because you, my dear Bella," he pointed his index finger at me in emphasis, "Do not appreciate the delicate art of the practical joke."

"Oh please," I rolled my eyes. "There is _nothing_ delicate about your pranks."

"Ah," Edward said in understanding, leaning back on his stool. I couldn't help but notice how his shirt shifted and pulled against his torso, giving definition to the muscles hidden beneath. There was no denying this man was built. "I take it Mickster the Trickster hasn't retired his cape after all these years?"

My jaw dropped. I turned to Mike, who was suddenly very busy rearranging the bottles of alcohol behind the bar. "_Mickster the Trickster_?" I squeaked out, barely able to breathe for the silent peals of laughter wracking my body.

He ignored me and mock-glared at Edward. "Thanks, man."

Edward held up his hands in innocence. "Hey, I'm just the messenger."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Mike replied, turning away to address his latest patrons at the other end of the bar.

Once I regained control over my faculties, I turned back to Edward. "In answer to your question, no, he hasn't given it up. It's horrible when he and his friends go at it – like some feud that just escalates until it becomes World War III. Seriously, he plans these things with military precision."

He grinned. "Sounds vaguely familiar...."

"What about you?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you still King of the Pranksters?"

He chuckled. "Oh no, I left those days back in high school. I still appreciate a good practical joke now and then, but it just doesn't hold the same appeal."

I sighed and shook my head longingly. "If only your old partner in crime held the same sentiments."

He narrowed his eyes, a smirk forming on his lips. "You really don't enjoy pranks? At all?" I shook my head. "How the hell are you gonna survive tomorrow?"

I groaned and ducked my head. "Thanks for the reminder." He just shrugged, waiting for more. "Honestly?" He nodded. "Hiding and threats."

Edward burst out in laughter, and I couldn't help but giggle as well, despite how much I was dreading tomorrow. The first of April, better known as April Fool's Day – Mike's most favourite "holiday" of the year and yet another reason this end of month sucked even more than usual.

"Oh, come on," Mike said as he returned, catching the last of the conversation. "I'm not that bad to you, am I?"

I sighed loudly for effect. "No, I guess not." It was true, he did go extremely easy on me in comparison to others. Benefit of being the best friend – not only did he actually listen to me when I complained about his hobby, but I held more dirt on him than anyone. Or at least, I thought I did...Edward had been giving me a run for my money all night.

I didn't hold out much hope for tomorrow, though – it was the one day Mike couldn't pass up. He might not go full-out, but I was under no illusions that I would be spared completely from the madness.

Edward tipped back his glass and downed the last of his drink. "Well buddy, it's been great catching up, but I have to hop on a plane in a few hours, so I'll say goodnight."

Mike came around to our side of the bar, and he and Edward did that weird handshake-turned-one-arm-hug thing that guys do. "Good to see ya, man. Can't let it go so long next time."

"For sure. You've got my number." Edward turned to me. "Can I give you a ride somewhere?"

I shook my head. "No, I just live around the corner."

"You sure? I can at least walk with you, it's pretty late out."

I was about to politely decline, not wanting to be a bother, when Mike spoke up. "It's not a bad idea, Bella. You know this isn't the best neighbourhood."

The concern in his voice was enough for me to relent. "Okay, yeah. Thanks, Edward."

"No problem," he replied, and headed toward the exit.

Once outside in the chilly air, I led the way down the street. It really was a short walk, and we barely had time to exchange pleasantries before we arrived in front of my building.

"So, this is me," I said as I turned around to face him. "Thanks for the escort."

He grinned. "My pleasure. It was nice talking with you, maybe we'll meet again sometime down the line."

I nodded, elated at the thought. Edward seemed like a genuinely nice guy, and even though he lived on the other side of the country, it would be great if we could become friends. "Absolutely. You can find me through Mike's facebook page, if you have an account there."

"I do, but I don't really use it," he answered. "Guess I have an excuse now, though, huh?"

I smiled. "Guess so."

There was an awkward silence for several seconds, before Edward suddenly jerked his thumb back the way we had come. "So I'd better...."

"Yeah, right," I answered quickly, confused by my own behaviour. "So...have a safe trip."

"Thanks."

More confusion ensued as I lifted my arms to give him a goodbye hug, while he stuck his hand out for a shake. We both paused for a long second, and then reversed, attempting to copy the other at the same time. We paused again, laughing at the awkwardness of it all, until finally he took a step toward me and we wrapped our arms loosely around one another.

"Goodnight," he murmured, pulling back.

"'Night," I replied, smiling once more before turning to my building. I unlocked it and stepped inside, noting as I closed the door that he waited until I had entered safely before walking away. I felt my cheeks warm at his attentiveness.

As I headed up the stairs to my apartment, I was resolved more than ever to have that talk with Mike.

-o-

The room was absolutely stifling.

It was well past midnight, and I was still awake. Despite the open window, I could feel the skin of my back dampening from gradual perspiration; the thermostat had been acting up all week, leaving the small space feeling like a tropical microclimate. The landlord had told me someone would be by to check on it "soon," which in all probability meant sometime after the holiday weekend. Just another headache to add to the pile this week.

I sat up in a fit of frustration and wrenched the shirt over my head, tossing it rather aggressively to the floor. I flung myself back on the bed, sighing in minute relief at the slight breeze that drifted across my bare chest. This was ridiculous.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, I could feel myself on the cusp of sleep. But just as I drifted toward unconsciousness, the creaking of floorboards dragged me right back. I opened my eyes and stared in the direction of my bedroom door, barely visible from the streetlight filtering in through the window.

There was someone standing in the doorway – tall, strong build, definitely male.

I pushed myself up on my elbows and peered into the darkness, trying to get a good look at the intruder. "Mike?" I called, hopeful. He had a key – it wouldn't be the first time he showed up in the middle of the night after finishing at the bar.

Even as I said it, though, I knew it wasn't him. I couldn't make out much of the figure from across the room, his face was hidden in shadow, but the outline was all wrong – standing too tall, shoulders too wide, and the strands of hair glinting in the faint light were too dark for my boyfriend's fair colouring.

And Mike would never just stand there, staring in the dark, completely immobile. Whoever it was, the predatory stance was unmistakable. I sat up straighter in defiance, despite the hammering of my heart in my chest. I'm sure he could hear it from across the room.

"Who are you?" I demanded, proud despite myself for the unwavering tone.

There was a long moment of silence. We stared each other down in the darkness.

Suddenly, without a word, he took one deliberate step forward, officially entering the room. It was followed by another, and another. Each step was calculated, perfectly timed, as he slowly but steadily made his way across the room, straight to where I cowered in fear. Whatever defiant stance I'd mustered moments before was shattered with every step he took. I wanted to hide under the covers, but I had kicked them to the side earlier in the night and I was currently too petrified to move.

He reached the foot of the bed. Stepping fully into a swath of light splashing in from the window, his identity was finally revealed. The chiselled features and the intense focus behind his eyes were exactly as they had been when he first looked at me. This time when the corners of his mouth upturned, however, there was no softening of the hard edges of his face, no warming of his comportment.

Edward smirked down at me as if he knew of my predatory analogy and wanted to play the part.

Suddenly, inexplicably, the fear left my body. My heart continued to slam in my chest and my body remained as tense as a piano wire, but the adrenaline fuelling those reactions had morphed from terror to that of anticipation.

In a tiny corner of my mind, a part of me was screaming that this was not right, pleading with my body to do something, to defy and defend, but that part was locked away. Instinctively, I knew that voice was right, just as I knew that it was insane to ignore it. But I did so, anyway.

I felt the mattress dip as he kneeled on the edge, keeping to the same measured pace as before. Not once did his eyes stray from mine. As he lifted himself fully onto the bed and began to advance on all fours, arms and legs on either side of my body, I became acutely aware of my state of undress. Clad only in my underwear, my normally modest self should have been mortified, but instead a thrill shot through me.

Once again I acknowledged the insanity and potential danger that was my lack of fear, and once again I ignored it. I dropped back down to my elbows while he advanced as far as he could over me, holding his body several inches above my own.

"What do you want?" My voice came as a whisper, but it held no hint of apprehension, only anticipation – and even though I had phrased it in the form of a question, I really needed no answer. He seemed to understand that, too, because he simply turned up the corners of his smirk a little more. I swallowed hard, feeling a flush of warmth flow throughout my veins and seemingly zero in right between my legs.

I was enveloped by the heat radiating from his body and his breath as it washed over me in the already-sweltering room; I felt beads of perspiration forming along the column of my neck. How long we remained in that position, so close but not touching, I could not say, but when he finally reached out to trace his fingers along the underside of my jaw, I nuzzled into his touch with relief. I never took my eyes off his, though – fearful of even blinking lest I miss one single moment of this most bizarre and thrillingly erotic encounter of my life.

His touch was light, delicate despite his determined demeanour. The pads of his fingers slid softly along my damp skin, mingling in the pools of moisture and dragging the wetness down my throat. Arriving at the base of my neck, he spread his thumb and forefinger wide in a V-shape so that either digit caressed the hollows of my clavicles. Laying the rest of his hand flat against my breastbone, he applied gentle but firm pressure, urging me to lay flat on the bed. I resisted momentarily, not wanting to be any further than the few inches that already separated us, but gave up almost immediately; I was inexplicably unable to deny this creature whatever he wanted.

The tiny voice in the back of my mind gave one more cry of protest, and then was silent. The smirk increased infinitesimally.

My breathing sped up as his fingers resumed their path of discovery along my skin, moving down the center of my chest. Repeatedly they marched, dancing up and down the valley between my breasts, never straying from their straight-lined path to where I desperately wanted them. His eyes burrowed into my own and I could almost see the amusement swimming there, mocking my predicament.

Finally, I could take no more, and reached for his spidery fingers. "I need..." gasping, I was unable to complete my thought as my fingers connected with his, igniting at the contact. Instead of pulling away, as any other shock might compel, I gripped his hand harder in mine and attempted to pull him toward an achingly erect nipple.

I had moved his hand no more than half an inch when he rotated his wrist and tried to pull his fingers from mine. What followed was an intricate choreography of defiance as we each sought – quite literally – to gain the upper hand, fingertips duelling with each other to take control. I held my own until he leaned forward, bringing his penetrating stare so close that our noses almost touched. His hand wrapped around mine securely, trapping it tightly beneath his chin, and I realized too late that I had never stood a chance – he'd held the upper hand the entire time.

He was playing with me. The thought alone sent a surge of wetness to pool between my thighs.

Desperate for more contact, I jerked my head up, intent on meeting his lips with mine, but he was too quick. He pulled back out of reach, bringing my hand with him, and I whimpered in frustrated desire. He shook his head from side to side slowly, that gorgeous and infuriating smirk never wavering. I felt pressure on my hand, and complied willingly when he guided it back down.

I whimpered again – this time in relief – as my own palm made contact with my highly sensitized nipple, my back arching and my hips grinding into the mattress in response. He gently nudged my hand back and forth, encouraging me to fondle my own breast, before dragging his hand back to the center of my chest, laying his palm flat against my sternum with fingers splayed. His thumb made slight, absent strokes across my skin. I continued to touch myself, grazing and rolling and working the flesh as much as I could take. I used only one hand – my other remained at my side, fisted tightly into the linens in an attempt to cope with the incredible tension that was building in my body. Soft gasps escaped my lips as each lancing spark of need shot from tit to clit.

Finally, my other breast demanded its share of attention, and I scrambled my fingers across my chest. My hand palmed my neglected breast in momentary relief just as the edge of my forearm, now slung across my chest, grazed the other nipple.

The dual sensations were too much, and a moan ripped from my throat as my eyes rolled up in my head. For the first time since he stepped into my bedroom, my eyes were torn from Edward's.

Recovering from the initial onslaught of sensation, my eyes fluttered open and sought his once more, instinctively drawn to him. In the small part of my mind that could still process rational thought, I anticipated the ever-present smirk would be multiplied ten-fold as a result of my momentary loss of control. I was caught off-guard, however, by what I saw.

The predatory aura was still there, but the smirk had morphed into a genuine smile, immediately softening his features and giving me a glimpse of the man I had spent the evening getting to know. The change was subtle and yet so poignant. My breath caught in my throat.

He began to withdraw further down my body, slowly but steadily dragging his hand across my abdomen. I angled my neck to ensure I did not lose contact with his eyes again, determined not to miss any further changes to his beautiful face. When he reached just below my navel, he stopped and quirked an eyebrow in question.

I nodded vigorously, frantically. "Please, yes..." The desperation was clear in my breathy voice, but I was beyond caring. Need fuelled my every reaction.

It seemed to take him a lifetime to act, but, when he finally did, he moved with a speed that far surpassed any action he had taken since his arrival. His hand delved beneath the elastic of my panties and immediately cupped my sex, teasing the outer lips. I let out a pathetic sound, a cross between a whimper and a moan, and ground myself into his hand, seeking his touch where I needed it most. I was frustrated, but not surprised, when he failed to acquiesce.

This was his game, and I was under no illusions as to who was calling the shots.

My own hand kept up the assault on my breasts, attempting to alleviate the devastating need I could feel building. All it really did was increase my desperation, but I was too far gone to realize. I needed more sensation, more friction, more pressure, more..._anything_.

"Pl-please...I need..." I begged, shakily.

His hand stilled. I cried out in disbelief, imploring with my eyes why he was torturing me. I was about to demand he continue when the smirk reappeared.

Before I had a chance to wonder at the sudden reversion, his fingers slipped past my outer lips and ran the entire length of my pussy, ghosting over my entrance and sliding up to enthusiastically attack my clitoris, rubbing and flicking and rolling me into a frenzy of desire. A high-pitched moan, in an octave I didn't even know I was capable of, was ripped from my throat.

He was relentless. His slick fingers, coated in my arousal, played me like a master. He never faltered – it was if he were able to read my responses to an action before he ever performed it, and chose the path that would elicit the most amazing sensations from my swollen flesh. The pressure between my legs increased steadily, and I began to writhe on the bed, digging my ass further into the mattress and grinding into his hand, desperate for something more.

I was on the verge of begging him to give me that something more when he took it upon himself. His fingers trailed down through the fresh wetness that coated my pussy, and different parts of me simultaneously relaxed and tensed at the knowledge of his destination.

He massaged my entrance thoroughly but went no further, and I concluded that he was teasing me yet again. Finally, I snapped.

"Please...Edward, please," I urged, my voice shuddering as I struggled to take in a breath. "I can't...please, just touch m--"

The intense pleasure that flooded my system as his fingers finally slipped inside was so powerful that I feared I would draw blood from the lip clenched between my teeth. His rhythm alternated between fast and slow, and when he angled his thumb up and pressed against my clit in tandem with his strokes, the battle to maintain eye contact was lost. I let loose a strangled sob and pleaded with him and with any deity who would listen for more – I was _so _close....

His fingers curled up inside of me, unrelenting in their assault on my sweet spot, and within moments I felt my muscles contracting around him as my orgasm slammed home. Wave after wave of blinding, white-hot ecstasy crashed through my body.

"Oh, my...uhn..._yes_, Edward...!"

I arched up off the bed, my eyes locking with his for a final, incredible moment before collapsing, boneless and spent.

-o-

Individual sensations returned to me slowly, gently unravelling away from the overwhelming mass that was one of the most intense orgasms of my life. It seemed impossible that such a response was pulled from my body with the aid of only his fingers...the fingers of _one_ hand. The thought of what he could accomplish with mouth and his cock was almost too much to contemplate.

In my post-orgasmic high, I could just barely make out a voice.

_Finally, he speaks! _

I could not yet make out the words – it was as if I were hearing him underwater – but slowly he was becoming clearer. I breathed deeply, relaxing the muscles in my neck and allowing my eyes to flutter open. Suddenly, I realized two things. One, the voice sounded different – very familiar, but it did not match with what I remembered from our conversation at the bar. Two, as my vision began to clear and I could once again see the amazing, talented man hovering over me – his piercing gaze as intense as ever and his fingers continuing to stroke me in soft, gentle passes – I noticed that his lips did not move. The voice was not coming from him.

Finally, I managed to make out what the disembodied voice was saying.

"Bella, what the fuck?!"

As I gazed at Edward in confusion, I noticed something else. The intense, blinding white light that overloaded my senses as I came had not fully dissipated as I regained control of my body. I realized belatedly that the overhead light in my bedroom had been turned on.

With that realization, the smirking vision of a man kneeling over my lower half with his hand buried in my panties suddenly began to disperse, like a million tiny dust particles caught in a beam of sunlight. My body cried out in protest at the desertion, even as I registered the persistent sensation of fingers softly caressing between my legs.

A dream. That was the only explanation. I was saddened but relieved at the same time. It explained how I had so easily given in to him – my subconscious knew it hadn't been real.

Upon such revelation, my mind returned the room around me with a jolt. The bedroom light was indeed on, and it took me only a few seconds to figure out why: Mike was standing in the threshold, staring.

And he was livid.

"Mike?" I asked, the confusion evident in my voice.

Instead of answering, he turned on his heel and stomped down the hallway, out of sight. I started to get up, intent on figuring out just what the hell was wrong, when my current predicament finally registered.

I was lying in bed, topless, with my hand shoved down my underwear. The unmistakable evidence of my activities was glistening on my thighs. I was somewhat embarrassed that a dream had led to such an intense masturbatory session without my even realizing it, but I still couldn't figure out what had set Mike off like that. It wasn't like he hadn't seen it all before, and wasn't that supposed to be every guy's wet dream, anyway? To watch a girl –

_Oh, shit..._

My penchant for talking in my sleep was no secret. I didn't know exactly how long he'd been standing there, but Mike had apparently just witnessed me getting myself off while crying out another man's name.

_Shit!_

I scrambled off the bed and hurried to my door, grabbing a robe off the chair to wrap around myself – this was definitely not a conversation to be had while practically naked.

I rushed down the hall and into the living room where my boyfriend was pacing, shaking his head in anger.

"Mike..." I started to say, wanting to explain, but I was lost for words. How was I supposed to explain what just happened? I didn't even understand it myself. Guilt and cowardice pressed me to look anywhere but at him.

In my avoidance-induced perusal of the room, my eyes were drawn to a bouquet of helium balloons on the coffee table that, of all things, said "April Fool's!" They most definitely had not been there when I went to bed earlier in the night. Beside them I noticed a few plastic bags filled with odds and ends, and suddenly Mike's presence was explained – for whatever torture he'd planned to inflict on me, he had snuck into my apartment after his shift to set it up.

"What the hell was that, huh?" he demanded.

"I...I don't..." Again, words failed me.

"Well?"

As I scrambled for an answer, I glanced back at the balloons. Later on I would realize that it was quite possibly the stupidest thing to say, but for the moment my sleep-addled, post-orgasmic brain thought it was an absolutely brilliant idea.

I looked at Mike with what I hoped was an apologetic, hopeful half-smile. "I, um...April Fool's?"

He stared at me, mouth agape. After a couple seconds his jaw snapped shut, and I saw the tense, corded muscles of his neck twitch. He stood there for a few seconds more and then abruptly stormed to the front door, wrenched it open, and slammed it shut behind him.

_Fuck_. Just when I thought this week couldn't get any worse.


	23. Twisted Fool's Day Part One

**HOST NOTE: Holy hell, ladies, here we go....**

**This is my one shot, and since, as you know, I had a few ppl bail last minute on thier one shots, I am posting one helluva beast of a one shot I have written in two chaps. This will hopefully appease you all, and help fill in the gaps.**

**So, today part one, tomorrow part 2 -I hope you enjoy!**

**PS...I am happier today.... the principal at my kids school got my son's DSi back, but I still have f'ing pink hair. BUT....hubby is gone to the store right now to get a box of dark brown hair dye, and where I am not the fondest of that hair color on me either ( I have been fair colored for far too long) it has got to be better than PINK. **

**Also, if u want a good giggle, I am posting the pink hair pics on my FB page later tonight, and then will post the after pics, after we hopefully fix my hair. Fingers crossed it doesn't fall out on me :-P**

* * *

**Entry for the Countdown to April Fool's Day- Just a Pranktical Cullen Day**

**Penname: Breath-of-twilight**

**Rated: M**

**Title: ****Twisted Fools Day! _Part ONE_**

Just a few more…Just a few more days until I can hold her in my arms, feel her warmth against my icy skin. Touch her lips, trace her curves, inhale her delicious scent, taste her tantalizing blood, and claim her as mine, consume her. That is, if I can refrain from killing her, of course.

~~***~~

I sit in my room, blocking the mundane thoughts of all the guests that are gathered in the great hall. The whole place is abuzz with excitement, for Twisted Fools Day was almost upon us.

Twisted Fools Day only came once every ten years, on the first day of the fourth month. And what a glorious day it is indeed. Especially this Twisted Fools Day. For this year, I, Edward Anthony Cullen, Prince of the Underworld, will finally claim my human peasant. And what a pretty little thing she is. Long mahogany hair, bright pools of dark cocoa for eyes. And the most tantalizing, enticing blood I have ever, in my hundred years of living, been privy to inhaling.

I had stumbled across her during a routine hunt, and had just barely spared her life. My uncle, Aro, who had been my hunting partner that night, had found this completely amusing, and that very moment, he had claimed her as my initiation.

You see, in our world we have ranks, much like the human world does. My uncle, Aro, is King, and I am one of the only four Princes left standing.

We, as a race, drop off like flies; we are irrational and have very limited restraint. We act before we think and do without ever considering the consequences. Therefore, many of us don't survive past our newborn stage. By newborn, I am referring to our re-birth. When we are born into the dark world, the underworld, and branded by the coven that had pledged us, or sometimes bought us.

Prince James was bought by my Uncle Aro, and has superior strength and skill. He is a great hunter, and can never turn down a challenge; he refuses to lose and is not beyond playing with fire to get what he is after.

Prince Emmett is a warrior; his amazing strength and massive size gives him an advantage over his prey and enemy, alike. Most would just take one look at him and bow out gracefully. He has a wicked and witty sense of humor and the heart of a fierce lion. He is truly a rarity in our kind. He, like me, is a pure bred, my brother, the only other of my kind. Somehow, my mother and father had defied all odds and had two true vampire offspring. Twins, Emmett and I. This was completely unheard of in our life; never had a vampire been known to be fertile, never mind carry a child full term, give birth and live to tell about it.

I shouldn't be so dismissive of this, though; my mother had nearly died while giving birth to me. Emmett had been born a mere two minutes before me, and was apparently an easy birth. I, however, had ripped and torn my way out of her womb and left her practically lifeless. If my father hadn't been there, she surely would never have made it.

I am grateful, each and every day I live, that my mother is here with me, and he had indeed saved her that fateful day.

Lastly, there is Jasper. Jasper is an oddity in our world. He was once human and had been changed because of his abilities. He was branded by my father, Carlisle. You see, Jasper has a unique ability; he can control people's actions, humans only, however. Which in our life is a great weapon, and a curse at the same time. He has told me that sometimes it is hard to turn off the mind control and just let things happen as they may. Luckily, last decade, Jasper stumbled across a human girl, one who is now a hybrid vampire, another rarity it would seem, and fell completely and totally in love with her. During her short year as a human with Jasper, she had been a great rock for him and assisted him in the ability to control his powers. Possessing the patience to sit by and let him test and push his powers on her. By the time he mastered the ability to turn them on and off at a whim, he had fallen completely in love with her, and she had changed willingly to one of us. They are now sickeningly sweet together and happily married.

So, every tenth year on the first of the fourth month, any living princes who had rights to the throne would undergo initiation. And one must pass initiation to take reign for the next ten years; if they did not pass, they did not get another chance when the next Twisted Fools Day fell. They would remain princes for the duration of their lives, but never be given the opportunity to take the throne again.

This Twisted Fools Day was a very unique one. Animosity and competitiveness hung thickly in the air, for two of the heirs to the throne have declined it. Jasper, because he has Alice and wants no part in controlling people, humans and vampires alike, anymore, and Emmett, well, Emmett has also found himself a human who has completely awestruck him; a human who is destined to be changed on April first as well. His mate and the woman he intends to marry. Therefore, he surely did not want to undergo initiation, exiling his love to be without him for any length of time. I guess I couldn't blame him, I know that is exactly how I would feel, if I had _her_ here in my arms.

But, I didn't, and I wanted that throne for my own, almost as much as I wanted the girl to be mine. So all that left was James and myself. And tomorrow our peasant pets would arrive, and the initiation would begin.

~~***~~

"Edward, are you in there? Edward! You can't stay in there forever moping like the emo-freak you are. Don't you ever get tired of being so broody?"

I cough back a chuckle; leave it to Alice to be so blatantly honest. She was one of the very few women I would ever tolerate speaking to me in that manner. I had grown to love her as a sister and as an equal, which was quite a feat for me, considering I was raised under my uncle's watchful eyes; and to him women were inferior and, thus, we treated them that way. My father never treated my mother that way, but never argued the point with Aro; so I assume he agrees, but chooses to treat mother differently, just as Jasper treats Alice differently. I, however, will do things the right way. Isabella will know her place, and she will take her rightful place at my side, as my wife, when this initiation is over and I am crowned King of the Underworld. She will not disappoint me, nor will she ever question or disobey me. I will bring order to this place, once and for all, and will not be so lenient, as my Uncle Aro has been during his reign.

"Come in, Alice. And to what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?"

Alice comes bouncing into the room, a huge smile on her elfin face, "Well, Edward, I am here to let you know the guards have gone out to fetch your peasant. She should be here within the hour."

"What? So early? I thought they were waiting till Twisted Fools Day to gather her?"

"Well, it seems your uncle would like the games to begin a bit early, and for the ceremony to take place on schedule; thus allowing you an extra day with your pet he has chosen," Alice spits out venomously. She has never hidden the fact that she believes our way of life to be monstrous; and at every turn, every chance she got, she would try her damndest to convince me it really doesn't have to be this way.

What does she know? She has been a vampire for less than a decade. I, on the other hand, have been living this life since I took my first breaths. This was the only life I have ever known and, obviously, knew better than to believe her woven tales of love and peace and happily-ever-afters. But, I played into her fairytales, just to placate her. Her smile, when I did, made me feel…different; I couldn't place the feeling, but I liked it.

"And what of James'?

"She has already arrived. They are prepping her now. The King has requested an audience at high moon. You are expected to be there to be pledged into the initiation and to be presented your _pet_."

Again, with the heavy disdain. Does she ever just give up? She has already made her opinion well known. I listened, I heard. I made my choice. Why can't she just let it go?

I growl as Alice's mind goes blank and Roman numerals pop up everywhere. "What are you hiding from me, Alice?"

She giggles and brushes it off, but the glazed over look in her eyes tells me she is indeed hiding something purposely from me.

"Oh, I think I hear Jasper calling me. See you at the ceremony, Edward," Alice calls over her shoulder as she bolts from my room; leaving me wary and filled with a sense of dread. Alice never hides her thoughts from me, unless, of course, they are overly vivid ones of her and Jasper. Yeah, maybe that is it this time, as well. That has to be it.

I don't have time to mull it over, though. I am due to collect _her,_ and I have no intentions of being late for that.

~~~**~~~

Bella dances around the beautiful meadow, swaying and twirling, 'til she collapses in a dizzied pool of panting girl. This place always brings out the child in her, and she revels in the feeling of freedom and exhilaration it always brings out of her.

Her parents had explicitly told her, today of all days, not to wander far from the house. But, seriously, she is now eighteen years old and feels she doesn't need their permission or approval for every little thing she does or says. So, like a typical rebellious teenage girl, she waited 'til her parents were out running errands and went to the one place she can never fathom not visiting on such a monumental occasion. Today, she leaves behind her childhood. Today, she joins the world of adults; legally able to vote and old enough to move out on her own. Away from the watchful eye of her father and away from the disappointment she always sees glinting in her mother's eyes. Today, Isabella Swan is liberated. She is free; finally separated from the chains and restraints her parents considered safety rules and proper decisions.

Bella spends the next few hours just lying amongst the scattered wild flowers, gazing off into the bright blue sky and watching clouds float by her. She thinks about parties and boys. Both of which she has never been allowed to partake in.

She wonders what her first kiss might be like. Soft and gentle, or maybe sloppy and rushed. Either way, she can't wait to experience it.

She sighs as she thinks about staying up past midnight and sleeping in 'til noon. Not going to church, because, well, just because she doesn't feel like going on that particular Sunday.

Oh, to be able to make my own decisions, Bella thinks wistfully. If only Newton's bakery would get back to her and let her know if she did indeed have the job or not. Then Bella could really start making plans for her own future.

Bella blinks rapidly as a dark shadow blocks out her sun; realizing only then how much time she must have spent lost in her own thoughts and musings. She jumps to her feet, wipes off her dress and sprints into the forest, anxious to beat her parents home and avoid all questioning of where she has been.

Bella's feet, surprisingly, carry her swiftly through the dense foliage, not once tripping over the scattered branches and twigs on the damp ground.

She listens to the birds chirp beautiful tunes and the soft swoosh of the trees as they dance in tandem with the soft breeze and inhales the potent scent of what could only be described as moss and greenery. These smells and sounds are comforting to Bella; they are all she's ever known and what has always brought her solace in her darkest moments. Moments where she fears she is a monster, where she horrifically… happily dreams of a day when she will no longer have to answer to her parents, never mind call them to check in.

A day when she will be alone, a sad thought to most, but one she yearns to be truth.

Bella stops abruptly just before the clearing, just a few yards off from her house, and listens intently. A shiver of something, wonderment maybe, runs down her tense spine. The birds have stopped chirping. Odd. Even the trees seemed to have stilled in their movement. Bella slowly turns to glance back into the forest, thinking maybe a bear has followed her scent and has scared off the smaller animals in the forest. Before she has a chance to complete her turn, however, a cold hard hand grabs her by the waist and flings her tiny body around and up. Bella stifles a scream as she stares down at the ground, upside down, dangling from someone's shoulder.

"It would do you a world of good if you just come willingly and not put up a fight." Bella gasps and immediately begins screaming and attempting to kick her legs that are locked securely in what feels like vices. She pounds against the cold hard back of her assailant, crying out when her frail bones protest against the cold hardness; and finally, when she is almost completely exhausted, she bites into his back. Bella screams out in agony as her teeth crack and break off into pieces as if they are glass. Blood dribbles down her chin, the scent intoxicating her senses and lulling her into a deep, dark numbness.

~~~**~~~

I pace the great hall anxiously. I know she is here. I can smell her a mile away. What I don't know, however, is how long it will be 'til I can see her.

Uncle Aro said the festivities would begin within the hour, but that could mean five minutes from now, thirty minutes from now, hell, it could be the whole sixty. I don't want to wait any longer.

James stands across from me, mirroring my exact pose. He, too, must be anxious to see his pet. I know very little of her. All I know is that James, as well, had come across his pet while hunting. And, just as I had, barely left her standing alive. Emmett was there with him and, luckily, was able to restrain him, 'til the young vibrant redhead disappeared amongst the many patrons in the town square.

Apparently, he had returned to the castle, that very day, and demanded Aro make her his pet. Now, Aro was never one to bow down and give in so gracefully, but I knew Aro's mind as no other ever would, and he found this to be brilliant. Sadistically, he believed by allowing James this girl as his pet, he was delivering him to his own failure. Aro had no doubt that James would never be able to keep himself from either killing the girl or changing her, if he was lucky. I really had to agree with Aro's reasoning. James was definitely not known for his restraint and composure. If anything, of all the vampires who have made it past their newborn stage, James has the least control on his blood lust, as well as his temper. James is, at best, a ticking time bomb.

Simultaneously, all heads in the room whip towards the door; silence falling upon the massive room, as screeches and wails permeate from behind the closed door. A pet is coming and, apparently, a feisty one. Could she be mine?

The doors fling open, Felix and Demetri come sauntering in, a flailing, writhing blur of bright red between them. This is not my pet. James moans softly at the sight of her. I glance towards him and watch with mild amusement as his fingers clench tightly into his palms, and his breathing speeds up noticeably.

Mumbled musings erupt throughout the room as the girl is dragged forth and dropped at Aro's feet. She wears nothing but a bra and panties as she immediately sprints to her feet, her eyes widening as she takes in her audience and surroundings.

"What the fuck do you think you are doing?" she screams out in the most ear shattering voice I have ever heard. High pitched and nasally, hyena like.

"Child, I suggest you watch your tone and language with me. James may want you as his pet, but I have no qualms with eliminating you where you stand."

James growls beneath his breath, already so very possessive of the exuberant creature, and moves towards her slightly.

A visible tremble runs through her body as she spins around to face James; her eyes slanting and her thoughts running rampant as she takes in his defensive posture.

_His eyes are so black… they all are. What the hell are they going to do with me? I just want to go home._

She is sobbing internally, while she keeps that expressionless face. I applaud her, if anything; she is a great deceiver, and a wild one at that.

"Victoria…" James speaks softly as he continues to move towards her. "I am not going to hurt you. If you just cooperate, I promise this will be quick; and we can then move to a more secluded place where I can better explain everything.

Never in my hundred years, well, make that seventy years since James had joined our world, have I seen him posses this kind of patience, composure; it was almost unsettling, curious, scary.

Surprisingly the girl, Victoria, calms to his words, and, within seconds, James is holding his breath and his trembling Victoria.

"Victoria Abarao, you are hereby claimed by James Hunter for his own. You will be under his watch at all times and required to obey him. I cannot promise your safety if you choose to wander alone within the walls of the castle or among our kind. It'd be wise of you to stay with your master and accept his protection." Aro looks at her curiously. His thoughts already showing his disdain for the human before him; he finds her wild, untamable and a liability. He silently prays for her demise.

"James, bring her forth and let the branding begin."

James effortlessly lifts her over his shoulder. How caveman. And brings her to the branding bar, a sneering Marcus awaits them, branding iron in hand; and without so much as an, "are you ready" he presses the scorching hot iron to the flesh on the back of her neck.

The putrid smell of burning flesh invades my senses as Victoria's agonized screams fill the air. I clench my eyes shut and revel in the sounds. I usually enjoyed the screams of victims and tortured souls. Victoria's, however, did little to assuage me. It was rather disappointing.

A soft gasp startles me, and I spin hastily; only to find my doe eyed beauty, limping towards me.

How did I miss her entrance? Her smell?

As, once again, the strong, sickly smell of Victoria's charred flesh wafts through the room, I have my answer. I was too busy, too consumed, with the redhead's wails of pain.

Within seconds, something strikes me as odd. I can see Aro in my peripheral watching me closely, intently, curiously.

My head moves from side to side as I take in her frail form. The closer she gets, the more baffled I am.

Alec holds her tiny wrist as she wobbles and teeters along with him. Rather compliantly, but something is wrong, is off, is….silent!

I stare intently at her, grasping for her thoughts, but find very little; brief flashes of almost thoughts flutter from within her, but nothing concrete, nothing solid, nothing normal. Only one word in her mind strikes out at me, forms, and sticks…pain!

She is in immense, mind-numbing pain.

From somewhere deep inside, a feral growl rips from within me. I fly forward and wrench her from Alec's hands, only then noticing the overwhelming scent of her blood calling to me.

"What have you done?" I hiss, as I pull her weak form into my arms, lifting her bridal style and cradling her to my chest.

"Not a thing; any damage the child has sustained was brought on by her own doing."

"And what, exactly, is that supposed to mean?"

"I think she may have broken her hand while pounding on me, and I am sure she has shattered a few teeth while attempting to bite me. She blacked out for a bit, but has been compliant since she awoke, about an hour ago."

"Enough!" Aro bellows from the front of the room, successfully stopping me from tearing off Alec's head. I don't know what came over me, but the thought of someone causing her pain makes me want to tear them to pieces.

"Bring the girl to me," Aro demands, still watching me cautiously, obviously intrigued by something he sees.

"Isabella Swan, you are hereby claimed by Edward Cullen for his own. You will be under his watch at all times and required to obey him. I cannot promise your safety if you choose to wander alone within the walls of the castle or among our kind. It'd be wise of you to stay with your master and accept his protection."

Isabella's eyes widen slightly, but aside from that, she remains calm and quiet. Aro observes her silently for a moment, his eyes flickering back and forth between her and me, before he waves his hand to his side, "Brand her and be done with this." His voice may have depicted authority and dismissal, but his thoughts are plagued with confusion and …. He is blocking me. What could Aro be hiding?

I am so lost in my own thoughts, that when Isabella merely whimpers softly, I almost jump out of my own skin; soft, possessive growls rise up my burning throat as this time; her burning flesh assaults my senses.

My eyes never leave her quivering lip and pooling eyes as I slowly make my way out of the hall and towards my quarters.

Once inside my room, I lie her out on the bed and swath her with blankets and pillows; then decide to run her a hot bath, she smells of a mixture of blood, sweat, filth and vampire. Combined, it almost revolts me. Nothing close to the smell I can remember so vividly and excruciatingly. Her blood, of course, still calls to me, begs me, taunts me, but I am a strong-willed prince, one that will not succumb to its siren song. I will win the right of the crown, and I will make Isabella my queen!

* * *

Part two to come tomorrow.

As always, lemme know what you think.

PS. Tomorrow I am posting a pole on my profile.

Now that I am done writing DR, I will work on just one mroe story, on top of TSV and NSG, so you, my lovely readers, get to choose which. Choices will be either Black Sunday continuation from the V-Day countdown (it is chap 2 of the v-day countdown) or a continuation of this beast - Twisted Fool's Day!

I can't tell you how excited I am to start in on either one fo them. So, make sure you get heard and vote on the pole!

Happy Saturday!


	24. Twisted Fool's Day Part Two

Host Note: Here it is folks. Hope you enjoy! The poll is up, so make sure to vote. If you wouldn't read either one, then no worries. Just don't vote.

Happy Sunday!

* * *

Twisted Fool's Day Part Two

Author: Breath-of-twilight

Rated: M

After the tub is full, I go and lift Isabella from my bed; but not before enjoying the sight of her lying there, in _my_ bed. _Mine!_

Again, she merely whimpers as I carry her into the bathroom. And still her mind is frantic, undecipherable, full of pain.

I lower her to the side of the tub, and with the flick of my wrist, and the use of only one of my fingernails, her bra pools at her waist. Surprisingly fast for a human, her arms rise to cover her now naked chest. Pools of tears spill down her blotchy cheeks as she silently sobs and mumbles incoherently.

I ignore her mumbled pleas and reach for her panties; a strangled yelp almost stops me, but I continue removing them as she wails, softly, yet strongly.

"Please…please just kill me. Don't rape me…"

I almost drop her. The soft sound of her tinkling voice, mixed with gravelly tears and thick fear, cripples me. Sure, I know I am not the good guy in this, but does she honestly think I mean to rape her? If I had wanted that, why not just do it in front of the whole grand hall?

"I assure you, Isabella, I have no intentions of taking your innocence," I say softly, fighting to stay calm and not berate her for such atrocious thoughts. Then think better of my reassurance, knowing sometime, someday…soon, I will indeed be doing just that, taking her innocence that is, hopefully not forcefully. "Yet," I add, just to be clear; and so she may possibly have time to get used to the fact that it will happen, just not now.

I place her softly in the steaming tub; again she cries out, "Is it too hot?" I ask, raising her slightly, in case I was indeed scalding her delicate skin. She shakes her head; I ease her in and let her go.

Minutes pass in silence as she sits there, shivering, unblinking.

"I am going to wash your hair, now." I figure this might go more smoothly if she knows my intentions before I begin the actions.

She continuea to stare, unseeingly, as I massage the raspberry smelling shampoo into her long tangled mane.

I let the shampoo sit and grab the body wash, mango and citrus. As I pour a copious amount into my palm, her head twitches, she is watching me.

"I can wash myself… please."

"Alright." Her hand comes out tentatively, palm up. I pour some into her hand and rinse my own off in the water behind her.

As she covertly tries washing herself down below, she softly askes, "Why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?"

"This… bathing me? Why did you take me? What do you want? What are you going to do to me? What is this place…"

"Whoa, slow down," I interrupt her. "I will do my best to answer each of your questions, but just one at a time, okay?" Apparently, with warmth and cleanliness comes courage, and I feel my body hum in excitement as her eyes flash with something akin to strength, possibly defiance.

I wouldn't complain if she turned out to be at least a small bit feisty; in fact, I think I would like that, a lot.

"Let's get you out of this water, dressed and comfortable, before I answer your questions."

I quickly rinse out the shampoo; and she rises from the tub without my assistance, quickly grasping the towel I offer her and covering herself, hiding from me. A deep grumble rolls in my chest, and I snatch the towel away from her.

She gasps softly; her eyes widening as she stumbles back and almost falls over.

I steady her and pull her towards the bedroom. "You are never to hide yourself from me, are we clear?" I snarl, as I pull out a white cotton nightgown for her to put on.

"I'm sorry…" she sniffles and drops her arms to her sides, her face flushing a glorious shade of burgundy that slowly, sensually, makes its way down her neck, inching towards her chest.

I moan at the mere sight of her. Her small, yet full, breasts are pert and just waiting for me to lavish them with attention. Attention I have no intentions of holding back for long. Isabella had better get used to me, and figure out her place fast, because based on the raging, pulsating erection I am sporting, I can only assume the fragile hold I have on my lust for her will waver and break, sooner rather than later.

I allow myself a moment to calm before approaching her and seating myself rigidly beside her. She has burrowed herself beneath the many duvets I had laid out for her and is eyeing me, cautiously. "Will you answer my questions now?" Her voice is small with a hint of determination. She isn't demanding, but making her wishes known. I can do that.

I nod. She inhales sharply, "Why am I here?"

"Because your blood, your essence, your very being, calls to me; and my Uncle Aro believes you will make the perfect pet, the perfect initiation, for me." She nods weakly, slowly processing the information, likely not understanding it one bit.

"What are you?" She shudders lightly and pulls the blankets tighter around her.

"I am a prince. The Prince of the Underworld. But, I am assuming you are referring to the vampire part, not the technicalities."

Her breath hitches and a soft sob escapes her parted lips.

"Do you plan on eating me?"

I can't help but laugh; belly aching bellows of laughter erupt from me. Is she serious? What kind of delusions do humans perceive of us?

"No, Isabella…" I manage through my chuckles, "I do not plan on eating you."

She visibly sags with obvious relief and I continue, "Vampires do not eat humans. We drink their blood." She pales and her body sways slightly; she leans back, closes her eyes and shivers.

"Do you plan on drinking my blood?" She doesn't open her eyes as she asks this, but clenches the blankets in her tiny hands.

"I will drink from you when my control is at its strongest, not until then," I admit. There is no use lying to her.

"Why not now, and just get it done and over with?"

"I explained that already. I need to get used to your scent, be able to control myself."

"Why?"

"So I don't kill you." Her eyes blink open, she watches me, contemplating. Flashes of thoughts spiral through her mind. I can only grasp the odd one.

_Beautiful… killer… _

She is an enigma to me, never in my existence have I encountered anyone who can so easily block their thoughts from me. Aro and the few people I have allowed close enough to me to know of my extra sense, my curse, have effectively found ways of avoiding me reading their thoughts; but it only lasted for so long, as long as they could tolerate mundane repetitive nonsense running wild in their heads. Which usually wasn't long at all, however, most of the time I couldn't bother waiting around to find out; hidden thoughts tended to be stuff I had no desire to be privy to anyway, sexual encounters, blood lust, failures, deepest desires. Those things I had no interest in knowing of my family and close acquaintances, so when they began their internal chanting, I usually bailed as fast as possible.

Isabella, however, knew nothing of my curse; therefore, her mind must be partially blocked to me. There is no way she is blocking me purposely. And with her blurred words of beauty and killing, I now yearn to solve that puzzle as quickly as I could. For I have my doubts she will be very forthcoming with her thoughts, and I was not very good at playing the waiting game.

I decide to talk to Alice in the morning and see what she knows.

"Do you have any more questions, Isabella?" She shakes her head, then nods, then shakes her head again, purses her pouty lips and cocks her head.

"Umm… I do, but not now. Would it be alright if I rested a bit? I am tired, and my mind is not the sharpest at the moment. I'm afraid I likely wouldn't retain any information in my current state."

I think about this. I am not opposed to her sleeping, I know she needs it. But I want more time. Time to hear her voice. I want to taste her skin. Can I wait?

"A short nap, I suppose," is my selfish reply, and within seconds she is sleeping.

I watch her, curled up and all tiny and fragile. Her breaths come out more evenly as the minutes pass by. Her hair is wild against the pillows when she rolls onto her back and her chest rises and falls in a soft rhythm, one I find myself inhaling along with.

Her scent besets me. My throat's burning as if licking flames are crawling, scratching at it. And then she breathes a word, a single word, my name.

I cease breathing all together, a stifling tightness in my chest prevents me from moving as I gaze down at her fluttering lids and realize she is still deep in slumber. She is dreaming of me?

"Please don't hurt me….so beautiful….killer…." as her scent washes over me, not affecting me in the least, for I have yet to breathe an ounce of air, her words assail me. Her mumblings a whole new kind of scorch, and I swear my dead heart stutters.

I end up letting her sleep the night away. I have things to think about, consider; and it is easier without her watching my every move.

I have waited so long for this fragile human, this ghost of a girl.

I did things over the years that I was forbidden to do; I watched her at night, outside her window, as she slept. I followed her to school some days. I watched, perplexed; she never really interacted with many other humans. She was always alone. She rarely ever came out of her house, especially these past few months. She went to church with her parents every Sunday. And as if like clockwork, she snuck out of her bedroom window every Saturday night and went to the clearing, the one I first found her in. This was the one night I waited for reverently; I would watch from the trees as she danced and twirled through the foliage, smiling up at the moon with complete abandon, until she collapsed in a heap on the damp grass, giggling and smiling brightly.

Some nights she would just merely lie there, staring up at the stars. I never once wondered why I failed to hear her thoughts; I just always assumed the distance was too great, or she simply was enjoying herself and letting her mind go blank to relax.

And, as usual, I caught the odd rambling in her mind, none that ever made sense, but still, at least it was something.

Other nights she would speak aloud, as if talking to some unseen person; she would talk of injustice, of being unhappy and coddled constantly. She would go into great detail about her feelings for her parents and their over-bearing protectiveness; her desperate eagerness to escape… to be free.

I could give that to her. I could take her with me, and she would never have to see her parents again.

"Edward…" Isabella's soft, whispery voice rips me from my recollection. She is still asleep, but slowly rousing. My name still falling from her lips, consuming her thoughts.

I hope they are good thoughts and, once again, marvel at her mind's ability to elude me.

One last gasp, a plea really, escapes Isabella's lips, "love me", before she bolts upright, stray hairs matted to her deathly pale face.

"Did you rest well?" It is a silly question, obviously, but I ask because it seems appropriate to do so, and I am so lost in her tiny plea I can't think of anything else to say.

"Ummm…okay, I guess," she mumbles warily, looking anywhere but at me. I will have to rectify that immediately; Aro will never stand for it.

"Isabella, when you are addressing me, you are to look directly at me. When I am addressing you, you are to look directly at me. Do you understand?" Her eyes rise slowly to meet mine, a soft tremor running through her as they finally met.

She nods, "Yes…"

"You may call me Master Edward," I interrupt, correcting her before she has a chance to address me inappropriately. Her calling me plainly, Edward, in her dreams is one thing; but an entirely different thing would be to let her call me that aloud, in front of others. What will people think? No, I cannot have that. Better to set her straight, off the hop, than to inevitably to be forced to reprimand her if she were to slip in the presence of Aro or, even worse, James.

"I understand, Master Edward," she mumbles, defeated. Her shoulders sag, her posture stiffens. She is not a naive girl; she is a smart woman, and understands what is in store for her, to some extent.

I decide not to waste anymore time. I have plenty to teach her, if she is to be my eternal partner. If she is to impress Aro. "There are clothes laid out for you in the washroom, you may go get ready," I instruct her; there is no more time for pleasantries, we are expected in the great hall for an odd combination of meals. Aro has goblets of blood for vampires and some sort of feast for the three humans in our company, Rosalie, Isabella, and Victoria. This should be interesting.

Oddly enough, this is the first Twisted Fools Day festivities I will partake in. Up until now, I have been more of a wanderer, never content to stay in one place for long. I craved information, knowledge. I wanted to see it all, know it all, learn it all. As a vampire baby, I had grown unbelievably fast. By the age of two, I appeared to be a ten year old human child. At the tender age of five, I kissed my mother goodbye, hugged my father, and took off with my brother, Emmett, into the dark night, the two of us absolutely adamant about living amongst the humans for a while. Living life to the fullest. We had only returned two years ago, shortly after Emmett found his Rosalie and finally confessed what we are to her.

Surprisingly, she decided to come with us; however, she was not ready, nor willing, to agree to change, to be one of us. It has taken two years of her being with Emmett, watching us live, learning our ways, for her to finally agree to be changed. And Emmett would have it no other way; he refuses to take her life from her if not willingly. I have the exact same sentiments, as did most of our kind.

Isabella walks out of the bathroom wearing what I had left out for her; her face is hidden behind her long mane of hair. I walk towards her, gently push her hair behind her ears and remind her not to hide from me.

Hand in hand we walk down the long halls, down the stairs and into the great hall; Isabella stumbles but once, on the two tiny stairs that drop into the great hall. She mumbles an apology and keeps on walking. I can smell her blush in the air, as could every other vampire in the room, I am sure. Her blood seemingly so much more potent than any other; it must be pure torture to the vampires in her presence. I almost feel sorry for them, almost.

"Edward, Isabella. I trust you have her settled in and aware of the rules," Aro states this; it is not a question; it is what he expects.

I lower my lips and brush them against Isabella's ear, "Just do not speak unless directly asked a question, understand." She nods. I sigh in relief; I didn't have time to go over all Aro's expectations, instead, I foolishly let her sleep.

I could see Victoria seated at the other side of the table. She does not seem to be fairing quite so well, in fact, if I am not mistaken, I can see the shimmering beginnings of a nice scar on her collar bone. James wouldn't last much longer at this rate.

Breakfast goes by exceptionally well and without incident. Aro only addresses Isabella once, and she had the foresight to answer in a very short, polite manner. _That's my girl!_

Victoria, however, is much snarkier, bolder, _stupid girl._ She responds brashly_, foolish girl._ James snarls at her. Victoria has the common sense to cower. Aro summons her to his side. Again James snarls; he cannot say no, but has no idea what Aro has in store for his pet; he is wary, rightly so. I, on the other hand, know exactly what Aro has in mind for the girl and her insolence; it is surprisingly generous for him.

James motions for her to go. She stands and walks forward; she is much too confident in her sway. She reaches the front of the room, bows at Aro's side, and pathetically kisses his feet. He kicks her off; she whimpers; he scowls at her and motions for Felix to join him.

James straightens up in his chair, knows if Felix is called forth, this can't be good. I smirk. I am enjoying the fact that my pet is much better behaved than his. The two of us have always been rather competitive. It is a nice change to see the normally smug smirk wiped clean off his face. I squeeze Isabella's hand reassuringly. A small tentative smile curves at her lips. I smile in return. It is our first real, sincere exchange. It makes my chest constrict painfully, with what? I do not know. I am not sure if I like it, but I think I do, or at least that I could grow to.

"Ten lashings," Aro says, as if he is speaking of the weather, and not about the brutal whippings he is condemning a human to.

James howls in his seat, jumps to his feet and is immediately silenced by one single look from Aro. He sits back down. His thoughts are filled with treason, hierarchy, and revenge. He is taking this personally and looks at Victoria as his own, his property, and takes this injustice, as he sees it, as war.

A typical James-like reaction, nothing to worry about, as usual. But one day, Aro will finally see James for the traitor he is; and one day, all hell will surely break loose.

Isabella shakes violently in her chair beside me as tortured cries fill the room. Two lashings down and already Isabella is blanching, staring at her plate of barely touched food with disgust.

"You need to finish your food before we can leave, so I suggest not prolonging it." Aro does not take kindly to waste; human food is not something we usually keep on hand, and because he thinks so little of humans, he considers this a rather hospitable gesture on his part, supplying these humans with their own type of nourishment, instead of our own.

Finally, the lashings are done, Victoria collapses the second her wrists are let go. James rushes to her side, cradles her to him while simultaneously admonishing her for being so brash and for disobeying him.

Emmett is sitting across the table from me and grumbling something about the shit that would fly if this were to ever go on You Tube. I don't have time to decipher his twisted code. I am not rightly sure I want to anyway.

James' thoughts are now consumed with rage and embarrassment. He plans on helping her heal as quickly as possible, and then punishing her in his own way. I briskly block his thoughts as they spiral towards indecent, immoral, despicable things.

I gag a little, compose myself and snap at Isabella, "Will you hurry the hell up and finish your meal already." I know my irritation is not with her, but she is the reason I have to sit here and put up with these people, and I use that word loosely; some can be defined as nothing more than mindless monsters with no sense of morality left in them.

I may be dark and demeaning at times, but never once have I considered myself to fall under that category. Any humanity I held within me was thanks to my decision to spend so much time so close to mankind. I have never been so grateful for that decision as I was now. I never wanted to look at myself and see him. Never!

Isabella finally manages to swallow down her meal. I gracefully excuse the two of us and practically drag her towards our chambers. She is nervous; I don't have to be a mind reader to tell that. Her palms are sweaty, and her heart is beating erratically.

I don't understand what has her so upset. The second our door is shut and the latch clicks to the locked position, I bombard her relentlessly with questions.

"Are you okay? Are you ill? Did I do something? Why won't you answer me?"

"Master Edward, if you stop for two seconds, I will indeed answer your questions."

I smirk; she is a snarky one, but not overly so. I like it.

I nod and motion for her to continue; she sighs and wrings her hands together over and over.

"I am a good person. I don't like to see innocents hurt." I think I understand. She is upset over what happened to Victoria.

"I am sorry you feel that way, Isabella; but here, in my world, you do not speak out of place and you never act disrespectful, as Victoria did back there. If you do, you are punished; if you behave, you are rewarded." I cringe as the words fall from my mouth, my own ears hearing how barbaric they sound. But alas, that was just the way it worked here in 'Articus'. It is the way we live, how we survive; and without these rules and ways, we, as a race, would surely perish.

Again, without warning, jumbles of thoughts escape her blocked mind.

Regret, anguish… guilt?

"It is not that, Master Edward. It is… I feel guilty," she whispers so low I can barely make out her words, even with my vampiric over-sensitive hearing.

What does she have to feel guilty for? She had nothing to do with what happened to Victoria.

"I don't understand, Isabella. You have to know that was not your fault," I attempt to explain this gently; obviously, she is mildly delusional. Maybe the martyr type, a twisted martyr type who shoulders blame and guilt when it is not even close to being warranted.

"I know." I am confused. If she knows this, then why the guilt?

"I feel horrible though. Unworthy, I… I was okay with them hurting her. She deserved it."

_Say what?_

She did not just say that? Sweet, passive Isabella would never say something like that.

I shake my head vigorously; I am so confused. Maybe Isabella has emotional balance issues. Maybe she doesn't understand right from wrong? Maybe she is just flat out crazy? How did I miss all of this?

"Don't look at me like that," she snaps. I gape. No one ever uses that tone of voice with me, especially not my own belonging. My hand whips out before my heads registers what I am doing. A splintering snap assaults the air as Isabella spirals across the room and slams into the dresser on the other side of it. She is whimpering, sobbing, trembling. I want to comfort her now, but how do I do that? How do I comfort her, protect her, when it is me she needs the protecting from?

I grip my hair tightly in my hands and tug, my mind taunting me, screaming at me. What the fuck have I done?

Isabella's breaths grow shallow; she loses consciousness, and I am instantly a burning man. Pain radiates through my entire being. My throat and chest constrict and close off. I am unable to swallow, to inhale. I approach her form, crumble and drop to her side. Tears I cannot shed are pooling in my eyes; my limbs go numb, and my eyes can't divert away from her slumped, battered form. I can hear her heart; it is still beating, just barely, but still. I know what I have to do, I just don't know if I am strong enough to do it.

What feels like hours later, I manage to maneuver her head into my lap. I let out something akin to a whimper, the only I have ever uttered, and screw my eyes shut. I cannot bear to see her like this, but can I do it?

Will she hate me if I do?

A loud guttural cry erupts from me, and I latch my teeth to my wrist and tilt her head back with my free hand. Her mouth is hanging open, this makes my job easier.

Blood gathers on my wrist, and I tilt my arm and let it hang over her mouth. The all-consuming smell paralyzes me, and my mind is no longer my own. My vision goes black, and I snarl in an animalistic kind of way. I clench my fists tightly, one still in mid air and the other into my own flesh. I don't feel any pain.

Minutes later I am able to compose myself enough to push her off of me. Her limp body rolls and clatters, and I am up in an instant and at the door. I do not hesitate as I swing it open and launch myself out of it, slamming it soundly behind me. Alice is there, all knowing and glaring at me. I shake my head. I can't deal with her now. She turns to go. I stop her with my hand. Trembling, I look at her, my eyes silently pleading with her to understand. "Will she be okay?"

Alice frowns at me but nods. In a swift whoosh, I let all the air out of my lungs. I am relieved but also now petrified. When I tell her how her wounds miraculously disappeared, she is going to flip. I know this; I anticipate it, but will I be able to handle it? I am not well known for my patience.

A soft whimper from my room catches my attention. I inhale deeply and put on my mask. I have to deal with this the only way I know how. I enter the room just as Isabella struggles to her feet. She holds her head in her hands and sways. I rush to her side and support her by her arms. She shudders and looks up at me, all doe eyed and trusting. She doesn't look mad, or scared, or even confused. All her wounds are healed, even her teeth. I knew this would happen; but still, the sight of her all healthy and perfect, astounds me, takes my breath away.

"Isabella…" Her name slips from my lips and it sounds wonderful, magical.

She smiles softly at me and lifts her hand. I tense as she traces my jaw and then my lips with her warm fingers. I do not stop her. I am too weak, and honestly, I want this. I crave this, even.

Her mouth parts, and her lips move, but no sound comes out. I quirk my brow; can she not speak now?

Again, her lips part and this time she breathes out words that leave me reeling, "Kiss me, Edward." I am too dumbstruck to even reprimand her for addressing me improperly, although it does not go unnoticed.

I don't know what has come over me; it is like I cannot control my own body, my own actions. Slowly, I lower my head 'til I can feel her rapid breaths on my face. My lips have a mind of their own, it seems, and they connect with hers, so soft, so warm, just right.

Passion crackles between us, and, of their own volition, my lips begin to mold with hers, open, close, open, close, and then I feel her soft wet tongue run across my lips. A low growl claws its way up my throat, sits on my tongue. I swallow it back and caution myself, my lust. I slow the kiss down. Open my mouth to her and allow my tongue to experimentally twine with hers. I sigh; my pants painfully tighten; my stomach coils, and the growl escapes. My control is hanging by a thread. I can't bring myself to care. I want her, in the most primitive of ways. This is inevitable, I remind myself. At least this way, she is giving herself to me freely.

I accept this destined moment and try to think of it as an obligation, instead of the pleasurable joining it should be.

Her tiny hands push back on me, not enough to actually move my weight, but I humor her and step back until the back of my knees hit the bed. I finally catch on and smirk against her lips before swinging her around and switching our places. She lowers herself to the bed and crawls backwards 'til her head is on the pillows and she opens her arms to me.

Internally I am celebrating this moment. The moment Isabella Swan, the object of my every desire, of her own accord, gives her innocence to me.

I crawl over her and hover, taking a moment to admire her beauty. Then, ever so slowly, reconnect our mouths. Her hands are everywhere, not timid at all. They twine in my hair and tug; I hiss. She trails them down my back and tugs at the hem of my shirt. I lift up and let her take it off. Before I can lower myself, her body comes up and her mouth is on my chest. I moan. It feels so good, so foreign. Her tongue laps out and twirls around my nipple; my lower regions twitch, and I am all man. Not vampire and human, simply man and woman. I let out a deep, guttural groan and gently tackle her back to the bed. She giggles; it is a glorious sound, like music to my ears. I sigh and lose myself in the feeling of her.

Within seconds, I have torn off her clothes, as well as my own. I sit on my haunches and admire her perfectly sculpted body. She blushes; my mouth pools with want, but this time not in the way I am accustomed to. I can't deny I want to consume her, but in a normal, non-edible kind of way.

My fingers find their way to her wet center, and oh, how wet she is. She wants this, too. I am not alone in my desire.

I gently probe and wiggle my fingers; her back arches off the bed. She must like this. My subconscious roars to life; he is gloating, proud of himself.

I gently apply pressure and swirl my fingers in slow circles around her swollen bud of flesh; again, her back arches, but this time her breathing picks up; her blood flows rapidly, and her mouth opens into the cutest little O, before she collapses against the mattress, writhing and panting heavily; my name falling from her lips over and over again. And with that, my control snaps; I can take no more. I position myself at her entrance, eager. She opens her eyes and smirks lazily at me. She is ready and wanting. I slowly slide into her. It is a feeling like no other. She is warm and wet and, oh, so tight. I hiss out a breath and clench my teeth. I let the erratic beating of her heart calm me. Her hand reaches out to me, touches my chest. She smiles. "I don't know why, but I love you, Edward. I want this connection with you. Please."

My chest swells. I understand the feeling now. I love her, too. I don't tell her this. Instead, I thrust forward and break past her barrier. She doesn't cry out as I expect, just grimaces slightly and tightens her muscles. I wait. Just when I think I can wait no more, her tiny hips rise up to meet mine. I am all the way in, and it is incredible, indescribable.

I moan into her neck and nip at her ear; a drop of blood tantalizes my tongue. She groans and whimpers and begs for more. I won't deny her, never. Not ever, again. Painfully, I pull my mouth away from the saccharine nectar and resume my pace. Slowly, in and out, back and forth, I grind my hips.

Her heat is searing. I feel it drip down my inner thigh. I have to taste it. I lift one of my hands and bring it to where we are joined. My fingers graze her swollen nub, and like that, she is clenching spasmodically around me. Pulling, pushing, screaming out words of forever and perfection. I gather some of her juices and bring them to my lips. My tongue darts out and laps at my fingers. I feel my stomach tighten and coil, ready to explode. I snarl and gnash my teeth together as the hottest, most wicked orgasm rips through me. My vision blurs and, for a moment, I swear I see heaven. I collapse in a heap at her side and immediately hate being without her heat. She snuggles into my side, and once again, I feel whole.

As I regain my bearings and come down from my infinite high, Isabella whispers once again that she loves me before falling asleep in my arms.

I lay there, the rest of the night, holding her. Finally feeling at peace, tomorrow, at the ceremony, I will declare my intentions and, with Isabella's consent, she will be changed and can be forever by my side. If not as my queen, then as my wife. If James is crowned, I will be content with this choice; I will willingly embrace it.

~~~**~~~

"Isabella, my sweet, it is time to get up." I gently swipe stray hairs away from her peaceful face. I don't want to wake her, but we have but an hour before we are due at the ceremony. I am confident Aro will see my side and understand my wishes.

Isabella groans and rolls into my side. "Good morning, sleeping beauty. It is time to get up. We have to be at the great hall in an hour." Isabella is fully awake now, staring back at me wide eyed. Her lip quivers, but she does not argue. She simply kisses my chest and rolls off of me. She goes to the bathroom and, twenty minutes later, comes back in the room fully dressed and waiting.

I join her by her side. Something is nagging at me. I don't move to leave. Instead, I try to figure out what it is. It comes to me, and in a blinding moment, I open my mouth without thinking it through. "How the hell could you think Victoria deserved that treatment?" I bark, annoyed and already reverting back to my dominant, aggressive self.

Isabella flinches and then sighs. She takes a few steps backwards and looks up at me with unshed tears glistening in her eyes. "She is evil." Isabella says nothing more and offers no more explanation. I hear people making their way through the hall and know now is not the time to press for more information. There are more important games at play right now.

I breathe out heavily and reach for her hand. She looks up at me as I open the door. There is something in her eyes I can't quite place. It leaves me feeling unsettled. We, once again, walk hand in hand towards the great hall, through the long hallway and down the stairs. This time Isabella does not stumble. She holds her head high; there is a definite, troubling air to her. My trepidation doubles, and I feel sick to my stomach, even though that is not possible.

Everyone invited is already seated. All eyes are on us as we join the gathering. James is alone and this confuses me. Where is Victoria? I listen to his thoughts and realization dawns on me. His punishment didn't go as planned, not surprisingly; and Victoria is now in the changing chambers, already eight hours into her transformation. His head is hung low, in shame and anger. He believes he deserves the crown, even if he failed his initiation. I can't agree with him. If he could not even last forty-eight hours in the presence of a human without losing all control, well, how can our whole race's future be entrusted to him?

"Edward, Isabella, how good it is to see you both this morning and still…intact," Aro croons, obviously amused by this fact. Maybe he expected me to fail, as well. We join the small number of people who are at the front of the room; Isabella stiffens, and her steps falter. I leave her side for mere seconds to greet my brother, my mother, and my father, then return to her side, tucking her safely into the crook of my arm.

"James, as you well know, you have failed initiation. Your pet now burns in the rooms above us. I congratulate you on your new-found partner. You may leave." Aro waves his hand, and James gives me a deathly glare. As usual, his thoughts are consumed with rage and unfairness. He thinks Aro is being unfair, rash. Oh, how wrong he is. I ignore his glares and return my attention to Aro, who is busy conversing silently with Felix. I catch my father's attention and attempt to explain, with my eyes, what I am about to do. I pray he understands and stands by me the way I think he will.

"Edward," Aro begins, a crooked smile replacing his usually tight lips, "It would appear you are the only participating prince left, and that your pet has survived her days with you. As soon as she is eliminated by your hands, your task will be complete." Isabella is sobbing silently beside me now.

I step forward, my father eyes me warily, "Uncle Aro, I ask that you let me spare the girl's life and claim her as my mate. I, of course, ask this only if she agrees." I bow my head and wait. There is nothing more I can do. Aro is not completely unreasonable, and I don't see how this can affect the initiation. Because, if I get technical, changing Isabella is no different than killing her. Either way she would no longer live as a human.

Seconds tick by and merge to minutes. I can already hear his thoughts and smile softly to myself. He has already agreed to my proposition; he must be drawing it out to save face and appear to be deliberating.

"Isabella Swan, step forward." Isabella looks ill, her face is pale and her hands are shaking violently. Unsteadily, she steps forward and bows slightly.

I can't help the smile that graces my face as I picture her in this very place, but instead of accepting immortality, she is accepting my hand in marriage.

"I am giving you the choice, my child. You can choose to live your eternity out as Edward's wife, as our queen; or you can choose death, which I promise will be swift and completely painless. The choice is yours, dear child. Take a moment; this choice is not to be made lightly. There is no going back once you have made your decision; it will be final."

My breath hitches when Isabella does not answer right away as I had anticipated. After last night, I was so sure she would choose me. She said she loves me. Instead she turns and faces me. Her face is that same carefully crafted mask I saw just moments before leaving my chambers. I cock my head, strain to hear her thoughts, desperate to understand what it is that she is thinking, why her answer is taking so long. A lone tear trickles down her cheek, and her eyes take on a pleading look. Isabella takes a deep breath and whispers, "I'm sorry."

It takes a moment for me to comprehend. And in that fleeting moment many things happen, Felix and Demetri restrain me, obviously anticipating my refusal to accept this. Isabella lunges forward, towards Aro, and whimpers at his feet. "I cannot deny I love this man, but I will not agree to live a life the way he perceives life to be lived. I choose to love him and honor my beliefs; I choose death."

* * *

Ducks and Hides, yeah how pissed are you right now? Epppp.

BUT...before you throw rotten tomatoes or flame the hell out of me. I have 200 words to add to this. 200 words that may or may not appease you. Want them??? Ask for them in a review and I will send them to you ASAP.

**Insert evil chuckle here**

Don't forget to vote!


	25. The April Fool's Set Up

**Entry for the Countdown to April Fool's Day- Just a Pranktical Cullen Day**

**Penname: Sunsetwing**

**Rated: M**

**Title: ****The April Fool's Set Up**

**Summary: Alice wants to play a prank on her twin, Edward, and she wants Bella to help her. Bella needs to send some letters to Edward to make him think that there from another girl. But what happens when Bella's the only one waiting for Edward at the end, and who is the prank really on?**

**A/N: Here's my one shot, and I hope you like it. It's the first one shot I've done, so I would really love to know what you think of it. Thanks to my beta Breath-of-twilight who had the idea for this story, and for always checking my stuff, you are awesome in so many ways! **

"Shit, Alice, this is such a bad idea!" I said, rubbing my hands over my face.

"No, come on, you have to do this for me. He'll recognize my handwriting and then everything will be ruined," Alice pleaded.

"You're so sure he won't recognize my handwriting?" God this was such a bad idea on so many levels.

"I'm sure he won't, and it's not like you're going to sign your name to the notes. Why do you care so much anyway?" Alice rolled her eyes at me. She could see right through me.

"I don't care. I just don't want to incur anyone's wrath!" _Especially not Edward's!_

"Sure, sure, Bella, you can act indifferent, but I know better. You have been in love with my brother since we moved here. What's that been, like ten years now?" Alice had known that I loved Edward, but this was the first time that she had ever brought it up to me. For the most part she had just left me alone about it.

I had met Edward and Alice Cullen when we were eight. They had moved here from Chicago, and Alice and I had become instant friends. Of course, then there was Edward. Edward was nice enough to me, but I was sure that was just because I was his sister's best friend.

Edward had been gorgeous even at age eight. Now, he was six-foot-two, with wild brownish red hair, and piercing green eyes. He was captain of the baseball team, and the most popular guy at our school. Not to mention the object of every girl's affection, including Lauren Mallory… bitch.

It isn't that Alice and I aren't popular. Well, at least Alice is, but I, however, am not. Alice is outgoing, and fits in easily with everyone, whereas I would rather just have a few close friends and try not to stand out too much. That doesn't mean that I take anybody's shit, because I don't. Now here I am, getting ready to help my best friend play an April Fools' joke on her twin brother. I was definitely taking Alice's shit now.

"Okay then, if you know that I've been in love with your brother for ten years, why are you forcing me to write him letters so that he thinks it's another girl?" That made me insanely jealous. Edward had never even given me a backwards glance, but I felt so possessive of him.

"We're just going to make him see that all she wants to do is screw with his head. I know that it bothers you that he's seeing Lauren, but this might just remedy that. Please, Bella, pleeeeaaaaaasssssssssse!" Alice always knew if she begged enough I would break just to get her to shut the hell up.

I jerked open my backpack and pulled out a small spiraled notebook. "Okay, so what's the plan?"

Alice squealed and bounced up and down, "Really… yeah, okay, so here's the plan. I need you to strategically place seven notes over the next three days. Today I think two would suffice, and then three tomorrow, and then two on Friday, which is actually April fool's day, so that should work out quite nicely."

"And what would you like on said notes?" I glanced up from my paper to see a wicked look across her face. "What?"

"I think I'll leave that up to you, but the last one should say that you want him to meet you in the loft where they stow the props for the drama department. Ohh… there's the bell, gotta go, Bella, see you at lunch." With that she turned and skipped off to class.

People walked past me in the hall, and I started to feel warm all over, knowing that someone likely heard Alice's and my conversation. I shook my head, determined to shake that feeling and hurried to write at least something that I could put in his locker now. I quickly jotted down:

_I want you to want me._

I stood there looking at the text. I had tried so hard to change it so that it didn't look like my own. This was so masochistic. I was actually going to go through with this. Telling Edward the things that I really wanted to say to him, but as Lauren Mallory… again, bitch.

Checking to make sure that no one was looking, I made my way toward his locker, which was just ten lockers away from mine on the opposite side of the hall. I ripped the little piece of paper out of the notebook, folding it so that the text was on the inside, and then slid it through the vents in his locker.

I quickly turned and made my way to my next class, fighting off the nagging urge to run back to his locker and tear it open to retrieve the note.

I ducked into class just as the last bell was ringing and took my seat. I was all caught up in English, so when my teacher announced that we would be having a study period; I was going to take the time to figure out what I wanted to say on the other six notes. I started to jot down what I would really like to say and was quite proud of myself that it had taken no time at all. The notes would be distributed as follows:

_The way that I want you._

_I want to taste you on my lips._

_Run my fingers up your spine._

_I want to feel your body against mine._

_You won't have to wait long now._

_Meet me in the prop loft 6th period._

Before I folded them up to put them away I figured that Alice would like to look them over, so I kept them loose in my binder. The bell rang signally the end of the period. Butterflies started to flutter in my stomach, and I found that I was really nervous to see his reaction to the note.

I grabbed my things and hurried off to my locker to wait for Alice. On my way I wasn't paying any attention to where I was going, and I found myself slammed up against a very hard muscular chest. I stumbled backwards, nearly falling on my ass when a long arm wound around my waist, effectively keeping me upright. I looked up directly into Edward Cullen's piercing green eyes.

"Oh my God, Edward, I am so sorry, I wasn't even watching where the hell I was going. Shit, are you alright? I mean… shit…" I trailed off, hoping that the smirk on his face wasn't because he thought I was a total ass.

"Really, Bella, it's fine. Are you okay?" He was looking down at me from under his long eye lashes, and I thought my knees might just buckle underneath me.

"Yeah, no, I'm fine, thanks…" Just then Alice came bounding around the corner.

"Hey, hey there everyone, what's up?" She looked between me and Edward waiting for a response.

"Oh, you know, just me not paying any attention to where I was going." I smiled to myself, remembering his arm around my waist.

Alice giggled and then grabbed my arm, pulling me toward my locker and then said over her shoulder, "See you later, brother… oh and hey, how's Lauren?"

Edward smirked at Alice and just nodded at her. Thankfully he didn't actually answer her, because I really didn't want to hear it… at all… bitch.

As I opened my locker Alice was immediately on me, "What did you come up with?"

"Well, I have already delivered one of them, and if I remember correctly I wrote, _I want you to want me._ I shoved it in his locker on my way to class. As for the other ones, here they are." I handed Alice the spiral notepad, and as she read the smile on her face grew.

"Bella, oh my God, you are a genius. There is no way that this isn't going to work. Holy hell, this shit may even be YouTube worthy." Alice had a wicked gleam in her eye, and I knew that there was more to this than she was telling me. "Look, he just opened his locker."

I tried to look at him nonchalantly over my shoulder. I watched as the note fell to the ground and he bent down to pick it up, and, I swear, my heart stopped as he read what was written inside.

He stared at it for a few moments, clearly studying the handwriting. He looked up and folded the little piece of paper, then slipped it into his pocket. There was no particular emotion on his face, and I had to turn away so that he didn't catch me staring at him.

"Well, that was interesting. Wonder if he'll show me the note later?" Alice said, but I was too focused on the butterflies in my stomach to acknowledge her.

The rest of the day passed uneventfully, and I thankfully did not see Lauren once. I passed the second note right before the last class of the day. I didn't want to see the expression on his face, knowing that he was thinking about Lauren to my words. I did want him to want me, in the exact same way that I wanted him. Knowing deep inside that that wasn't ever going to happen was a little bit crushing. I did feel better knowing that he didn't know how I, Bella Swan, actually felt about him. Rejection of love was far worse than unrequited love in my eyes.

Thursday was much the same. I tried to vary when I put the notes into Edward's locker, just in case he got curious and noticed some sort of pattern. I did not want to get caught, because I couldn't guarantee I wouldn't squeal on Alice. Dealing with her wrath would be worse than getting caught by Edward.

By the end of the day five total notes had been delivered. Alice told me that Edward had shown her the notes from the previous day, and affirmed that he did think that they were from Lauren. My heart sank when she told me that. I had held a little hope that he wouldn't jump right to Lauren, but in the end he was a man, and a man wanted a woman like Lauren… bitch.

She was petite, blond, and had a rockin' body. She was head cheerleader, and would definitely be considered a queen bee. Every guy wanted her, and every girl wanted to be her, with the exception of Alice and myself.

I noticed again that I hadn't seen her today, and wondered where she would be running into Edward. Maybe if I was really lucky, she would be sick, and out of school tomorrow. Edward would realize that the notes weren't from her though, and I still didn't want to get caught as the author.

Friday came too soon, and I was nervous as shit to go to school. I drug myself out of bed and made my way to the shower. After cleansing and shaving I dried off and made my way into my bedroom, trying to find something decent to wear to school. I settled on a teal green Henley and a pair of skinny jeans. I finished getting ready, grabbed a banana on my way out, and made my way to my truck.

I spent the short drive to school contemplating when I should drop off the last two notes. I finally settled on second and fifth period. Classes on Fridays were always much more lax, so I knew that he shouldn't have much trouble ditching sixth period.

My phone buzzed in my pocket as I pulled into the school lot, Alice. I parked and quickly answered the phone, nearly ripping my fingers off trying to get my phone out.

"Hello."

"Where are you, I've been waiting for like ten minutes for you to get here. We need to go over the final details of how this thing is going to go down."

"Alright, I'll meet you at my locker." I hung up the phone and crammed it back into my pocket, before grabbing my backpack and heading into the crowded hallways.

Alice, true to form, was standing in front of my locker, arms crossed and tapping her foot. I eyed her warily and then went straight to open my locker.

"Okay, so here's the plan. I want you to place the last two letters in his locker, whenever, but when fifth period is over, I want you to meet me in the prop loft. Don't wait for me, just go ahead and hide, that way if for some reason he's early at least you'll be out of sight, sound good?" She smiled at me, and I was instantly envious of how confident she was.

"So are you going to jump out and yell 'April fool's' at him?" God, I hoped not, because I did not want to be there if this was going to embarrass him, and subsequently me.

"Are you fuckin' crazy, of course not? I just want him to think that she's a dick tease, and no good for him, not royally piss him off."

I was so relieved, but I tried to hide it from Alice. "Okay, well then, I guess I should get to class."

"Yeah, I'll see you later." Alice turned away, and as I turned I came face to face with the same chest I had become so violently acquainted with earlier this week. My breath caught in my throat, "Edward."

"Hey, Bella, have you seen my sister?" he asked, smiling down at me.

"Umm, yeah, she just left actually, you just missed her." I stood there, unable to move out of his way, hearing a Star Wars reference running through my head, _'Ahhh, caught in his tractor beam'_, before I let a giggle slip. Oh shit!

"What's so funny, Bella?" He was staring intently down at me.

"N...n...nothing, sorry." I immediately looked down, embarrassed that I could be such a bumbling fool in front of him.

"You smell nice, Bella. What is that?" I looked back at him; with I'm sure the most ridiculous expression on my face.

"Umm, thanks, it's just my vanilla lotion." I was stunned. Edward Cullen thought I smelled nice?

"Well, if you see Alice, tell her I'm looking for her, later." He brushed past me, and I could have sworn that I heard him laugh.

I hurried down the hall towards class and decided that it would be better to just place one now since I knew that he was already gone.

School passed quickly. I dropped off the last letter on my way to lunch, and before I knew it sixth period was upon me. I had only seen Alice at lunch, but for the rest of the day I couldn't seem to find her.

As soon as fifth period let out I made my way quickly to the prop loft. I slipped the pad lock off the door, and brought it with me upstairs so that I wouldn't get locked in. I made my way by the light of my cell phone; the room was pitch black once the door was shut. I stood at the top of the stairs and looked around at the mess of costumes, hats, swords, various animals, and furniture that was stored here. Walking towards the back of the loft I sat on a chase lounge that was placed behind a large dresser full of costumes and waited for Alice.

My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I pulled it out to see that I had a text message from Alice. _Hey, something came up, can't make it_. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. What the hell was I going to do now? Just then I heard the door at the bottom of the stairs open and close, so I crammed my phone back in my pocket. Faint footsteps could be heard coming up the stairs, and as they got louder towards the top I could barely make out Edward's shape.

"Hello," he whispered.

I sat very still trying to keep my breathing slow and calm so that he couldn't hear me. He started to walk about the room, and it sounded like his footsteps were coming closer to me.

I stood quickly to move behind the lounge when I slammed right into his body again. His arms came up to steady me, and I could feel his sweet breathe on my cheeks.

"Is this what you wanted?" he asked as he pressed his body against mine. I could feel his erection against my stomach, and the heat that coursed through my veins settled between my legs.

Oh shit, he didn't know it was me. I could feel him start to lean forward until his mouth had descended on mine. His tongue slid over my bottom lip, begging for entrance, and I moaned in his mouth in response. Shit, did I just actually moan?

His hands started to run up and down my back before hooking his index fingers at the hem of my shirt and pulling it over my head. He broke the kiss, and I was left standing before him in the darkness with no top on, hoping that he couldn't really see my pale skin in the darkness.

His fingers ghosted down my chest and over my breasts before he took one in his hand and brought his mouth down to cover it. I could feel the wetness seeping through the lace of my bra, and I reached behind me to unhook the back, letting it slip down my arms.

"I wish I could see you," he said breathlessly, taking my naked breast in his mouth again. It felt so good as he sucked and pulled, and nibbled until my body was humming to be touched.

I hadn't realized what his other hand was doing until I felt the cool air on my naked thighs. I kicked off my shoes and stepped out of my pants, standing in only my boy short underwear.

"I want to taste you, can I do that?" I didn't want to speak, giving away who I actually was, so I grabbed his hand and pulled him down with me on the chase. He lay on top of me kissing my neck before trailing down my chest and stomach until he was kneeling in between my legs. He slid his hands up my legs following the smooth skin of my thighs until his hands were at my hips. I couldn't see what he was doing, but I could feel his breath on my thighs until he was directly over my heated wet core.

I could feel his nose nuzzling the fabric of my boy shorts before he started to place kisses on me.

"God, you smell good all over," he moaned. I froze hearing the words that came out of his mouth. Did he know it was me? After his comment this morning, I had to wonder. My thoughts came to a halt as I felt him slide my underwear down my legs. He placed his hands on my knees and slowly parted them and then lifted them one after the other over his shoulders.

"What I would give just to see you spread out in front of me." I could hear the smile in his voice, and that put me at ease. I just wished that I could know for sure if he knew it was me, or if these words were meant for Lauren.

I was brought back to reality when his mouth came in contact with my wet core and I heard him moan, the vibrations causing me to shiver. His tongue slowly licked the length of my core before darting inside me. I writhed, trying to grab anything that I could get my hands on to keep from floating away from this man, finally settling on his head between my legs. He replaced his tongue with his finger, and slowly pumped within me while flicking the bundle of nerves within my soft folds, eliciting moans and squeaks from me.

"I want you to come for me, honey, I know you want this as much as I do. Come for me," he pleaded as he slid in another finger, pumping faster, and sucking harder against my swollen nub.

It was as if sparks were shooting out of my body as I climaxed. I tensed up squeezing his head between my legs until he pulled away, spreading my legs again.

Cold air blew against my naked body, and I could immediately feel that he had stepped away from me. I was nervous that he had found some problem with me and now was going to leave me up here naked and unfulfilled. I could hear clothes rustling and then something hairy brushed up against my calf that was hanging loosely off the lounge. He grabbed my legs, spreading them so that he could rest his hips against my center. As he leaned into me I could tell that he was naked and definitely aroused.

Oh fuck, I hadn't done this before. Shit, what was I supposed to say, and if I spoke up now would he stop? He positioned himself at my entrance and slid up and down my core spreading the wetness back and forth. God it felt so good, and then he started to slip inside. He must have realized that this was my first time, because he paused and said, "Are you sure?" I nodded my head yes as he broke through my barrier, and then waited until I relaxed again.

I wasn't sure how long we lay there before I took the initiative and started to move my hips against his. That was all the encouragement that Edward needed. He slid out, and then gently pushed back in. The sensation was wonderful, but I wanted more. I started to grab at his back, running my hand up and down his spine, feeling his body pressed against mine, when I realized that I was getting exactly what I had written on those notes.

I could hear his breathing getting faster, as he continued to push deeper within me.

"Faster… oh God… Edward… faster, harder…" slipped from my mouth before I could catch myself.

"Unnnggg, you feel so good, Bella. Come with me, baby." He was slamming into me so hard that I was half hanging off the lounge. The angle that he pounded into me at was hitting a place so deep within me that I had to hold back the noises that I wanted to scream to the world. Just as I started to break apart at the seams in another mind blowing orgasm, I could feel Edward start to become rigid, holding still against my body as I wrapped myself around him.

We lay there tangled in each other's embrace while he placed soft kisses all over my face. As I came down from the single most wonderful moment of my life I realized what he had said.

"Wait, Edward, how did you know it was me?" I was terrified for this answer, because I thought I was so careful.

"Silly, Bella, I knew it was you this whole time." _What? How? When? _"It was my idea. I knew that you would never approach me, so Alice and I put our heads together to see if we could help the situation along."

"You mean to tell me you knew this whole time? You knew I liked you, but you never said anything to me?" Was I that obvious?

"I've known for years. I would have to say though, that I have felt the same for the same amount of time. You were just never paying attention when I was trying so hard to catch your eye."

"How is that even possible? What about Lauren?"

"Lauren asked me out once. We went to dinner, and she did nothing but talk about herself the whole time. It doesn't matter anyway, because it's always been you."

"Really," I croaked, trying to suppress my happy tears.

"Really…" he said as he started moving within me, and kissing my neck, "April fool's, Bella."

April fool's indeed.


	26. CBF's Hot Wings

**Host note: Here ya go, ladies, the last one shot- there was supposed to be one more. I didn't get it. I give and can honestly say, I am glad the countdowns are pretty much over for awhile.**

**I am still purging through the collab- which was a bit of a mess. We did it this time as a round robin of sorts, and apparently some writers read the previous sections wrong and added in some Patty's day stuff after April Fool's stuff, so, myself, along with a cpl of splederific girls are trying our best to make it all read right and be in the appropriate places. If, by chance u find stuff out of place or something that seems like it should be somewhere else, please just PM me. Don't nasty out in the reviews, I am trying here, but it us frusterating as all hell. So try to understand, review if you'd like, but save corrections for PM's. Thank you for your understanding.**

**The collab will begin tomorrow.**

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**E****ntry for the Countdown to April fool's Day – What An Irishific Day!  
Pen name: Fragile Human  
Rated M**

**Title: CBF's Hot Wings**

**A/N: HI GUYS!!! Yes, I'm update fail. Yes, I know you probably want to throttle me. I come bearing bribes! And excuses, I have lots of those. We're renovating our house and hubby is SO not going to let me write while he paints and tiles and replaces the toilet… you see where I'm going with this? The good news is we're almost done. NOW I have to thank Breath-of-Twilight, my little pink stinker, for inviting me YET AGAIN. Love you bb – this one's for you.**

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_"You've been a naughty little leprechaun, haven't you? Shaking those shamrocks all over the bar..." _He clicked his tongue at her, leering lecherously as his eyes traveled over her skimpy green outfit. I saw her eyes tighten in response, her mouth clamp shut against what I'm sure was a torrent of vicious retorts.

I sat on my barstool, nursing my third ridiculous green draught of the night as I remembered the first time we met, my eyes following her every move as she flitted easily through the inebriated crowd. She had swept into my psychopharmacology class seconds before it was due to begin, her short black hair spiky and full of raindrops that sparkled like the dozen or so earrings lining both ears under the fluorescent lights.

She moved to the empty desk in front of me lithely, dodging the scattered backpacks and umbrellas strewn across the rows of our classroom. My eyes took in her damp blouse, plastered against her small breasts and flat stomach, and I immediately regretted looking. Women should be treated with class and dignity, not ogled like some cheap streetwalker. The fact that I was now sporting a raging hard-on wasn't helping matters either.

I stared at the back of her head for our entire three hour class, memorizing the slender curve of her neck and the gentle rise and fall of her shoulders with each breath. My breaths were anything but gentle as I furiously inhaled lungfuls of her delicate scent, trying madly to place each distinct note of her fragrance and commit it to memory for future use. I found myself leaning forward over my desk, my nose a few mere inches from her sweet skin, as I tried to discretely adjust myself; my jeans were making my erection almost painful in my hyperaware state.

I glanced around the room, relieved to find the other students unaware of my disgusting stalker-like behavior. I shifted in my seat, putting my weight on my elbows as I drew close enough to touch my tongue to the back of her neck if I so desired. I could feel the fabric of my shirt straining over my back as I leaned in as far as possible, nearly resting my face on her shoulder in contentment. I was completely surrounded by her scent, and found myself fantasizing insanely about the things I would like to do to her neck when she turned, her cheek lightly grazing the tip of my nose in the process, the contact sending a jolt straight to my throbbing cock. I realized that this was not proper etiquette for introducing myself to someone, let alone a goddess such as herself. Scrambling, I came up with the only thing I could think of.

"Do you have any gum?" I whispered into her ear, my lips ghosting against the many piercings lining the perfect pink skin. I thought I noted a brief shiver run through her as she turned to fully face me, her grey eyes wide and fiery as they raked over my face.

"The name is Alice and no, I don't have any fucking gum. Jesus, did you have to crawl up on my shoulder to ask me? Fucking hell, guy." She shook her head slightly as she turned back to face the instructor, tiny droplets of rain scattering across her shoulders as she rested her chin on her fist.

I froze at her hostility and instantly lost my balance, perched on one elbow as I was. I felt my body shift forward, smashing the desk into my stomach as my arms went out from under me and I sprawled forward, shoving Alice's desk so hard that her books tumbled off the side. I looked across at her, my face squished against the cold writing surface, as I felt my shame coloring my cheeks. She leaned over rigidly, grasping the creased pages of her textbook as she slowly raised it to eye level for inspection. I heard the heavy sigh that seemed to deflate her body, and inwardly cringed at the thought of the onslaught I would suffer at her hands.

"Everything OK back there?" Mr. Williams was motionless at the front of the room, his glasses perched low on his nose as he stared at me from over their rims. I righted myself swiftly, pushing my infuriating hair back with one hand while the other gripped the desktop tightly. I nodded stiffly, berating myself internally, as I pictured the beautiful girl in front of me rolling her eyes and deciding I was never to be spoken to again. I pushed my fingers through my hair, tugging in frustration, as I realized how truly pathetic I was. I ought to have just introduced myself, shook her hand like a normal man would. Instead I had cockblocked myself yet again.

I shifted in my seat again, letting out a rather loud and dejected sigh in the process. There was no way I'd be able to focus on anything like antipsychotic medications and extra pyramidal symptoms at this point; I'd be forced to sit here and relive that embarrassing moment again and again. I was actually becoming pissed off that _Ms. Brandon_ had decided to be such a brat about the whole thing; was she such a douche to all the guys that tried to hit on her? I hadn't even been overly aggressive, in my opinion.

Mr. Williams intruded on my internal monologue to announce that class was over for the evening and dismiss us with reminders of the midterm coming up in a few weeks. I stuffed my book in my messenger bag before giving _Ms. Brandon_ the stink eye and hustling out of that room. Her raised eyebrow was the only visible reaction, accenting her striking grey eyes and leading my mind to wonder if she'd give me that type of look in bed. I shook my head as I strode through the door, hoping to rid myself of all thoughts of the infuriating little pest.

The next few weeks went on in much the same fashion, with the exception of the barbs we threw back and forth at each other nearly incessantly. I teased her about her height, she teased me about my glasses. I'd call her a shrew, she'd call me an insolent fool. To be honest, I found her attempts at insults insanely attractive and was beginning to believe she was enjoying it just as much as I was.

I had taken to frequenting the bar she worked at on occasion, always hanging in the background and simply observing her there. I knew I was beginning to be more than simply attracted to the girl; she was clearly intelligent, spoke her mind and was fucking gorgeous. The fact that I could pick her up and throw her around if the mood struck me made her infinitely more desirable, as did her twisted sense of humor and animated personality. I finally admitted it to myself: I wanted her, and not in just the physical sense. This chick intrigued me and surprised me, and I was dying to spend some time with her, one on one, and figure out if she could keep it up.

I watched the asshole she was serving tonight, noting the way he barely looked at her face, instead focusing solely on her tiny body. The douche had the balls to insult her numerous times to her face, not to mention the shit he said when her back was turned. I knew that Alice and I had a strange relationship that may seem disrespectful to some, but it was our way, and I never meant her any harm, not like this fucker did. I watched as his friend came up behind her, brushing against her back and pushing her in closer to Asshole Number One. He sneered at her as he wrapped a meaty hand around her dainty wrist, pulling her in closer as he licked his lips suggestively. _Ms. Brandon_'s eyes widened slightly as she tried to extricate herself from Number One's grip as Number Two squeezed in even closer behind her. I stood up and downed the last of my beer before slamming the glass on the counter. I was going to get her out of there before Dumb and Dumber did something really heinous.

It happened almost in slow motion as I approached: Alice tried to spin away from Number Two while yanking her arm from Number One, causing her to lose her balance and fling her tray through the air. Three green beers made their way towards me as I tried in vain to dodge them, feeling the glass connect with my lower stomach before dropping to the ground. Cold beer seeped through my clothes, and I froze in place, staring at my now soaking wet crotch before raising my eyes to Alice. She seemed to have caught herself before falling and was now standing to the side wringing her hands while opening and closing her mouth rapidly. I took a deep breath, turning my gaze towards the fuckers that started this whole incident in the first place.

"Get. The fuck. Out. NOW!" I roared over the crowd, pointing at them with one hand while the other pushed through my hair. The two rose from their chairs unsteadily before booking it towards the door and escaping into the night. I shut my eyes tightly, willing myself to gain some composure before dealing with _Ms. Brandon _and what was sure to be an inflammatory discussion. My eyes opened instantly, however, when I felt an arm wrap around the back of my thighs and firm pressure against my crotch. What the fuck was going on?!

I looked down at her, kneeling at my feet as she pressed a bar rag against my jeans, directly over my rapidly hardening dick. It didn't fucking help that she was making these quick fuckhot circles with it, which basically equated to her rubbing all up and down my cock and she was on her knees and _fuck_. I had to get away from her before she realized what she was doing to me, because I was certain I'd never hear the end of it.

"Alice, stand up, seriously, please. Just... you have GOT to fucking stand up and stop that." Her eyes widened at that exact moment, and I felt her hand slow as she looked up into my eyes. Seeing her down there, in that stupid little green outfit, on her knees, looking up into my eyes like she couldn't quite wrap her head around what I was sporting under my jeans... she had to stop, but fuck if I didn't want her to keep going.

She must have realized what was happening because her hand gave a little twitch, almost like she was squeezing my dick, and I let out a muffled groan, my hand automatically making its way into my hair and tugging its way through. I looked down at her again, finding her staring at the bulging area with curiosity written all over her face. I reached down and gently tugged her hand, pulling her up to her feet. She gripped my hand tightly, using it to pull me down and towards her as she whispered in my ear.

"Hey Whitlock... come with me for a sec? I want to talk to you for a minute." I pulled back and looked in her eyes, searching for something that would clue me in on what was about to happen. She just stared back, expression blank, before turning and pulling me down a back hallway. I followed her nervously, unsure about what exactly she had planned for me at this point, but I didn't have long to think about it before she yanked me through a doorway.

The door slammed behind me, and it took my eyes a moment to adjust to the darkness back here. The room was cold and dry; I could see my breath coming in small puffs in front of my face. I felt her hands snake their way between my shirt and my bare skin, her nails dragging lightly against my stomach as she hummed quietly to herself. I placed my hands on her waist and pushed her gently away, confused about why someone who barely tolerated my presence was trying to get it on with me in a walk in fridge in a bar. I'm not saying I didn't want to, but you have to admit the situation was odd. And hot.

Alice's hands moved from my stomach to my forearms, her hot little palms sliding up towards my biceps and then over my shoulders as she stepped closer, pressing her chest against mine as she kissed her way up my neck. I decided that this was too good an opportunity to pass up so I slid my hands from her waist to her ribs and pulled her close, pressing my lips against hers softly.

She pulled away slightly, giggling and saying, "Whitlock, for real? Don't talk shit to me all the time and then try to _be nice_." She wound her fingers in my hair and pulled pretty fucking hard. "Show me who's boss, Jasper; throw me around, tease me, make me beg you for it," she whispered before catching my earlobe in her mouth and biting lightly.

I nearly jizzed in my pants.

I grasped her ribs roughly, pulling her to me and kissing her hard before spinning her around and pushing her stomach against the cold steel wall. I pressed myself against her ass, grinding into her with my hands planted on either side of her chest, massaging the skin there with my fingertips as I growled in her ear. "Do you feel what you do to me, Brandon? I've been dreaming of throwing you around since the first night I saw your sweet ass walk into the classroom. I wanted to fuck you right there on my desk." Her sharp intake of breath told me all I needed to know: she wanted this just as bad as I did. I slid my hands up between her breasts and the wall, pinching her already hard nipples through her top. I slid one hand down over her flat stomach to her skirt, hooking my fingers under the waistband before tugging it down enough that I could reach under. My fingers brushed her slick heat, already soaked and ready for me. I circled her clit a few times before slipping a finger into her and thrusting it in and out quickly, pulling it out completely when she began moaning.

She spun to face me, fury blazing in her eyes. I grinned at her lazily, raising my hand to my mouth and sucking the one wet finger into my mouth. I let my eyes drift shut as I savored her taste, licking every drop from my skin before opening them again and meeting her gaze. Her mouth hung open as she focused on my mouth. She seemed to snap herself out of it before smirking and reaching for my jeans. Her fingers deftly undid the button before sliding the zipper down and pushing my jeans to the ground, quickly followed by my shirt. I stepped towards her, lifting her into my arms as our mouths met again. Her tongue traced the line of my lips before pushing inside and sliding against mine. My arms tightened around her as I walked us towards a row of shelves, bracing her back against them as she reached down to line my dick up with her entrance.

"I'm on the pill; don't even think of putting on a condom. I want to feel you," she breathed against my neck. I pushed into her slowly, unsure if I would hurt her or if she was really ready for me. I may not have the biggest dick in the world, but I'm pretty proud of it, and she was _tiny_. Her back arched as I rocked myself in deeper, a growl escaping my throat as I realized how fucking tiny she really was. It was so hot and wet and tight and _fuck_. Her moans sounded as if she were enjoying herself, so I began thrusting in and out, her pussy clamping down rhythmically and just fucking generally rocking my fucking world.

Her nails raked down my back before grasping my ass and pulling me tighter to her; I wasn't getting in deep enough for either of us in this position. I looked around before my eyes settled on a box of frozen hot wings and I moved to sit on it, settling her on my lap as I grasped her hips, raising her up and down faster and harder than I could have when I was standing.

Her eyes fluttered closed as her breathing sped up, hitching in her throat as she moaned my name. Her hips rocked in time with mine as the pace picked up, our skin slapping almost furiously, before she let out a breathy moan. "Oh, Whitlock, _fuck._ I'm... oh... fucking hell_...yes!"_ Her arms wrapped around my neck as she stiffened and arched her back again, her eyes screwed shut and her mouth opened. I could feel her milking me furiously, her pussy clamped down on my dick as she rode out her orgasm. I continued my frenzied thrusting, feeling myself tightening all over as I worked towards my own release. Alice must have sensed I wasn't quite there yet, because she reached down where we joined, gathering her wetness on her finger before bringing it up to my mouth. Seeing her touching both of us there and tasting her from her own fingers sent me over the edge; I shattered into white hot light and pulsing pleasure with her wrapped around me.

I slowed my movements, eventually stopping as I leaned back with my weight on my hands, wrapped around the corners of the box we were sitting on.

"CBF's Hot Wings, huh? Nice choice of box. Remind me not to get those next time I'm here." I smirked at her lazily as she traced the lines of my abs with her fingers. Her face lit up in a smile and a snort escaped her.

"What?" I asked her, not sure if I was cool with a girl I had just fucked thoroughly snorting when we were finished.

"Well... I just always wondered how long it would take for us to do that. Not fuck on a box of chicken wings, exactly, but, you know_. _So, I guess I'm just glad it happened, you know? I was getting sick of just taking your insults without being able to make you pay for it."

"Alice, how exactly did I pay for it? Plus, the insults were like foreplay. You're incredibly hot when you talk shit. For a short girl." I pretended to examine my nails, knowing she'd catch on to that last part and already so fucking excited to see what she would do about it.

"For a short girl?! Oh, Whitlock. Thank God I can finally teach you a lesson. Come here!"

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Anyone wanna take a stab at what CBF stands for???


	27. April Fool's Collab Part 1

I can't apologize enough for the delay in posting this. All I can say is sorry- here is the first two parts of it- the remaining 3 will be up tomorrow. I do hope everything is in order now- I had a bit of a conffufled mess to fix up before I could post this.

I hope you enjoy.

PS...CBF - stands for Crusty Bitch Face- yep that is what my FH calls me :-P LMAO.

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April Fool's Collab- Part 1

BPOV

"Come on, Edward, please?"

How sad was it that I stood before my amazingly sexy-as-hell boyfriend, begging for sex of all things?

Currently, I was staying at the Cullens, spending the weekend, courtesy of Alice and her scheming ways. She'd called my dad, Charlie, and using her most innocent tone, had convinced him to let me spend the weekend, all the while assuring him that her parents would be home and we would be supervised at all times. In other words, no funny business. However, Carlisle and Esme were currently nowhere near home. In fact, they were in Ireland at some fancy-shmancy spa resort celebrating their 'half-year anniversary.' Yeah, I know, who the hell flies all the way to _Ireland_ to celebrate a 'half-year anniversary'? Apparently, Esme and Carlisle Cullen do.

The weekend had gone by without a hitch, me sleeping in Edward's room, Edward being my long-time boyfriend of four years who I never tired of sleeping with. And, by sleeping with, I actually mean going at it like gorillas in heat. At this very moment that was indeed what I was begging 'said' yummilicious boyfriend for. How sad, I know.

"Bella, you know my parents could be back at any time. Do you really want to take that chance?" Edward asked, swinging around in his office chair, his signature smirk gracing his luscious pink lips.

I groaned. "Of course I don't want to get caught doing the horizontal mambo with my sex-on-two-legs boyfriend by his overly open and seriously kinky parents, but…I need you!" I was whining now, almost begging and didn't care. I was desperate. I needed to feel him in me now. Who knew what could happen tomorrow.

I watched with hazed eyes as Edward's tongue darted out of his mouth, perching on his lip right at the corner, teasing me, taunting me, just begging me to fucking attack it.

My fingers twitched and my hands jerked forward, without consciously meaning to, grabbing him by his gorgeous, soft, bronze locks and slamming his face into my own, desperate to feel his tongue on mine. Edward reciprocated willingly, of course; until I moaned huskily into his mouth and hitched my leg over his lap, plopping down to straddle him.

"Gahhh, Bella, come on. Please don't do this to me. You know I can't say no to you when you're like this. You're just too damn fucking sexy."

Him cursing in that husky as hell, come-fuck-me-now voice caused other parts of my body to twitch and a pool of want to puddle in my underwear. I growled; yep, seriously, I really did growl. "Now you listen here, Edward Straight and Narrow Cullen, I want to bang the shit out of my insanely hot boyfriend, and I want to right this minute. Got it! So get that fine white ass of yours onto the bed and fuck the shit out of me. Now!"

I watched in amusement as Edward's eyes widened more and more the longer I ranted. I smirked when I saw his fingers clench into tight balls as I said 'fuck the shit out of me' and knew my battle had been won. He loved it when I talked dirty and demanded him to do specific things to my body. Honestly, it did more than turn him on, it drove him stark-raving mad. And damn, I can't even begin to tell you about the amazing, scream worthy, multiple orgasm inducing sex that came from that kind of crazed Edward. Fucking intense, oh yeah!

I stumbled back and fell onto the bed, shaking in anticipation as he slowly rose from his chair, his eyes dark and dangerous looking, a predator stalking its prey. A wild animal cornering its next meal, the one it hadn't had in months. He was shirtless and the muscles of his pecs flexed and loosened over and over with each calculated step he took. I could see the wheels turning in that gorgeous head of his. Contemplating just how he would punish me for my outburst. His eyes landed on the bedside drawer and a slow evil smirk spread across his lips, his eyes lighting up with excitement.

I shivered, goose bumps covering my flesh as I lay there, wanting him more than ever, yet still somehow nervous as to what he had planned. The last time I'd snapped out at him, he'd spanked me, bare bottom, till it felt like he had lit my ass on fire. I had almost cried. It was the first time he'd ever been that physical with me. He'd apologized when he saw how frazzled I was and swore he'd never do anything like that again. But, by the time he was done kissing my hiney better, and fucking me two ways from Sunday, I'd begged him for a repeat performance, my inner sadist begging for the beating that led to the sweetest lovemaking I'd ever had. There was something primal, yet deliciously sweet, about mixing pain and intense sexual pleasure; something that left me quivering with desire and want.

Last week, Edward and I had driven to Port Angeles to buy a leather whip and two sets of handcuffs, along with a shiny silver dildo and a set of anal beads. What? I'm not denying that I would do anything for the man, including giving up my 'Exit Only' card. And what reason would I have to deny him? He had proven to me, time and time again, no matter how weird, odd, horrific, or outrageous the things we tried seemed, they always were rather fulfilling and mind-blowingly fantastic.

The soft clink of the handcuffs brought my attention back to Edward, who was staring at me intensely with a wicked gleam in his eyes. "Now, Bella, you have been a naughty girl, so, I'm going to have to handcuff you to my bed and have my wicked way with you. Teach you who is really in control."

I smirked. I couldn't help it. I loved this dominant, cocky, playful Edward. He was so much fun, and oh so good in bed.

I moaned softly as he came around the bed and gently clasped the cuffs around one of my wrists and then to the bed, followed by the other wrist, before he hovered over me, watching me, ogling me in this defenseless position. "God, Bella, you have no idea what seeing you like this does to me."

A low growl rose up his throat as his lips closed on my neck, licking, sucking, and nipping at the soft flesh there.

"I bet you I do," I smirked. Time for some fun.

Edward's strong hands reached up to my collar to undo the buttons of my shirt. Curse Alice for making me wear this infernal contraption. I was seriously considering moving to a nudist colony now that I had but a mere taste of what could happen without these stupid and unnecessary barriers.

"Mom and Dad are home!" Emmett shouted excitedly just as Edward slid the shirt up my arms to bunch at my wrists.

"Fuck," he muttered.

"I wish," I grumbled.

_~~**~~_

"So, tell us all about the trip!" Alice shouted.

"God, give them time to actually get in the door, Pixie!" Rosalie said from her perch on Emmett's lap.

"Well, excuse me, Ms. Not-Always-So-Patient, for wanting to know about Ireland," Alice countered.

Rolling my eyes at their pointless bickering, I tugged Edward down the flawless white staircase and into the Cullen's spacious den. Esme smiled at the two of us sharing one armchair and turned to instruct Emmett and Jasper on the best way to get her bags upstairs. Sounds like another little elf we all know and have learned to love. Like mother, like daughter, right?

Carlisle walked in and slung his arm around his wife's waist, leading her into the den for the Spanish Inquisition that was sure to come. Cough-AliceandEmmett-coughcough. The couple flopped tiredly onto the fluffy, white couch and raised their eyes blearily for the questioning.

"How was Ireland?" Rose asked.

"Were the masseuses hot?" Earned Emmett a resounding slap from Rosalie.

"Don't you just adore me for planning it? Can I get the Black AmEx now?" Alice asked excitedly.

"Guys!" I yelled. "Calm the heck down and let them speak, why don't ya?" I said, trying to diffuse the situation.

A chorus of 'Sorry Mom, Dad, and Bella's' echoed through the room. Esme just blew her bangs off her relieved face.

"To answer your questions," Carlisle started, as he stood slowly. "Ireland was beautiful. We'll definitely be going back someday. I wouldn't know if the masseuses where hot, because I'm too enthralled with my wife to see anyone else. And Alice," he grinned as he pulled a chuckling Esme from the room. "You have three credit cards and a checking account already. You can survive without AmEx for a little while longer, okay?"

Alice's shoulders slumped, a small pout already beginning to form in preparation for some serious begging; but Jasper quickly kissed it away, effectively distracting her enough for Carlisle and Esme to run.

Coolest. Parents. Ever. What other father would willingly walk away from a boy taking advantage of his baby like that? Wow!

"Well, I planned on at least a three hour discussion for the trip," Alice muttered. "What the hell do we do now? I don't have anything at all booked until tomorrow."

"Alice, they were gone for four days. Two of which were spent on planes, and the other two spent lazing around and getting pampered. What would they have to tell us?" Edward asked in a 'duh' tone of voice.

"You book schedules for us?" Jasper mumbled.

She smiled brightly at him. "Of course, I do. We're seniors in high school; we'd never be able to spend any time together if I didn't take the time on Sunday afternoons to lay out a social schedule for us around our academic obligations."

"So that's what you do up there all by yourself for two hours," Emmett mused quietly.

"What did you _think _I did?" she raised her eyebrows.

"Nothing," he said quickly. "I knew you did all that for us, I just didn't want to say anything to make the others feel bad because you spend so much time on them."

"Yeah, I'm sure," Edward chuckled.

"Whatever," Rosalie dismissed. "What shall we do now?"

"Movie?" I asked, even though we had probably seen every movie in the Cullen's vast collection already.

So the six of us, settled in to watch some horror flick we'd seen at least a dozen times.

Five minutes in, Emmett started whispering to Rosalie. "I'm bored."

"Me too, now shut it," she muttered back.

Jasper rolled his eyes and sighed loudly. He jumped up after moving Alice out of the way and turned the DVD player off. The blue light dimmed quickly.

"This is totally pointless, and I'm already bored out of my mind," he said.

"I agree," I replied.

"But, what do we do?" Emmett voiced. "We live in Forks; and naturally, it's drizzling and freakin' cold because, hello, it's March out there. Not much to do but sit inside and watch movies and crap."

"I wish we lived somewhere semi-sunny. Then at least we could parade through the streets or something," I mumbled into Edward's chest.

Silence.

I raised my head slowly to see everyone staring at me in absolute adoration. Okay?

"What? Do I have something on my face? Or did Cupid just strike you, and everyone suddenly fell madly in love with me?" I asked self-consciously.

"Bella…Parade? Bella…" Alice mumbled.

"A parade?" Jasper questioned.

"That's a fuck-awesome idea!" Rosalie yelled to the ceiling.

"We'll have a Saint Patty's Day Parade, just like they do in Chicago!" Emmett exclaimed.

Holy hell, what did my big mouth get me into now?

"Yeah, we can hand out flyers to everyone, and they could sign up in teams to make floats, and we'll have a parade down Main Street next Wednesday! Hell, yeah!" I snapped my face up to meet Edward's shinning green eyes staring at me in excitement. _Edward_, my boyfriend Edward, is getting into this? Huh?

"Too late!" Alice shouted. "Jazz and I will go upstairs to make the flyers. Rose, when we're done, you and Em can go hand them out to everyone. We'll make a caption for anyone interested in doing a float at the bottom with the Cullen address and number, since we're parade headquarters, obviously. Thank God our ignorant mayor had gave out those binders with every family's contact info inside; it makes our jobs so much easier. Edward and Bella, you guys start making a list of float qualifications and rules for float entry," she instructed, as she walked up the stairs.

Edward turned me in his lap so that we were facing each other, pen and a spiral notebook miraculously already in his capable hands.

"But I was _kidding!_" I groaned.

"Yes, well, as Alice said, it's too late for jokes, now. We've got a list to make!" Edward exclaimed.

"Well, if we're really doing this, number one rule is no dancing Leprechauns. I've had enough of those nasty, little creatures this month already!"

"No fair, Bella!" Emmett laughed. "I've already told Alice to order my costume!"

Oh god.

* * *

As always, please review and share your thoughts.


	28. April Fool's Collab Part 2

_April Fool's collab - Part 2_

_EPOV_

_I woke up with a wide grin spread on my face from the dream I'd had of the beautiful woman that lay beside me in my bed._

_We may have fallen asleep, but my over-active imagination had carried on and done a multitude of deliciously dirty things to her. The dream had left me beyond aroused, and I was hard and ready to go._

_Wait…_

_Why was I also wet?_

_Oh God, no!_

"_Mmmm, morning sexy pants," Bella purred at my side._

_There was nothing sexy about my pants, right now._

"_Um…morning," I croaked, trying to make a plan of escape._

_Could I get out of bed, into the bathroom, showered, and changed without her seeing the evidence of my dream plastering my pants to me?_

_Shit!_

"_What is it?" she asked as a concerned look graced her features. "Edward?"_

_I went to make my move, but stopped when her hand caught my arm._

_Oh fuck._

_My mind raced for an explanation…anything other than the truth._

_Oh, morning, Bella. I'm fine. Just made a mess of myself like a twelve year old because I was dreaming of you, me, and a can of whipped cream._

_I didn't think so._

_Fuck, fuck, FUCK!_

_Before I could get a word out, or realize what was happening, her hand slipped under the covers, grabbing my dick through my pants._

_She gasped and stilled her hand, then removed it._

_I didn't think I'd ever been so embarrassed in my entire life._

_I screwed my eyes up as tightly as I could, falling back onto the bed, wanting nothing more than for the earth to open up and swallow me whole. But it remained firm beneath us, and her little giggle broke the silence._

"_I'm glad I amuse you!" I spat, hurt that she'd find this entertaining. Did she not know how mortifying this was for a guy?_

"_I'm sorry, Edward…it's just…"_

"_I get it," I groaned, covering my eyes with my arm, hoping I was still asleep and about to wake up for real._

"_I don't think you do…look." She pulled my hand away and held up hers. "Unless you found some way to make it change color and smell like the sea, then you should patent that shit, right now!"_

_I lowered my eyes to her hand and saw the remnants of semi-foamed gel on her palm, before the scent filled my nostrils._

"_EMMETT!!!! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"_

_**EmPOV**_

_I erupted into laughter when I heard Edward yell from upstairs._

_The rest of the morning had gone without a hitch._

_Edward bounded downstairs, chasing me around the house, trying to beat my ass for the shaving gel before Mom scolded him and told him to leave me alone. I grinned at him from behind her back and did a victory dance, knowing full well that he wouldn't want to go into details about shaving gel and his dick with our mother._

_We left for school on time, Bella throwing her bag over her shoulder, the remote now stashed in my jean pocket. We got there with only a few moments to spare before the first bell._

_We had biology first thing with Mr. Banner. He was key to my plan for Bella. See, the guy hated cell phones. We had to leave them in our lockers during his class or he'd confiscate them until the end of the day._

_I waited until everyone was settled. The room had fallen silent, and everyone was sitting taking notes from the mess of words Banner was scrawling over the board._

"_So, as you can see people…"_

_BUZZ…BUZZ…_

_His head shot around, glaring at us all before turning back to the board._

"_The reproductive organs of the frog are…"_

_BUZZ…BUZZ…_

_Everyone looked around at everyone else while holding back their amusement._

_BUZZ…BUZZ…_

"_Alright! Who's brought a phone into my class? Hmmm?" He put down his chalk and folded his arms, looking around the room, full of now chuckling students._

_I pressed the button again in my pocket._

_BUZZ…BUZZ…_

"_If no one is willing to own up, then I'll have no choice but to hold you all in detention."_

_I pressed the button again, and this time Bella caught the movement of her bag. Her eyes went wide, shooting back up to the front. The girl never got in trouble at school…ever, but her panicked expression and the kick she gave her bag to hide it under her desk did not go unnoticed by the teacher._

_He raised his eyebrow and started walking slowly towards her. Edward turned to follow him with his eyes, straightening up in his seat when Mr. Banner stopped in front of their desk._

"_Miss Swan?" he asked incredulously as the bag buzzed again._

"_I swear I left my phone in my locker," Bella squeaked out as every pair of eyes fell on her._

"_Then what, exactly, may I ask, is causing your bag to dance its own way under her desk?" He placed a hand on the corner of her desk and waited for her to answer._

_She gulped audibly and sank lower into her chair._

"_I'm waiting, Miss Swan."_

"_It's…my…in my lock…" she whispered, and I almost felt bad._

"_Your bag," he held out his hand._

"_But…it's…"_

"_Your bag, Isabella," he insisted._

_She reached down and picked it up, putting it on the table in front of her._

"_One last chance to hand it over…" He waited, but she shook her head in confusion._

"_Then I'm going to have to ask you to empty the contents of your bag out for me to check." He crossed his arms again, and Bella turned a whole unnamed shade of pink._

_Everyone watched with rapt attention as she opened the clasp and started unloading everything from her bag._

_Physics textbook._

_Gum._

_Pencil case._

_Tampons…which garnered a giggle from some of the idiots in the room._

_A legal pad of paper._

_A vibrator._

_Bella's face flushed through from pink, to white, then a washed out green color, as the entire room boomed with laughter._

_Mr. Banner picked the pink, sparkly, sex toy up by the battery end, dangling it out in front of him._

"_What in the world…?" he blushed._

_Edward's eyes went wide as he took in the sight of the teacher holding up a dildo - that fucker wanted to laugh with the rest of us, but wouldn't embarrass her more by joining in. I think his amusement was more at the embarrassed look on Mr. Banner's face rather than anything to do with Bella, whose face fell into her hands._

"_I…um…I…you can put your things away, Bella. I have no idea why you would bring such a…'thing' into school and ask in the future that you leave 'this' at home._

"_What was that about reproductive organs, Sir?" Tyler Crowley hollered form the back of the class._

"_At least it's safe sex!" someone else interjected._

"_That depends on what you do with it!" Mike Newton grinned, licking his lips as his eyes roamed over Bella._

_Edward noticed and growled at him with a look that, if it could kill, would have Mike stone-cold in a body bag already._

_Mr. Banner dropped the dildo back onto the desk, turning on his heel to try and salvage the last ten minutes of his lesson and probably try and gain back some kind of dignity and composure._

_Edward moved his chair closer to Bella's and took her hand under the table in a sign of solidarity, but turned his blazing gaze fully to me._

_Uh oh._

**EPOV**

I was gonna beat the shit outta him, and he wouldn't even know what hit him. I would attack quickly and stealthfully. Nothing would be left of that douche bag Newton.

My Bella.

My Girl.

Mine.

Fucking jackass.

Don't ask me why I was so protective over Bella, or why it turned me into a wild animal, capable of taking down nearly half the bio room if given the chance. I would start with Newton, moving quickly to slap that fucked up and lecherous grin off his face. I wouldn't even hesitate. Next (and this one I'd probably enjoy the most), I would go after the guy formerly known as my brother.

Emmett was grinning like the cat that'd caught the canary, his hand covering his mouth, while his body shook with silent chuckles. The thing about my brother was that he was stealthy, but only to a point. He didn't know how to follow through and look guiltless. This was a trait that only Alice and I had been able to pick up.

Epic motherfucking win.

I needed to get Em back. That was definite and necessary. I could literally feel the desire to make him pay burning through my veins and pushing me to act; to do something. I needed to _do something. _But then the bell rang.

Fuck.

New plan, rewind.

Bella dropped my hand, and we shuffled papers as we packed up.

Newton was walking extra slowly, and I might have imagined it, but I was pretty sure I saw his fingers brush across Bella's arm as he walked out. This was confirmed when I saw Bella shiver.

No. Not cool. FuckNewton, just not cool.

He was so on the list. I might have needed to make a sub-heading just for him and his fucked-upped-ness.

I sucked in a deep breath, taking a second to collect myself before I turned back to Bella. Her hair was falling in a gentle curtain over her face, hiding what I could infer was her fuckhot blush. I loved that thing. I'm not sure why, 'cause her blush was easier than a Central Park hooker, but it never, never stopped me from getting kinda hard every time I saw it.

I reached out, tucking her hair behind her ear and smiled at the side of her face. Her eyes were cast down at the table still, and she was so red she looked like she was going to explode.

"Hey," I cooed. "It's not that big of a deal."

She sniffed. "It didn't happen to you; how would you know?"

I sighed, wrapping an arm around her waist and pressing my lips against her temple. My poor Bella. "Well, this morning I woke up thinking I'd jizzed all over your back, so call it even?"

Bella giggled a little, turning into me ever so slightly, her forehead brushing against my neck. "Yeah, I guess, but…at least it was just me."

I ran my hand over her back, kissing the top of her head. "It's worse because it was you."

"What do you mean?"

"Bella, you're like…my whole world. I mean, I don't think you fully understand or comprehend just how much my entire world hinges on what you think. Bella, every last thing you say has the ability to make or break my world because I love you, and I never want to be less than that for you, as well."

"You couldn't be," she mumbled.

"Neither could you," I replied, wrapping my other arm around her to keep her close. "Don't worry about them, Bella. They're all asshats who wouldn't know their ass from a hole in the ground. I love you, okay?"

She nodded, leaning up to press her full lips against my collar bone. "I love you, too."

"We can cut next period if you wanna head out to the car and fool around," I suggested. Personally, I was partial to anything that meant Bella close to me, but I couldn't be a crazy horndog all the time. Well, out loud anyway. I was one in my head all the time.

Dirty, inner monologue.

Bella laughed, pulling away and picking up her backpack, slinging it over one shoulder. "Nah. I have to go to English. My essay's due."

I sighed, trying to tell myself not to be disappointed, but it's hard when your girlfriend has a vibrator in her bag, and it's making you think about all the dirty, nasty things you could do with it.

Bella shook her head, reaching for my hand again. "Don't look so upset. You know it's just a raincheck."

I brightened ever so slightly. She always knew how to turn my frown upside down. "Thanks, love."

She rolled her eyes, looping my arm over her shoulders as we made our way out of the room. "Yeah, Edward, cause it's such a chore for me to ride your cock."

Guh.

"Bella, don't say that _now._"

She giggled, leaning up to kiss me again. "Sorry, Babe. Couldn't help myself."

We walked down the hall slowly, since Bella's English room was only a couple doors down, making the four minutes allotted for passing time exorbitant. We were talking about stupid stuff, anything and everything, until Bella stopped dead in her tracks.

"What's wrong?" I asked, lurching to a stop and peering down at her.

She pointed ahead of her, eyes wide. "J-Jasper."

What?

…

Oh. My. God.

Jasper was walking towards us, yawning widely and looking generally disheveled. This was not out of the ordinary. In fact he looked like this every day. What was different, was…well…

"Jasper, what the hell happened to your hair?!" Bella yelled, her hand coming up to cover her mouth as she stared at him.

"What're you talking about?" he asked, panic creeping into his voice as he tugged at his locks.

You… your hair…it's…green," I stuttered, staring wide eyed. Not just any green, either, but bright, neon, electric green that made him look like he was simultaneously an ogre and violently ill. It really wasn't a good look for him. His eyes went wide, and he raced to the bathroom, Bella and I hot on his heels.

Then something else caught my eye. "Do you see--" I started, but Bella cut me off.

"Uh huh," she replied, rushing after him into the guy's bathroom without a thought that people would be in there. Thankfully, it was empty.

"FUCKING SHIT!" Jasper wailed, his eyes wide with horror, and his hands tugging frantically at his scalp. "What the fuck is this?!"

I sighed, moving closer to him. "Emmett. But, dude, I don't think that's it."

"Oh no. God no. Please, please say there isn't more. Am I missing a chunk in the back?"

I shook my head, motioning for him to turn around. "Take off your shirt."

"Edward," he said startled.

I rolled my eyes. "There's ink on your arm, dip-shit."

He took in a deep breath, lifting the hem of his shirt over his head. What I saw on his back left me in awe.

He had the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel drawn on his skin.

Holy shit.

"It's kinda pretty," Bella said, cocking her head to the side as she took in the detail on Jasper's skin.

"Bella, I have a piece of art work inked onto my back, it is not fucking pretty. It's fucked up."

She shrugged. "Coulda been worse."

"Bella, there are PENISES ON MY BACK!! MALE PENISES!"

She moved closer, poking at one and crinkling her nose. "Well, they're kinda tiny."

He groaned, not pacified in the slightest. "What the fuck am I gonna do?"

That's when it hit me.

Emmett thought that he was gonna play us all and not have to deal with the consequences.

So I came up with something better.

I came up with something so good it'd leave Emmett wondering what the hell had hit him.

I was a fucking genius.

**EmPOV**

I had expected World War fucking Three; instead, everyone had been totally cool about my pranks. Jasper even pounded me on the back, his bright green hair looking like a warped Troll doll, and congratulated me on getting him good. Bella and Edward both thanked me for their new vibrator, which grossed me right the hell out, because now I'd have some disgusting images in my head. Not that I hadn't imagined fucking the shit out of Bella a million times – that girl was beautiful and had an even better ass than my Rosie – but I didn't want to think of my brother doing anything sexual. Hell, I had practically gagged getting close enough to his dick to cover it with shaving cream.

And now I was thinking maybe my pranks hadn't gone far enough if no one was actually pissed about it, which made me think maybe they were planning some kind of retaliation. Except there was no way they could manage to surprise me like that. I was the King of Pranks. I hadn't pulled anything on Alice or Rose – Alice seemed to always fucking know what was coming, and Rose would have my balls in a vise for screwing with her. So, I was resigned to defeat this time around. I'd come up with something more fuckawesome for the next time. The last time I declared a prank war, Edward hadn't spoken to me for a month, which was kind of nice because he was an emo motherfucker.

**End Flashback**

**Present Day**

**EmPOV**

Alice was keeping me busy organizing this parade of hers. Edward had fucked Bella into submission on the idea of floats, so my sister pressed Rose and me into service to build a few of the things. We'd spent a week hammering together scaffolds and shit for the trailers, and if I never saw another fucking roll of crepe paper, it would be too soon. Bella and Edward had been painting and doing all sorts of decorating. Now we had three floats ready to go, all green and white. The leprechaun Edward had built from chicken wire and paper-mâché was pretty cool looking, although I told him it looked like Bob's Big Boy. Alice had gotten all the permits to take this crazy ass parade on the road, and we were ready to go for tomorrow.

"We did a good job, Emmett," Rose said, handing me a bottle of water. My girl was sweaty and totally hot – I didn't know what I'd done to deserve her, but I loved her like crazy. I was thirsty for more than water as I let my eyes wander down her drenched tank top to her nipples poking through.

"Yeah, we did." She groped my dick through my shorts, Emmett Jr. standing at rapt attention. After working all day, her hand felt amazing, and I hoped she'd consent to paying him a little attention with other parts of her body. I ran my hand up her ribs and pulled at her nipples. Her breath was getting a little bit short, a sound I loved. It meant she was in the mood, and it wouldn't take much to talk her into something particularly kinky.

I gulped down the water, tossing the empty bottle into the recycling bin in the corner by the garage. "Wanna go hit the showers with me?" I waggled my eyebrows suggestively at her. She smiled seductively, tugging my arm to follow after her on the way to the house. She wiggled her ass and squeaked when I grabbed it, chasing her up the lawn.

I was starting to feel a little funny, kind of light-headed; but I stumbled after her, sure it was just the lust fucking with me. Rose was gorgeous, and if I had my way, I'd spend every minute with my face buried in her tits. God, they were like…I didn't know, but they were mouth-watering and fit perfectly into my hands.

My legs felt heavy as I trudged into the house, my eyelids drooping a bit. Wow, working on the floats must have taken it out of me more than I thought. I was exhausted and wondering if I could actually manage to make love to my girl before I passed out.

"How're you feeling, champ?" Rosalie grinned at me from over her shoulder and let out a cruel chuckle.

I tried to answer, but my tongue was thick, and I couldn't manage to force any words around it. Edward, Jasper, and Bella filed out of the kitchen and watched me with wicked smiles. I could barely focus, but I noticed Bella held the pink dong I'd hidden in her school bag last year.

_Oh, fuck_, I thought, and then everything went black.

***

***

Consciousness came back slowly. My head felt as if it weighed a million fucking pounds, and the breeze was blowing cold on my skin, ruffling my ass hair. That sure as shit woke me up a little more. The sound of "I'm Looking Over a Four Leaf Clover" blared in my ears, and I couldn't open my eyes. Well, that wasn't entirely true – I could open them, but I couldn't see anything.

I also couldn't fucking move – I had to be trussed up tighter than a Thanksgiving turkey. Something cold was around my wrists, something metallic. There was something hard pressing against my stomach, and after twisting around a bit I realized I was lying over something… and most likely tied down since I couldn't move too much.

The panic was just starting to roll over me when whatever was in front of my eyes was removed and bright light blinded me. I groaned and let out a string of curses, hoping my parents were around.

"He looks good in our handcuffs," a voice said. It sounded familiar. Was that… Bella? I squinted against the light and could just make out her legs.

"Good?" That was Edward. "He's bare-assed, tied up on a parade float. I'd say he looks disturbing."

What the fuck was going on? I tried to open my mouth, but that didn't work out so well. My lips must have been taped together, because I could only shout against my bound lips.

I heard a crack and then felt a sharp sting on my back, the sound of Jasper's cackling laughter loud in my ears.

"Rose is great with a whip, isn't she?" he yelled.

"You know we're never going to be able to use that flogger, right?" I heard Edward say.

Bella laughed. "Thank God Rose didn't think the anal beads were appropriate for use in public."

Anal beads? Public? I was in public, naked and tied down on a parade float?

**RPOV**

I snapped the whip out again, this time against the side of Emmett's bare hairy ass. I could tell that he hissed at the sting of it through the tape covering his mouth.

That shit was going to hurt when they pulled it off.

I almost felt bad for my Mountain Man.

Almost.

But he had it coming. Year after year, Emmett always pulled these fucking pranks on everyone and no one could ever do anything about it. Every time one of them tried to get him back, he'd always threw a wrench in their plans by figuring out what they were doing or turning their own prank back on them.

I had to admit, my Mountain Man is the king of fucking pranks. But that shit is annoying. Every year, without fail, Emmett starts the pranks and Jasper always comes home with a bug up his ass, and that's saying something since he's the mellowest guy you'll ever meet. And then there's Bella with her horny ass.

With Edward having the sensitively level of a five year old, when Emmett starts ragging on him he gets his feathers all in a ruffle and hides out in his piano room or gives Emmett the silent treatment. Normally, this wouldn't really bother anyone, but since Bella's been able to get Edward to start fucking her six ways from Sunday, she gets pissy when she doesn't get to see him and has to deal with his emo attitude.

And when Bella gets pissed, that messes with Alice, and when Alice gets messed with, the whole fucking world is going to know about it.

It's a fucked up chain reaction all caused by Emmett and his childish need to be the class fucking clown and the center of everyone's damn attention.

But what can I do? I love him.

Jasper laughed as Emmett struggled to get his bearings. Wiggling his ass around as he tried to see past the light we had shining in his face.

"Smile for the camera, Emmett," Jasper said.

"Mmmmmm. . ."

I cracked the whip again.

"MMMMMM. . ."

Edward crossed his arms as he rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet. He had a shit-eating grin on his face, just like the one he had after he finally nailed Bella for the first time. He was pretty fucking proud of himself right now.

I could tell Bella felt a little bad for him now, with Jasper filming him and me beating the shit out of him. _I take no fucking prisoners. _But Edward whispered a few words to her and determination was once again in her eyes.

I'm sure the reminder of the vibrator in her back pack that Mr. Banner held up in the middle of class—which the whole school knew about by lunch—was enough to make her red with embarrassment and anger all over again.

"Sweetheart, you mind holding this for me?" Jasper asked Alice.

She danced over to him and he relinquished the mini recorder from his hands.

"You sure you want to do this?"

Jasper took a couple of steps towards Emmett—still struggling and grunting as I continued to flog his bare ass and legs.

"You did already dye him green. . ." Bella added as she looked at Emmett in disgust.

Jasper had been adamant about dying Emmett's entire body green as a part of the payback. He was pretty pissed about his hair, and seething about the "penis mural" (as he calls it now) painted all over his back. But what really pushed him over the edge was when Alice examined his hair and told him she wouldn't be able to dye it back blonde for at least a week or it might fall out.

Apparently, whatever Emmett used did some major damage to Jasper's hair. And he's a fucking girl when it comes to his hair.

Jasper cocked his head to the side in mock deliberation.

"This is for a lifetime of fucking pranks and, hopefully, an end."

Jasper walked over to the Cullens' front porch and picked up the clippers he'd purchased at the store after school. Stalking toward Emmett, he turned it on. Emmett started grunting more and rocking his body to get loose.

I snapped the whip against his back again. "Now, now, Champ. You might want to be still. He's got something very sharp in his hand." I gently smacked the whip against his legs a few times, smiling. "You wouldn't want Jasper to actually cut you on accident because you couldn't hold still, now would you?"

"MMMMMM! MMMMMM!" He was becoming more animated now.

"Poor guy. I almost feel bad for him," Alice commented with a frown as she continued to film

"That's because he's never put a plastic vibrating dick in your back pack for the whole fucking school to find out about, Alice," Bella said with some heat.

_That a girl. No mercy._

"Or shaving cream on your dick."

"I don't have a dick, Edward."

"Lucky you."

"You might want to hold still," Jasper told Emmett just before he took a hold of Emmett's head and took the first pass through his hair. And then he repeated.

My man looked fucking stupid with a bald head. He was going to pay for this. He tried to convince me last year to let him shave his head. Maybe get a design in it. That shit wasn't happening. I ripped him a new one and told him if he shaved off all his glorious hair and left nothing for me to grab onto, I'd stop fucking him until it grew back. Needless to say, he never fucking shaved his head and consulted me before every hair cut, now.

Maybe as punishment, I'd fuck myself and make him watch without helping me along or allowing him to jack off as I did it. That would teach him that his fucking pranks weren't as funny as he thought and would no longer even benefit him.

"Wow, Em," Edward said as he rubbed his hands back and forth over Emmett's now bald and fuzzy head. "Gotta say, I'm not loving the new look. But the green looks good, though," Edward add as an after thought before laughing.

"Maybe we should remove the tape now. . ."

"How—"

"Fuck!" Edward swore as we all turned our heads. "Mom and Dad are back."


	29. April Fool's Collab Part 3

**April Fool's Collab - Part Three**

**Esme POV**

I knew as soon as we pulled into the driveway that something was amiss. All of our children were standing side by side in the front yard in front of the kids parade float. All had looks of innocence plastered to their faces. Yeah, they were definitely up to no good.

Carlisle and I exited the car and walked toward our kids. I noticed that Emmett wasn't amongst the group. Hmmm… that was interesting. "What's going on kids?"

They all looked from one to another. I raised my eyebrow as their eyes darted from one to the other. I was getting more suspicious by the second. Bella had a guilty look on her face. They were definitely up to no good.

Alice finally spoke up, "Well, we wanted to have a St. Patrick's Day parade and we were working on our float."

That seemed plausible, but where was Emmett and why wasn't he helping? I voiced my question. "Where's Emmett? Shouldn't he be helping?"

"Oh, he was," Edward jumped in. "He left to get some more supplies."

"Oh. Well, okay then. Let's see it."

They all looked horrified by my request. I looked at my gorgeous husband and he nodded his head slightly to me. At least we were of the same mind. They were definitely hiding something.

Alice said, "We can't show it to you yet. It's not finished. You wouldn't get the full effect."

She really thought she was slick, didn't she? Well, they are not getting off so easy.

I smiled sweetly at her. "Alice, I want to see what you kids have come up with, so far. Maybe we can give you some suggestions."

Jasper said, "You should really wait. It's not even half done."

I looked to Carlisle for some support. He glanced at me and cleared his throat. "Your mother wants to see the float. So show her the damn float," he said with a commanding voice that brokered no argument.

They all glanced at each other once more and then slowly shuffled out of the way. I wasn't exactly sure what I was looking at. At first I thought it was a mannequin. That was before it moved, and I heard the muffled cries.

"MMMmmmmm…."

I was shocked beyond belief. It was Emmett. But he was completely green. And bald. And naked as the day he was born. He had his hands handcuffed behind his back and he was tied down with his ass lifted in the air. I could see welts rising on his rear and on his thighs. What the devil had they done to him? I turned to the guilty culprits. I glared at them silently, trying to figure out what to say. At least they had the good sense to look at least a little remorseful. I couldn't believe what they had done.

"Why on God's green Earth is your brother naked, green, bald, and tied to a parade float?" I thundered in the angriest voice I could muster.

I looked from one face to another, waiting for an answer. Edward finally took the plunge. "Well, you see. He's been pranking us. Last year he dyed Jasper's hair green and made a mural on his back with permanent marker. He put a vibrating dildo in Bella's bag and made it go off in class. The teacher found it and she became laughing stock of the school. He put shaving cream in my underwear. We just got tired of it and decided that it was time for some payback."

Carlisle was chuckling quietly beside me. I stepped on his foot, not so discreetly. "You are not helping," I hissed.

I turned and faced my children again. What was I going to do with them? I needed another vacation. "Untie your brother, now!"

There was an instant chorus. "But Mom…" That was Edward.

"You can't be serious!" Alice.

"He dyed my hair green. Green!" Jasper.

It was quite comical given the circumstances. I almost agreed that Emmett deserved a little retribution for his pranks, but I believed he had suffered enough.

"I want you to let him go, now. No ifs, ands, or buts." Carlisle snickered loudly next to me as I said buts. I elbowed him. "Don't encourage them!"

We waited in the yard as they freed Emmett from his bonds. Edward ripped off the tape and he yelled, "Owww, you asshole! That fucking hurt!"

"Language, Emmett. You know we don't use those words," I scolded. Then I heard him mutter, "Yeah, only if you are around."

"I heard that. I don't have to make them let you go," I teased. He paled as much as a green man could. "Sorry, Mom. I'll be good."

"You'd better. Next time I might not be here to save you." I started to make my way to the house. I needed a drink. I should have stuck around so I could see what my devious husband was up to. I guess the apple didn't fall too far from the tree when it came to my children.

I entered the house and made my way upstairs to our bedroom. A good long bath would do me good. I needed to get the image of my son trussed up naked like a Christmas goose out of my head. I mean, sure, I'd seen him naked before, when he was young. But after a certain age, he was more modest. There are just some things that mothers were never meant to see. Like their son's hairy ass.

I shook my head and entered my closet, looking for my robe. I didn't hear Carlisle come up behind me. I gasped in shock as I was spun around roughly and pushed against the closet door. He pressed his hand over my mouth before I could scream out in fright. Damn that man for sneaking up on me like that.

His eyes were positively smoldering as he gazed at me. I could feel the wetness pooling between my legs. Even after all these years, this man could still affect me like no other could.

"Have I ever told you how beautiful you are when you are angry, love?" he asked, his voice rough with desire.

He kept his hand pressed over my mouth, so I shook my head 'no'.

"Hmm… well, it seems that I've been rather remiss then. You are beyond radiant when you are angry. But you've been naughty, my little minx. You stomped on my foot and elbowed me in the ribs. Naughty girls should be punished, don't you think?" His eyes were piercing straight to my soul. God, I ached with want and need. I love it when he gets all dominant.

My panties were soaked through as I nodded my head slowly.

"Good," he smiled brilliantly. "Great minds think alike."

He pulled me away from the door and backed me up to our bed. The backs of my knees hit the bed and he pushed me over roughly. He held my arms over my head, and I felt cold metal against my wrists just before the locks clicked into place. I glanced up to see what was adorning my wrists.

Handcuffs.

"Carlisle…where…?"

"Shhh… he growled, silencing me. "No talking. Don't make me have to punish you more, love."

Well, this was new, and I liked it. I rubbed my thighs together, trying to soothe the ache that was building there.

"Stop!" Carlisle commanded me. "Only I am allowed to pleasure you."

I did as he said, and he slowly pulled off my panties. Then he slowly wound his hands up and released my breasts from my bra. Then he just stood there gazing at me. His heated stare was enough to make me blush. I was giddy. I felt like a school girl, despite the fact that we've been married for twenty years.

"You're so beautiful," he said, his voice sounding like crushed velvet. I shivered with desire. His voice was enough to thread a delicious heat through my body.

I watched, mesmerized, as he peeled off his clothing, one article at a time. I licked my lips with desire as he shed his boxers and he stood before me, gloriously nude. I would never get tired of this man.

His fingers trailed sensuously over the curve of my breast, just brushing across the nipple. It hardened immediately at the soft contact. I arched into his touch, moaning as I did so. I needed more. His fingers trailed lower, down and across my belly button. Goosebumps flared across my exposed body. He was taking it tortuously slow.

His fingers pressed against my dripping folds, and I pressed against him, desperate for more contact, for more friction. He grinned and dragged his thumb across my sensitive little button, and I ground against him wantonly. He slipped a finger into my aching core, and I moaned loudly. He was such a tease.

"Please, Carlisle…."

He laughed softly. "I don't know, love. I am supposed to be punishing you."

I ground against him again, and he added a second finger, circling my clit as well. Oh, God. He knew exactly what to do to really get me going. His fingers pulsed in time with his thumb, and I could feel the familiar tightening in my abdomen. I shut my eyes in bliss. I really loved this man.

I opened my eyes in shock as I felt his teeth drag across the inside of my thigh. I moaned louder as he sucked my clit into his hot, mouth. I shuddered as I teetered on the brink. He added a third finger as he worked magic with his talented tongue. I wanted to fist my fingers in his silky, blond hair and pull him closer but my restraints kept me pleasantly frustrated. I groaned my frustration out loud and felt him chuckle again, sending pleasurable sensations zinging up my body. Oh, I would repay him, in kind, one day. Don't get mad, they say, get even.

I rocked against him as I neared the precipice. He curled his fingers brushing against my sweet spot and bit down lightly on my pleasure center at the same time. My orgasm rocked through my prone body harshly, causing stars to blink behind my eyelids and my toes to curl in the sheets. I came with a yell, and I panted loudly. That was one of the best orgasms I'd ever had the pleasure to experience.

I opened my eyes just in time to see Carlisle licking my juices from his fingers. Oh, I needed him. I wanted to feel him inside me. He crawled up my body, his mouth licking and nipping as he went. "You taste delectable, my love," he purred.

I moaned louder as he suckled on my neck. It felt so good. He claimed my mouth in a fiery kiss as he sunk into my aching pussy. I moaned louder as he filled me up, and he thrust his tongue into my mouth. Our tongues battled as he expertly hit my g-spot. Harder and harder he thrust until his balls were slapping my ass. He pulled my legs over his shoulders for more access, and I was shrieking through my second orgasm of the night within a few minutes. I panted loudly as his thrusts became harder and harder. I could feel the familiar tension build in me, again.

"Carlisle…" I moaned.

He thrust against me once more, and we shouted out simultaneously as we fell off the cliff together. We panted harshly trying to catch our breath, when we heard a ruckus in the hallway.

Emmett.

"Dude, was that what I think it was?" he asked disgusted.

We smiled to ourselves as Edward answered. "Yeah, dude. That was our parents."

We laughed out loud as we heard the gagging noises from the hall. That's what they get for making me come home to the scene we saw earlier. They say payback is a bitch.

Then we heard Alice shriek, "That's so gross! Old people sex. Ewww…"

I laughed again as Carlisle unlocked my wrists from the bed. "Where'd you get these from?"

He smirked, "I confiscated them from the kids. I wonder what else they are hiding in their rooms?" He waggled his eyebrows lecherously.

"I don't know, but next time, you are wearing the cuffs," I said with a wink.

**EPOV**

After listening to the tail end of my parent's raunchy, and totally inappropriate, sexcapades, I realized I was once again hot for Bella. What can I say? Sex is sex; the mere mention of it got me going.

Unfortunately, she and the girls were back outside, looking over the three floats we'd completed for the St. Patrick's Day parade.

"I still think we should glue Lucky Charms to it," Bella was saying, examining the front of one of the floats. "Like, just along the border here."

"Well, go ahead," Alice replied, standing up and dusting the seat of her jeans off. "You and Edward will be commandeering that one, anyway."

"Lucky Charms?" I asked, making my presence known. "That'll take forever. I thought you weren't so hot on this whole idea."

"Edward," Bella sighed, rolling her eyes. "That was _last_ week. This week I'm into it. And I say we should really make the whole "magically delicious" thing obvious by just gluing Lucky Charms on to ours!"

"If you say so," I laughed. "We'll definitely have the most colorful float."

"And the most edible," Rosalie quipped. "I have to run to the store to pick up a few things anyway, you wanna come?"

Bella nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, let me just go grab my purse."

Alice, never one to miss out on shopping of any kind, chased her inside the house. "I'm coming, too!"

Right as Bella passed me on her way back outside, I grabbed her by the wrist to slow her down. "Don't take too long, now," I grinned, wiggling my eyebrows suggestively. "I have plans for you."

"Oh, really?" she looked around, and, seeing no one, came closer to me, cupping my dick through my jeans. "Well, I'll just have to hurry back then, won't I?"

Unf. I didn't need Lucky Charms to be lucky, dammit - I had the hottest, and probably one of the horniest, girlfriends in the great town of Forks, Washington.

**BPOV**

Alice careened around the corner, almost making Rose and I lose our lunches – literally.

"Dammit, Alice," Rose shrieked, just barely grabbing our diet cokes before they flew from the cup holder. "What gives? Thriftway's open until nine tonight! It's barely four!"

"I know, I know, but there's something else we need to do before heading back to the house," Alice said, sliding into a space outside the supermarket with the skill of a baseball player sliding home.

"Like what?" I asked, crumpling the wrapper from my burger. I tapped Rose on the shoulder, and she handed me my soda.

Alice giggled, rubbing her hands together almost maniacally. "Well, since the boys worked so hard on these floats-"

"Um, we worked hard, too," Rose interrupted, opening her door to get out.

Alice continued without missing a beat. "I thought it would be nice to treat them to something special."

"Shamrock shakes from Mickey D's?" I quipped.

"Haha! And we were just there - we shoulda grabbed a few," cackled Rose, giving me a high five.

Alice scowled, grabbing a shopping cart. "Let me know when you two are ready to be serious."

"Didn't know you could _be_ serious," Rose teased. I hit her playfully on the arm, seeing that Alice was getting pissier by the millisecond.

She might be tiny, but she could be fierce.

"Go on, Ali," I encouraged.

"Okay." The smile was back. "We're going to stop at Victoria's Secret and stock up on some St. Patty's Day delights!"

She looked back and forth between Rose and me, breathless with anticipation.

I located the aisle with breakfast cereals and started down it. "That's…a good idea, but-"

"But Vicky's is at the mall, and the nearest mall is an hour away," Rose said, examining her nails as she walked.

"Okay, you two are major killjoys," huffed Alice. "I know it's a long drive, but wouldn't it be worth it? Isn't true love worth it?"

Rose and I exchanged glances. This was the usual way of things: Alice would pitch an elaborate proposal, we would try to practically shut her down, she'd pull a puppy-dog pout, and we'd give in.

This is precisely why, exactly fourteen minutes later, we were back in the car and jetting toward the mall.

**RPOV**

_Two for one crotch-less panties? _

_Nice._

**APOV**

_I knew this would be a good idea! I knew it! And there's a sale… omg. Perfect. _

_Good thing Jazz loves green, cuz I'm getting every shade I see! It's gonna be the Emerald Isle up in that biotch!_

**EPOV**

The girls were taking way, way longer than they said they would. After eating lunch, playing six rounds of Call of Duty, and watching a couple of episodes of "Rock of Love", I went to my room to take a shower. I'd already taken one, but, I needed something to take the edge off until Bella got back.

Right as I was about to spank the monkey though, the shower curtain swung open and in walked Bella, a devilish grin gracing her very fine face.

"Hey, baby," I smirked, letting her see what I was doing.

"Mm, right in time," she purred.

"Not really," I said, shutting the water off. "I've been trying to kill time for hours. Where were you guys? You said you'd be right back."

Bella shrugged, prancing toward the bathroom door with an extra swagger in her step. "I'll be in your room, so… meet me when you're ready."

Two point five seconds later, I stepped out of the steamy bathroom and into my dimly lit bedroom… and nearly jizzed in my pants.

Well, I wasn't wearing pants, so it would have been in my towel.

Bella, St. Patrick bless her, was laid out across my bed, in a lacy, light green bra and matching panties I'd never seen before. And believe me, I took pride in keeping a mental inventory of her girly-wear.

She twirled her hair in her fingers, watching my towel hit the floor. "Edward…"

"Hmm?" I crawled on to the bed and between her legs

"Come and kiss my Blarney stone."

I stopped crawling up Bella's body, looking down at her. "Did you just tell me to kiss your Blarney stone?"

"Yes…" Bella replied, obviously baffled. I couldn't help it;I sat down on the bed between her legs and started laughing. "Edward?"

"Blarney stone?" I got out between my laugher. "Seriously, Bella? Blarney stone?"

Bella rolled her eyes at me, huffing in annoyance. "I'm glad my attempt at sexy amuses you."

"It's not that," I said, struggling to calm my laughter. "It's just…I wouldn't describe your pussy as a Blarney stone. Sexy, paradise, cream, yes, but not Blarney stone."

Bella shifted her legs and rolled off the bed, sauntering over to my dresser and pulling on one of my shirts. I hadn't intended to ruin the mood, Lord knew I wanted Bella more than life itself; but to hear her say that was just way too funny.

**BPOV**

I turned and glared at Edward, hands on my hips. I had been trying to be…funny and sexy when I said it, but… Hell, it was supposed to be a trip to the store to get Lucky Charms for our float! I would've been back within a half hour or so at the most and could've climbed into bed with Edward to fuck him silly! Was that what had happened? No. It wasn't. Instead Alice had decided to go to the mall to purchase lingerie from Victoria's Secret as a treat for our guys. The result being that I returned back to the Cullens' place several hours after leaving, instead of within an hour of leaving.

"I'm sorry, Bella!" Edward told me, getting up off the bed, the Admiral waving at me as he walked towards me. He found this highly amusing, and yet was still turned on by it. "I didn't mean to laugh! I swear it!"

He ruined his apology by chuckling. Well, shit this. I grabbed my pants and put them back on, leaving his room and slamming the door shut behind me. Laughed! He laughed at me!

"Bella!" I heard him yell, but kept going. He'd have to get dressed to follow me, so I had a bit of time to run. Without preamble, I stormed to Alice's room, rapping on the door sharply.

"Shit," I heard Jasper mutter.

"Get dressed and open the damn door!" I screeched, pissed off. It wasn't fair! Alice getting it on happily with Jasper, while Edward laughed at me.

"Bella…" Alice cracked open the door and poked her head out. "I'm a little busy. Do you think maybe you could come back later?"

"He laughed at me, Alice! Fuckin' laughed at me!" I informed her, adding a foot stomp for effect. "Laughed!!!"

"Hold up a second," Alice put a hand through the door, holding up one finger, before pulling herself back into the room and shutting the door.

"Bella, please! Listen to me?" Edward begged, coming down the hallway.

"Go away, Edward!" I yelled at him as the door opened and Jasper slipped out, letting me slip in after him.

I turned towards him, "I owe you BIG time, Jasper."

"You do. And, believe me, I'll be collectin'," he drawled, heading towards Edward.

"What do you mean he laughed at you?" Alice demanded the moment I shut the door behind me.

"Just that! He laughed at me!"

"You interrupted hot, steamy, fuck-me-silly sex with Jasper to tell me Edward laughed at you? Were you telling a joke?" Alice asked sitting in the middle of her rumpled bed. Given the fact that I knew Jasper had been there, naked, only moments before, I opted to sit at her vanity stand.

"I didn't tell him a joke! I was lying on his bed in my new lingerie that you deemed necessary for me to get!" I sulked, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Wait! You were displayed in all your feminine beauty for Edward to take, and he laughed at you? Why?" Alice leaned towards me, clearly curious.

"I may or may not have told him to…kissmyblarneystone," I rushed out, not believing I was talking to Alice about this. What had I been thinking?

"I didn't catch that? You told him what?" Alice asked for clarification, since I'd rushed through what I'd said.

"Kiss. My. Blarney. Stone," I forced out through clenched teeth.

"You told him to kiss your blarney stone?" Alice stared at me for a split second before she, too, started laughing.

"Alice!" I shrieked, not believing this. Not only had Edward laughed at me, but Alice was, too! And if she was laughing, hell, this was going to get around to all our friends, and they'd all be laughing at me.

"Come on, Bella! You don't find humor in that? It's pretty funny!" Alice said, giggling.

"I'll return Jasper to you," I stood up and left her room. Gads! This was so embarrassing! I'd been trying to just be funny and amusing, and now I was mortified. I spotted Jasper in the living room when I got downstairs. "Jasper, Alice is free now."

"Everything alright, Bella?" Jasper inquired, stopping in front of me. I shrugged. "Come on, Bella. You can tell me."

"Honestly, Jasper, I really don't want to. I've already had two people find it amusing. I can pass on having a third," I replied, heading towards the kitchen to find something to eat. Nothing like laughter to kill the mood.

**JPOV**

"Alice, I just saw Bella, what's up with her?" I asked my beautiful pixie as I entered her room, making sure to shut and lock the door behind me.

"Bella apparently told Edward to kiss her Blarney stone, and he found it amusing," Alice told me, chuckling. She'd obviously been laughing.

"You find it funny, too, I take it?" I said, stripping out of my clothes with the full intention of finishing what we'd started earlier before Bella had interrupted us.

"Well, you have to admit, it's pretty amusing!" Alice breathed, staring with unabashed desire at me. I reached down and languidly stroked my length watching Alice lick her lips.

"Do you think maybe you should have helped Bella, rather than laugh at her, though?" I said, reaching the bed. Sure, I could find humor in what Bella had said, but I wouldn't be so cruel as to laugh about it in front of her.

"Probably," Alice crawled towards me, her eyes never leaving my cock.

"See something you like?" I taunted, stepping out of her reach.

"Jasper…" she moaned, pausing at the edge of the bed for a second before stripping off the robe she'd slipped on when Bella interrupted us. "Please, Jasper…"

I decided to take pity on her, wanting her as much as I knew that she wanted me. "Lay back."

Alice didn't hesitate, flopping back onto the bed and motioning me over with a flick of her finger. I wasted no time climbing on top of her and slipping into her wet, tight sheath. She was still good to go from our foreplay earlier, not that I had any doubts. Each of us guys had very horny girlfriends. "Fuck, Alice! You feel like heaven."

"Jasper…more, harder, deeper! Please, I need more!" Alice moaned, wrapping her legs around my waist, urging me deeper into her. "Please, Jasper! I need you!"

"Shit, Alice! Is this what you want? Is it?" I groaned, picking up speed and entering her harder and deeper as she requested.

"Yes…" she hissed out in pleasure, arching her back and rubbing against me.

_Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud._

Alice's eyes popped open and she froze beneath me as we strained to listen to the odd sound.

"What the hell was that?" Alice asked, pushing me off of her, causing me to sigh. Fucking hell, it was like some sick joke at this point. Holy shit, _was_ this some sick joke? Was Emmett trying to fuck with us again?

Alice wrapped the robe around her shoulders and pulled the drapes back to look out the window. I just flopped back down on the bed, lingering in erectile purgatory, when I heard her scream.

"Those fucking assholes!" Alice threw open the door and I scrambled to cover myself. "They're destroying our floats!" she shouted through the hall.

I quickly pulled my pants up my legs, just as Bella and Edward, came running into the room, semi-clothed and semi-coherent.

Alice ran back over to the window. "It's fucking Newton and his band of miscreants. They're shooting at our floats with paintball guns or something. They're completely ruined!"

Bella gasped and rushed to the window, her weak ass arms straining to push open the pane. "Get off our lawn, you fucking cunts! I'm calling my dad!"

"Oh no! It's Vibella!" I heard faintly from the front lawn, followed by an enormous roar of laughter. Bella pulled away from the window, mortified and seething with fury.

"Did Mike Newton just call me Vibella?" she said in disbelief as Alice wrapped her arm around her shoulder.

"Yeah, that just happened," Alice tried to comfort Bella, but the chick was ready to rip Newton's head off. She didn't want comfort, she wanted revenge.

"That puny motherfucker, I bet I could kick his ass myself." Bella paced in the room. I could see the wheels turning in Edward's head. He'd been quiet this entire time, and I wanted to know what his calculating mind was up to.

How many guys are out there with him, Bella?" Edward asked her and she rushed to the window.

"I don't know, they took off. But there were three, maybe four, when I saw them earlier. Why would they do this?" Bella asked confused.

"We're not the only ones Emmett has pranked. Emmett's been hassling Mike Newton since the third grade. Dude saw an opportunity, and he took it." Edward shrugged as he stood in the doorway.

"What the fuck's going on?" Emmett asked around Edward.

"Fucking Mike Newton destroyed the floats. Emmett, did you pull a prank on Newton last year?" I asked as Rosalie now filed in behind him.

"The floats are destroyed?" Rosalie asked, venturing a look out the window.

"Emmett, what did you do to Newton?" Rosalie asked, her arms folded across her chest as she stared Emmett down.

"Nothing! I mean, it was nothing. How could he have even known it was me?" Emmett asked himself, perplexed.

"Emmett, cut the bullshit. What did you do?" Rosalie pushed his chest, not like she could hurt Emmett, really, but just so he knew she wasn't fucking around.

"Alright, you know how Newton always steals shit off people's trays at lunch? Well, I may have set an enticing chocolate bar on Ben Cheney's tray in an attempt to get Newton to take it," Emmett said.

"So? Why would Newton be pissed about that?" Bella asked.

"The chocolate bar may have been a pretty potent laxative." Emmett smiled, obviously proud of himself. "Dude shit himself in gym class."

I couldn't help it, I laughed, loud and offensive in the room. Rosalie snapped her head to stare me down, and I quickly covered my mouth with my hand, trying to stifle the chuckle.

"Emmett! What if Ben had eaten that bar?" Alice asked.

"Then he would have had the shits. It was a no lose situation," Emmett shrugged.

"Well, now we've lost all the time and effort we put into those damn floats. They're completely destroyed," Bella said, dejected. "And they're all going to call me Vibella."

"Unless…" Edward began. "Unless, we put them back in their place. We need to retaliate. It needs to be as painful as possible. Emmett, you think you can handle logistics?

"I'm in, bro. What did you have in mind?" Emmett asked.

"Edward's eyes widened, as his plot of revenge developed in his mind. "Well, we'll need the video camera, and Rose, you got any more of your 'sleeping drought' left?"

Rose's eyes twinkled as she nodded; already ready for our newest 'Cullen Adventure.' My sister still had that mischievousness that she possessed as a child; I could tell she was more than ready for another 'payback.' We'd worked hard on those floats; I would be lying if I didn't admit that even I, mellow Jasper, was pretty put out about the whole thing. Plus, Alice was near hysterics, which meant I was cock-blocked…AGAIN!


	30. April Fool's Collab Part 4

**EPOV**

Since Fucknewton was already on my shit list from his reaction to the "vibrator incident," finding an appropriate revenge was practically a no-brainer. It had to be something that would haunt the fucker for the rest of his high school life, and I had just the thing; although I would have to put my Caveward tendencies on a leash for the day to make it work. And Bella had to be willing to participate.

I told the group my plan; laughter filling the room as the details of my idea was revealed. It was truly perfect, a way to thoroughly ruin the jockstrap's career as lead penis of the junior class. I could almost feel the tension drain away from my siblings and the rest of our "clan" as plans were finalized; Operation Fucknewton would begin first thing in the morning.

For now, I had some serious apologizing to do; for being a completely insensitive douche to my girl and cock-blocking my own fucking self. I just couldn't believe she called her hot little pussy a fucking Blarney Stone. I just couldn't help myself. And now she was pissed; fuck, she was so hot when she was mad at me. I licked my lips thinking of the ways I could make it up to her as I looked her over, imagining the sexy pieces of lace hidden underneath those clothes.

Her body was flushed with this sexy red, fuck-me color that I just can't resist, ever! Ever since she and I started our sextravaganza, I was a lunatic for her; rock hard twenty-hour-fucking-seven. I crept up behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist and pulling her back against my chest and obvious hard-on. She stiffened, her head turning so she could glare back at me furiously. "I am not talking to you. You laughed at me," she whined, a soft pout blossoming on her lips.

I leaned towards her, sucking said lip into my mouth and nipping gently as she shifted away. "I'm sorry, baby, I'm an asstard. Let me make it up to you?" I whispered in a half moan, letting her know exactly how I wanted to make amends. She sighed as she allowed her tensed muscles to slowly relax into me, her ass rubbing against my cock as she ground herself towards me. I lifted her in my arms and headed out the door, pausing just before exiting to remind Alice, "Don't forget that camera, Pixie."

A soft childlike giggle filled the air before she twinkled back at me, "I won't forget; this will be priceless!"

***

***

I stared at the beauty once again spread before me; Bella lying on the bed in nothing but that sexy little bra and panties. Her angry flush had changed over to a soft blush as I whispered how sexy she was, describing each little piece of perfection I discovered as I slowly undressed her. As I knelt on the bed, she rose on her elbows, shaking her head at me slowly…teasingly.

"No, Edward," she taunted, "I want to touch. Take your clothes off, all of them." She sucked her lip into her mouth and bit down gently; her eyes fixated on my crotch as I swiftly yanked my T-shirt over my head and threw it across the room, my pajama pants following closely behind. Her gaze then traveled slowly up until we were looking eye to eye. "Perfect," she whispered, as she reached out her arms towards me invitingly.

I grasped her hand, allowing her to tug me onto the bed. I nipped and kissed my way from her wrist to her neck, placing a tender kiss at the base of her throat, breathing in the intoxicating scent that was all Bella. I nuzzled her with my nose then sighed contentedly.

I lifted my head towards hers, capturing her lips with mine and leaned back so that I was leaning over top of her, our bodies barely touching. I deepened the kiss as I trailed my fingers over her ribcage towards her waist to tease across the waistband of her panties. She moaned softly, a sexual sound that caused my already throbbing cock to buck wildly against her skin, the soft impact teasing it mercilessly. She threaded her fingers through my hair and yanked gently, pulling me slightly away from her and nudging my head lower, towards her abdomen.

**BPOV**

A grin spread across Edward's face, letting me know that he would soon be using those lips and tongue for an even more pleasurable experience than his panty-wetting kisses gave me. He grabbed my waist with his hand, pulling it towards his lips as he lowered his head to meet it; he growled softly and kissed me right above the lining of my thong, sucking in the skin greedily, leaving a love-bite in his wake as he grabbed the panties in one hand and yanked, ripping the flimsy fabric away from my throbbing clit, my lower body now completely vulnerable to my boyfriend's magical mouth and fingers. He moved between my legs and teased my aching clit with his thumb, causing the hard nub to tingle, and then thrusting two fingers inside me, the combination of sensations sending me over the edge. I arched my pelvis into his hand as my lower body arched, shivers of pleasure causing his name to burst from my lips as I came.

Edward chuckled as he lowered his head to pleasure me with his tongue as I slowly drifted back to reality. "Shhhh, love. As much as I love your hot little 'fuck-me' sounds, we don't want to alert my parents, do we?" His tongue lapped at my clit, his nose nuzzling the skin above it. Even his nose was fucking magical, and he used it in conjunction with the rest of his body, an over-all sex machine of man. And he was all mine! With my first orgasm still causing my body to mini-spasm in pleasure, it wasn't long before I was screaming out my release once again, my legs tightening around his head as he bit the side of my inner thigh, his tongue sweeping out to massage the indentation lovingly.

"Edward…" I whispered my body at the point of blissful, post-orgasmic contentment. His body was tense; his poor dick was probably diamond-hard by now. "Kiss me," I demanded softly, immediately rewarded with a tender smile and quick compliance. I felt his pulse racing through the throbbing cock pressed against me. His kisses deepened and he groaned, trying to hold back the tidal wave of lust that was coursing through him. I shifted and wrapped my legs around his waist, muscles clenching to hold him against my wet center. "Fuck me," I gasped, arousal winding through my body yet again, causing me to lick my lips in anticipation of feeling his length inside of me.

Grabbing my hips to anchor himself, he thrust into me, our bodies grinding in need against each other as he pumped in and out, gaining momentum until I was hanging of the edge again.

I tightened my legs around him, trying to bring him even closer, but Edward groaned and buried his face in my shoulder.

"Don't…" he warned, his husky voice muffled by my skin. "Just stay still, otherwise I'm going to…"

I couldn't help it, I giggled. I loved that I had this much power over such a strong and beautiful creature. Maybe I wasn't stronger than Edward, but I could bring him to his knees. "That's the point, silly."

He growled and kissed his way from my neck to my mouth. Edward kissed me long and hard, making my heart pound even harder than before. Somehow he knew just the right buttons to push, and I was right there again, ready to fall into another mind-blowing orgasm.

I felt him shift his weight and suddenly he lifted himself up a little, nearly pulling out. I opened my mouth to protest, but the dark look he sent me kept my mouth firmly shut.

Edward grabbed the headboard with one hand and anchored his other on the bed next to me.

He kept pounding into me, faster and harder; pulling out so I could only feel the tip of his cock inside me before slamming back in.

He was with me.

This was us.

And with that thought, I came around him, calling his name and begging him to come with me.

"Please, Edward, pleasure. I fucking need your cum. Please."

He moaned, pushing into me roughly one last time before I felt his cock twitch inside me, his warm jizz filling me up. His face was buried in my neck, his teeth grazing over the skin there.

"I love you," he whispered, so softly I wasn't sure he was actually speaking to me. "I love you so fucking much, Bella."

I hummed, trying to catch my breath, and twisting my fingers in his hair. "I love you. Don't forget that, please."

Edward's head moved from my shoulder and he kissed me softly, in complete contrast to what we'd just done.

"What should we do now?" I whispered, kissing him because I couldn't help myself.

EPOV

"What should we do now?" she whispered.

I knew what _I _wanted to do. I wanted to lie in bed, cuddle for a bit, and recover. I wanted to work her body over again and again until she was an incoherent mess of flesh and bone. I wanted to hear her scream my name until she no longer could. I wanted to take my time, bringing her body to the edge, just to calm her down and do it again. I wanted to give her so many orgasms that she lost count, and finally passed out in sheer exhausted bliss. I wanted to watch her sleep, only to wake her up when she started dreaming to begin the whole process over again.

But, I knew we needed to get up and work out the details with the others on our plan to fuck with Fucknewton. My plans for marathon sex would have to wait for another day, preferably a weekend when we had the house to ourselves. Maybe I should just take her away for a weekend, soon.

Shaking my head to clear it of all thoughts, I groaned, kissed her again and rolled onto my back taking her with me. "We need to get up, love." I murmured as I nuzzled her hair with my nose. "We've got to meet with the others, and we definitely need to shower first."

She huffed in annoyance, kissed my chest, and rolled onto her back throwing her arms over her eyes.

"Fine," she whined, "but you have to promise me you'll be good in the shower." She peeked at me from under her left arm. "You're right; we do need to meet the others, and I won't have any brain cells left to help plot if you do that to me again. The way I feel now, I'm gonna need the damn shower just to recover my thought processes!"

I chuckled at her as I rolled out of bed. My Bella, would I ever be able to figure out what was going on in that head of hers? She never ceased to amaze and surprise me. She could boost my ego with just a few words, or tear me down with just a look. I hoped and prayed she never realized the total control she had over me; body, mind, and soul.

I grabbed her hands and dragged her cute ass up out of the bed. Her legs, not having regained their strength yet, gave out underneath her. Even with my quick reflexes, had I not been holding her up, she would have fallen to the floor.

Chuckling again, I picked her up and threw her over my shoulder. She laughed all the way into the bathroom until I set her down on the vanity. I gave her adorable button nose a kiss, turned and started the shower.

Once the water was hot, I picked her up and carried her in. We bathed each other, keeping our hands to ourselves for the most part, with the exception of gentle touches, and chaste kisses. It was loving and sensual, and took every damn bit of control I had to keep it that way.

BPOV

After our shower, in which Edward did manage to be good, we dressed and made our way downstairs. When we entered the living room, it was like walking in to a war strategy room. The floor was covered in paper with colored markers, rulers, and tape strewn around. I had to look closely before I realized that the majority of the paper at the center of the room contained the layout of Forks High and the surrounding areas.

Jasper was pacing back and forth in front of it with his hands clasped behind his back, and a look of sheer concentration on his face. Emmett and Rose were on the couch making something (I had no clue as to what it was), and Alice was furiously writing in a black notebook.

"What in the world are you all doing? We only left you guys an hour ago!" I couldn't believe all this! We had barely even formed an idea before we left Alice's room, and now they were all in stealth mode! I was always glad to have them on my side, instead of against me; and now was no exception. It looked like they were planning the invasion of Normandy or something equally outlandish.

"Well, Bells," Emmett spoke up, "while you and Eddie boy there were upstairs partaking in the pleasure of each other," he snickered, "the rest of us were down here coming up with a way to thoroughly humiliate Newton. Have a seat, and Jazz and I will tell you what we've been working on."

Edward and I dropped to the floor and listened as they explained the plan. I had to admit, it was good. It was better than good; it was legendary.

With the 'debriefing' done, we all decided to head outside to see the extent of the damage done to our floats. The parade was only a few days away, and we wanted to see if anything was salvageable.

Looking at all our hard work desecrated was overwhelming. We had spent the better part of two weeks building these things, and, in a matter of minutes, Newton and his lackeys had done horrendous amounts of damage. The original idea was that each couple was to have their own float. Now, we would be lucky if we could combine what was left into one.

While the others were inspecting the damage done to theirs, Edward and I walked over to ours. A sob escaped my lips as I looked at Lucky. He had been shot between the eyes with an orange paint pellet, and his arms were torn off. Poor little guy had a violent death.

Edward pulled me to his chest and wrapped his arms around my waist. He kissed my forehead and murmured, "Shhh love. It will be fine. We'll fix it and make it all better."

I kissed his neck, took a deep breath, and turned to face the others. I wouldn't let what happened dampen our spirits, and by the look on Alice's face, she wouldn't either.

"Okay, guys. Let's clean this mess up, and make one kick-ass, awesome fucking float. I think we can salvage enough to make the new one better than these were to begin with!" Leave it to Alice to always have a plan.

So with that, we all got to work on finding the still usable components of each of our floats. I was very adamant about saving Lucky. I just loved the stupid thing too much for him to not be apart of the float.

"Since you want him, you fix him," Rosalie said, as she helped Alice with some project that involved a shit load of paint and glue.

"Fine," I stomped off to my poor Lucky. It took me awhile, but I was able to fix the hole in his head and reattach his arms. He looked as good as new.

I was nearly bouncing, in a very Alice like fashion, as they put Lucky onto the new float.

In the end, Alice was right; our collaborative effort made a fuckawesome float. But what else would you expect when you put a bunch of...well, I wouldn't call us geniuses, especially Emmett, I guess the best words for us were...horny retards, together.

Carlisle and Esme came crawling out of the house just as we finished and were admiring our good work.

"Wow, guys," she said. "This looks amazing!"

"Best float ever, right, Mom?" Emmett asked, laughing.

Esme patted him on the back. "Of course, dear," She took a look around the yard. "Just make sure you clean up the rest of...all this," She gestured in a circling wave to the two other destroyed floats.

"We will," we chorused, as Esme and Carlisle got into their respective cars; Esme going off to do her Esme things and Carlisle heading to the hospital.

EPOV

This was going to take some work. But, they all laughed at my Bella, and they would pay.

Every. Freaking. One of them.

It would involve strategic planning, but if all went well, the entire junior and senior class would know what it means to "Go Green" for St. Patrick's Day.

The luck o' the Irish was with us, and Mom and Dad would both be out, all night long.

_Perfect._

Carlisle was working the seven pm to seven am shift at the hospital. And, as fortune would have it, tonight was Esme's shift to volunteer at the firehouse.

Once a month, Esme donated her services as she cooked dinner for the firemen and paramedics. After the evening meal, she was on duty to answer the phones until six am. When the phones were quiet, Esme polished the fire pole. The brass never looked so shiny as when Esme was giving it a good rub.

But, I digress.

The point is, we were having a party, and the parents would be long gone.

The next step was getting the word out.

Alice's job was Facebook. She created the perfect invite:

_**~ * ~**_

_**Juniors and Seniors ONLY:**_

_**You are invited to the**_

_**First Annual**_

_**Forks High School**_

_**Leprechauns and Buffalos**_

_**St. Patrick's Day and April Fool's Day – joint-Party**_

_**TONIGHT**_

_**8pm**_

_**The Cullens' By the River**_

_**Harry Buffalo**_

_**BYO Clear Liquor**_

_**Come and Go Green!**_

_**~ * ~**_

Rosalie twittered a similar invite.

Bella called Jessica.

Jessica called Lauren.

Lauren called everybody else.

Soon, we were getting pinged left and right.

Everyone was in. The party was on.

Emmett drove to the hardware store and bought a fifty-gallon trash can.

Rosalie picked the lock from Carlisle's liquor cabinet.

Bella and I drove to the Thriftway and bought lime flavored Jello mix, lime flavored Kool-Aid and red Solo cups.

Jasper got what he needed from the chemistry lab. He gave a little vial to the girls and brought the rest out to the river.

While the girls made Leprechaun Jiggler shooters, Emmett, Jasper and I filled the trashcan half way with water, lime Kool-aid, a five-pound bag of sugar and a few drops of _science_. We added a bottle of vodka to the trash can and our classmates would continue to add clear liquor throughout the night.

We built a bonfire next to the river; Emmett rigged up wireless speakers, and the party was ready to begin.

Tyler Crowley, Lauren Mallory, and a bunch of juniors, that I had no clue what the fuck their names were, arrived first.

Fucknewton, Jessica, and some cheerleader and football types arrived shortly thereafter.

Even Eric, the fucking water boy, didn't miss the party at the Cullens'.

As our classmates arrived, in all of their smug-assed glory, they dumped their clear bottles of liquor into the trash can.

A bunch of seniors who recognized me, but I had no earthly-assed idea as to who the hell they were, arrived next. They shoved the juniors out of the way so they could get to the trashcan first, eager to add their vodka or rum to the mix, and then drink from the Buffalo.

"There's enough for everyone!" Emmett laughed as he handed out the sixteen ounce cups filled to the brim with lime flavored lusciousness.

More and more people arrived, including a few of the Q boys from the reservation, but I kicked their sorry asses out.

One of those motherfuckers had a crush on Bella, and I wasn't having any of that.

Angela and Ben arrived with the AV-crowd. I didn't know they had it in 'em.

Then I stopped keeping track, because by eight-fucking-thirty, the entire backyard and river bank were teaming with hard bodies and fake tits.

Except for my Bella's. Hers were real and more than a mouthful, if I do say so myself.

But, I'll save those for later.

Alice and Rosalie passed around the Jigglers.

Emmett kept passing around the Solo cups. Jasper kept the music playing.

Bella and I sneaked off behind an ancient Spruce and I gave her an Aussie kiss, and then she returned the favor.

Yeah, my girl likes kisses _downunder._

The party died down round three a.m. I never quite understood why none of the parents in Forks believed in supervision, but who the fuck am I to judge?

We cleaned up the party and were all in bed by five.

Three hours of quality sleep later, we were in the kitchen eating chocolate chip Eggo waffles and drinking Sunny-D, when Carlisle walked in the door.

"Nice night, dear?" Esme asked him as she kissed him on the tip of his nose.

"Yeah, it was pretty quiet until about four a.m., when a bunch of kids started streaming into the E.R. all panicked and afraid they were dying," Carlisle mused.

Esme scrunched her eyebrows and her eyes focused intently on her husband. "Oh, my word, what happened?"

"Well, it seems they all went to a party, no one would say where, but by the time they got home and went to the bathroom, they were peeing….GREEN!" Carlisle stared each of us in the eyes.

"What I think is so interesting, is that the entire junior and senior class of Forks High came into MY emergency room last night…except for the six of you. Care to explain?" Carlisle was nothing if not observant.

All of us remained stone, cold, silent. Until we weren't.

Emmett snorted. Rosalie smacked him. Then Jasper coughed. And Alice trilled a teeny little laugh. Then Bella hiccupped.

And I had to step in and save the day. "Dad, we didn't even leave the property last night. I swear it."

Esme thought out loud to herself, "Well, it is close to St. Patrick's Day, after all. But I do wonder what would have caused everyone to _go green_?"

I knew. It was the perfect combination of a few drops of "Methylene Blue", when mixed with the body's yellow urine…turns green.

_Yellow and blue make green. _


	31. April Fool's Collab Part 5

15

**BPOV**

Trying hard not to choke on my waffles, I swallowed quickly and shot Carlisle my most innocent smile. "I heard that some food colorings can have that effect. Mr. Banner mentioned something about it in biology once."

I caught Edward's smirk out of the corner of my eye and turned my head so I didn't laugh.

Emmett, however, did. "Ah, Bella, such a geek. Trust you to remember that bit."

I gave him the finger and rose from my seat, collecting everyone's dirty plates and putting them in the dishwasher. "What time do we have to be at the parade?"

That simple question was all it took to get Alice bouncing. "The boys need to leave here at 9:30 to get down there and start checking entries and making sure that people are registered, then we'll leave here with the float on the back of the Jeep at 10:30 so we're ready for the parade at 11:30." She paused and drew a breath. "Then the parade finishes outside the diner at 12:30 and the winner will be announced by the mayor, then we come home again."

We headed our separate ways to start getting things organized. As soon as Edward and I were in his room again, he closed the door and pressed me up against it, nuzzling my neck. "You are the smartest and sexiest girl I know," he whispered, pressing his erection against my stomach.

I wound my fingers into his gorgeous hair and directed his mouth up and down my neck as he sucked and kissed, sending me into oblivion.

I think we would have stood there, dry humping all day, if Alice hasn't come and banged on the door. "Edward Cullen, stop fucking my best friend and get your shit downstairs."

We both groaned. "I don't have to leave for almost an hour Alice!" he yelled back.

"I don't care," she declared. "I want everyone down there in ten minutes to put the finishing touches on the float."

I heard her walking away and grudgingly pulled myself out of Edward's reach. "She's going to be feral if we're not down there."

"I know," he answered sullenly, heading for the bathroom to clean his teeth.

**APOV**

Fifteen minutes later, Jasper and I were waiting for the rest of the clan to make their way out to the float.

"Are you sure the Lucky Charms are a good idea?" he asked for the eighth time.

I didn't even look up at him as I sorted the box of cereal into individual shapes. "These were Bella's idea, and after Fucknewton trashed the first floats, I wanted her to be happy. We have forty-five minutes to get these fuckers glued on." I handed him a bowl. "Go glue…spread them out."

Soon the others joined us, and with Mom and Dad's help, we had the float done by the time the boys had to go.

We three girls ran upstairs after the boys left and changed into our leprechaun costumes, curling our hair and painting small green clovers on our cheeks. Rosalie grabbed the bag with the boys' costumes in it, and I stuffed the small containers of paint and a bottle of water to clean the brushes with into my handbag, then we were off.

**EmPOV**

I was amazed at how many people actually turned up with floats. Jasper took great joy in sending Fucknewton and his gang of asstards away when he discovered that they hadn't submitted a registration form.

Bella had spoken to her dad, and he was aware that our original floats had been destroyed; so there were extra police escorts along the parade route to make sure things didn't go wrong, again.

Edward moved among the floats, getting people to line up in the right order. My favorite by far had been put together by the AV geeks – a giant glass of Guinness that tipped up, dropping a big green shamrock out before it straightened up again.

The girls arrived twenty minutes before the parade, and Rose threw the bag of costumes at me with a grumpy instruction of, "Go get your asses dressed."

I rounded up Edward and Jasper, and we got changed in the bathroom of the coffee shop across the street, meeting up out front and making our way to our float.

Bella's fuck-ugly leprechaun sat front and centre and the six of us were supposed to sit around him, throwing little bags of Lucky Charms to the crowd. Carlisle had suggested that he drive us, so we didn't miss out…I was less than impressed.

My mood got worse when Rose came at me with a paintbrush. "What the fuck are you doing?" I hissed at her.

She smiled through gritted teeth and replied, "Suck it up, baldy. You do this for me or there's no sex for a fucking month, got it?"

So, I stood quietly and behaved myself while she painted her shamrocks on my face. I couldn't help but laugh when I saw that she had also gotten to Edward and Jasper, stopping when I realized that they had every right to laugh at me.

All too soon, it was time to sit up on the float and Carlisle started the Jeep. We'd placed ourselves about halfway through the line, so it wasn't long before we started moving. I was on one side of the float with Alice and Jasper, and Rose was over the other side with Bella and Edward.

Alice was her usual self, smiling and waving and throwing her little bags of cereal to the kids in the crowd. Jasper was half-heartedly throwing his bags out randomly, and I just sat there…until I saw Fucknewton. I grabbed one of my bags and threw it as hard as I could, hitting him fair in the eye. Now, a bag of cereal doesn't weigh a lot, but that pussy went down like I'd hit him with a bowling ball. That was all it took for me to start enjoying myself, targeting people in the crowd and hurling Lucky Charms their way.

We eventually made it to the end of the route and climbed down off the float, the girls giddy with their success. We made our way to the makeshift stage where the mayor was going to present the awards.

~~***~~

**JPOV **

Finally the day had come, the day we would finally have our revenge on Newton, and I couldn't be more excited and nervous at the same time. I watched in a nerve induced fog as everyone went over the final plans.

"Everything's a go," I said into the walkie talkie from my place next to the locker room doors. The first phase of the plan was in action: Capture Newton.

Emmett, Edward and I were waiting for him to exit, so we could grab him and drag him off to the secret location that the girls were getting ready.

"Copy that," Alice's voice came. "Let's us know when you're on your way."

I slid the walkie talking into my back pocket. "He should be out in," I looked at my watch, "twenty seconds." And right on time, he walked out, always first, as usual, and Emmett grabbed him from behind.

"Hey!" Mike protested as Edward slid a black sack over his head and duck taped his hands together.

"You will not speak. Utter one fucking word, and I'll rip your dick off," Emmett threatened, his voice much lower than usual. Mike let out a whimper, and all we could do was watch as a wet spot formed on the front of his jeans and grew bigger.

He just fucking pissed himself.

Emmett thrust Mike as far away as his arms would allow.

"What the hell, man!" he yelled, as Edward tried to hold himself together.

"Let's get out of here," I chuckled, as Emmett half dragged a whimpering Mike to his Jeep.

Edward pulled out a bottle of the 'water' we had used on Emmett. He uncapped it and pulled the black sack up, exposing Newton's mouth.

"Drink," he ordered, and Mike sucked down the water. Damn, this guy was even more of a pussy than I could have imagined.

Edward let the sack drop back down, and Mike began to sway on his feet; and then fell over, Emmett barely catching him, cringing.

"Dude, I don't want him getting piss everywhere! He already smells horrible."

"Just put him in the back," Edward rolled his eyes.

"Fine, but you have to sit with him," Emmett compromised, and Edward nodded, rolling his eyes (I swear, his eyes are gonna get stuck like that) and climbing into the backseat. Emmett pushed Mike in, accidentally hitting his head off the door. He shut the car door, laughing.

I grabbed the walkie talkie out of my pocket. "We have the douche bag and are en route to location."

"Jeezus, Jasper, you take this shit way to seriously," Rosalie's annoying voice came over the walkie. I frowned, wishing it had been Alice. At least she always indulged me.

"Whatever, we're on our way," I told her as I got into the Jeep, and Emmett sped off.

"Take your time; we're not exactly ready, yet," Rosalie admitted.

"Just hurry it up," I groaned. "I'll let you know when we're two minutes out."

"Fine," I set the walkie onto the dash. I took a breath and ended up coughing. I rolled down my window.

"Motherfucker, he smells bad," I coughed again.

"I'm never going to get the stench out of the seats," Emmett pouted, as he made a sharp turn. There was crashing in the backseat.

"Aw, fuck! Emmett," Edward swore. "Don't do that! You made him fall onto me. Gross."

Emmett and I merely looked over our shoulders. Seeing Edward's perturbed face, as he used his foot to push Newton away from him, sent us into belly aching laughs. He really did look like a retarded five year old.

The drive took us longer than I would have expected, but soon enough, Emmett turned onto the dirt road that I'm pretty sure that only we knew about.

I picked the walkie back up. "One minute out,"

"We're all ready for you guys!" Alice's chipper voice greeted me.

"Copy that," I really loved Alice for indulging me.

We pulled up to the clearing that was set up with everything we needed. The girls had done a great job.

Emmett pulled up and turned off the Jeep. Edward was out before you could say 'Bella's naked' and you could hear as Newton fell out on to the forest floor.

Emmett and I grabbed him, dragging him to the chair where we duck taped him to it.

"Holy fuck, what is that smell?" Rosalie demanded as she came over.

"Rosie, he pissed himself he was so scared," Emmett doubled over laughing.

"Let's get started," Bella said from behind me. I spun around to find her holding the objects involved in her part of the plan. I backed away slightly. Pissed off Bella was a very scary Bella.

She approached slowly, looking like an animal approaching its prey. For a second, I nearly felt bad for Fucknewton, but then I remembered the way he'd tried to rub up on my Bella, and my resolve returned.

Her arm was poised, clutching the silver video camera she'd so thoughtfully bought last week, the red light signaling the start of Newton's demise.

Yeah, we were exploring our kink _full out_. I was just glad that this little treat was also going to serve us well in our revenge. I'd had her make sure that our tape was removed from the device before she'd brought it out here, though…just in case. I mean, my family had definitely already heard us in our sexual exploits, we didn't need them partaking in watching them, too. Fuck, no.

"Mike," she hissed, as if the word was dirty on her tongue, which it probably was.

"B-bella? Wh-what's up-p?" he stuttered like a fool, causing Emmett's laughter to increase again. He had no idea the irony of his words.

"N-n-nothing," Rosalie mimicked his stuttering before glaring at him and wrapping up with a, "you little shit."

I couldn't help but snicker, knowing exactly what was going to be up in approximately ten to twelve minutes. See, Fucknewton had no idea that the water we'd conveniently pushed down his throat wasn't only intended to knock him out, but to knock him up? _…wait, that doesn't sound right…_

Whatever. We'd stolen some of Carlisle's Viagra stash. Yes, we were all aware of how creepy that was, and no, I didn't want to know how Jasper knew about said stash. It didn't matter. Because, soon, Mike would be getting his…and then some.

At my lack of action, Alice scrunched her nose and glared at me. I'd forgotten, the next part of "the plan" was all on me.

"Ugh, Edward, can you please take off his pants? They really need to be disposed of or burned or something." She shuddered dramatically, but I couldn't see what she was so upset about—after all, I was the one who was going to have to strip him down in the first place.

"WHAT?" Fucknewton gasped, his mouth opening and closing like a fish. "N-no! Wh-why do you need my _pants_?" Mike raved, squirming around and really only making this whole situation worse for himself.

Bella gave me a reassuring glance, and I stepped forward, toward the bound boy in front of me.

_This will be worth it in the end, this will be worth it in the end,_ I kept repeating to myself.

"Oh for fuck's sake, Edward, hurry up!" Rosalie chided.

I gulped and began to undo Mike's jeans as slowly as possible, so as not to get piss all over my hands. The zipper creaked loudly in the clearing; it seemed as if everyone around me was holding their breath, waiting for it.

Hell, even I was waiting for it.

And then it happened.

"Fuck, Newton!" I jumped back, springing out of the shot, so Bella could get a better look. "Did you just get _hard_?"

"What? NO!" he screamed back.

Giggling like a maniac, Bella took another step closer and zoomed in with the lens. "I don't know, Edward," she said skeptically, "I can't see anything…"

"Trust me, baby, I felt it. Newton clearly has a thing for me. It may be small, but it's there."

"But I'm zoomed in all the way, and I really can't see anything."

Groaning, Jasper approached the chair and looked back at Bella. "Maybe the jeans are still in the way? I'm taking this one for the team."

"Which team?" Emmett snickered, causing Rosalie to smack the back of his newly shaved head.

Jasper slowly lowered the jeans, revealing Mike's super tight, super white briefs with the teeniest tiniest prick I'd ever seen.

At the sight of it, we all burst out laughing again, especially Bella, who started talking about how tiny his boner was and how he wasn't exactly great competition for me when her finger was probably bigger than him. It was fucking hilarious.

"Fuck you, Cullen! My cock is huge!" he shouted, obviously agitated with the discussion turning from me and Jasper arousing him, to him having a small dick.

This was a double win, any way you looked at it.

"Sure it is," Rosalie laughed. "Okay, troops – time to head out!"

"You're just going to leave me here?" Mike screeched, his eyes wide with fear. "You can't do that! You just can't fucking do that! I'll call the cops!"

Bella rolled her eyes. "And when they ask you why I tied you up, what are you going to say, Mike?"

He struggled for words, grasping for something he knew he didn't have, and finally slumped in defeat.

"Yeah. We'll see you at school tomorrow, Mike." Bella tossed him a cell phone, which landed directly on his lap, making him twitch. "Hope somebody doesn't mind coming to untie you." She glanced around before pulling antiseptic wipes out of her bag of supplies and handing a few to me, which I used quickly and thoroughly. "I knew those would come in handy, somehow…"

Bella smirked and tossed her hair, leaving me with my own boner—although, I'd be willing to bet that mine would be able to be seen by everyone around us. God, she was so fucking hot when she was a deviant.

"Toodles!" Alice waved Mike off as we all climbed back into the van, leaving Fucknewton to his own devices.

As soon as we were in the car, I grabbed Bella and perched her on my lap, forcing her to straddle me so we could rub up against one another. Her face flushed as she suppressed a moan and brought her lips to mine.

"Okay, first of all, that is so fucking illegal," Alice warned, "and second, we have part two of our plan to contend with; so if you guys could _not_ fuck in the back of my car, that'd be awesome."

I barely heard Alice's warnings as Bella's tongue plunged into my mouth and my hands went under her shirt, when suddenly she was ripped from my grasp.

"Seriously. Part two. Let's get focused."

"Fuck you Alice, you're such a cockblocker!" I growled, as I made to reach and take Bella back into my arms. "Bella and I getting a happy in the back of your 'car'..." He air quoted. "Might be the last chance we get to have if this all goes tits up. So suck it up, Ali cat."

Bella fell back into place in my lap just as Emmett hit a bump in the road. The movement made her land awkwardly on my straining junk, and I let out a strangled yelp.

"Shit! Oh God, Edward." She moved off of me and covered her mouth with her hands while mine shot down to cradle the boys.

"That's what you get for trying to get clever with me" Alice almost doubled over laughing at the pained look on my face as I tried with everything I had to stop the man tears from spilling over my war wound.

Bella bit her lip and lightly snuggled back onto my lap. Her delicate little hand made its way towards my crotch and began rubbing soothing little circles along my length. It helped ease the pain, but only really served to give me a fresh boner after the rapid deflation of the last one I had because of her.

"Poor, baby...Do you need kissing better?" she enquired, with a discrete squeeze of my genitals.

"Emmett, can't you drive any faster?" I asked, suddenly in desperate need to get Bella on her own and very naked.

* * *

"Are you sure you can do this?" Jasper paced behind us as we all converged around my laptop, which had been set up in the kitchen.

"It's a piece of cake. All I have to do is open up the student directory and then send out an email to everyone on the list, I can do it collectively." I crumpled my eyebrows in concentration as I typed out the invite.

"Don't forget to put that shit on Facebook, too!" he added, satisfied with my nerdy IT skills.

"And upload that video to YouTube," Emmett added, before fist bumping with Rosalie.

When they stopped harassing me and let me get on with my shit, I was done and dusted within minutes.

"Mmm, my sexy, little, computer geek, watching you do that just made me so fucking wet," Bella purred into my ear.

"Okay, that's it!" I stood up abruptly and dragged Bella off towards the door. "I don't want to be interrupted for the rest of the fucking night, got it!"

"Rest of the '_fucking'_ night being the key word in that statement," Bella added with a wink and a giggle, as I pulled her up the stairs behind me.

* * *

**Riley's POV**

"Dude, are you sure this is the right place?" Fynn asked as he ducked his head from side to side, trying to find his way to the clearing.

"This is where the invite said. Capper's clearing, past the waterfall. This is it I'm sure!" I rolled my eyes at his lack of faith in my directional skills. "Look, there..." I pointed to a large gathering of cars up ahead of us. "See, and you fucking doubted me." I shook my head at him.

"It doesn't look much like a fucking party," he huffed in response, as we parked up and got out of the car.

He was right, there was no fucking party, just some dude duct taped to a chair in the middle of the field, and a shit load of kids standing around chuckling as he thrashed and shouted for someone to untie him.

"Wait...is that...OH MY GOD! IT's NEWTON!" Fynn screeched and doubled over laughing.

I joined him as I looked closer and realized he was right.

I pushed my way through the crowd and stood with my arms folded across my chest.

"Well, well, well, what _do_ we have here?" I grinned as he looked at me, then let his head drop.

"Just fucking untie me, freak," He groaned and struggled against his restraint's.

"Mmm, no, I don't think so. Payback is a bitch, Newton. If you think I'm going to set you free, you have another thing coming, after all the shit you ever put me through in school…"

"This is payback for every poor schmuck you ever tormented," Fynn added, having suffered at the hands of Mike himself.

Our enjoyment at watching him squirm was short lived, as the distinct sound of a police cruiser flooded the air in the near distance. Everyone seemed to step back a bit or disperse as it pulled up with the red and blue's flashing.

"Alright, alright, let's break this up!" The gruff voice of Chief Swan filled the new found quiet. "Would someone like to tell me what the hell is going on here?" He looked around the crowd of people, who all seemed to be staring at their sneakers.

His gaze fell on the now shamed Newton.

"Mr. Newton...Again?" he huffed gruffly and walked over to cut the tape that was binding him. "Come on, I'll call your parents to come pick you up." He grabbed Mikes arm and helped him to his feet before walking him off towards his cruiser.

The entire crowd erupted in cheers and clapping as he took his walk of shame.

**Mike's POV**

My humiliation was universal, not only had the whole school shown up and my parents been called by the chief of police, but, it seemed someone had videotaped the whole thing and plastered it all over YouTube - I was now known worldwide as the 'one inch _TOOL'_. Ha ha, very fucking funny right. I guess this once I had to admit defeat; this was surely the end of my pathetic prank-feud with the Cullens.

I quickly logged onto my computer, from the safety of my bedroom, and typed out a short, to the point message.

I gulped back a snarky come back and hit send. My two words haunting my mind as they went off into cyber space and straight to Emmett Cullen's inbox.

'_**You win.'**_

15


	32. Final Note

**That's it, wow, we finally made it to the end.**

**Many apologies for all the waits on the collab- I do hope the final result turned out amazing. There was a mad amount of discombobulated mix ups with the placing of April Fools stuff and Patty' day stuff. So many huge thanks are in order for Mambomama and MysticIce for working on this thing so diligently and repetitively….. you girls f'ing rock!**

**Next edition of the countdowns will hopefully be for Halloween again.**

**So, obviously sometime before then I will need 30 participants. So, if you decide you are interested, be sure to let me know.**

**And, of course, I need to thank the writers who participated. It was great working with y'all and getting to know some of you. I do hope you all had fun and enjoyed this crazy experience.**

**Xx**

**Below are some author notes from some of the participants.**

**Sunsetwing** – I just want to thank the readers for being so amazing and my beta, Kelli, for being freakin' awesome as the best beta ever and for inviting me to participate in all the fun.

First and foremost, I would like to thank Breath-of-twilight aka Kelli, for asking me to be apart of the countdowns. It actually really pushed me out of my comfort zone and _Trouble_ was my very first published lemon.

**Marie Pattin** - Many big 'Thank yous' to my bestest friends, Shalee and Chelsey. They were the ones who gave me the prank, after I told them what exactly a "lemon" was.

And another big Thanks to KinkyKandJazzyJ, for all the wonderful advice they gave me and for talking me down a bit. They are completely amazingly awesome, so you guys should totally check them out.

And last, but certainly not least, a HUGE thanks to all the wonderful reviewers and readers!! Wow, I was so amazed by all the wonderful things that everyone had to say. I didn't know I was all that funny. I mean, I try, but for people to say all that they did, I was sorta besides myself. I use to have issues with compliments, but my momma taught me to just say thanks, even if I think I don't deserve it, so THANK YOU!! So, love, hugs and cookies for all that read and reviewed!

And, if you want, go to my profile and check out my other stories. I'm currently working on two stories,_ Dreaming All Alone_, which is the sequel to _Doing This Alone_. Also, _When I Look at the Stars_, which is a pack-centric fic, that is based on my very own character, Cate, who is slightly less than normal.

Thanks again, to everyone!

Yours truly,

Marie Pattin

**Cullen's Pet** - First off, I'd like to take the time to thank everyone that has read and reviewed the countdown. I had a lot of fun doing this and I hope to participate again sometime in the future. Thanks to Breath-of-twilight for hosting this countdown and looking over my one-shot. I appreciate it. Finally, I will be continuing my one-shot, Priceless, on my own profile under cullen's pet. It will not be an overly long story, more like a ficlet, but it will answer the burning questions. What Edward and Rose were up to, how Edward reacted when he found out that Emmett bit Bella, why Alice didn't 'see' this outcome, and many more. I hope that you enjoy this awesome collaboration and I hope to see you reviewing in the future. : )

**Mac214** - mac wishes to thank 22blue and Suebob for betaing What Falls Through the Cracks, as well as all who helped pre-read, etc. Thanks so much to those who read!

Thanks!!

-mac

**IrunwithCullens316 **- Thanks to the fabulous BreathofTwilight for her helpful advice and gracious beta'ing. She is freakin' awesome, seriously. ;D I had a ton of fun this time around. Hope you all enjoyed not just mine, but all the other author's equally amazing one shots. The Irish parade was all my fault, by the way. Ciao for now, readers!

**Lindsi loolabell - **

Well that's another one down *wipes brow*. Just want to say thank you to all of you that took part and all of you that read this countdown, you're all made of win and keep us lowly writers in good spirits.

Thank you SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much to Kelli -Breath of Twilight- for being an awesome host, Beta and friend, go check out her stories (DR is all kinds of win, seriously!) erm...what else...If you want to go check out my shizz too then look me up on here. I have a few stories under my belt now, Woohoo! so if you want to give them a go I'd be grateful.

Anyway, I'll be off before I can bore you to tears lol

Thanks Muchly,

**Lindsi Loolabell**

**Hockeymom4 **– Huge thanks to all the readers and reviewers. And, again thanks needs to go to my awesome and brilliant beta, Breath-of-twilight. I had a blast working on this.

I have just recently started a fic called "The Agent and the Esquire". You can find it on my profile.

**Mylion(dot)mylamb** - Hey, guys! Just want to say thanks to Kelli for an awesome Hosting and to my favorite Chicas Misty and Nuria for putting up with my neuroses. Much thanks to all who reviewed. This was a bit out of my comfort zone (my inner hooch says "you'd liked it to be, but it's not, so stop frontin'."), but I will be adding a second part to this (since I left you hanging) once the countdown is finished. Charley

**Jamieson Z** - My thanks to Breath-of-twilight for pushing me to do this and encouraging me once I caved ;-) And to Mambomama for the encouragement as well as providing quick, last-minute beta services - thank you! Lastly, I would like to give a huge thanks to everyone who read my little contribution, and again to those who reviewed - it's been a long time since I posted anything, and it felt good to get back in the saddle, so to speak. I have no plans to continue this little ditty, but participating in the countdown may just have been the kick in the butt I needed to get back at a few other half-finished fics and half-formed ideas I've got floating around in my brain and on my laptop, so hopefully I'll get back to writing on a more consistent basis from now on. Thanks again, everyone! I really enjoyed being part of this countdown.

**Breath- of-twilight**

As always, I would like to thank my amazing readers, and, of course, any knew ones who joined me this time around. You ppl totes rock my FF world and are what keep me coming back to this crazed jungle we call FF. I WILL be continuing Twisted Fool's Day FIRST and then slowly working on Black Sunday afterwards. BUT to my many readers who are already frustrated as hell with me over The Sanguine Virtuosos, I swear. I am trying my hardest to get caught up on that first. You can expect the next chapter this coming week. And then I anticipate about 6 more chapters after that till it is all done. Twisted Fool's Day, as well, should be posting as of this coming week. Be sure to put me on Author's alert so you know when it goes up.

Thanks to Mambomama for proof reading TFD and many others for pre-reading.

On a final note- I am slowly bumping my fics over to THE WRITERS COFFEE SHOP. You can find me over there with the same pen name, and if and when any of my fics ever get pulled off of FF, they will always be available there. Would love if you joined me over there, as well.

xx


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